BDSM: Questions and Answers

Yes, please. Blushing. I think I can complete that one, with help from these nice people. I have all kinds of ideas.

I went to the library and found out they don't have any of the Hamilton books on the open shelves. But the librarian told me where I can find them. It seems there is a small, private library here in town. But only known to a few people. for research purposes. She has no idea where it is, or isn't telling. I better put on my sleuthing cap and find it now.

Re: Do you want to dominate

chatbug said:

Hello lilminx, and welcome. Do you have desires to be dominant, and just feel you lack the experience or is domination something you're just not comfortable with? I'm having trouble telling from your posts.
If you have the desire, but want more experience, then I'm pretty sure your friend will let you practice on him.

If you don't have the desire at all, then I don't feel you'll get much pleasure from being dominant.

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Thanks, Chatbug- I guess I never formally went into any board site and introduced myself, but I guess that's just not me. I'm more into barging in on rooms and asking tons of stupid questions *grin*.

I actually feel that I could be a switch, but with my friend, I just feel that I shouldn't be anything more than a friend to him. It just doesnt' appeal to me too much to either dominate him or be dominated by him. I feel almost likd if I'm going to try to dominate someone, I'd like it to be a challenge- is that weird?
I just feel that if I was a good friend to him that I'd do this for him; he really wants me to.

Talk about it more? Ask for favourite stories of his etc?

D/s is about the exchange of power - not necessarily about pain, although it or the threat of it adds spice

better late then never, right?

Without any more interpretation and queries as to your motivation here a few "basic" hints that I found to work rather well ...

Since it is less the S/M side that is sought here I shall concentrate on the D/s aspects, the "power exchange" side. To show dominance without pain I find "humiliation" quite helpful.

Don't roll your eyes right away *lol* .. nothing bad to come *s*

Simple trick: be dressed (just simply being dressed is perfectly well - nothing fancy or leather or such) and have your partner be nude.

Have him wear a collar and leash - not to worry about significance please , I am simply "using" the "treat him like a dog" Image here. Seems to work very well for most!

Have him kneel at your feet while you do something totally normal like eating dinner or watching some TV (still great if you are dressed and he is nude *g*)

Have him give you oral sex while he kneels in front of you while you seemingly bored watch TV - tugg his leash now and then to show him you are in charge *s*

If you think some pain is needed you can just give him a smack and pinch now and then as he is moving around serving you *G* - you would be surprised how lovely some kitchen utensils are for those purposes ... like wooden spoons to stirr pots ur such (not sure what you call them)

For some more "obvious sex realted" S/M games .. tying him up is always nice and neat and usually puts the "subbie" in the right mood. Whatever you use (and I assume you know some from your own experiences already) make sure blood circulation isn't cut off!

Then play little fun games like hot/cold washcloth running over his body - tease him with a silk scarf - blindfolds work wonders ... or simply talk about the "horrible things" you could do to him while he is helplessly at your mercy... there is nothing as thrilling as our own fantasies when given enough "food"

Something nice too is to have him sit nude on a chair and tie him up to it so he can't move - can't touch himself , but has full good view of you .. and then start masturbating *s* usually has them wiggle and moan and beg just nicely *s*

Oh my *lol* see what you get once you get me started?

Ohh - another neat trick is have your "victim" tied up or just order to pose .. in a kind of kneeling position or bent over something like the back of a couch or .. on the dining table *weg - yeah , one of my favs* and tease his ass ... funny to see what a virator or butt plug entering there (or even only the thread to enter as you lube him up and tell him what you are about to do) does to straight men *weg*

then there are differnt shades of cross dressing and .. and ... and...

Oh well - I'll leave it at that and hope you got some inspiration - since only YOU know your partner and so only you can judge what is "right" for you two ... the one to know BEST though what is going to work is HIM and as usual the best way to know is talk ...

Last note: igf you are not familiar and not 100% convinced of your role as a Domme AVOID!!! mirrors and seeing yourself while "playing Domme" - usually you need your imagination to place yourself mentally in that role if you aren't really into it "naturally" and seeing the "real you" that doesn'T usually go with the mental image you create is dangerous to destroy your mood and make you feel wrong and "ridiculous" (hope that made sense)

Feel free to let me know if anything worked or share your expereinces *S*

and most of all

HAVE FUN!

Without any more interpretation and queries as to your motivation here a few "basic" hints that I found to work rather well ...

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I want to play..... You certainly have the right idea

i've been looking at this thread for the last few days wondering just exactly how you go about jumping into something that's like four thousand posts long (and has five stars pasted upon it too, like general patton in his prime)...i certainly can't go back to the beginning and read all the way through...(well, i could, but let's get real here)...and trying to just join in without serious study seems akin to hopping a freight train...possible, but not highly recommended

at the same time, i just KNEW i'd eventually have to leap in somehow...

sooo....(this is a bit abrupt, but i can't think of another way).....

being bound with silk rope with my bottom pointed high, my cheeks glowing red from a stiff paddling...

clamps upon my nipples
my labia
and clit

(now the voice of julie andrews swells up)...THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS...(she did sing that, didn't she?)

anyway, i just love a good tie and spank session, but i'm sorry all you masters and mistresses out there...i'm a terrible sub

just too cheeky and irreverent for all that

what's a poor girl to do? (you can answer that or consider it rhetorical as you wish)

sigh said:

what's a poor girl to do? (you can answer that or consider it rhetorical as you wish)

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Dangerous question in these waters.



You sound to me like a SAM (I can never remember what that stands for, shoot me), basically a smartass sub who likes pushing the limits in order to be punished. Welcome to the club.

Then again, you may not be a sub, but rather a switch, someone who likes the Top and the bottom.

*ramble, ramble* Then you may be none of the above, just yourself. Point is, as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual, there is no right or wrong.

SAM = smart assed masochist

And perhaps we're all somewhat SAMmie-like on occasion.


And Sigh? There are only 300-some-odd posts to this thread, though the thread has been opened 5,000-some-odd times.

Welcome.

a SAM, huh?

hmmm...maybe that's it, but then again maybe it's just my inate rebelliousness...or maybe i'm just too stupid to remember all the rules

nope, not a switch...keep me on the bottom and ride, ride, ride...ohhhhhh yes...

but i'm all for that safe, sane and consensual thing

been down the other road and didn't like it at all

um...1 2 3 4...um...8 12 22 99...

you count your way, hon...and i'll count mine...lol

cymbidia said:

though the thread has been opened 5,000-some-odd times.

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8000 times actually

Can you believe it?

A lot of curious people

Nessus:
"A lot of curious people "

Or one very curious person with too much time on their hands.

Or one very curious person with too much time on their hands.

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sigh said:

being bound with silk rope with my bottom pointed high, my cheeks glowing red from a stiff paddling...

clamps upon my nipples
my labia
and clit
...

anyway, i just love a good tie and spank session, but i'm sorry all you masters and mistresses out there...i'm a terrible sub

just too cheeky and irreverent for all that

what's a poor girl to do? (you can answer that or consider it rhetorical as you wish)

Click to expand...

May I just throw in a tiny little though here?

You aren't a subbie, you simply like the sensations given but you derive no pleasure from "serving" or "submitting"

I do not know if this makes sense but from the quick insight into your likes I would think you very positively react to the stimulation of pain (slight pain or more doesn't make a difference here), you like the aspect of being "helpless", but more for the stimulation aspect and (don't jump me - this totally legitimate reason) a slight trace of "laziness" maybe? (I dare say that cause I have that too *g*).

Not sure if I make sense but a masochist hasn't necessarrily to be a sub!!!! Just as a Dom/me is not "par definitione" a sadist!

and again - nothing wrong with it - whatever "works" and makes you have fun is fine.....

just not with me as your Mistress *lol* cause I have no liking for administering punishments (not a lot anyway *G*), I much more lke giving rewards

sigh said:

being bound with silk rope with my bottom pointed high, my cheeks glowing red from a stiff paddling...

clamps upon my nipples
my labia
and clit
...

anyway, i just love a good tie and spank session, but i'm sorry all you masters and mistresses out there...i'm a terrible sub

just too cheeky and irreverent for all that

what's a poor girl to do? (you can answer that or consider it rhetorical as you wish)

Click to expand...

May I just throw in a tiny little though here?

You aren't a subbie, you simply like the sensations given but you derive no pleasure from "serving" or "submitting"

I do not know if this makes sense but from the quick insight into your likes I would think you very positively react to the stimulation of pain (slight pain or more doesn't make a difference here), you like the aspect of being "helpless", but more for the stimulation aspect and (don't jump me - this totally legitimate reason) a slight trace of "laziness" maybe? (I dare say that cause I have that too *g*).

Not sure if I make sense but a masochist hasn't necessarrily to be a sub!!!! Just as a Dom/me is not "par definitione" a sadist!

and again - nothing wrong with it - whatever "works" and makes you have fun is fine.....

just not with me as your Mistress *lol* cause I have no liking for administering punishments (not a lot anyway *G*), I much more lke giving rewards

Re: better late then never, right?

Hecate said:

Oh well - I'll leave it at that and hope you got some inspiration - since only YOU know your partner and so only you can judge what is "right" for you two ... the one to know BEST though what is going to work is HIM and as usual the best way to know is talk ...
feel free to let me know if anything worked or share your expereinces *S*
and most of all

HAVE FUN!

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I appreciate the time you've spent giving me tips and hints. They actually sound like something exciting to do and seem very effective in terms of dominating someone. It's definitely good advice for me in the future, but after reading this and speaking more with my friend about it, he wants pain involved, and I don't think I am experienced or competent enough to give him painful pleasure. I will definitely use these tips and tricks with someone else though

Ok- so now does anyone know a good Domme in NY for my friend? He's a masochist, as I've now just found out. Would it be a good idea to place an ad in ALT.com for him?

Hecate said:

You aren't a subbie, you simply like the sensations given but you derive no pleasure from "serving" or "submitting"

I do not know if this makes sense but from the quick insight into your likes I would think you very positively react to the stimulation of pain (slight pain or more doesn't make a difference here), you like the aspect of being "helpless", but more for the stimulation aspect and (don't jump me - this totally legitimate reason) a slight trace of "laziness" maybe? (I dare say that cause I have that too *g*).

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this is it...perfect...god hon, you should charge by the hour

anybody want to know my sexual preference in a nutshell?...add bisexual to the above, and you've got it

I love coming here and reading the posts thank you to all of you who take the time to inform others...

Re: Re: better late then never, right?

lilminx said:

Ok- so now does anyone know a good Domme in NY for my friend? He's a masochist, as I've now just found out. Would it be a good idea to place an ad in ALT.com for him?

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I've always used alt.com more as a place to find people with whom i could form a bond, someone *special*, you know? I assume you could find a Mistress for your friend there, though i think (and this is based on nothing at all more than my impressions, hazy and off-track though they might be) most people who place those ads are looking more for a longer-term, more deeply meaningful relationship than one simply and only sexual - and fleetingly sexual, too - in nature. I could, however, be WAY wrong about that and alt.com is certainly a good place to begin.

A little special info about alt.com: women are free. Men pay. Use that info for good, grasshopper.

Another avenue for you might be to pick up the free alternative newspapers that lie around everywhere and look there for something.

Also, don't discount the amazing amount of info you can get via a google search using bdsm pain "New York" professionals as search parameters, for instance.

Good luck.



Speak up more often, carrie-on! I remember you posted sometime WAY back in the beginning somewhere, and we haven't heard from you since.

A little special info about alt.com: women are free. Men pay

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no comment

Thanks, Cym- you truly are the omniscient in this subject matter. I might put up an ad for him in ALT and see what happens. Hey- he doesn't have anything to lose by it- he might actually meet someone where it's an ongoing thing.

Hecate said:

Have him give you oral sex while he kneels in front of you while you seemingly bored watch TV - tugg his leash now and then to show him you are in charge *s*

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As captured by Namio

Branding question

Hey all...

I haven't been around this thread much lately, but I'm not much of an *expert*, so I doubt ya'll have missed me too horribly.

But, now I'm back and I come bearing questions.

I'm having trouble healing a brand on my lower leg. I gave it myself, so I can tell you all about it--it's a six-step ringed "O" on the inside of my lower leg, about 3 inches above the ankle bone. I've done brands on myself before, and have never had any problems with healing. Now, however, I've got a raised and hardening blister, with radiating redness for about 1 inch surrounding.

Any thoughts or suggestions of aftercare will be greatly appreciated.

Take care,
Risia