Serious question!

Well here goes......I am a married man of 24 years with wife and 2 grown up sons.....I love my family very much.......but (BIG but!) I supressed my feeling for men until my mid 40's, but at that point feeling that you only get one shot at life I had to express and satisfy those pent up desires for men. for the last 10 years I have done just that and wish I had done so many years before and to be honest with myself I am gay! So.....until about 3 months ago casual sex with men in saunas and meets through gay/bi hook-up sites has been my diet of homosexual encounters, but I have now met a gay guy and it is fair to say it is so different...the sex is amazing, but there is more than just sex to our meetings. He has a long term partner and we have been honest in saying we both don't want to spoil our home lives but we do enjoy sharing time together. That was a long intro to my question!......safe sex has been my mantra.....take no risks....but he has asked if we can have sex bare, he is the first man I have even considered this as an option.....he has been tested, he has shown me the result from Jan this year.....I have been tested and have shown him my result, but it is that final giving of myself to a man, a fantasy until now.....do I or don't I???

You do

Not sure what the issue here is - he's clean, you're clean so if it's what you want then do it.

My only advice would be that the test is only valid up to the day it was taken, he could of course have caught something since January.

But if your satisfied then bend over and experience being bred

shavenukguy said:

Not sure what the issue here is - he's clean, you're clean so if it's what you want then do it.

My only advice would be that the test is only valid up to the day it was taken, he could of course have caught something since January.

But if your satisfied then bend over and experience being bred

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you are both as safe as the last person you had sex with. If both your partners are safe, and you are only having sex with each other, then you have nothing to worry about ..... as long as that stays true

The last 2 posts possibly sum up my dilemma well.....his test was Jan....should I ask him to retest now?

MatureSensualBottom said:

The last 2 posts possibly sum up my dilemma well.....his test was Jan....should I ask him to retest now?

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If you and him are only sleeping with each other you know both of you are clean then i would go for it bareback anal sex is great i love having a bare cock in me.

MatureSensualBottom said:

The last 2 posts possibly sum up my dilemma well.....his test was Jan....should I ask him to retest now?

Click to expand...

And when was your last test? Would the proper question be, 'lets both get tested, before we make this commitment' ??

teddie_grl said:

And when was your last test? Would the proper question be, 'lets both get tested, before we make this commitment' ??

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Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner.

I think if you're really that worried about then both go and get tested together.

This guy cheats on his long term partner. Why would you trust him? What makes you think he only has two partners in total?

shavenukguy said:

Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner.

I think if you're really that worried about then both go and get tested together.

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You, have a keen sense of reality.

Bless you.....

teddie_grl said:

You, have a keen sense of reality.

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I think this is what I will do....thanks for all your posts. xx

I have been asked by several people to let you know how it goes.....I am seeing my man tomorrow and will ask him then. x

I'm a little late on this but will go ahead and comment; A couple of things to consider. 1) What about his partner? How do you know he isn't sleeping around behind your lovers back? 2) There was a lengthy article just a few days ago about the prevalence of HPV. According to the article, HPV is a cause of throat/mouth/anal cancer and there is no current test for it in males. This brings up the question of whether the OP is also still active sexually with his wife (who could then be at risk of uterine cancer from HPV).

To the OP: The tests you are relying on are only as good as the fidelity of your lover and his other lover(s)? This is not a long term love relationship, and I fear that your lover's desire to ride bareback may be motivated more by selfish desires than not. Ask yourself again, is it worth the risk to make this guy happy?

While I would love to encourage the freedom of bare sex, if it were me there are too many loose ends to be certain of the safety.

About HPV -> https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm

yukonnights said:

I'm a little late on this but will go ahead and comment; A couple of things to consider. 1) What about his partner? How do you know he isn't sleeping around behind your lovers back? 2) There was a lengthy article just a few days ago about the prevalence of HPV. According to the article, HPV is a cause of throat/mouth/anal cancer and there is no current test for it in males. This brings up the question of whether the OP is also still active sexually with his wife (who could then be at risk of uterine cancer from HPV).

To the OP: The tests you are relying on are only as good as the fidelity of your lover and his other lover(s)? This is not a long term love relationship, and I fear that your lover's desire to ride bareback may be motivated more by selfish desires than not. Ask yourself again, is it worth the risk to make this guy happy?

While I would love to encourage the freedom of bare sex, if it were me there are too many loose ends to be certain of the safety.

About HPV -> https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm

Click to expand...

You make very valid points which have also been bugging me....my desire to please has driven me to this point, but as you quite rightly say his desire to bareback is most probably driven by lust alone....thanks for your input x

MatureSensualBottom said:

You make very valid points which have also been bugging me....my desire to please has driven me to this point, but as you quite rightly say his desire to bareback is most probably driven by lust alone....thanks for your input x

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Bareback sex is WONDERFUL, but I think you are making a grave error in judgement to jump to that with someone you have only known for 3 months and know for sure he doesn't even keep a commitment with his partner. As others have pointed out, there are all sorts of STD's one can get -- not just HIV. Just imagine yourself having to tell your wife (and possibly your sons finding out) that you gave her something. I would have too much shame to put myself in that situation. Likewise, you didn't go into details about this guy's partner. What if he is a really nice guy who has no idea that his partner fools around. I would be even more ashamed to think I had anything to do with him getting a disease.

I am not excusing guys in straight relationships who have m2m sex on the side. However, I can at least understand that if the desire for same-sex love/sex is very strong, it causes a big delima. I've known some such guys who eventually struggle with impotence because as we age, erections don't just happen as they do with our youth. Where as with a gay couple that have not agreed to an open relationship, what is that guy supposed to think? He wasn't good enough?

As we get older we are no longer in our prime. We also know that there will always be someone more attractive, more hung, more energetic. As we realize that, we know one thing that matters is our integrity. I've been in a same-sex relationship for about 15 years. I am completely faithful. I'm not much of a catch anymore as I've gained weight, and struggle with impotence. Especially, since I'm a top, my partner is the one who got a bum deal (no puns intended). Through it all, the one thing I can give him is my faithfulness. It isn't much, but it is the one thing I can always give him. When I kiss him, cuddle with him, tell him I love him, ...; he can rest assured that he is my one and only.

Many thanks for your frank and honest response to my question and I have to say that I have come to that conclusion and as a result have told him that based on our situation I am of the opinion that we should continue to use a condom for the time being as we are in the midst of a complex situation that doesn't need further and wider complications......

I don't have a dog in this fight but there seems to be a glaring omission in the comments here. The friend is not the only one cheating on a committed relationship. That said, I appreciate your situation and wish you the best.

MatureSensualBottom said:

Well here goes......I am a married man of 24 years with wife and 2 grown up sons.....I love my family very much.......but (BIG but!) I supressed my feeling for men until my mid 40's, but at that point feeling that you only get one shot at life I had to express and satisfy those pent up desires for men. for the last 10 years I have done just that and wish I had done so many years before and to be honest with myself I am gay! So.....until about 3 months ago casual sex with men in saunas and meets through gay/bi hook-up sites has been my diet of homosexual encounters, but I have now met a gay guy and it is fair to say it is so different...the sex is amazing, but there is more than just sex to our meetings. He has a long term partner and we have been honest in saying we both don't want to spoil our home lives but we do enjoy sharing time together. That was a long intro to my question!......safe sex has been my mantra.....take no risks....but he has asked if we can have sex bare, he is the first man I have even considered this as an option.....he has been tested, he has shown me the result from Jan this year.....I have been tested and have shown him my result, but it is that final giving of myself to a man, a fantasy until now.....do I or don't I???

Click to expand...

If you feel safe about it go for it...congratulations on realizing your sexuality. You are not alone in learning about yourself later in life.

yukonnights said:

I'm a little late on this but will go ahead and comment; A couple of things to consider. 1) What about his partner? How do you know he isn't sleeping around behind your lovers back? 2) There was a lengthy article just a few days ago about the prevalence of HPV. According to the article, HPV is a cause of throat/mouth/anal cancer and there is no current test for it in males. This brings up the question of whether the OP is also still active sexually with his wife (who could then be at risk of uterine cancer from HPV).

To the OP: The tests you are relying on are only as good as the fidelity of your lover and his other lover(s)? This is not a long term love relationship, and I fear that your lover's desire to ride bareback may be motivated more by selfish desires than not. Ask yourself again, is it worth the risk to make this guy happy?

While I would love to encourage the freedom of bare sex, if it were me there are too many loose ends to be certain of the safety.

About HPV -> https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm

Click to expand...

well put...look carefully

It's not wise, due to all the cheating going on. If he's or any of your partners are cheating as well, it could be risky. I do understand Raw sex is so good, just be careful and enjoy the sex.

Serious Question

Bareback is great but wear a condom. Safe sex. Clear conscience

Wear a condom for everything.

Antibiotic resistant gonorrhea via oral sex.

antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea is spreading. One problem is unprotected oral sex. Remember, unprotected oral sex is not “safe sex.” Oral sex can transmit gonorrhea from someone’s privates to your throat and vice versa. And up to 90% of people with oral gonorrhea have no or minimal symptoms. many people do not even realize that they have oral gonorrhea. Wear a condom.

Just to update and thanks once again for all your thoughts.....long discussion with my Lover and we both agree.....safe always....the thought and desire to go bare is outweighed by the risk....