Feedback needed: should I continue the story?

I'm looking for feedback on my first two stories. I welcome editorial feedback about the writing and story structure, but more importantly whether you become invested in the characters and want a third installment. I don't yet have a clear vision how to bring the story back together after where I leave it, though I do have a few vignettes written.

In story number two I have a problem of perspective, because I switched it and didn't edit carefully before submitting. I know that is messy and I appologize.

http://www.literotica.com/s/hector-road-pt-01

http://www.literotica.com/s/hector-road-pt-02

Thank you in advance

Dang, forgot to add that it's BDSM.

On my way out to shovel...yet again and will read the story later.

But I do want to call out what I am sure some others will as well.

As the author it is up to you to continue or not. Do you have more ideas for the characters and stories? Or do you feel you have taken it to conclusion?

Only you can decide that. If you have no more ideas you cannot force them to make readers happy. If you do have ideas then who cares what others think, keep writing.

This is a free site. Yes its great to get comments and votes and feedback, but end of the day your pay is writing and enjoying writing, so do what you feel you want to, don't look for others to dictate that.

First, as LC said, if you have more story to tell, then by all means tell it. If you're done with this plot and/or these characters, then you should move on to something else.

Second, and I don't think this is your fault, but there is a huge echo of "50 Shades" here, with the whole "this isn't about romance," "you're mine," etc. There is a range of BDSM relationships, certainly, but you are really riding the non-con/reluctance line here, it seems to me. I'm not sure how those who are into the BDSM lifestyle will react. But I don't like it myself, because it's too close to abuse.

I get this is a fantasy and all of that, so I'm not saying don't write it. It's your story -- write away!

The writing is good when it comes to mechanics, and that's a good thing -- don't underestimate it.

PennLady said:

First, as LC said, if you have more story to tell, then by all means tell it. If you're done with this plot and/or these characters, then you should move on to something else.

Second, and I don't think this is your fault, but there is a huge echo of "50 Shades" here, with the whole "this isn't about romance," "you're mine," etc. There is a range of BDSM relationships, certainly, but you are really riding the non-con/reluctance line here, it seems to me. I'm not sure how those who are into the BDSM lifestyle will react. But I don't like it myself, because it's too close to abuse.

I get this is a fantasy and all of that, so I'm not saying don't write it. It's your story -- write away!

The writing is good when it comes to mechanics, and that's a good thing -- don't underestimate it.

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Interesting post.

Its a very fine line between BDSM and non consent sometimes.

Even the woman(or man) giving consent is not enough if what they then endure is bullying and abuse.

I did get around to reading some of this and echo your thought that this misses the mark for BDSM, I think it would go over better in non consent. Its not out right non con, but the reluctance side of that category would respond well to this, I think

I agree its shades of shades as in its an attempt at some form of romance, but too dark and abusive. There is more of it since shades, anything that makes it big will be copied repeatedly.

But sadly this has existed in BDSM long before shades, shades just blew it up. BDSM is flooded with people who really don't get it, they think they do. There are also some(especially in the paid market) that know damn well what they are writing is closer to rape porn than BDSM, but they don't want to use that tag and have that stigma so they dump it in BDSM.

The thing with D/S BDSM TPE all that material is if you're not wired for it, its really hard to grasp and you get things like this.

This is very helpful feedback and thank you all very much for replying. Especially that I have it miscategorized - I will look to see if the admins can move it to the correct category of non-con instead of BDSM.

As for being 50-shades derivative, that is completely fair and true. 40-something wife and mom checking in for duty. But what the heck, I had fun writing for the first time in forever.

I hear what you are saying about how it's my story, write it or don't, but it felt important to me to understand if these characters were interesting to me only or to the audience as well. The relationship between author and audience is a collaboration, and if the story and characters are not working on my reader's side then I'm not doing my job properly.

Finally thank you PennLady for saying that the mechanics work, that was good to hear.

TheBlackMoth said:

This is very helpful feedback and thank you all very much for replying. Especially that I have it miscategorized - I will look to see if the admins can move it to the correct category of non-con instead of BDSM.

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If you want to change the category, send a private message to Laurel, using the link at the upper right. Just make sure you have private messages enabled (under User CP, then Edit Options). And to be clear, I think this is more reluctance than non-con, but just not so much BDSM.

TheBlackMoth said:

As for being 50-shades derivative, that is completely fair and true. 40-something wife and mom checking in for duty. But what the heck, I had fun writing for the first time in forever.

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That's great that you got to write, I know how it is not to find the time. And there's nothing wrong with the subject matter per se. This kind of thing was around long before 50 Shades, which is why I said I didn't automatically think you did it on purpose.

TheBlackMoth said:

I hear what you are saying about how it's my story, write it or don't, but it felt important to me to understand if these characters were interesting to me only or to the audience as well. The relationship between author and audience is a collaboration, and if the story and characters are not working on my reader's side then I'm not doing my job properly.

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I'd say yes and no on this one. The readership here is huge so no doubt your characters are interesting to someone. But you can't necessarily rely on the audience to help you out. Not everyone leaves comments or even votes, so that's one reason you need to decide yourself if there is more to the story. For example, the characters weren't what I like, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep writing them if *you* find them interesting.

TheBlackMoth said:

Finally thank you PennLady for saying that the mechanics work, that was good to hear.

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No problem.

TheBlackMoth said:

I hear what you are saying about how it's my story, write it or don't, but it felt important to me to understand if these characters were interesting to me only or to the audience as well. The relationship between author and audience is a collaboration, and if the story and characters are not working on my reader's side then I'm not doing my job properly.

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As I see it, The Author has two jobs.

1) Come up with interesting characters who find themselves in interesting situations. If you're writing a story, you've probably done this; writers get bored of their own imagination eventually and start needing more drive, more juiciness, more substance before they can put words to paper.

2) Communicate those characters and situations properly. This can be harder, especially if you're just starting out as a writer, haven't written in a while, or are exploring new genres or themes.

On the first job, I'm not going to comment beyond that which I've already said: I believe you've done this already. On the second, I'm also not going to comment because, simply put, BDSM is not my thing, and if I'm going to do a full technical proofread & breakdown I prefer the story to at least be somewhat in my wheelhouse. But even so, if you're having problems with the telling of the story, that's a surmountable problem. The first job is the art, the second is the craft, and the craft can always be improved.

(Can the art be improved? To be perfectly honest, I don't think so; I think some people just aren't cut out to be writers. But that's an unpopular view here. Additionally, I don't know if you're one of those people because I--as mentioned--haven't actually read your story, and don't plan to. So, enough of this tangent.)

Should you continue the story? I dunno. Do you want to? Do your characters have more to say to you? If they do, then the answer is, Yes, continue the story. And if you're having trouble listening to the characters, and writing down what they tell you... well, we can help with that.

I see an author having more jobs than that, including deciding for him/herself whether or not to continue her/his own stories.

Sometimes the author's job seems to be to put readers to sleep. I need to work at that.

As for the story: If you have more to say, say it. If not, don't. If the story claws its way out of your subconscious, don't stand between it and freedom. Let it run.

never got to the good part. Too much unnecessary information in the way.

"3782...37. . .82" Pilar mumbled to herself, driving her Rav4 slowly up Hector Road. Peering at the barely-visible houses through the screen of trees, she finally found a mailbox with the right number. Consulting her GPS, the blue dot signifying her car hovered directly over the red dot of her destination.

I'm here," she murmured. She considered driving way, imagining autumn leaves flying in a cloud as she floored it down the road. But she pulled into the not quite estate style driveway of 3782 Hector Road. She pulled closer, until she could see the whole house. Not overlarge, but beautifully maintained and landscaped, it had a wisteria covered entryway, wide rough-hewn natural stone steps, and large double front doors. A very California house, unpretentious but lovingly cared-for.

Pilar sat, hands clenching the wheel, regarding herself in the rear view mirror. She thought whether staying might be just another in a series of bad decisions that had led her to this moment.

I said essentially the same thing. Me 160 words, you 252. now it is true you might claim some of the cuts have to do with style, but. . . It isn't necessary to contemplate twice whether her decision was wrong. It isn't necessary to state the house did not have a porch? You don't have to say, As she drove her car. . . she pulled closer. We assume she is still driving if the house is closer. and so on. What we need is more action more quickly.