When a mail relationship I am part of comes to an end, I ask myself mainly, what it is I am really looking for. In a lady mail partner and also from that relationship. Because answering this question will tell me indirectly, why the last one had to end eventually.
Our primary hang-up this time, was a mismatch in expectations, because she was single, and she was too young for me. Which brings me to the first item on my list of "desires": only when I engage in virtual dreaming with a partner in a fairly similar situation as I am in, can we hope for understanding each other reasonably well.
Not that such understanding will be guaranteed then, but there's at least a much better chance.
I had written two signature posts some time ago, for outlining my answers to the two questions above, but I see I must revise both of them. In post #1 I talk about what I am looking to happen when an intimate mail exchange like I look for, gets underway. But I really look for more than that. So here come some ideas of what should go into a new sig post #1:
I look for virtual dreaming with a woman, primarily. And what I look for is two-fold: a chance to give something within me to her, a woman who still wants it, (very different from my wife). AND a hope to receive back from her the same thing:
happiness and enjoyment and enticement for our minds, our souls, and our libidos.
That short summary entails an awful lot, really. If we were together in real life, it would describe an ideal marital situation. But we won't be together IRL, because both of us have existing partners we do not want to or cannot leave. So the lack of physical closeness needs to be made up some other way.
Oftentimes, so I fear, I have tried to make up this deficiency by unwarranted expectations on this "virtual love affair". And perhaps the same was true for the woman as well, often. And the relationship broke up, when we realized, how unrealistic our expectations were.
So one lesson to learn is to keep my (and your) expectations realistic.
It would certainly be unrealistic, to expect that perfect harmony, or perfect resonance can ever occur between any two people. That's a pipe dream, which will never come true. Also I fear that "falling in love by mail" is unrealistic as well. Mainly because love entails actual physical closeness, if for no other reasons than to act as a shield or padding against the non-perfectness of the relationship. Because physically sensing the joys of carnal loving, allows both partners to feel and realize intuitively, how needless perfection is really. Real life orgasms, after all, make up for a lot that may be missing without them.
That deficiency is the main crux of any virtual relationship, I am afraid. Some "lessening" of it may happen, when both are lucky in the sense that a lot of fantasy enters into the handiworks of each of the two. Ideally driven by whatever fantasies the "opposite end delivers" or is capable of doing so. It has happened to me on occasion that I got a thank you mail for doing this, which then led me to feel being appreciated sexually as well; not a bad thought to enter someone's mind, I say.
But such moments of joy have not occurred often, I admit. For whichever reasons, and of course I aim for them happening more frequently in the future.
Somehow I must try to make all these thoughts fit into a revised first signature post of mine. But my second signature post needs to be revised as well. I believe now that it would make sense to include ALL desires I have on my next virtual mailing partner, even when I know I cannot possibly ever find and meet a "fata morgana" like this.
So I still have some work to do, it seems. Of course it may be possible that – after you, a woman looking for a male mail contact – have worked yourself thru this long ad of mine, you have sensed enough about me, that you feel like PMing me back, even while I am not yet finished with my outstanding work. So that you and I together can complete that work, and feel happy about getting to know each other that way.
If that happened, I would consider it a wonderful gift to receive.
Our primary hang-up this time, was a mismatch in expectations, because she was single, and she was too young for me. Which brings me to the first item on my list of "desires": only when I engage in virtual dreaming with a partner in a fairly similar situation as I am in, can we hope for understanding each other reasonably well.
Not that such understanding will be guaranteed then, but there's at least a much better chance.
I had written two signature posts some time ago, for outlining my answers to the two questions above, but I see I must revise both of them. In post #1 I talk about what I am looking to happen when an intimate mail exchange like I look for, gets underway. But I really look for more than that. So here come some ideas of what should go into a new sig post #1:
I look for virtual dreaming with a woman, primarily. And what I look for is two-fold: a chance to give something within me to her, a woman who still wants it, (very different from my wife). AND a hope to receive back from her the same thing:
happiness and enjoyment and enticement for our minds, our souls, and our libidos.
That short summary entails an awful lot, really. If we were together in real life, it would describe an ideal marital situation. But we won't be together IRL, because both of us have existing partners we do not want to or cannot leave. So the lack of physical closeness needs to be made up some other way.
Oftentimes, so I fear, I have tried to make up this deficiency by unwarranted expectations on this "virtual love affair". And perhaps the same was true for the woman as well, often. And the relationship broke up, when we realized, how unrealistic our expectations were.
So one lesson to learn is to keep my (and your) expectations realistic.
It would certainly be unrealistic, to expect that perfect harmony, or perfect resonance can ever occur between any two people. That's a pipe dream, which will never come true. Also I fear that "falling in love by mail" is unrealistic as well. Mainly because love entails actual physical closeness, if for no other reasons than to act as a shield or padding against the non-perfectness of the relationship. Because physically sensing the joys of carnal loving, allows both partners to feel and realize intuitively, how needless perfection is really. Real life orgasms, after all, make up for a lot that may be missing without them.
That deficiency is the main crux of any virtual relationship, I am afraid. Some "lessening" of it may happen, when both are lucky in the sense that a lot of fantasy enters into the handiworks of each of the two. Ideally driven by whatever fantasies the "opposite end delivers" or is capable of doing so. It has happened to me on occasion that I got a thank you mail for doing this, which then led me to feel being appreciated sexually as well; not a bad thought to enter someone's mind, I say.
But such moments of joy have not occurred often, I admit. For whichever reasons, and of course I aim for them happening more frequently in the future.
Somehow I must try to make all these thoughts fit into a revised first signature post of mine. But my second signature post needs to be revised as well. I believe now that it would make sense to include ALL desires I have on my next virtual mailing partner, even when I know I cannot possibly ever find and meet a "fata morgana" like this.
So I still have some work to do, it seems. Of course it may be possible that – after you, a woman looking for a male mail contact – have worked yourself thru this long ad of mine, you have sensed enough about me, that you feel like PMing me back, even while I am not yet finished with my outstanding work. So that you and I together can complete that work, and feel happy about getting to know each other that way.
If that happened, I would consider it a wonderful gift to receive.
