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Being A Brat

MistressBlaze said:
Not all brats are manipulative, when I'm in sub mode sometimes I will be bratty,,depending on who the Dom is. My brattiness is playful. I enjoy wit and laughter and will use it with Doms that also enjoy those. However I know when to reel it in as I don't use it to get my ass pinked.

On the flip side I can enjoy a bratty sub if he is not doing it as manipulation. I won't tolerate that from anyone sub or Dom, manipulation, in my opinion has no place in a relationship
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Oh absolutely they aren't all manipulative. Not even most of them are. But they are there. Most often with this problem, there is a significant communication issue. Since the OP is new, and asked about subs being manipulative, I wanted to put that out there. This is certainly not meant to be slamming on brats, rather drawing attention to potential problems to look out for, so that pitfalls can be seen and avoided. :)
 
SpunThings said:
I want to point out that everyone manipulates to some degree or other in every relationship. Adding the word please to a request is manipulation. You're hoping someone will be more inclined to do something if you append a polite word to it. Using "I feel..." Statements instead of accusatory language when you want to communicate an issue with your partner's behavior is manipulation.
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Yes and no. For me, saying please is social conditioning, but I totally see your point.

Topping from the bottom is just an indication that your partner is not living up to what they agreed. It either means you are not as compatible as you thought, or that you need to have a talk. If the dominant partner doesn't object to the bratty behavior that encourages play, then it is not topping from the bottom.
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EXACTLY. I could not agree more.

Both partners need to be worthy to each other, and I don't know why that wouldn't be automatically assumed. There is something about being new to this that it is not automatically assumed even though in every other adult relationship it is generally assumed. Im not criticizing, just noticing a trend. I wonder if it is porn's fault, popular media's portrayal of BDSM, or what.
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Can I just give a standing ovation here?

Then there's this popular idea that submissive's don't have strong opinions, or a strong will, or an ability to function outside of d/s dynamics. I think that comes from the misconception that to be submissive means to have a submissive personality. This is not true at all necessarily. Ones chosen role is not an indicator of personality traits, despite the vanilla use of the word submissive in that way. In BDSM it is not a descriptor, but a noun used as a title or name to a role.
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Continuing ovation, but I'd also like to add that a submissive without strong opinions or will would bore me to tears.

Most submissive's don't drop to their knees to just anyone claiming to be a dom, and doing what they say.
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The ones that do are the ones annoying every single dominant with PMs offering to submit.

I think the issue with manipulation comes when it is toxic, and involves behavior both parties agreed would not happen.
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Absolutely.
 
barefootgirl69 said:
I suppose there must be different kinds of brats.

My brattiness is more witty teasing than throwing temper tantrums and manipulation. Even this morning when he was reminding me of something, and I twisted his words adding the I was feeling like a brat, a stern 'brat? No' was all I needed to know this wasn't the time. Not because I was worried about a spanking, but because it would have displeased him. It's about the relationship and how much you care.

Be careful who your relationship is with, some can't handle it and I might have been allowed to continue. But I adore him, I don't want to manipulate such a wonderful man.
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There are absolutely different kinds, and yours is the kind I like. LOVE some sass!
 
I definitely think there are levels of brattiness, submission, and then a whole separate category of how crazy someone is. I can't imagine WANTING to top from the bottom. When I "poke the bear", I want the bear to tell me to back off, not let me keep poking it. I lose if it lets me poke it without a response, or even starts helping me poke it (aaand weird visual image of a bear poking itself with a stick). It sounds immature, but it's just a form of asking to be put in your place. I think those who deal with brats would understand how they work in that sense.

*No, I wouldn't actually go around poking bears. Bear didn't do anything to deserve it and I ain't suicidal.
 
Vivantia said:
I definitely think there are levels of brattiness, submission, and then a whole separate category of how crazy someone is. I can't imagine WANTING to top from the bottom. When I "poke the bear", I want the bear to tell me to back off, not let me keep poking it. I lose if it lets me poke it without a response, or even starts helping me poke it (aaand weird visual image of a bear poking itself with a stick). It sounds immature, but it's just a form of asking to be put in your place. I think those who deal with brats would understand how they work in that sense.

*No, I wouldn't actually go around poking bears. Bear didn't do anything to deserve it and I ain't suicidal.
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Hahahaha omg the visual!!!

But I agree, I lose it if I don't get put back in my place when I'm crossing the line. I think that's what led to the last couple years in our marriage. He just let me get away with things and I knew I could. So I did. Because ultimately I need boundaries and direction.
~JJ
 
Me

I am definitely a Brat. But I hadn't realised until I read your description that I fall into that category. I liked to be overpowered, push the boundaries and see if a guy can show real dominance. I see it like a game and the prize is my submission.
 
Vivantia said:
I definitely think there are levels of brattiness, submission, and then a whole separate category of how crazy someone is. I can't imagine WANTING to top from the bottom. When I "poke the bear", I want the bear to tell me to back off, not let me keep poking it. I lose if it lets me poke it without a response, or even starts helping me poke it (aaand weird visual image of a bear poking itself with a stick). It sounds immature, but it's just a form of asking to be put in your place. I think those who deal with brats would understand how they work in that sense.

*No, I wouldn't actually go around poking bears. Bear didn't do anything to deserve it and I ain't suicidal.
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Exactly! That's exactly where I'm coming from too. I need to know that they're committed to following through the rules we've set.
 
I am often bratty during play as it forms and influences a big part of what we do the fun that we have. We both enjoy the provocation of being challenged and insulted, and why not? I especially get off on struggle - both physical and mental struggle - so there is a lot of satisfaction to be had. Being an masochist, it's arousing entering a physical and emotional battle KNOWING you will lose no matter the effort you put in. On the other side, he loves watching my powerful facade slowly eroding until I have no energy or will to further resist him...

That said, I class this as a completely sort of dynamic to submission. It IS a form of resistance play, which is fine when that's what all party agree to. If I was expecting submission and got the above then I'd be pissed, and rightly so!
 
CutieMouse said:
That's probably the main reason why I don't understand the brat dynamic... my lovers don't need a reason to "pink my ass". They can do it, just because they want to, no reason necessary. I can request it, just because I want to, understanding that him doing so is at his discretion.

It sounds terribly boring and egalitarian when it's written out like that, but it isn't. lol
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@CutieMouse If you combine the "brat" element with punishment, you begin to see the dynamic. Orgasm denial is one. Every time she is bratty, you add one more minute before allowing her to cum. In breath-play, you have a WHOLE new layer of possibilities with this. Same for bondage, it goes on and on.
 
Reformed brat.

When I first became a submissive I had the very same mind set and craved to be dominated rather than to fully submit. Like if my Domme could handle me at my worst I would definitely strive to be better for her to keep myself out of trouble. Sort of testing the waters before I fully commit and having a hell of a lot of fun in the process. Then I met my current Domme and she completely changed my outlook on it. Instead of spanking me because I was cheeky she would reprimand me and either take away a task or show her disappointment. This just made me strive to please her more than I had ever done before. I didn't know at the time but she was training the brattiness out of me. It was a tool I used to manipulating people into doing what I desired. I wanted to be punished so I turned my brat on. She never caved in to my desires and proved she could put me in my place perfectly on her terms and not mine and I can honestly say it is so much more fulfilling for me. Brattiness was fun for me but meeting the right person and submitting is really the best thing I have ever experienced. I know there is a lot of fun in being a brat and there are many people out there who like the challenge of dominating one :)
 
I'm not necessarily bratty, but I am mischievous. I have a habit of pushing buttons, and I will totally run away or escape from punishments
 
I love wit, sarcasm, and and everything to do with saucily bantering back and forth with my partner. A little bratty behavior kind of stems from that, though only with people I've come to trust. I love seeing where the boundary lines are drawn. I learn a lot about people that way- I want to see how they tick. And I want to feel that push back from my partner. An "oh, you think so? I don't think so." Fucking incredibly sexy.
 
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dirtyfilthywhore said:
I am definitely a Brat. But I hadn't realised until I read your description that I fall into that category. I liked to be overpowered, push the boundaries and see if a guy can show real dominance. I see it like a game and the prize is my submission.
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I get why this is of interest to some submissives but I have long wondered what a dominant gets out of such a dynamic. After your dominant has jumped through your hoops and 'proved' his dominance to earn your submission, what was his benefit other than a decent workout?
 
Que said:
I get why this is of interest to some submissives but I have long wondered what a dominant gets out of such a dynamic. After your dominant has jumped through your hoops and 'proved' his dominance to earn your submission, what was his benefit other than a decent workout?
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Why do some people with plenty of money cook from scratch rather than go out to eat or pay for it to be prepared? Because they like to cook.
 
There is a difference between being a brat and a sociopath.
I enjoy the chase. I love my partner even more when he craves me. I like to act out non-con. I want to see the animalistic side of him. It's a game, flirty and sassy, feminine. It makes us both feel powerful. And, good golly, is it fun!
 
It sounds like you are a delicious challenge!

ktgirl18 said:
For me personally, part of the reason why I identify as a brat is that I'm a curious person. I like seeing what happens when I behave in x-manner or ask a borderline impertinent question. Like you, I like having the control being taken from me. I'm capable of obeying someone once when they've proven themselves to be dependable and trustworthy. My being a brat at times allows for me to figure that out. But it depends so much on the dynamic you and your partner are creating and want to foster. There's nothing wrong inherently with bratting or being a brat, as long as everyone involved consents and enjoys it and finds it hot.
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I must confess that many of my favorite Male Dom themes and fantasies involving rather saucy/sassy subs/bottoms. It's part of the fun, the game, and frankly, it's reassuring as a sign that they really are into it, happy with it, having fun with it....etc. Plus, it's damn cute. ;)

And it's a nice pretext for spankings...lots of bare-bottom, over the knee spankings.
 
I find some of the negative portrayals of brattiness in this thread surprising..

I love being playfully insubordinate, just enough to "earn" a punishment (which, in reality, is a reward because I love them). For me it's things like playful back talk ("why don't you come over here and make me?"), or miscounting or failing to count during a spanking, responding to him with a cheeky remark ("I don't know Daddy, I couldn't really feel it!" after failing to count during s spanking, resulting of course, in a spanking I could definitely feel!). It's all VERY playful, we both know that I fully intend on submitting and am just having a little fun. Sometimes when I get bratty but give in too quickly he mocks me like "that's all you got?" It's something we both enjoy. Of course, any bratty behavior is interspersed with periods of absolute unquestioning submission and worshipful behavior, I/we just enjoy the 'spice' and fun that occasional brattiness lends.
 
Raingirl85 said:
I find some of the negative portrayals of brattiness in this thread surprising..

I love being playfully insubordinate, just enough to "earn" a punishment (which, in reality, is a reward because I love them). For me it's things like playful back talk ("why don't you come over here and make me?"), or miscounting or failing to count during a spanking, responding to him with a cheeky remark ("I don't know Daddy, I couldn't really feel it!" after failing to count during s spanking, resulting of course, in a spanking I could definitely feel!). It's all VERY playful, we both know that I fully intend on submitting and am just having a little fun. Sometimes when I get bratty but give in too quickly he mocks me like "that's all you got?" It's something we both enjoy. Of course, any bratty behavior is interspersed with periods of absolute unquestioning submission and worshipful behavior, I/we just enjoy the 'spice' and fun that occasional brattiness lends.
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See now, that's just fun. I like cheeky, bratty subs/bottoms. They're more fun and you know that they're obviously as into it as you are when they play it like that. Too much docility and I wonder if the sub is just going through the motions.
 
SEVERUSMAX said:
See now, that's just fun. I like cheeky, bratty subs/bottoms. They're more fun and you know that they're obviously as into it as you are when they play it like that. Too much docility and I wonder if the sub is just going through the motions.
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Thanks for saying so. I always resent the insinuation that if you are a little bratty you are somehow "less" sub. I got in a similar argument on a Fetlife group. To each his own...playfulness, fun, sense of humor with D/s works for me, and it makes my submission no less real.
 
I dated a woman...

She had a thing, if I was being "bratty" she would turn on the cold water in the shower and ignore me until I apologized, and got in the cold shower.

After the first time I learned an important lesson.. She only had to do that twice in the 8 months we dated..
 
Raingirl85 said:
Thanks for saying so. I always resent the insinuation that if you are a little bratty you are somehow "less" sub. I got in a similar argument on a Fetlife group. To each his own...playfulness, fun, sense of humor with D/s works for me, and it makes my submission no less real.
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Precisely.:cool:
 
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