Chemistry orgies

Back in undergrad, I came up with a useful mnemonic device for remembering chemical formulas. Specifically, lesbian orgies.

For instance, hydrogen atoms are these impish, perky, highly energetic, and extremely horny little blondes that'll bond with anyone at the drop of a hat. Carbons are athletic, forty-something year old, open-minded sexperts that try to make all sorts of combinations work. Oxygens are curvaceous, easygoing brunettes that have a particular fondness for threesomes. Covalant bonds are more or less equitable sexual encounters, while ionic bonds are BDSM, with the metallic atoms harshly forcing electrons on their nonmetallic subs.

For instance, H2O has an oxygen lying on her back, one little hydrogen leaning over to suckle each of her breasts. NaCl has poor chlorine walking around on all fours with a tail plug in her ass while sodium pulls her by a leash. Cu2O has the voluptuous oxygen strapped down to a table and blindfolded while the pair of haughty, regal-looking coppers whip and stick things in her.

I don't remember most of the descriptions I came up with, for specific elements (what they look like, their personalities and tastes, etc) or for how various chemical formulas would work, but it helped me at the time. Since I was a nineteen year old boy at the time I didn't want any gay male in my chemistry, so I had them all be female, but I've matured considerably since then and am super okay with some of them being male.

Anyone want to flesh out (pun intended) the periodic table? Maybe I can eventually write some stories based on chemical reactions.

This amused me. I would love to read a story about a horny super intelligent teenager that thought like this. Maybe that's how he wrote down his notes and when his teacher accidentally found one...

Here's one i came up with on the top of my head,

Argon fluorohydride (HArF)

In this case the argon atom is a snow nymph that can only have sex with others if its really cold. Going with your hydrogen description this snow nymph has abducted one of the little perky blond balls of energy and is having her eat her out. The fluorine... well fluorine is a slut and will sleep with whatever she comes across. She is making out with miss argon as miss hydrogen can't get enough and won't let anyone else have a taste.

This is pretty damn awesome. Though does this mean that the noble gases are prudes, or are they just watching the proceedings and masturbating?

Edit: whoops, didn't read carefully and forgot about the noble gas compounds that exist. Shows what I remember from chemistry class

nikyc said:

This amused me. I would love to read a story about a horny super intelligent teenager that thought like this. Maybe that's how he wrote down his notes and when his teacher accidentally found one...

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That teenager would have to be me.

You have my permission.

Here's one i came up with on the top of my head,

Argon fluorohydride (HArF)

In this case the argon atom is a snow nymph that can only have sex with others if its really cold. Going with your hydrogen description this snow nymph has abducted one of the little perky blond balls of energy and is having her eat her out. The fluorine... well fluorine is a slut and will sleep with whatever she comes across. She is making out with miss argon as miss hydrogen can't get enough and won't let anyone else have a taste.

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Having noble gasses like Argon only bond at extremely low temperatures could work. Might be funny if they actually aren't really into sex, but when it gets cold enough they need to cuddle for warmth, and from there the other elements manage to seduce them into more sexual kinds of touching. Of course, alkali metals and halogens are the biggest sluts. Metals are very dommy.


EDIT: phosphate must be kinky as hell. I'm thinking Phosphorous is an extremely virile guy who loves oxygens more than life itself. He's jamming three of them in turn with everything he's got, with the help of a couple hydrogens. In the case of organic phosphate groups, the Phosphorous himself is doing all this while simultaneously taking it up the ass from someone else (usually a Carbon) who is being pleasured by the rest of the macromolecule in turn.

Might be fun if it was written in the style of one of those "adventures in the land of learning" stories. Instead of being about some kid going to the land of division or grammar, it's about a college student travelling to the sapphic land of chemistry.

Not sure who the guide could be. Could start with Hydrogen

"Me and my sisters are really popular here"

Then she gets scooped up and another element takes over.

Kekulé discovered the structure of benzene in a dream. He described it as dreaming of a snake swallowing its own tail (ourobouros) but I've heard a version that claimed it was a sexual daisychain. (Probably apocryphal, but never let that get in the way of a story.)

Hellball said:

That teenager would have to be me.

You have my permission.

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You know, I might take you up on that. This idea sounds super fun. Unfortunately I'm busy with my current story but maybe when I have the time. I would have to brush off my old chemistry books though. (That's modern slang for Google and Wikipedia)

Bramblethorn said:

Kekulé discovered the structure of benzene in a dream. He described it as dreaming of a snake swallowing its own tail (ourobouros) but I've heard a version that claimed it was a sexual daisychain. (Probably apocryphal, but never let that get in the way of a story.)

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Looking at the structure, I'd say each carbon has a hydrogen to play with the back door while they go down on each other.

This reminds me of a sci-fi series, where each story was based on an element. [Link to outside stories removed per Lit's rules.]

Do you know whose blog that is?

A notable Hugo and Nebula award winning author?

EquinoxRising said:

Do you know whose blog that is?

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Michael Swanwick.

If you don't stop, you'll go blind. Or...

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/07/54/b5/0754b5411614b5a9e2f1a3c1ac06082e.jpg

So, not a Lit author and his link to his stories needs to be removed.