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Just feel like venting

I think he's bi, or at least open-minded. He knows I've only had sex with 1 person, so maybe that's part of the motivation. He also knows that I would flat out say "no" to a girl. He thinks he can "slowly corrupt me"

He says he just wants me to have fun.
 
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Belle_Nuit said:
I think he's bi, or at least open-minded. He knows I've only had sex with 1 person, so maybe that's part of the motivation. He also knows that I would flat out say "no" to a girl. He thinks he can "slowly corrupt me"
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ah, ok. maybe he's onto something there.

while we're at it... *are* you corruptible? or is he embarking on a fools errand?
 
pete said:
ah, ok. maybe he's onto something there.

while we're at it... *are* you corruptible? or is he embarking on a fools errand?
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I'm inclined to think that anyone who believes they can change another is acting foolish.

Truthfully, I don't know. Sometimes I like the idea. Sometimes it terrifies me.
 
Belle_Nuit said:
He is a good man, and I am happy with him in every other area of our lives together. We just seem to have this recurring issue with sex.

I don't look 18 anymore, but I think I still look pretty good, which is why I'm a little surprised that he isn't attracted to my body. I think it's a mental thing on his part. I'll put in some effort to work out again. Whenever I've done so in the past, it never changed my overall weight, I just got firmer.

He's my best friend. I'd like to try to work on these things with him, but he never wants to talk about it, and whenever I try to "initiate" something it fails horribly. He's either tired, or isn't in the mood, or whatever else. Whenever I try to suggest something that I would like to do he thinks it's "boring."

His kinks include anal sex, deep throating and having an open relationship. Those are all hard no's for me, and they always have been.

So he's given up. He's been smoking weed which seems to have mellowed (killed) his sex drive, so he "just doesn't care anymore."

But other areas of our life are really great. We have a great home life, and we're good partners. I wish he would just work on the sex thing a little bit. He just gets discouraged and gets shut down.
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Could he be having testosterone problems causing him to have difficulty? Men sometimes blame women for their own inadequacies.
 
Belle_Nuit said:
I'm inclined to think that anyone who believes they can change another is acting foolish.
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goddam right on, this.

Belle_Nuit said:
Truthfully, I don't know. Sometimes I like the idea. Sometimes it terrifies me.
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if there's a little of you that's curious about it, then you ought to explore those possibilities.
but ... if you try it and its not at all for you, then you and he might be at a major crossroads.
 
I can understand both the attraction and the terror. If you decide to do it, insist on choosing the man so at least it is someone that you trust.
 
kalamain quoth:
i don't smoke or ever have so i have no personal experience...only what my friends did when i was younger.
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i was never much of a pot smoker, but even when i was, i found it to have a negative impact on my libido. obviously however, that's not exactly a universal result. my point here however is that the responses can be anywhere on the spectrum.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201003/how-does-marijuana-affect-your-sex-life
YMMV?

maybe he is one of the people that suffers a drop?
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good link, kalamain. the problem with anecdotal evidence--and definitely am including my own in that statement--is that people may have any possible responses, but in terms of the OP, it's her guy's specific response that's relevant here. so if it's within the range of possibility, it needs to be considered, you know?

ed
 
If you're having reservations about something, it's for a reason. Doing something you're not 100% comfortable with just to please him isn't going to make things any better,and him thinking he can "corrupt you" is the same as anyone trying to change their partner in a relationship. No disrespect to you, but this guy sounds like such a fuckboy. Maybe it's time to find someone who can satisfy your emotional and physical needs without it turning into a battle.
 
silverwhisper said:
i was never much of a pot smoker, but even when i was, i found it to have a negative impact on my libido. obviously however, that's not exactly a universal result. my point here however is that the responses can be anywhere on the spectrum.


good link, kalamain. the problem with anecdotal evidence--and definitely am including my own in that statement--is that people may have any possible responses, but in terms of the OP, it's her guy's specific response that's relevant here. so if it's within the range of possibility, it needs to be considered, you know?

ed
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Thanks for this link. I shared it with him.
 
Belle_Nuit said:
He doesn't actually have low T.

We ended up having make up sex this afternoon. He wants to have a threesome (with a man). I'm not really opposed to the idea, but not really thrilled by it either. I'm conflicted because its like if I don't entertain the idea with him, then he gets shut down and basically turns his sex drive off.
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Oh wow! That's not good. But have the threesome. It not only will boost your self confidence and help you feel more attractive to men again, it will help you get over this guy.

If he's gone over to the other side, you're in for a world of hurt if you cling to the idea of staying with him.

I'm not saying it will be easy and I know you can't imagine it now, but there truly will come a day when you wake up one morning no longer pining for the old days when you were both in love with each other.

You're still young. If you allow yourself to be only half as selfish as he has demonstrated, I'd wager right now that you'll be much, much happier in the long run.

I feel sorry for you. Go buy yourself a pretty dress, or nice piece of lingerie that makes you feel good and never, NEVER wear it for him. Keep it your little secret. Like your secret armor, or private sanctuary. That was a piece of great advice that worked for me when I was in a bad relationship a long time ago. I hope maybe you'll find some strength in it too.

:rose:
 
FGB said:
OH Boy,

See this what happens to lots of relationships... She gets tired of his immature, selfish & stupid shit. She ends up somewhere maybe a little tipsy and some Decent looking dude who knows how to treat a lady pays her some attention and maybe makes a pass or a suggestion and the next thing... juices are flying everywhere and she realizes that She doesn't need that sorry ass, limp dicked bastard and not only can survive without him, she can have a damned good time doing it!

What? I help when I can...:D
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A little tongue in cheek, but apt.

A healthy rewarding sex life is the glue that holds a relationship together. People that suggest otherwise are equivocating. There is no point in having a defined, monogamous relationship that does not include sex. You can have all of the friends you want if you are fucking none of them.

As he says above, when there is no sex IN the relationship, both partners are vulnerable to a greater degree to find that healthy human drive elsewhere. Sexual attention to any degree is very validating when you are not getting any or an amount that feels appropriate for your libido.

Partners can, do and should make some sacrifices for a low libido partner, but that is a two-way street. If there isn't going to be sex or as much of it there better be other things going on to feed the higher libido person.
 
I don't intend to leave him. We have a really great relationship together. I don't know how we'll negotiate the sexual differences in the long term but surely its possible.
 
Belle_Nuit said:
My sex life is non-existent. My partner of 7 years has told me our sex life is terrible because

1. he is not attracted to my body anymore - I have gotten soft
2. I say no to "everything" that he wants to do
3. he can't make me orgasm, so what's the point anyway

He's decided that he wants to stay with me because I'm a "good partner" and a "good person." I'm stable, financially, but apparently boring.

I'm frustrated because his body has changed to, and I still find him attractive. I'm frustrated because I feel like I can't say no to something because he completely shuts down. I'm frustrated because I can't orgasm without a vibe... I've never been able to. I'm just wired differently, have a higher threshold or something. I'm tired of having to take care of his ego. He's decided that sex just isn't worth it anymore, so why bother trying at all.

He's decided that I'm "boring" even though I don't think he knows me very well.

I'm just tired of being told how unattractive and boring I am, and then being made to feel like I deserved it because I hurt his ego.
Click to expand...

What many, if not most, people don't seem to understand is that a relationship is made up of TWO people, and the behaviors of one affects the behaviors of the other, positive or negative, good or bad, that is what happens. When one person stops trying or becomes overly demanding, the other one follows suit, either in retaliation or in self preservation. As you well know, when this kind of thing happens, animosity grows, driving a wedge between the two individuals.

What you must do is decide for yourself if your partner is providing YOU with what you need physically and emotionally to remain being your partner at all, let alone consider making any changes for their benefit.

From your description, it sounds like it is time to dump the worthless piece of shit and find someone who loves you for you and not what you can do for them. Life is too short to put up with mean people.:rose:
 
NaughtyinVegas said:
Sounds like he's blaming his low T levels on you.

Know any doctors that can prescribe you a solution? If not, go buy some Viagra, mash it up and put it in a glass of wine for him tonight. :) When he wakes up with a raging hard-on, "be there" for him.

Just a thought.

You seem like an intelligent, articulate woman and based on the sly pics you've posted I'd say you deserve to be appreciated both emotionally and physically!
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LOL!

Mash up the Viagra and a box of laxatives and bake it into brownies and serve it up to him with a nice glass of organic milk. Go out with your friends to a quiet bar and flirt with other men, when you come home ask him if he enjoyed his night.
 
Jenny_4 said:
LOL!

Mash up the Viagra and a box of laxatives and bake it into brownies and serve it up to him with a nice glass of organic milk. Go out with your friends to a quiet bar and flirt with other men, when you come home ask him if he enjoyed his night.
Click to expand...

I like the way you think, Jenny.

Ever work with the Russian mafia?
 
NippleMuncher said:
What many, if not most, people don't seem to understand is that a relationship is made up of TWO people, and the behaviors of one affects the behaviors of the other, positive or negative, good or bad, that is what happens. When one person stops trying or becomes overly demanding, the other one follows suit, either in retaliation or in self preservation. As you well know, when this kind of thing happens, animosity grows, driving a wedge between the two individuals.

What you must do is decide for yourself if your partner is providing YOU with what you need physically and emotionally to remain being your partner at all, let alone consider making any changes for their benefit.

From your description, it sounds like it is time to dump the worthless piece of shit and find someone who loves you for you and not what you can do for them. Life is too short to put up with mean people.:rose:
Click to expand...

Uh no.

LIT HT seems to attract the most dysfunctional posters with the worst advice. Theyre the most rigid people I've ever encountered.

What most people do is change what they do when the outcome they want doesn't happen. But that requires rising off our asses and climbing outta our ruts.

The other thing is: We're loved for what we bring to the party, only babies are loved unconditionally.
 
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