Feedback request: Fairweather Park

https://www.literotica.com/s/fairweather-park

Meet Trixie-Lynn Amber. She's a happy, bubbly ginger who just turned eighteen in a blue collar trailer park. She also lives in a kind of universe where logic doesn't always apply. Bizarre happenings can and will accompany her erotic encounters. Trixie might seem like a ditz, and a strong case can be made for that. However, there are times when intelligence will seep through her airheadedness, either when the story allows her to be smart or she breaks the forth wall.

Anyway, I wrote Fairweather Park after getting hung up and hitting too many walls. I wasn't getting any productive writing done. To paraphrase Henry Rollins, you gotta move your dick (ego) out of the way of your writing. I wanted to do just that, slam out an erotic story for Lit with my balls whipped out, so to speak. Trixie herself was born out of several elements. I was brought up in the Deep South and have developed a thing (fetish?) for trailer park girls in adulthood, who have their own brand of sexiness, I feel. I was inspired by Larry Welz' old Cherry Comics and also Cornell Clark's Diary of Molly Fredrickson essentially combining those two characters together into one and adding my own paint. I also wanted to create a character who would wander and fuck her way through contemporary politics and pop culture, similar to the way Welz did with Cherry back in the day.

I submitted Fairweather Park to Lit as kind of a one-shot deal for now, although I have an outline for additional chapters—at least three story arcs, actually, if I ever get that far. But I want to know what you think. What have I done here? Have I accomplished what I set out to do? Is it worth continuing?

I liked it. The dialogue flowed well and was easy to read, which I thought was the story's strongest trait. I also enjoyed the use of the southern(ish?) dialects, which, coupled with their rather peculiar mating ritual, definitely gave the overall story a nice, exotic ring to it. And while I definitely didn't care for the whole battle ship thing, I still thought it was curious how she seemed aroused by them physically fighting over her and how the game was so cut-throat to the point where they were willing to cheat (and really, you cheat by tracking their previous moves and discreetly moving your last ship to an un-hit position, not by not placing them anywhere to begin with).

This very petty grievance that I had with 'realism' makes me wonder... just how realistic is it for a young woman to be so eager, willing and enthusiastic to swing with several guys at once for her first time? At its core this portrayal touches at the very base of carnal instincts, and almost seems 'animalistic' as an approach. And in general I tend to be skeptical of stories where writers try to 'romanticize' this 'animalistic' approach. For if ever you want to revisit this portrayal, but this time with a bit of added embellishment, then all of a sudden those boys would have killed each other to have won her as a prize (as many other mammal species already do), and they wouldn't have cared in the slightest with whether or not she was willing (again, as many other many other mammal species already do).

Rape may not be pretty, but considering that it greatly increases the rate of fertilization (even when factors pertaining to the use of contraceptives are taken into account), it's certainly not without its evolutionary roots. Still, from courtship to masturbation to competition to full blown sex, the story might have potential, but I still think it lacks the depth that it would need for it to be considered anything other than superficial fluff.

It's a rollicking, light hearted romp that crackles along like a runaway train, lots of fun, quickly painted characters, lively dialogue. Easy to read. Trixie's a cliche: blonde bimbo trailer trash, she ain't no whore but she's got a heart of gold and a pussy to fight for, and there's nothing wrong with that. I reckon you achieved what you set out to do.

She reminds me a bit of the old Bob Guccione Penthouse comic strip, Wicked Wanda - there was a cute blonde ditz in that, getting up to all sorts of mischief.