twelveoone
ground zero
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2004
- Posts
- 5,882
thank you UYS, I do try to keep my drivel confined to the threads. Bog, I had misread nasty instead of natty at first. It's that too. Thanks.
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Good luck on the exhibitions, bogusagain.Thanks for your comments my poem Being English everyone. Point taken Istat. The poem needs a bit of refocusing, 1201 made a similar point earlier that I've taken on board.
Well, I've got a couple of exhibitions coming up so I won't be around for around ten days but don't celebrate, I'll be back with more madness.
A couple of etchings from my exhibition to entertain you or upset you or just provoke in you a little indifference.
I'd better just say, the etchings are in a context in the exhibition and would come across somewhat different.
Hey! the Mancunian Colours! What, did you break out your old Durutti Column records?Thanks for your comments my poem Being English everyone. Point taken Istat. The poem needs a bit of refocusing, 1201 made a similar point earlier that I've taken on board.
Well, I've got a couple of exhibitions coming up so I won't be around for around ten days but don't celebrate, I'll be back with more madness.
A couple of etchings from my exhibition to entertain you or upset you or just provoke in you a little indifference.
I'd better just say, the etchings are in a context in the exhibition and would come across somewhat different.
I'll sing missing boy, till thenThanks for your comments my poem Being English everyone. Point taken Istat. The poem needs a bit of refocusing, 1201 made a similar point earlier that I've taken on board.
Well, I've got a couple of exhibitions coming up so I won't be around for around ten days but don't celebrate, I'll be back with more madness.
A couple of etchings from my exhibition to entertain you or upset you or just provoke in you a little indifference.
I'd better just say, the etchings are in a context in the exhibition and would come across somewhat different.
Thank you to those who read and/or commented on my poem up there yesterday. Grateful!
On literotica hiatus for a bit. Something I gotta do
Keep on truckin'
Well bronze, that has to be the most incisiveride me now by oneiria
Words do not have a shape, so shaped poems are an illusion. Justify to right or left and the diamonds become a sawtooth edge. Read one aloud and the audience has no idea what shape the lines take on the page. It could be called a contrivance, but no more so than haiku, tanka or other syllable count poems. It is not a negative criticism, just a technical description. This piece pushes the limits of contrivance. This many diamonds on a necklace would be called gaudy. There is a limit in every art.
I read this piece silently and then aloud. The meter is broken in the first line with "If you were only here". "If only you were here, reads smoother. Many of the following lines contain words which break the read in a similar way and seem to be inserted just to maintain the shape. The imagery suffers for it.
One part cannot be overlooked (pardon the reformatting into sawtooth):
"I take your
throbbing clit firmly in my
hot mouth, tugging it
like a great white
shark,"
No. Don't do that. Never combine a clitoris and a shark simile.
Well bronze, that has to be the most incisive
review I've ever seen in New Poems
It's a shame they don't hand out E's for reviews.
Speaking of dentalia genitalia
Thanks to Ishtat for recommending Fred's Dead and for his comment. Also to theognis, twelveoone, W.B.Yeats and UYS for comments left. For those who questioned the second line, it is a mistake dammit.
My brother found him oneYou're welcome, Tess. And no need to be embarrassed over a little mistake in a wonderful poem.
You can delete my question to you and ishtat, if you like, since you answered it here.
J
My brother found him one
day after, before school just
Technically this is correct. Comma inserted. (she does not use punctuation, an acceptable practice) It is awkward. Two things to consider, one it must have been an awkward moment, and in the poem Tess affects a child's voice. It certainly is not out of place, I wouldn't consider it a mistake, here. "just" at the end of the line, very good also. Emulates the moment rather well. Furthering the effect takes great precedence (in literature) over making it clear.
Unlike my it's, which was just mistake. Thanks.
This is an interesting result of, what was in all honesty, a careless editing mistake. I thank you both for your thoughtful comments and flattering remarks. Thank you too, 1201, for continuing to plough through my older poems and commenting. (the "blood" in "Exodus" refers back to he red flowers mentioned earlier.)
blafasst Your comment Sylivia Plath wrote prose and poetry, but she didn't write prose-poetry, or just string together a bunch of Spam tags and stale images and call it a poem. 3/5
Is this your source of irritation today? You are part of the SP church and I am scratching the gilded surface of your holy mother?
That's taste, purely subjective, like your criticisms.