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Taking control of my pleasure

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waveintheocean

Virgin
Joined
Apr 5, 2013
Posts
3
Hi all,

This is my first time posting here so bear with me!

I am 25, haven't been a virgin in almost 10 years, but have sex on average once a year. I've never been with a guy long enough to find my grove and discover what I like, and I have always been hesitant to masturbate since I don't have much luck in getting an orgasm. I find that I always want a dominant man so that I don't haves chance to overthink it, but I decided that I want to learn what works for me so that I don't have to rely on a guy (but I still won't say no to a dominant male ;) )

Any advice on what I can do to better pleasure myself? Any toy recommendations? Any help is appreciated.

Thank you!
 
waveintheocean said:
Hi all,

This is my first time posting here so bear with me!

I am 25, haven't been a virgin in almost 10 years, but have sex on average once a year. I've never been with a guy long enough to find my grove and discover what I like, and I have always been hesitant to masturbate since I don't have much luck in getting an orgasm. I find that I always want a dominant man so that I don't haves chance to overthink it, but I decided that I want to learn what works for me so that I don't have to rely on a guy (but I still won't say no to a dominant male ;) )

Any advice on what I can do to better pleasure myself? Any toy recommendations? Any help is appreciated.

Thank you!
Click to expand...

WELCOME TO Lit Ms Wave,
lots of good info here some even how to pages. As far as toys, start by stimulating your mind. Read a couple of good Masturbating stories . Even read my story about Cucumbers. Its all about toys. PM me if you have more questions.
Ted
 
Any advice on what I can do to better pleasure myself? Any toy recommendations? Any help is appreciated.
Click to expand...

You might consider the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator. My wife swears by hers, and it never fails to bring the desired result. :) It's probably near the top of the list for women who use vibrators.
 
I second the hitachi suggestion, except if you're a bit of a newbie to sex toys, I would start out with something a little bit less powerful and see how that goes. Try a simple bullet vibrator. Don't focus too much on your desired end result or you won't be able to relax and actually get there. Just focus on what feels good. Look for erotic material that excites you - stories about fantasies you might have, maybe videos, or even erotic comics.
 
Turn the water on in the bathtub, adjust it nice and warm, be sure to leave the drain open so the tub doesn't overflow. Then scoot down until the water falls on the right spot. You might need to slide your legs up the wall and prop something behind your head to get comfortable.
 
I've been in the same boat and for a long time masturbation was more frustrating than pleasurable.

What helped me was to stop focusing on achieving orgasm but to discover what felt good...varying strokes during clit play, how many (if any) fingers to use, etc.

Finding out what pleases your body can only seek to enhance the mood.
 
I'm more inclined to agree with the women who have posted.
If you're still figuring out how your body responds to touch, a hefty vibrator or too many toys might delay that realization. Start by using your hands or things that are designed for sensory response. A vibrator may actually dull some of your awareness of how things are changing and many of them will prevent you from using at least one of your hands. Once you become more aware of how you respond to touch, adding them can really heighten the experience.

You might also try reading stories, threads, etc to explore your options when it comes to sex. When you can't orgasm easily, the desire is stronger to be with someone who can do that for you. You may expand what you love about that or add things that you never expected.

Finally.. 25 is pretty young in the sex world, even if you lost your virginity at a young age. Don't feel like you're behind the curve just because it hasn't been what you expected. Learning what you like is a good thing and you're probably at the perfect age for it. I say.. go for it.. and enjoy the ride :)
 
GiggLeGasm said:
I'm more inclined to agree with the women who have posted.
If you're still figuring out how your body responds to touch, a hefty vibrator or too many toys might delay that realization. Start by using your hands or things that are designed for sensory response. A vibrator may actually dull some of your awareness of how things are changing and many of them will prevent you from using at least one of your hands. Once you become more aware of how you respond to touch, adding them can really heighten the experience.

You might also try reading stories, threads, etc to explore your options when it comes to sex. When you can't orgasm easily, the desire is stronger to be with someone who can do that for you. You may expand what you love about that or add things that you never expected.

Finally.. 25 is pretty young in the sex world, even if you lost your virginity at a young age. Don't feel like you're behind the curve just because it hasn't been what you expected. Learning what you like is a good thing and you're probably at the perfect age for it. I say.. go for it.. and enjoy the ride :)
Click to expand...

I will say it for the op. This was a very incredible and heartfelt response. You are a ver sweet person. Thanks for the great advice. :)
 
GiggLeGasm said:
I'm more inclined to agree with the women who have posted.
If you're still figuring out how your body responds to touch, a hefty vibrator or too many toys might delay that realization. Start by using your hands or things that are designed for sensory response. A vibrator may actually dull some of your awareness of how things are changing and many of them will prevent you from using at least one of your hands. Once you become more aware of how you respond to touch, adding them can really heighten the experience.

You might also try reading stories, threads, etc to explore your options when it comes to sex. When you can't orgasm easily, the desire is stronger to be with someone who can do that for you. You may expand what you love about that or add things that you never expected.

Finally.. 25 is pretty young in the sex world, even if you lost your virginity at a young age. Don't feel like you're behind the curve just because it hasn't been what you expected. Learning what you like is a good thing and you're probably at the perfect age for it. I say.. go for it.. and enjoy the ride :)
Click to expand...

Much truth there. I can only add that, if your circumstances and ethics permit it, use a little cannabis or psilocybin to enhance the body feeling. It can open gateways if you let it. I do recommend that if you're new to this route, do it with somebody you trust.
 
RockHardKP said:
Turn the water on in the bathtub, adjust it nice and warm, be sure to leave the drain open so the tub doesn't overflow. Then scoot down until the water falls on the right spot. You might need to slide your legs up the wall and prop something behind your head to get comfortable.
Click to expand...

Been there, done that. Don't forget the candles and music. Maybe a glass of wine as well. Possibly reading a story beforehand. NPI.

Good luck to the OP!
 
GiggLeGasm said:
I'm more inclined to agree with the women who have posted.
If you're still figuring out how your body responds to touch, a hefty vibrator or too many toys might delay that realization. Start by using your hands or things that are designed for sensory response. A vibrator may actually dull some of your awareness of how things are changing and many of them will prevent you from using at least one of your hands. Once you become more aware of how you respond to touch, adding them can really heighten the experience.

You might also try reading stories, threads, etc to explore your options when it comes to sex. When you can't orgasm easily, the desire is stronger to be with someone who can do that for you. You may expand what you love about that or add things that you never expected.

Finally.. 25 is pretty young in the sex world, even if you lost your virginity at a young age. Don't feel like you're behind the curve just because it hasn't been what you expected. Learning what you like is a good thing and you're probably at the perfect age for it. I say.. go for it.. and enjoy the ride :)
Click to expand...


Thank you all! This has been a huge help. I've been exploring and not getting the end result yet but I am sure I will get there
 
The way to get to Carnegie Hall is practice, practice, practice. :)

For me, I found it was useful to learn about my anatomy and to read about different techniques and fantasies, as well as key into my fantasies and get my blood pumping.

I liked to think about a connection between my mind and my body and my body and my mind. Orgasm, for me, was something I learned how to do for myself - and each time I let myself feel pleasure, I visualised the connection growing stronger, and I felt that the practice would make it easier to follow that pathway to pleasure next time. I found that 'relaxation' wasn't all that helpful for me - I needed to ratchet up positive tension in my body. Trying variations on a theme, different techniques and positions helped too, broadening the ways I could feel pleasure.

Hope this helps. Good luck! :rose:
 
GrrlFriday said:
The way to get to Carnegie Hall is practice, practice, practice. :)

For me, I found it was useful to learn about my anatomy and to read about different techniques and fantasies, as well as key into my fantasies and get my blood pumping.

I liked to think about a connection between my mind and my body and my body and my mind. Orgasm, for me, was something I learned how to do for myself - and each time I let myself feel pleasure, I visualised the connection growing stronger, and I felt that the practice would make it easier to follow that pathway to pleasure next time. I found that 'relaxation' wasn't all that helpful for me - I needed to ratchet up positive tension in my body. Trying variations on a theme, different techniques and positions helped too, broadening the ways I could feel pleasure.

Hope this helps. Good luck! :rose:
Click to expand...

I like the way you think, glad you found success. I would also like to say that the term "relaxing" doesn't necessarily mean to let your body go limp, most often, as it pertains to orgasm, both male and female, it is referring to letting go of the stresses of life, let go of the pressure that YOU MUST ORGASM!!!! And, that if you don't succeed, you are somehow damaged or inferior to everyone else. Forget about life, forget about everything except enjoying yourself in the moment. Enjoy the pleasure, the sensations. Orgasms are more a product of the mind than a stimulus of the body. Focus on a favorite fantasy or imagery that arouses you. Make that imagery as vivid as possible, and the physical stimuli will work it's magic. If the mind is preoccupied with everything BUT what you're doing, it just isn't going to happen for you.

Good luck, and report back :cool::rose:
 
Yeah, that was what was confusing me - relaxing and letting go of all bodily tension, and relaxing and letting go of the negative tension. Noticing the signs of arousal in my body, too, was useful.
 
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