Ask a woman for feedback

Do you mean post stories that have been posted to the site already for you to critique? Or people's works in progress?

Well, I guess I'll take a spin. I shall place forth 'Black Pearls - Ochia' for your reviewing pleasure.

HeyAll said:

Do you mean post stories that have been posted to the site already for you to critique? Or people's works in progress?

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Only stories that have been posted on Literotica.

ReGats said:

Well, I guess I'll take a spin. I shall place forth 'Black Pearls - Ochia' for your reviewing pleasure.

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Any specific area in which you'd like my opinion? Story? Plot? Grammar? There are other, more qualified critics (Bard, Lien; check out their threads) in this forum for that. You'd be hearing the same thing over and over again. There's no point doing that.

I'd like to specifically deal with people who need feedback on character development and/or behaviour. Or characters which, authors feel, could've been better written. Most male authors have trouble writing characters with female perspective, and that's one of the things I aim to help with.


P.S. Do include a link to your story. Helps readers find the story, unless you want them searching the entire website for that.

Here's something if you'd be interested.

https://www.literotica.com/s/red-lipstick-expectations

Under 3 Lit pages. Lesbian. Let me know if the dialogue & actions are realistic, within the confines of a sex story--- if you'd be interested.

thanks

heyall

Learin said:

Any specific area in which you'd like my opinion? Story? Plot? Grammar? There are other, more qualified critics (Bard, Lien; check out their threads) in this forum for that. You'd be hearing the same thing over and over again. There's no point doing that.

I'd like to specifically deal with people who need feedback on character development and/or behaviour. Or characters which, authors feel, could've been better written. Most male authors have trouble writing characters with female perspective, and that's one of the things I aim to help with.


P.S. Do include a link to your story. Helps readers find the story, unless you want them searching the entire website for that.

Click to expand...

I'd never actually heard of those users before, nor of their threads. I'm generally looking for story/plot advice, but characters and actions are also another pressing concern. I'm writing a lot of lesbian work, but I don't want to alienate real women.

The link:
https://www.literotica.com/s/black-pearls-ochia

Thank you in advance.

Red Lipstick Expectations by HeyAll

The link to HeyAll's story if anyone else is interested in reading it. I'll focus mainly on the characters and things I thought was stretching the imagination or was off-putting. As every other critic on this forum, I'll advice you to take it with a grain of salt as I don't represent every woman.


1. The way you've romanticised the relationship between an editor and an author sounds far-fetched. I've been in the shoes of one and it isn't as hunky-dory as you've made it to be. There is a work pressure and a deadline to meet. I've worked with quite a few attractive people, but our relationship was limited to a few drinks and laughs. It's mostly business.

Well, that's me speaking for myself. Normal, clueless readers may find it believable. Not much to sweat on, though. It's a preferential thing.


2. There are a few places where you confused me with Erica's sexuality. Is she a bisexual? Is she a closet lesbian?

When I first read it, I thought she was a closet lesbian, one that's too afraid of coming out to the society. Then, later on, you present her as a woman who's experiencing being with another woman for the first time. While labels aren't necessary every single time, I need that label to determine what sort of character you're writing.

Take these for example:

All the while, Erica couldn't help but admire the seductive lips and perfect teeth of the woman sitting across the table from her. She was just too perfect.

And

Immediately, Erica felt her head spin. Her mind instinctively swirled with thoughts of pretty Tiffany doing all those lesbian acts with women Erica's age.

There's an aggressive tone to your writing in certain places which doesn't fit in with the earlier, more relaxed tones. Also, when she's with Tiffany in the later sections claiming to never be with a woman, it doesn't feel right.

Those few lines quite jumped out and I thought they could be toned down to make it more believable. Let the character's feelings take their course rather than forcing them on her.

Hope I made sense.


3. TBH, I found nothing wrong with Tiffany. She's pretty consistent throughout the story. She leads Erica the way someone experienced might and she's not hesitant with what she wants. Good job.


4. This might be a nitpick, but here goes. There's a portion where Erica and Tiffany meet could be improved. That part you wrote later on seems natural. Overall, to me, this paragraph seemed sketchy/awkward and I think you'd have done a better job by fleshing it out into a dialogue that continues into the later section.

They sat down at the dining table where they continued to make polite remarks towards each other, smile, and make the inevitable small talk about traffic and the weather. Eventually, they placed their orders and handed their menus to the waitress.


I had written a feedback for this story, but that file got deleted. I may have missed some points in my hurry to write another one. Overall, it was a short, pleasant story. No major mistakes that most people can frown on.

Let me know if you have any questions.

ReGats said:

I'd never actually heard of those users before, nor of their threads. I'm generally looking for story/plot advice, but characters and actions are also another pressing concern. I'm writing a lot of lesbian work, but I don't want to alienate real women.

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Link to their threads:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1178727

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=828427


Ask and they might help. Not sure about Bard though. He hasn't been active for a while. Anyhoo, they generally do a good job on story plot and characters. I don't think I have that kind of time and energy.

Anything specific and short related to women will do for me.

Thank you for your time and thoughts.

I'll keep them in mind for the fuure.

Learin said:

1. The way you've romanticised the relationship between an editor and an author sounds far-fetched. I've been in the shoes of one and it isn't as hunky-dory as you've made it to be. There is a work pressure and a deadline to meet. I've worked with quite a few attractive people, but our relationship was limited to a few drinks and laughs. It's mostly business.

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I've been editing professionally for ~ 8 years. Last year I edited about 4000 pages of material, though it's not always that busy. I've worked with maybe a dozen authors, half a dozen managing editors. Some of them like my work enough to request me by name.

I've never met any of them. Our interaction has been entirely by post, courier, and email. From Learin's post it sounds as if my experience is not universal (FWIW I do non-fic technical editing, maybe that works differently) but, yeah, I was surprised by their working relationship. For me it's been entirely 'friendly professional' with one Christmas card.

(And, yes, tight deadlines.)

I actually like constructive feedback

I write slow (about 2,500 words a week), so only about three pages have been submitted so far, with another page and a half being edited. No clue how long it is going to be. But I would enjoy some constructive feedback on the story so far from a perspective that is not my own (or a significant other), when you have the time.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-relaxing-afternoon-pt-01

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-relaxing-afternoon-pt-02

Thanks

Salut! Désolé de te faire attendre. Semaine chargée et toute cette excuse. Je vais regarder Black Pearl aujourd'hui et vous laisser savoir ce que je pense.

(I ripped that right off of Google Translate )

HeyAll said:

Thank you for your time and thoughts.

I'll keep them in mind for the fuure.

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Glad to know.

Bramblethorn said:

I've been editing professionally for ~ 8 years. Last year I edited about 4000 pages of material, though it's not always that busy. I've worked with maybe a dozen authors, half a dozen managing editors. Some of them like my work enough to request me by name.

I've never met any of them. Our interaction has been entirely by post, courier, and email. From Learin's post it sounds as if my experience is not universal (FWIW I do non-fic technical editing, maybe that works differently) but, yeah, I was surprised by their working relationship. For me it's been entirely 'friendly professional' with one Christmas card.

(And, yes, tight deadlines.)

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I forgot to insert a big RARE in my post. I only struck a nice friendship with two authors. Otherwise email was the way.

Last time I did some structure editing was 7-8 years ago. Things might be different now.

KeyCaress said:

I write slow (about 2,500 words a week), so only about three pages have been submitted so far, with another page and a half being edited. No clue how long it is going to be. But I would enjoy some constructive feedback on the story so far from a perspective that is not my own (or a significant other), when you have the time.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-relaxing-afternoon-pt-01

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-relaxing-afternoon-pt-02

Thanks

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Bonjour, mon ami! You like constructive feedback and I like to see one request at a time. But we can't have everything now, can we?

Ugh. Okay. But it'll take time.

ReGats said:

I'd never actually heard of those users before, nor of their threads. I'm generally looking for story/plot advice, but characters and actions are also another pressing concern. I'm writing a lot of lesbian work, but I don't want to alienate real women.

The link:
https://www.literotica.com/s/black-pearls-ochia

Thank you in advance.

Click to expand...

I felt like I got a bit lost in the mail here.

Learin said:

Bonjour, mon ami! You like constructive feedback and I like to see one request at a time. But we can't have everything now, can we?

Ugh. Okay. But it'll take time.

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Oops... Sorry about that, apparently missed the previous request. There is no rush, thank you.

ReGats said:

I felt like I got a bit lost in the mail here.

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Well, FWIW, I had a surprise visit from my in-laws. Your smut took the backseat for a while. I've read the beginning and I think you need a lot of work to do.

I'll try and post my feedback later today.

KeyCaress said:

Oops... Sorry about that, apparently missed the previous request. There is no rush, thank you.

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Thanks for understanding.

.................

I'd love another girl to give me the once over on my latest Pixie story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-pixie-stories-03

I'd love to hear your thoughts, thanks!

Can I call dibs?

Hi, and what a generous offer. I expect you'll get overwhelmed with requests but I just started a year ago and while my story ratings have been decent, I'm always unsure about how I portray the women. I write in the Mom-Son genre and if you can find the time, I'd be most curious for you reaction as to how the women are portrayed.

This is my highest rated one and the one where I felt I put the most effort into developing the women's characters, but it's six pages.
https://www.literotica.com/s/lookalike-gf-and-mother-uh-oh

A shorter one (4 pages) is this:
https://www.literotica.com/s/mom-coaches-me-in-writing-erotica

Thanks in advance if you can get to either.

Cheers;

Hi everyone!

I'm so, so sorry for the delay. I've hit a buttload of speedbumps this holiday season. I won't trouble you with the details, but it was enough to keep me occupied.

I see a pileup despite me using capitals and bolds and all that please. I'll just pretend it's not there. I'm not your slave. If you can't respect my wishes, it seems fair of me to not respect yours.


Anywho, Regats, I've read the first page of your story. It was really, really hard for me to keep track of the picture you were trying to paint. Way too much description. Also, one particular line "a world without poverty, pregnancy" caught my attention. What the heck was that?!

I'll go into the details later. Hang on.

Hello,

I just posted a request for feedback (Titled "Want to be a better writer" in this same forum) regarding my first submissions. Would really like your feedback as I am writing from female perspective as a male.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1398833

If you would take a look when you have time I would greatly appreciate your input.

Thanks

Just a simple request

Would love a critique of chapter 10 of "A Slut's Triangle" the link is in my signature below. Just click on my story submissions link. Thank you

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-sluts-triangle-pt-10 Kimberly puts her sexual moves on Ashleigh.