Second story published

I just published my second story. Please take a look at it and tell me what you think.

Thanks

https://www.literotica.com/s/here-cums-the-bride-5

DKerr8047 said:

I just published my second story. Please take a look at it and tell me what you think.

Thanks

https://www.literotica.com/s/here-cums-the-bride-5

Click to expand...

It's more like a report on a set of circumstances than an erotic tale. Far too short to do anything arousal wise, and psychologically empty. There's an intention (you wouldn't publish it otherwise) but I don't know what it is. I didn't score.

I suppose I should develop the story more. It is in fact, a report of circumstances, but the subject matter is an erotic tale. The intent is to replicate the type of exchange one would tell a confidant over a beer or two. I do see how it could be “fleshed out” so to speak. Maybe I’ll do a re-write. Thanks for your thoughts