How to learn "dirty talk"

Acktion said:

Once upon a time, a certain comedian made a name for himself by saying "fuck". After awhile, another comedian came along and decided if that worked for the other guy, he would do it to, but more often. Not too long ago, I was listening to a comedian, and, maybe the problem was that I was sober, but he just wasn't funny. However, every second or third word was "the f bomb".

The thing is, it worked for the first because of the "what did he say?!" shock value. It worked for the second and the third for much the same reason. Now, though, it's almost like the period to a comedic sentence. Sure, there are some out there that don't cuss, but when we hear someone that does, on stage with a mic, it doesn't really phase us anymore.

I was reading through this thread from the beginning (again), and if anyone had pointed it out, I missed it. So, I thought I would as a follow up to Mindfondler's comment.

Part of the attraction for "talking dirty", whether it's the tamer "You have no idea just how much you turn me on, do you?" or the lines that would make a pornstar blush that have occasionally fallen out of my lips (Hey, I didn't think they could either but one stayed at the hotel where I was the only... oops, never mind), is that it isn't ALL THE TIME. It's different. It's unusual. It's a sign, or supposed to be, of just how turned on they make you.

And to work, it has to stand out.

And to stand out, I think it's pretty safe to say that there is a limit beyond which it's either humorous or sad. Of course, that limit is going to be different for different people.

As Mindfondler pointed out, his interest was piqued at first. Then it started to feel a little odd. Then, it was just uncomfortable. Because it just kept going and going without any feedback from him to indicate that he was with that program.

Click to expand...

Some of the old time comedians talked about "dropping their pants" and how comedy has changed over the years. The old timers talk about how they would "drop their pants" when they started to bomb, and everyone does every now and again (so they said). The problem is, they continued, Modern comedians walk right out and drop their pants on the first line; Where do you go from there? If you start to bomb, you have no recourse.

Supporting what you just said.

Back on topic. It's been said before and I'll reiterate it here. Sometimes, "the knowing" isn't in "the telling", but "the doing."

I'm not sure if anybody has said that yet, but if not, then there it is. Not wanting to be needlessly cryptic, but if you want to seem natural, you have to make up your own stuff. Don't think of it as a test and instead just be wildly creative.

crystalcreamyad said:

I'm really sorry to jump on this thread but i've recently just started seeing a guy and he's REALLY into his dirty talk! Ok in past relationships i may have thrown a few words out here and there but this is kinda new to me (well on his level anyway!)

I guess i just wanna know if the stated advice applies to men aswell? I mean are there different things men like compared to woman? Do guys prefer their talk.... really dirty?!!

Click to expand...

Give it a go, and watch his reactions.

Thanks to Acktion and LWulf for those follow-ups. I think they're both very relevant, and so I've quoted them in full.

Acktion said:

Once upon a time, a certain comedian made a name for himself by saying "fuck". After awhile, another comedian came along and decided if that worked for the other guy, he would do it to, but more often. Not too long ago, I was listening to a comedian, and, maybe the problem was that I was sober, but he just wasn't funny. However, every second or third word was "the f bomb".

The thing is, it worked for the first because of the "what did he say?!" shock value. It worked for the second and the third for much the same reason. Now, though, it's almost like the period to a comedic sentence. Sure, there are some out there that don't cuss, but when we hear someone that does, on stage with a mic, it doesn't really phase us anymore.

I was reading through this thread from the beginning (again), and if anyone had pointed it out, I missed it. So, I thought I would as a follow up to Mindfondler's comment.

Part of the attraction for "talking dirty", whether it's the tamer "You have no idea just how much you turn me on, do you?" or the lines that would make a pornstar blush that have occasionally fallen out of my lips (Hey, I didn't think they could either but one stayed at the hotel where I was the only... oops, never mind), is that it isn't ALL THE TIME. It's different. It's unusual. It's a sign, or supposed to be, of just how turned on they make you.

And to work, it has to stand out.

And to stand out, I think it's pretty safe to say that there is a limit beyond which it's either humorous or sad. Of course, that limit is going to be different for different people.

As Mindfondler pointed out, his interest was piqued at first. Then it started to feel a little odd. Then, it was just uncomfortable. Because it just kept going and going without any feedback from him to indicate that he was with that program.

Click to expand...

LWulf said:

Some of the old time comedians talked about "dropping their pants" and how comedy has changed over the years. The old timers talk about how they would "drop their pants" when they started to bomb, and everyone does every now and again (so they said). The problem is, they continued, Modern comedians walk right out and drop their pants on the first line; Where do you go from there? If you start to bomb, you have no recourse.

Supporting what you just said.

Back on topic. It's been said before and I'll reiterate it here. Sometimes, "the knowing" isn't in "the telling", but "the doing."

I'm not sure if anybody has said that yet, but if not, then there it is. Not wanting to be needlessly cryptic, but if you want to seem natural, you have to make up your own stuff. Don't think of it as a test and instead just be wildly creative.

Click to expand...

I like Acktion's portrayal of dirty talk as a "shock tactic". I'm normally quite well-spoken, so my unexpected and incongruous use of dirty language might be jarringly exciting for my wife (assuming that she doesn't panic and take me to hospital!).

I think I'm going to experiment more with this tactic -- for example, whispering inappropriately in my wife's ear when we're out shopping, sending naughty text messages to her when she's at work, leaving mysterious sealed notes for her containing explicit instructions on what's going to happen later.

The trickiest part for me will be to glean my wife's reaction, and to have the confidence to keep going even if I don't receive any obvious encouragement. There are times when I think that she's playing a game with me to see how far she can get me to go without giving away too many signs (which, of course, would be most unladylike).

*shrugs shoulders* She's my wife; what's the worst that can happen? I'm rather excited about the idea of operating outside my normal "box". If I'm being true to myself by doing that, then I'll be fine. *nods*

*imagines carrying sleeping bag and pillow out to garden shed*
.

Mindfondler, as an exercise, consider the phrase:

'I have no objections to talking dirty with you, I think it's a fucking sexy idea, and it's something I'd like to try.'

Now, a dedicated student of the expletive would notice that there are at least three other places where the word 'fucking' could be included:

'I have no fucking objections to talking dirty with you, I think it's a fucking sexy idea, and it's something I'd fucking like to fucking try.'

You see how in the first sentence, the emphasis is clearly on how the speaker thinks it's a sexy idea, whereas in the second, the speaker just likes to say the word fuck a lot. Don't be tempted to go nuts and over-egg the pudding to start off with - get your feet wet, experiment, get comfy with it. Your wife will notice any attempts you make.

If you two have developed a dynamic in which she 'goes along with' your ideas, but doesn't contribute many of her own, it might be tough for her to say 'I like that' or 'do this to me' or 'can we do this?'. Even asking for dirty talk, without being able to elaborate, might be a big step for her.
She may not have elaborated on what kind of dirty talk she wants because she wants it to come genuinely from you, whatever it is you want to say. I'm glad to see that you're rising to the challenge.

I can so relate to trouble with this subject. I feel silly at best when I do try and talk sexy or dirty. Maybe one of the reasons is that I have never been one to use language like the F word, among others, in casual conversation so when I do try, it comes out a wee bit awkward. There is some very good advice in this thread so maybe I, like the OP will get better at it with practice.

Irony

A young woman of my acquaintance asked me almost verbatim these same questions. Except in "real life". After my last posting in this thread, mind you. I think some of my comments during that drive may be germane here, so thought I would share.

- If you want something, and you don't say so, you have no one to blame but yourself if you don't get it.

- There are plenty enough guessing games elsewhere. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

- "Cunt" is not a "bad word" in and of itself. It's the perception of one or the other in the conversation that makes it seem so. Neither are "bitch", "cock", "ass", "fuck"...

- "Fuck" and "make love to" don't mean the same thing. If you want to be pounded hard, don't say "Make love to me." And don't be pissed if a guy takes his time with gentle caresses and tender touches and eases himself into you gently if that was what you said.

- Most guys are just not going to get subtle. Tell him in words he will understand and there is absolutely no way he will be confused.

- Of COURSE it's going to sound stupid. So does the majority of other things people say to each other. Like, "did you do the dishes?" Are they done? If they are, did you do them? Here's the thing, "if it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid".

- If you're worried all that much about how they take what you say, how are you going to be comfortable showing them your orgasm face? What, do you practice your orgasm face in the mirror? Honey, I hate to tell you, but if the face is practiced, that is the epitome of faking. The whole point is to "let your hair down" and let this person see you flaws and all.

- Me? Why do you ask how dirty I like a girl to talk?

- Well... I'm not into scat. But, other than that, I'd generally say probably dirtier than you are prepared to be.

Her answer;

"When we get back, I'm going to drop to my knees in front of you and unzip you and take out that cock I have been so curious about. Then, once I've seen it and felt it, I am going to taste it. I'm going to wrap my lips around your cock and suck on it to make it hard enough to fuck me. My nipples are aching imagining you pinching them and twisting them through my shirt while I suck you and my pussy is getting wet. I can feel it soaking through my panties. Are you happy? My pants are going to have a wet spot for anyone to see and know that I'm a dirty little slut who just wants you to put my legs over your shoulders and pound my hot kitty with your cock until I squirt for you. How was that?"

My answer;

"Well, if you weren't driving, I would have you pinned up against that door with your shirt bunched up around your neck, one of your nipples in my mouth, and my hand down your pants checking whether you really are wet enough for me to pull out my cock and pound you until you're sore and sorry you teased me."

She pulled into a parking lot, parked, and looked over at me with one eyebrow raised.

Thanks, GrrlFriday, southern_gal and Acktion (again)!

I'll quote from you all selectively.

GrrlFriday said:

Mindfondler, as an exercise, consider the phrase:

'I have no objections to talking dirty with you, I think it's a fucking sexy idea, and it's something I'd like to try.'

Click to expand...

I've been told that the word "fuck" sounds good from me when it say it in a slow and passionate way (as opposed to a sweary way).

GrrlFriday said:

Don't be tempted to go nuts and over-egg the pudding to start off with - get your feet wet, experiment, get comfy with it. Your wife will notice any attempts you make.

Click to expand...

I'll do that. As I said earlier, I'm trying to sprinkle in the dirty talk through the day as a surprise tactic, rather than unleashing a torrent of it just as a prelude to a bedroom session.

GrrlFriday said:

She may not have elaborated on what kind of dirty talk she wants because she wants it to come genuinely from you, whatever it is you want to say. I'm glad to see that you're rising to the challenge.

Click to expand...

Thanks! I think there are two different scenarios that I need to tackle:

• Tactical use of dirty talk to build excitement during the day -- I can plan this and apply some ingenuity
• Vocalising in the throes of passion -- I need to switch off the critical parts of my mind and go with my animal instincts.

After the conversation and advice in this thread, this challenge is now feeling exciting to me rather than a chore that leaves me scratching my head.

southern_gal said:

I can so relate to trouble with this subject. I feel silly at best when I do try and talk sexy or dirty. Maybe one of the reasons is that I have never been one to use language like the F word, among others, in casual conversation so when I do try, it comes out a wee bit awkward. There is some very good advice in this thread so maybe I, like the OP will get better at it with practice.

Click to expand...

I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone with this!

As I hinted above, I've started saying "fuck" in a very different way when I mean it passionately rather than swearily (I'm almost regarding it as a different word). I enunciate it slowly, luxuriously and slightly breathily (like a strong whisper) -- and I make sure that I linger on the final "-ck" sound.

Acktion said:

- There are plenty enough guessing games elsewhere. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Click to expand...

I think guessing games are okay, as long as both players are aware that they are playing a guessing game.

Acktion said:

- "Fuck" and "make love to" don't mean the same thing. If you want to be pounded hard, don't say "Make love to me." And don't be pissed if a guy takes his time with gentle caresses and tender touches and eases himself into you gently if that was what you said.

Click to expand...

That's a very good point! There's a reason why these "dirty" words are needed.

Acktion said:

- If you're worried all that much about how they take what you say, how are you going to be comfortable showing them your orgasm face? What, do you practice your orgasm face in the mirror? Honey, I hate to tell you, but if the face is practiced, that is the epitome of faking. The whole point is to "let your hair down" and let this person see you flaws and all.

Click to expand...

Haha! That's a brilliant analogy -- and an empowering one.

Acktion said:

- Me? Why do you ask how dirty I like a girl to talk?

- Well... I'm not into scat. But, other than that, I'd generally say probably dirtier than you are prepared to be.

Her answer;

"When we get back, I'm going to drop to my knees in front of you and unzip you and take out that cock I have been so curious about. Then, once I've seen it and felt it, I am going to taste it. I'm going to wrap my lips around your cock and suck on it to make it hard enough to fuck me. My nipples are aching imagining you pinching them and twisting them through my shirt while I suck you and my pussy is getting wet. I can feel it soaking through my panties. Are you happy? My pants are going to have a wet spot for anyone to see and know that I'm a dirty little slut who just wants you to put my legs over your shoulders and pound my hot kitty with your cock until I squirt for you. How was that?"

My answer;

"Well, if you weren't driving, I would have you pinned up against that door with your shirt bunched up around your neck, one of your nipples in my mouth, and my hand down your pants checking whether you really are wet enough for me to pull out my cock and pound you until you're sore and sorry you teased me."

She pulled into a parking lot, parked, and looked over at me with one eyebrow raised.

Click to expand...

Great story! I found it rather hot, in fact.
.

Rob1514 said:

You said "my wife also expects me to be able to 'warm her up' in this way".

you also said, "My wife doesn't do 'dirty talk' herself, and doesn't give me many clues as to what she wants, so I feel rather isolated and nervous when she asks me to serve up a dirty monologue for her"

Knowing those things, I'm guessing your wife is submissive in bed and she is handing you the keys, so to speak. If that is the case, then I totally agree with Acktion and Suzy (and probably others) who suggested "warming her up" by telling her what you are going to do to her, and do it graphically, after all that is what makes it "dirty".

You mention that she doesn't give you many clues, but I imagine that you know what she likes. If she likes you to be aggressive and "manhandle" her, then tell her tell her "I'm in an aggressive mood and ..." and paint a picture, again ... be graphic. You are not going to simply fuck her, you are going to "slowly squeeze your thick cock into her tight little pussy and pound it mercilessly".

Whatever her likes are, gear your dirty talk to what turns her on. Let loose, maybe a couple of drinks will help, and then live up to your username.

... and btw, I enjoyed listening to your profile.... well done! You seem to be a nice person and someone quite genuine. I wish you and your wife the best.

Click to expand...

Excellent advice.