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A very short story

Good writing...

But it's only a scene, not a story. I know nothing about these people. You don't even include descriptions or anything. Long time lovers or new, blonde, young, old? The writing is decent, not too many flaws but you could use an editor. I held off grading it because I wasn't sure what you were going for.
 
Personally I rarely write descriptions of my characters. Usually I only describe a few features. This allows the reader to add in their preferred characteristics, hair color height weight breast size dick size etc...

IMHO this lets more people enjoy the stories because the characters match what they like, instead of what I like.
 
It's quite hot, but as the first comment says, it's just a sex scene, not really a story.
Maybe in your next one you can make more of a story, and also think of some way to make it distinctive, different from all the other sex scenes on this site?
 
Hot enough and, as Geronimo_Appleby said on the other thread you started about this, don't stop, keep writing.

There are things you need to work on, including fleshing this out into more of a story, but it's not the worst thing I've read - nobody suddenly saw a smile in spite of being blindfolded, magically lost handcuffs etc or sprouted an extra limb (which didn't turn out to be a huge penis).

You can improve and you will, with practice. BTW please give my regards to your male muse.
 
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Where is all the foreplay? Where is the erotic tension? What I got was an erotic image when I want an erotic storyline.

Also, find an editor to question you on the occasional odd choice of wording.

And keep writing. Your story segment would be great if it were near the climax of a story (it is hard to say what the climax should be when there is nothing which prevents the climax and no dénouement).
 
It's definitely hot, and I don't mind the limited scope of it (I don't necessarily need a lot of background or description if the action is good). There's a lot of cliched language, though. Things like "setting my body on fire" have been written a million times and feel a little stiff.
 
Ldy_Sea said:
Personally I rarely write descriptions of my characters. Usually I only describe a few features. This allows the reader to add in their preferred characteristics, hair color height weight breast size dick size etc...

IMHO this lets more people enjoy the stories because the characters match what they like, instead of what I like.
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reading a story that is light on the physical description is my preference especially when the author's preferences are so different from mine, or the main male character has a 15 inch dick and the female has 36H cup perky tits.
 
Ok... Not a story.. But

Got to me!!!
More scenes with different facets of the relationship and kinks?
 
First, let me tell that I only have two short stories posted,so you can take my opinion for what you think it's worth. There seems to be two types of readers here on Lit. One type likes their story with a lot of sex and don't care as much about plot or character development. The other type likes a good story with some sex thrown in to keep it spicy. I'm of the latter type though. My two stories were just an exercise in writing for me,so I was elated to see the first one got a 4+ rating, which is encouraging. Your story is well written in my opinion but suffers from "short story syndrome " it's more of an erotic scene than a story. Character development and plot,in that order,is what makes a story interesting. Try writing another with character and plot development. It doesn't have to be the." Great American Novel " but say two complete Literotica pates.... I think you'll have a winner !
 
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Ezrollin said:
First, let me tell that I only have two short stories posted,so you can take my opinion for what you think it's worth. There seems to be two types of readers here on Lit. One type likes their story with a lot of sex and don't care as much about plot or character development. The other type likes a good story with some sex thrown in to keep it spicy. I'm of the latter type though. My two stories were just an exercise in writing for me,so I was elated to see the first one got a 4+ rating, which is encouraging. Your story is well written in my opinion but suffers from "short story syndrome " it's more of an erotic scene than a story. Character development and plot,in that order,is what makes a story interesting. Try writing another with character and plot development. It doesn't have to be the." Great American Novel " but say two complete Literotica pates.... I think you'll have a winner !
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There is yet another type of story here that I think is better on this site than the two you mention: a story with plot and character development that also has a lot of sex. I don't think you have to sacrifice one element for the other.
 
KeithD said:
There is yet another type of story here that I think is better on this site than the two you mention: a story with plot and character development that also has a lot of sex. I don't think you have to sacrifice one element for the other.
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As long as you can hold the reader's interest...I have read or should say started to read stories that were just sex scenes with no real story.
 
Ezrollin said:
As long as you can hold the reader's interest...I have read or should say started to read stories that were just sex scenes with no real story.
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You can say that about any story. There's a line of anti-sex act thread that goes through this forum that tries to present plot (good) and sex act (bad) as two different paths that have to be taken in writing a story. I find that very strange to find on a sex writing site. Maybe some writers here should be looking for another site to write on and stop badmouthing the writers who are writing to the stated site purposes.
 
KeithD said:
You can say that about any story. There's a line of anti-sex act thread that goes through this forum that tries to present plot (good) and sex act (bad) as two different paths that have to be taken in writing a story. I find that very strange to find on a sex writing site. Maybe some writers here should be looking for another site to write on and stop badmouthing the writers who are writing to the stated site purposes.
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The site's purpose is to publish submitted literature, so long as it falls within certain guidelines. It doesn't have to be erotic, though most of it is erotic to someone.

Some people don't find stories to be erotic when they consist of nothing but sex acts strung together with little or no story or characterization. Some people find that story and characterization interfere with what they want for their effort. Both of those kinds of people read stories on Lit.

There is probably a balance between the two extremes and if you can find that balance then you should be able to develop a large audience.
 
Right. You too, like many across the forum, appear to be trying to characterize a different writing and reading population at Literotica than is here. Nose-too-far elevated to see what "most" of the writers and readers here want, which means you'd have to leave the forum and look at the actual content of the story collection to understand reality.

I responded to the assertion of a poster that there were two separate paths to a story here: either plot emphasis or sex act emphasis, with the obvious assertion that "better" fell on the plot emphasis option. I assert that this is a sex writing site and that "better" falls in a merging of those two options: strong sex act coverage with a strong plot, and being strong and balanced on both.

Yes, the website permits non-erotic stories--as a side interest. You'd have to be blind, however, not to be able to see that this is a mainline pornographic website. If there is emphasis to be had here, the very presentation of the website falls on the side of sex act.

Happily, I think that "most" writers and readers at Literotica are too busy in the collection file using this as a sex story site to come to be denigrated by the high brows in the forum who would be publishing their non-erotic literary stories someplace else if they could find an equal audience someplace else.
 
KeithD said:
Happily, I think that "most" writers and readers at Literotica are too busy in the collection file using this as a sex story site to come to be denigrated by the high brows in the forum who would be publishing their non-erotic literary stories someplace else if they could find an equal audience someplace else.
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I see that you're a virgin here, and a fairly argumentative one at that--argumentative enough that you seemed to miss the fact that I was agreeing with you about stories that fall between the two extremes.

This topic comes up now and then on these forums. It has been discussed recently and I think most people will agree with you.

From a personal point of view, I prefer writing stories with plot and character. Apparently you don't, and that's fine.
 
KeithD said:
You can say that about any story. There's a line of anti-sex act thread that goes through this forum that tries to present plot (good) and sex act (bad) as two different paths that have to be taken in writing a story.
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Really? I see a lot of argument on the forums about how to write, but I don't recall anybody saying that describing sex acts is bad. That would be a weird thing to say; can you point at an example?

(I've certainly seen people say that explicit description isn't always necessary, and said as much myself, but obviously that's not the same as "you're wrong if you do it".)

KeithD said:
Right. You too, like many across the forum, appear to be trying to characterize a different writing and reading population at Literotica than is here. Nose-too-far elevated to see what "most" of the writers and readers here want, which means you'd have to leave the forum and look at the actual content of the story collection to understand reality.
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Looking at what stories get posted certainly will tell you what people are writing, but it doesn't say much about what readers want. As long as it falls within site rules, Lit will host anything I submit regardless of how popular or unpopular the content might be.

In fact, it's not even a reliable gauge of what writers want. Some kinds of stories are easier to write than others, so inevitably you're going to see more of the former.

I responded to the assertion of a poster that there were two separate paths to a story here: either plot emphasis or sex act emphasis, with the obvious assertion that "better" fell on the plot emphasis option. I assert that this is a sex writing site and that "better" falls in a merging of those two options: strong sex act coverage with a strong plot, and being strong and balanced on both.

Yes, the website permits non-erotic stories--as a side interest.
Click to expand...

You are conflating "strong sex act coverage" with "erotic". Those things aren't the same. It's possible to be extremely erotic without any genitals in sight, and if ratings are anything to go by quite a few readers here enjoy that kind of story.
 
makemewet69 said:
I just published my first story and it is quite short. I'm hoping to get some honest feedback. Thank you.
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I liked it. I like the way you started it: dove right into the thick of it. Nice! I loved the part where, after taking his load in her mouth, she kisses him and they share a part of it. I also liked the fact that she wanted to finish him off with a blow job once her need was satisfied. What a great relationship.

I thought the mechanics were good. The description and dialogue, what of it there was, seemed very realistic. I especially found her inability to form a sentence and to only be able to utter unintelligible moans and groans to be right on. Just what I would expect. Allowing his cock to slip out of her mouth to ask him to cum in it was nice. I fell in love with her! :)

BJwriter
 
KeithD said:
There is yet another type of story here that I think is better on this site than the two you mention: a story with plot and character development that also has a lot of sex. I don't think you have to sacrifice one element for the other.
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I agree, a good erotic story has all three and is well executed. However, I am one that likes variety. I liked this one because it was short and jumped right in and had some interesting variety (her finishing him off with a BJ and then sharing the cum with him, for example, rang my bell). Just as I like many types of music, and there is certainly a variety out there, I like variety in my stories. I'll confess, I've only read one multi-chapter work. I may have a mild case of ADD as I have a hard time sticking with a longer story unless it is really, really good. Interesting people doing interesting things always helps. I could see this scene develop into a longer story where we get to know these two lovers.
 
After receiving not so nice messages when I first started this thread, I didn't come back here and just thought this would die off lol

I am aware it is a short scene, not a story. It is exactly as I intended it to be - it's a memory and a moment shared between myself and my boyfriend that I wanted to put in words. Since I have written previously under a different name, he encouraged me to go for it. So, I did and this is the result.

Currently, I am working on an actual story because I believe ours is unique and it's something I never want to forget.

And yes, I do have someone waiting to edit it.

Thank you to those who were awesome to me and supportive and offered good constructive criticism and weren't trolls and assholes.

I wasn't after a love-fest, but I also didn't think I would get the negativity and hostility that I did.

Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this as it is near and dear to me. :heart:
 
Penuche said:
Hot enough and, as Geronimo_Appleby said on the other thread you started about this, don't stop, keep writing.

There are things you need to work on, including fleshing this out into more of a story, but it's not the worst thing I've read - nobody suddenly saw a smile in spite of being blindfolded, magically lost handcuffs etc or sprouted an extra limb (which didn't turn out to be a huge penis).

You can improve and you will, with practice. BTW please give my regards to your male muse.
Click to expand...

I'll give him some regards in person tomorrow :devil: ;)

Thank you, Penuche.
 
KeithD said:
You can say that about any story. There's a line of anti-sex act thread that goes through this forum that tries to present plot (good) and sex act (bad) as two different paths that have to be taken in writing a story. I find that very strange to find on a sex writing site. Maybe some writers here should be looking for another site to write on and stop badmouthing the writers who are writing to the stated site purposes.
Click to expand...

I'm all for the sex scenes as long as there's a story to go with it....no build up leaves me cold .
 
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