Talkin Dirty

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and we have incredible sex. One thing that I've always felt awkward about is something that he really enjoys: talking dirty. He loves it when I tell him what I'm doing, what I'm going to do, what I want him to do or how he should do it. The fact remains, though, that I feel awkward doing it. I was hoping that you fine people would have some advice or tips to share on how a girl can talk dirty with confidence.

Thanks!

Why do you feel awkward? If you can identify where that feeling is coming from, or what your fears are, you can probably work through it logically, with thoughts, e.g.:

I feel awkward because I was taught 'nice girls don't say those "bad" words.'
>Logically, I know there's nothing bad or harmful about those words in the context of sex. Taking the "badness" out of them can be freeing and I know my partner really enjoys hearing them.

I feel awkward because I'm not used to talking dirty and am afraid I'll sound stupid.
> I'm going to think of, and practice, some of the things I can say ahead of time, so I get used to hearing them come from my mouth. I can even practice while I'm masturbating. My partner will love it, so there's no reason to fear he'll think I sound stupid. It'll come more naturally in time.

I had trouble with this, too, years ago. What helped me more than anything was just forcing myself to say whatever I could. When I got used to one level, I pushed it to the next, with "riskier" words and more description. In time, I found the words didn't have the power to embarrass me anymore, and they actually flowed quite easily with practice.

A good intermediate step might be reading descriptive stories aloud to yourself and your partner, as well. Maybe that'll give you some good practice, confidence in your ability to get things out, and ideas of what to say.

My wife struggles with it too.
All I can say is that if you can get over the barriers it will almost certainly be worth it for both of you.
On the rare occasions when she has told me what she wanted and how it felt, it's turned me on massively and my increased enthusiasm has resulted in really good orgasms for her.

What's the opposite of a vicious circle?

It's exactly the kind of process where you gradually become ready for more little by little, as you push yourself and try. Youd normally start out by saying something you're comfortable with, like "I love when you..." as he does whatever that is. Then move on to urging him to do it [probably as he does it, rather than downright demanding it, if you're uncomfortable with that] and telling him how much you like it. The rest will come as you're no longer embarassed with the earlier steps.

Well, just like anything else, practice helps. The more you do it, the better you'll get.

What kind of things is he asking you to say? Is it really over the top stuff? Or does he just want you to say things like "harder" or "like that", etc. I know with my wife, there are certain limits to how far she is willing to go, and of course, us guys are conditioned to usually ask for or want what is beyond those barriers.
Go with what you are comfortable with, and then ease your way to where he wants you to be. Don't feel awkward about it, usually it heigtens the moment, and when you are done, and cleaning up or going out to dinner or wherever after, its never going to really come up in conversation, unless you want it to. Think of it as a turn on for him, the same as it would be if you are lets say kissing his neck. If you kissing him there is a turn on, you would do that for him probably without question, right? So think of the dirty talk like that maybe. Just ease your way and dont get uncomfy with it.

Say what feels natural to yourself or next time you say something try to record his reaction. You may be able to get deeper with it.

Hi there, I am just the same and feel very awkward talking dirty to my boyfriend. He gets frustrated as it is something he enjoys and is hurt that I don't feel comfortable with it as he takes that to mean that I am not comfortable with him so I started to send him dirty text messages which was easier, and then progressed to talking dirty on the phone to him. Hopefully soon I will be able to actually do it in person!

When I read your question the first thing that popped into my mind was practice, practice, practice! Like many other things in life you can't expect to be good at it right off the bat and the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel. I wish my wife at least had the desire that you do. She basically just throws in the towel without even trying. Listen to pointers from him and maybe you can rent some dvd's that will get the ball rolling. Good luck and I bestow on you an award for wanting to try.

the problem isn't so much that I'm embarrassed, I find I lack creativity most of the time and find myself at a loss for all those dirty words which I'm dying to say. I guess what I'm looking for is a little inspiration, or even a few small cheats so I don't sound like a broken pornographic record.

I have the same problem. Although I have can have a pretty dirty mind at times, it doesn't just come flowing out like Shakespeare whenever I want it to. I'm not that creative....

As others have said, start out with what your mind will allow you to say then progress from there. Its not the words used nor the flow of them but being willing to give oneself the permission to say them. Also sometimes its hard to be in the moment and sound like a porn star all at the sametime!!
There are words that are a turn on and those that are a turn off, cybering, I can use some but in r/l no way, depends on partner and situation.

amy711 said:

I have the same problem. Although I have can have a pretty dirty mind at times, it doesn't just come flowing out like Shakespeare whenever I want it to. I'm not that creative....

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Well, Shakespeare was extremely dirty for that era. He even used multiple cunt jokes in his plays and poems.

By my life, this is my lady’s hand these be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

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HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Lying down at OPHELIA's feet

OPHELIA
No, my lord.

HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?

OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.

HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

OPHELIA
What is, my lord?

HAMLET
Nothing.

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among others...

That's what I mean, he was absolutely filthy as well as poetic as well as in iambic pentameter for much of it. I can't even think of anything to say...

Most people can't even spell iambic pentameter, nevermind use it. When you're ready, just fuck him and describe what you're doing as you do it. You don't have to be fancy. Just tell him in graphic detail exactly what you're going to do to him.

artistic said:

the problem isn't so much that I'm embarrassed, I find I lack creativity most of the time and find myself at a loss for all those dirty words which I'm dying to say. I guess what I'm looking for is a little inspiration, or even a few small cheats so I don't sound like a broken pornographic record.

Click to expand...

amy711 said:

I have the same problem. Although I have can have a pretty dirty mind at times, it doesn't just come flowing out like Shakespeare whenever I want it to. I'm not that creative....

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So, start with what you know and feel, and then expand on it. For example:

I love feeling your cock. >>>
I love feeling your hard cock pound my hot, dripping pussy.

That feels great. >>>
It feels amazing to have your hot tongue swirl around and flick over my hard little clit. Now stick it in my cunt and lap up my juices!

Do you like this? >>>
You love it when I suck your big cock into my velvety mouth, swirling my tongue around the head, teasing every drop of precum out of your little hole, until you can't help but shoot your big load, don't you?


See what I mean?

If your partner likes being in control and/or giving you control, you can play on that, too. Tell them you're their 'nasty little cock-hungry slut' or that they're your 'pussy-loving bitch' or similar. Of course you should use common sense and not say things/call names that might be hurtful or deeply offensive, but I've found that it's pretty hard to offend guys in the heat of the moment, unless you're intentionally pushing buttons.

I wouldn't worry about repetition too much. As long as you're not saying the exact same thing every time, you should be fine. It's more the thought and action of talking dirty that gets guys going, not what's said, in my experience. In general, they're less likely to analyze what is actually said.

I think women give us guys way too much credit in this area. We're not Einsteins or Shakespeares, nor good with a large vocabularly. All we really want to hear are things like:

"fuck my dripping wet pussy"

"fuck my mouth with your cock"

"I want to suck your hard cock"

"I want you to cum in my mouth and I'm going to suck down every last drop"

"Fuck my ass"

"eat my wet pussy"

"I'm gonna fuckin tie you up and then let you know what's it's like to have multiple orgasms"

"I want you to put that hard dick up my ass"

"I'm going to fuck you so hard and so long tonight you'll be calling 911"

"fuck my tits"

"I want to feel your cum blast into my ass"

"I want you to record me fucking my pussy with a dildo while I finger myself and suck my tits at the same time"

"I want you to cum in my pussy and then I'm going to make you eat me to orgasm afterward"



etc, etc, etc. I think some others already mentioned, just think what sexual acts you want to do and then just make them graphic. If you want missionary position sex tell him you want him to spead your legs as wide as he can, put his hard cock in your pussy, and fuck you hard until you can feel him blast his big wad inside you.

I don't think you need to worry about being repetitive. Just saying "Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck my pussy." will achieve a high degree of awesomeness. And you'll get better at it the more you do it.

Try hyphenating pussy ("Pus-sy"). For some reason it sounds sexier that way.

One thing I forgot to mention is that it is highly effective to talk dirty to men before getting into the bedroom. You can go out to dinner or at the movies and whisper to him graphically what you want to do to him or have him do to you (boy, that could be a very long movie!). You could also even talk dirty to him at home (or where ever) just before a session. Another thing you could do is practice by sending him dirty notes and emails or a dirty ecard or a nasty phone call. These are guaranteed to perk his interest so to speak before you actually even start. All of this can help eliminate trying to come up with dirty talk on the spur of the moment. The bottom line is we men are driven by primal instincts and on the inside we want our partners to be slutty whores.

Brain

Always found that at different times my brain acted or reacted differently. Watch porn one day and the next it didn't do much but READ something really erotic and find that that worked. It's interesting to kind of map how your brain works and realize why some things are such a turn on or why things are such a turnon sometimes.

The biggest sex organ we have is between our ears. You can stimulate that easily by smells, vision and hearing. If what you are saying triggers the right part of his brain you can do incredible things. Somebody already mentioned the anticipatory story - out at a nice restaurant and lean over ands whisper what you're gonna do to him later or what you want him to do to you and he'll be thinking about it all night until you do it. The side to that is stimulate BOTH at the same time. While you're having sex if you ALSO stimulate that part of the brain that reacts to porn or erotic literature (maybe a bit of both - I'm not a neurologist) and you've got DOUBLE the nerve endings being stimulated at the same time. Some people can actually FEEEL the heat in a section of their brain as one part is stimulated. It is VERY intense and kind of interesting to actually feel your brain or a section of it reacting to what she is telling you. Works for me anyway.

Your reluctance to sound trashy is from your upbringing and your sense of what's right and wrong. When you're in bed with a guy and you're doing things and he's doing things ALL BETS ARE OFF. Talk it out to yourself maybe but if he's asking you to stimulate his BRAIN TOO then it's a perfect opportunity to blow his socks off. Don't let your ideas of what's dirty or naughty hold you back - USE them.

artistic said:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and we have incredible sex. One thing that I've always felt awkward about is something that he really enjoys: talking dirty. He loves it when I tell him what I'm doing, what I'm going to do, what I want him to do or how he should do it. The fact remains, though, that I feel awkward doing it. I was hoping that you fine people would have some advice or tips to share on how a girl can talk dirty with confidence.

Thanks!

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I understand I had a very difficult time when I first started to cyber. I wrote an ongoing story with one of my cyber guys that helped me practice words and having them in my head without saying them.

The first thing you need to do is develop an acceptable vocabulary.
I read a book called "exhibitionism for the shy" by Carol Queen which was quite helpful, it has an appendix of "dirty words and phrases."

You can practice by leaving dirty messages for him online or on his cell. He sounds like a very aural person, let go and make a lot of noise!

The guy I'm dating loves dirty talk, too. It's not easy since our relationship is really new and we're really still getting to know each other sexually, but knowing it is such a turn-on for him makes me feel less awkward. (I have been known to blurt out some naughty things in the past, but not consistently).

I wouldn't censor yourself, say what comes to mind... and no matter what, I'm of the belief that sounds - whether they're words or just moans - are better than silence. Even if you can't bring yourself to say really kinky things because it just doesn't feel right, I would urge you NOT to silence anything that comes to mind... I think you'll find you can be more vocal if you wish to.

hehe i dont think there is much left to say everyone has given you wonderful ideas... i use to have the same problem


just saw what you feel comfortable with start small and know that to him it doesnt matter how little or how silly it sounds he is going to love it.. I definately agree with think about it practice it think about when you are with him how things feel and write down some of the dirty thoughts that come to your mind... and read them aloud... that way when you do say them it wont sound so akward

I can't offer much advice, since I'm one of those awkward girls. But I find I just don't like using English to talk dirty. lol The words don't sound sexy to me, they feel clunky and tired when I try, but I like Japanese. My boyfriend understands most of it, too, so it works.

Thanks to Sweet Erica and Subwannabe. At least they are getting to the heart of dirty talk. I can't tell you the number of women I've known either for real or online who say that they want "dirty talk" but when I try to talk dirty with them: 1) either it seems to bother them how filthy I can be and they back off and hide 2) Just want to "listen" and don't contribute anything in return. It seems that many women who say they want "dirty talk" just want "sexy talk" and more like what they get in the "romance novels" with "throbbing members" and "hot moist womanhood" and stuff like that. They really don't like playing in