For new readers

I have an adult trilogy, plus one. It was well received, except in the BDSM community, which complain it is not realistic. I would change that if I could, but it was not written as a BDSM story. You will see links in my sig.

The trilogy is about two dissimilar people who meet, work together, date and marry--all in three weeks. I know that is strange. That is why the story is worth telling. The male character's younger sister enters halfway through book 2. She grew to be a serious enough character that I wrote her story. The link is below. The story covers about 20 years, with an epilogue.

The trilogy is very much a Literotica story--sex, bondage, floggings, you get the picture. I have had an actual Dom say that one scene scared the shit out of him. Too realistic, with too much chance of ambulances and police.

The sister's story is not. It is more an R rating, with references to heavier things off camera. Since it is potentially available to a general market, I would like feedback on the story as a stand alone. The story comes in seven parts, totaling about novel length. Most of the available material, ie from the trilogy, goes in part 2, chapters 7 and 8. She essentially runs the wedding preparations.

https://www.literotica.com/s/little-sister-13

Thank you for your consideration. Feel free to emial me through the site.

I started the story you linked. I didn't at any point think you were female and when you were describing your height, it didn't click. When you mentioned being female, I was unbelieving and stopped reading.

In your forward you reference three other books and that I need to have a bit of an understanding of those events. As a former lit story reader I would have read that and skipped your story. Not every reader has the patience or desire to read a story that doesn't stand on it's own.

A short critique on the little I read. It is extremely dry and impersonal. I felt like I was reading a fact based accounting of events that had taken place, basically a police report, not a story. You throw in "crusty old manor" and I picture an old man, reclining in his chair retelling a story he has told a dozen times and using words to indicate affection but it's just a word. He really feels nothing.

Politics...more dry and boring commentary. It came out of nowhere but it stayed. You abandoned your political friends but you needed T. Woodrow Wilson to do it? Why? What does it add to the story. I am confused at this point because I thought this was a homecoming story but now I am thinking this guy (still don't know she is female) is going into politics which is why it's featured so heavily.

In the prologue

"Unlike 3 months before"

This is the phrase that caught my attention and this is why I was expecting a homecoming story. Something happened or changed and that was the mystery I was expecting to read about.

"If I was the mother, then I needed to be prepared to change the diapers."

Using "the mother" just keeps me at an even greater distance. I will stop there, you get the picture. You wrote this with no emotion or feeling. Maybe that was the tone and the other three books set me up for that but I wouldn't read three dry books just to read a fourth. I have zero interest in this person who has no personality, no feeling and no thoughts. Ok fine, she did wonder one time about her new look but it's just an off hand remark. I don't really believe she wondered or cared any more than a child burning an ant with a magnifying glass wonders if it hurts.