I would really appreciate some feedback on my story series "The Agency" which is located in the celebrity section. My mind has been racing with story ideas and I try to post them fairly often. I have received a lot of positive response already in the comment section, but I would really like to have a more in depth discussion with some of the readers. I would like to know what you like and don't like and anything else that you can think of regarding my stories.
Feedback Request- The Agency
- Thread starter tnhardon
- Start date
I've sent you a longer critique by private message.
All in all (though not my type of story), I thought this one was fairly good at what it tried to be. It stands out from the rank-and-file stories about chains of encounters with celebrities by having better pacing and a bit more emotional depth to it than most. The writing is generally smooth and sometimes even elegant, but it's marred by numerous very noticeable typos, malapropisms, and punctuation errors along with some jarringly excessive repetition of words or sentence structure.
In short, the story deserves the proofreading it needs.
All in all (though not my type of story), I thought this one was fairly good at what it tried to be. It stands out from the rank-and-file stories about chains of encounters with celebrities by having better pacing and a bit more emotional depth to it than most. The writing is generally smooth and sometimes even elegant, but it's marred by numerous very noticeable typos, malapropisms, and punctuation errors along with some jarringly excessive repetition of words or sentence structure.
In short, the story deserves the proofreading it needs.
I appreciate the feedback, especially everything you put in the PM you sent. I explained some of the issues I had early on that have hopefully been corrected moving ahead in the future. I am looking to bring a certain level of depth to this genre. The celebrity encounter is a dream for many, but is normally an impractical fantasy in story form. While the story of "The Agency" is obviously fantasy, I hope that the readers will be able to more easily slip into the main character's shoes.
Again, a lot of the grammatical and writing structure issues should improve with time. I ask that readers hang on with me, as I have made steps toward correcting these issues.
Thanks so much for the feedback and I hope others will join in on their thoughts for where they would like to see the story go!
Again, a lot of the grammatical and writing structure issues should improve with time. I ask that readers hang on with me, as I have made steps toward correcting these issues.
Thanks so much for the feedback and I hope others will join in on their thoughts for where they would like to see the story go!
Bumping this to seek some further feedback.
I have three or four chapters that are waiting to post. I would appreciate some feedback on some of the conflict and story lines that have been introduced into the story.
Also looking for some ideas of other women that would like to be seen by some of the readers.
Thanks to all that have given such positive feedback! I really enjoy getting to share this story with you.
I have three or four chapters that are waiting to post. I would appreciate some feedback on some of the conflict and story lines that have been introduced into the story.
Also looking for some ideas of other women that would like to be seen by some of the readers.
Thanks to all that have given such positive feedback! I really enjoy getting to share this story with you.
soflabbwlvr
Literotica Guru
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- Oct 6, 2009
- Posts
- 4,348
You will get more responses if you include a link to the story you would like reviewed.
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-agency-ch-01-recruitment
Above is the link for anyone who was having trouble finding it. The first few chapters have some issue with some spelling and grammar, but those should be worked out more as you progress to the later chapters.
As of right now, 9 chapters are posted but they are all relatively short, so they should be a quick read.
Bumping one final time in hopes of gaining some feedback.
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-agency-ch-12-t-swift-pt-04
Above is my most recently published chapter. I feel like I have taken some notes and improved the writing of my stories over time. I am hoping to hear from readers about likes/dislikes about my series, so I can try to continue to improve.
It may be helpful if you haven't read any of my stories to start at the first chapter to gain some of the background of what is going on. For the most part, my chapters are pretty easy short reads, so it wouldn't take you long to make your way through the story as a whole.
Please let me know what you all think! Would love to interact with more of the fans of my story.
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-agency-ch-12-t-swift-pt-04
Above is my most recently published chapter. I feel like I have taken some notes and improved the writing of my stories over time. I am hoping to hear from readers about likes/dislikes about my series, so I can try to continue to improve.
It may be helpful if you haven't read any of my stories to start at the first chapter to gain some of the background of what is going on. For the most part, my chapters are pretty easy short reads, so it wouldn't take you long to make your way through the story as a whole.
Please let me know what you all think! Would love to interact with more of the fans of my story.
i feel you bro
sup tnhardon. as a fellow new author i think the forum just is kinda dead in terms of feedback. seems you are getting quite a few comments on your posts themselves so that is perhaps a better channel! will comment there but I have enjoyed your stories so far (Kerry Washington is a gorgeous woman, we need more beautiful black celebs on here). Keep at it!
sup tnhardon. as a fellow new author i think the forum just is kinda dead in terms of feedback. seems you are getting quite a few comments on your posts themselves so that is perhaps a better channel! will comment there but I have enjoyed your stories so far (Kerry Washington is a gorgeous woman, we need more beautiful black celebs on here). Keep at it!
TxFan,
Thanks for the feedback. I do get quite a few responses on some chapters in the comment section, but I came here to try and start a more in depth dialogue with some of my readers. I have been rolling with my own ideas so far, but I also want to make sure I am listening to the readers as well.
I'm glad you liked Kerry Washington, albeit a pretty lack luster chapter sexually. I may have to find some other black celebs to incorporate in future chapters.
marlon_dean3
Virgin
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2016
- Posts
- 1
Hey There! Love This Saga 
Hello Tnhardon!
I've been a long time reader here on Literotica, I have varied different tastes when it comes to the stories themselves, I've read a lot of different genres, read good writing and terrible writing. I have though, never felt the need to really interact on any level with any of the authors here, rate any stories, or leave any feedback in the comments sections. I liked some of the stories and authors well enough to bookmark them for later but after reading your series, I've felt compelled by it's sheer level of quality and how many positive points that I look for in a story yours seems to check off, to really attempt to become involved with the author and series by commenting, rating, etc. A lot of the other stories I've read were written by authors that no longer write or are older and have been abandoned or concluded. So it's interesting that in this case, not only are you still actively composing new installments, but your doing so at a pretty good rate and you actually seem to really enjoy hearing feedback/suggestions from your readers. Anyhow I'd like to say that I've been really impressed by the way the storyline has progressed. I don't know whether or not you have any prior experience writing professionally or not, like I do from college, but the way the main characters interact and how well each chapter leads into the next without neglecting prior story beats and actively furthering the narrative on top of the eroticism blended in with the intriguing representations of the celebrities real life persona's and imagined sexual preferences, really astound me. There's not too much negatives that I have about the storyline so far but I have been thinking about some constructive criticism I could give you because it seems like you want some sort of opinion on how you might improve. I haven't noticed many grammar issues but one thing I think you could try in the future is perhaps doing a story or portions of the story from both the main character Joe's point of view as well as from some of the celebrities he works for's point of view, so you can see what they think or are thinking about Joe or his techniques. I think that would be an interesting experiment. I know a lot of your readers have plenty of suggestions for new actresses or singers to feature in new chapters or ways to bring back old ones or more associates, but I will refrain from suggesting any of my own since I like being surprised by the choices and directions you tend to go. Believe me, I do have some in mind but I'm hoping maybe you'll get to them organically on your own someday. I love reading these celebrity erotica because there's something about reading the sexual escapades of people so firmly entrenched in the public eye. They're almost off limits as it is now so it's almost taboo to think about what innocently portrayed celebrities like Taylor Swift or Ariel Winter really do when no one is looking. I think that's what really turns me on about the prospect. Not sure if I speak for your other readers but that's one of my many opinions on the matter. Anyhow I'm glad that you are trying to keep an ongoing discussion with the readers of your work and I'd love to continue talking about the topic at your leisure someday so on that note, keep up the great work, and I hope to hear back from you sometime in the future!
Take care!
Hello Tnhardon!
I've been a long time reader here on Literotica, I have varied different tastes when it comes to the stories themselves, I've read a lot of different genres, read good writing and terrible writing. I have though, never felt the need to really interact on any level with any of the authors here, rate any stories, or leave any feedback in the comments sections. I liked some of the stories and authors well enough to bookmark them for later but after reading your series, I've felt compelled by it's sheer level of quality and how many positive points that I look for in a story yours seems to check off, to really attempt to become involved with the author and series by commenting, rating, etc. A lot of the other stories I've read were written by authors that no longer write or are older and have been abandoned or concluded. So it's interesting that in this case, not only are you still actively composing new installments, but your doing so at a pretty good rate and you actually seem to really enjoy hearing feedback/suggestions from your readers. Anyhow I'd like to say that I've been really impressed by the way the storyline has progressed. I don't know whether or not you have any prior experience writing professionally or not, like I do from college, but the way the main characters interact and how well each chapter leads into the next without neglecting prior story beats and actively furthering the narrative on top of the eroticism blended in with the intriguing representations of the celebrities real life persona's and imagined sexual preferences, really astound me. There's not too much negatives that I have about the storyline so far but I have been thinking about some constructive criticism I could give you because it seems like you want some sort of opinion on how you might improve. I haven't noticed many grammar issues but one thing I think you could try in the future is perhaps doing a story or portions of the story from both the main character Joe's point of view as well as from some of the celebrities he works for's point of view, so you can see what they think or are thinking about Joe or his techniques. I think that would be an interesting experiment. I know a lot of your readers have plenty of suggestions for new actresses or singers to feature in new chapters or ways to bring back old ones or more associates, but I will refrain from suggesting any of my own since I like being surprised by the choices and directions you tend to go. Believe me, I do have some in mind but I'm hoping maybe you'll get to them organically on your own someday. I love reading these celebrity erotica because there's something about reading the sexual escapades of people so firmly entrenched in the public eye. They're almost off limits as it is now so it's almost taboo to think about what innocently portrayed celebrities like Taylor Swift or Ariel Winter really do when no one is looking. I think that's what really turns me on about the prospect. Not sure if I speak for your other readers but that's one of my many opinions on the matter. Anyhow I'm glad that you are trying to keep an ongoing discussion with the readers of your work and I'd love to continue talking about the topic at your leisure someday so on that note, keep up the great work, and I hope to hear back from you sometime in the future!
Take care!
Marlon_dean3,
Wow! Thank you for all of the kind words. You covered so much in your comment, but I would like to try to respond to as much as I can.
I do appreciate feedback because I think that it helps the story grow. The comments people gave me about making sure the grammar and writing structure was better, helped clean up the story and made me more committed to the writing.
I have no professional writing experience. I am college educated, so I am sure that does help some with my writing. Sometimes my lack of writing experience and background shows as I have some trouble with some of the technical writing structure. My end goal was to never make this a professional piece, but to try and get the story I have created out so that people can enjoy it. I feel like if I spend weeks writing one chapter, just to make sure everything is perfect, that I will lose the interest of the audience.
The celebrity genre is very difficult but has always been something that has facinated me too. I had never tried any celeb erotica before, but when I joined the site I was immediately drawn to that section. After reading some stories on there, I was disappointed in the overall lack of realism in the plot. From that point forward, my goal was to create a celeb erotica story which was believable. Granted, the idea of The Agency is far fetched, but I do feel like it is a mildly believable concept, which is what engages the readers. Everyone is able to kind of step into Joe's shoes and live out the fantasy of being with a celeb.
I actually appreciate you not just bringing up a list of celebrities you would like to see. It is feedback that I try to incorporate, but I feel like my work suffers when I take someone's suggestions on who to write about. You see this suffer in both the comments and ratings of the stories. The thing about my writing is that most of these celebrities are my celebrity crushes. Having the ability to get lost in being Joe as I write allows me to turn out better work. When I write about someone I'm not as attracted to, it is evident in the writing.
I like the suggestion about changing the POV for a chapter or two. I hadn't thought about going from the celebrity's prospective though. My thought on the change was to do a flashback from Eliza's prospective to fill in some more of her backstory. However, the POV of the celeb would be interesting too.
The plan I currently have is to just stick with Joe for now and let the story develop with his celebrities and now Samantha and Eliza too. I have thought about trying to franchise out the idea for The Agency, if I can find a good enough writer to do it. I think now that I have introduced the size of the Agency, it only makes sense to have stories about other associates as well. This would allow a different style and different prospective on both sexual style and celebrity attractions. Haven't figured out exactly how it would work, but it is a thought down the line.
I definitely won't do anything rash, as I think this plot line deserves to stay at a high level, but I also don't want to be delusional and think I'm the only one who could provide to this story.
Hopefully you continue to enjoy the work! Please feel free to give me feedback whenever you'd like, it is always appreciated.
Wow! Thank you for all of the kind words. You covered so much in your comment, but I would like to try to respond to as much as I can.
I do appreciate feedback because I think that it helps the story grow. The comments people gave me about making sure the grammar and writing structure was better, helped clean up the story and made me more committed to the writing.
I have no professional writing experience. I am college educated, so I am sure that does help some with my writing. Sometimes my lack of writing experience and background shows as I have some trouble with some of the technical writing structure. My end goal was to never make this a professional piece, but to try and get the story I have created out so that people can enjoy it. I feel like if I spend weeks writing one chapter, just to make sure everything is perfect, that I will lose the interest of the audience.
The celebrity genre is very difficult but has always been something that has facinated me too. I had never tried any celeb erotica before, but when I joined the site I was immediately drawn to that section. After reading some stories on there, I was disappointed in the overall lack of realism in the plot. From that point forward, my goal was to create a celeb erotica story which was believable. Granted, the idea of The Agency is far fetched, but I do feel like it is a mildly believable concept, which is what engages the readers. Everyone is able to kind of step into Joe's shoes and live out the fantasy of being with a celeb.
I actually appreciate you not just bringing up a list of celebrities you would like to see. It is feedback that I try to incorporate, but I feel like my work suffers when I take someone's suggestions on who to write about. You see this suffer in both the comments and ratings of the stories. The thing about my writing is that most of these celebrities are my celebrity crushes. Having the ability to get lost in being Joe as I write allows me to turn out better work. When I write about someone I'm not as attracted to, it is evident in the writing.
I like the suggestion about changing the POV for a chapter or two. I hadn't thought about going from the celebrity's prospective though. My thought on the change was to do a flashback from Eliza's prospective to fill in some more of her backstory. However, the POV of the celeb would be interesting too.
The plan I currently have is to just stick with Joe for now and let the story develop with his celebrities and now Samantha and Eliza too. I have thought about trying to franchise out the idea for The Agency, if I can find a good enough writer to do it. I think now that I have introduced the size of the Agency, it only makes sense to have stories about other associates as well. This would allow a different style and different prospective on both sexual style and celebrity attractions. Haven't figured out exactly how it would work, but it is a thought down the line.
I definitely won't do anything rash, as I think this plot line deserves to stay at a high level, but I also don't want to be delusional and think I'm the only one who could provide to this story.
Hopefully you continue to enjoy the work! Please feel free to give me feedback whenever you'd like, it is always appreciated.
franchise
i actually kinda like the idea of doing tie-ins with other literotica authors actually. (ie borrowing characters and events from each other, but not wholesale ghostwriting stories). I'm currently writing myself thru a trilogy of sorts but I'm pretty sure I can fit in an Agency storyline at some point, altho not necessarily to your standards of writing!
i actually kinda like the idea of doing tie-ins with other literotica authors actually. (ie borrowing characters and events from each other, but not wholesale ghostwriting stories). I'm currently writing myself thru a trilogy of sorts but I'm pretty sure I can fit in an Agency storyline at some point, altho not necessarily to your standards of writing!
The thought isn't to have someone ghostwrite, rather have them create their own story within the Agency universe. I know that some people are interested in different celebrities than I am, and this would provide the opportunity for some writers to delve into other people. My Joe character is going to struggle bringing on too many more clients, while still maintaining the storyline, so the story from a different character's persepective would be nice and allow for more celebrities.
Again, I'm not sold on asking someone else to write, because I do feel like I have enough celebrity crushes that I could continue writing for another character, but I do think a different perspective and set of experiences could ramp up the storyline and interest in the series.
I'm limited by my personal preferences and experiences in writing this story, so it intrigues me what another writer could bring to this story idea.
PM'd you about this. Note to anyone else who is interested in writing using my plot, I'd like to discuss your plans with you before I give the okay to use my idea. Don't want to let this story get out of control and want to make sure I find people who are committed to character development and writing.
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