How can I tell him?

I enjoy the thought of daily light bdsm to be active in my relationship. I plan on telling my boyfriend tomorrow that I want to be controlled in this way. Nothing too serious just like telling me what to do, punishing me when I don't comply, moderate spanking, rough sex, making me do things I don't want to, not tolerating my bitch moods, things like that. I've been dropping hints but he hasn't been picking them up, its becoming frustrating! How can I tell him I want him to do these things without it sounding kind of weird? I won't see him in a few days and I can't wait that long so I plan to have the discussion through text. Is there some words or script I can say to tell him I want this?

Well I wouldn't text him about it - things go wrong in writing without body language and intonation

I'd open a bottle of wine and start talking about what really turns you on and how you'd love it if he'd do x,y,z

I'd let him speak about what turns him on too

It's a conversation that you have to have face to face

And if he's never done any of this I'd start slowly ..maybe a little light bondage first?

No txt. Srsly.

If Query put as much effort into real life as he does trolling, maybe he would still have a marriage.

Don't hint. It doesn't work.

Don't text about something like this. It doesn't work.

I agree with every word of may_I_please.

Another thing, you may not get through to him right away, you may have to talk about it more than once. So have patience.

Good luck!

I agree with everyone's statements that you shouldn't do this over text. So much gets lost in translation, and he may misunderstand what you actually want, causing some sort of harm to both of you.

You need to sit down and have an honest, open conversation. Anyone here will tell you that honest and open communication is the key here. It's one of the most important parts of the relationship. Being able to talk face to face will also allow you to read HIS body language as well, so you two don't have any misconceptions about what the person wants. Start off slow, and work your way. This won't be a one time conversation. You need to have this conversation multiple times, and give feedback, or else, something you may not like too much will keep happening.

But on that note, don't be like "I HATE it when you do this, fix it!!" How is that going to help the two of you? Say something along the lines of "I like it/love it when you do this (demonstration). However, I think that you need to work on this (demonstration). Maybe next time we could do it like this?" That also gives him the chance to think about your needs as well as his own.

And when that happens, the sex is all the better.

Doing things the Cosmo way doesn't really work in the real world. Put on your adult undergarments of choice and talk with him face to face, in plain English. Is it going to be hard? Is it going to be embarrassing? Probably and probably. If being "made to do things that you don't want to do" is part of your ideal relationship right now, then think of this as practice.

Especially as a lot of folks here who have been at this for a good long time will tell you, being made to do unsexy things is oftentimes just that-- pretty damn unsexy. But you suck it up and do it anyways.

Perhaps invest in some handcuffs or just use a silk scarf. Tie yourself up just as he arrives home and beg him to treat you how you want to be treated

It worked! Way better than I expected. I think I'll write a story of my experiences.

diamondjones said:

It worked! Way better than I expected. I think I'll write a story of my experiences.

Click to expand...

Communication always seems like a good start. Glad you had fun.

Some people, including myself are completely oblivious to subtle hints and need to be directly told or it will go straight over our heads. Straight forward honest conversation is sometimes for the best.

Hints are not a form of communication. Hints are a way of avoiding communication (either because of shyness or something else) and then blaming the other person because "they should have realised".

Tell him by telling him. Openly and honestly. To his face.

Don't hint, men are thick, you need to spell it out. Sit down and tell him you want to talk about your sex life, and just be open about everything.

If you are worried maybe some vine or beer would help calm the mood.

Take turns talking, and don't interrupt each other when you are talking, you don't want to do it over text. Texting and talking in person relays words differently.

But talk to him when he comes back, and hopefully it works out well

I'm jealous that it worked so easily but I'm glad for you.

diamondjones said:

It worked! Way better than I expected. I think I'll write a story of my experiences.

Click to expand...

Congratulations!

Please drop a line here if you write the story somewhere else.

diamondjones said:

I enjoy the thought of daily light bdsm to be active in my relationship. I plan on telling my boyfriend tomorrow that I want to be controlled in this way. Nothing too serious just like telling me what to do, punishing me when I don't comply, moderate spanking, rough sex, making me do things I don't want to, not tolerating my bitch moods, things like that. I've been dropping hints but he hasn't been picking them up, its becoming frustrating! How can I tell him I want him to do these things without it sounding kind of weird? I won't see him in a few days and I can't wait that long so I plan to have the discussion through text. Is there some words or script I can say to tell him I want this?

Click to expand...

Text him all you want, but don't bug him on the phone he might be busy. Tell him in person; at a private, at home candlight dinner or something like that were you can spend some real time talking about your desires. If you tell him through a text make it brief. Guys do like phones, but if you can't open up to him, then this may mean a sign that you need to work on yourself before you continue a relationship.

Like with me I had no choice left. I haven't seen my husband in three months. They had to hospitalize him in a pysch unit. But having this time away from me really helped me get my shit togeather. Now I have 2 jobs and i'm about to start online schooling at a university in colorado.

So time away might actually do you some good. Me my times almost up without him. There getting ready to release him in 2 weeks so i'm so excited. I'm getting ready to start training him, packing his lunch, helping him find work, and just love himself, the way I do.

diamondjones said:

I enjoy the thought of daily light bdsm to be active in my relationship. I plan on telling my boyfriend tomorrow that I want to be controlled in this way. Nothing too serious just like telling me what to do, punishing me when I don't comply, moderate spanking, rough sex, making me do things I don't want to, not tolerating my bitch moods, things like that. I've been dropping hints but he hasn't been picking them up, its becoming frustrating! How can I tell him I want him to do these things without it sounding kind of weird? I won't see him in a few days and I can't wait that long so I plan to have the discussion through text. Is there some words or script I can say to tell him I want this?

Click to expand...

I don't think text is a good way to talk about something so personal. If this is something you're serious about, you have to demonstrate your maturity to discuss it and hope he understands and accepts without judgment. If he can't handle it or calls you a perv or makes you feel foolish for opening up to him with something so personal about your sexuality, then he's not the guy for you. I've been around a long time and one thing I've learned is that if you're too embarrassed to talk about what turns you on sexually or what you want, then you'll have a hard time ever finding the right partner. You need to be able to trust your partner, feel accepted, and give the same acceptance and trust in return. If now, find somebody else before life escapes you.

diamondjones said:

It worked! Way better than I expected. I think I'll write a story of my experiences.

Click to expand...

In case anyone missed it, diamondjones had a good conversation.