The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

littlecordelera said:

SlutAddicted, the title of this thread is, "The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club." You need to create a thread called, "The Men Who's Wives Are Bitches Support Club."

There's a difference.

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There is a lot of overlap between those two clubs.

Too the extent that either spouse has no sex drive the best place to start is with understanding but that goes both ways. Unfortunately sex is a delicate topic and it is often assumed that the understanding onus is primarily on the spouse who wants more.

I know a number of women who have an arsenal of gender specific excuses that they use to not only deny their husband' sexual requests but to also delegitimize them. I don't think these women are bitches. They see themselves as commpassionate people and for the most part I agree. That is why they need to invalidate their husband's desire in order to justify ignoring them. And we all have female friends and relatives all too willing to distort entirely female empowerment concepts into weapons we use against good caring men in our lives.

littlecordelera said:

SlutAddicted, the title of this thread is, "The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club." You need to create a thread called, "The Men Who's Wives Are Bitches Support Club."

There's a difference.

Click to expand...

This is true, its not having an attitude, sometimes its an imbalance

policywank said:

Too the extent that either spouse has no sex drive the best place to start is with understanding but that goes both ways. Unfortunately sex is a delicate topic and it is often assumed that the understanding onus is primarily on the spouse who wants more.

I know a number of women who have an arsenal of gender specific excuses that they use to not only deny their husband' sexual requests but to also delegitimize them. I don't think these women are bitches. They see themselves as commpassionate people and for the most part I agree. That is why they need to invalidate their husband's desire in order to justify ignoring them. And we all have female friends and relatives all too willing to distort entirely female empowerment concepts into weapons we use against good caring men in our lives.

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As usual you make some good points. I think the truth of both comments above is just sad. Sure as mentioned in other posts above there are some of us men who act like selfish buffoons and don't deserve much consideration regarding bedroom play. The sad part is when is when all of us are treated the same way, wives thinking in carefully deliberate ways to invalidate the desires of their husbands. Perhaps empowering themselves into some kind of "just say No" campaign against men.

What happened to women enjoying the art of pleasing their man? Women who enjoy turning him on, getting him close, and bringing about a nice orgasm. I know some women who took pride in that and found it a major turn on. A mental turn on more than a physical one. Meaning it was something they enjoyed doing even if they were not physically turned on themselves. Perhaps that is just a fantasy when it comes to marriage.

I know there are more complex issues involved. I am trying to give a different way of looking at things. For some it may bring up good memories of how you looked at things earlier in your relationship. It is about looking at sex not as an obligation but as adult fun. This includes men not feeling their wives are obligated to give them sex and women not feeling obligated to give them sex. It is also about the desire to please your partner can be separate from the desire to be pleased. Unselfish, caring, and loving are words that come to my mind.

Still I am a man and willing to read and learn more from all of you. I am certainly not perfect.

ES

policywank said:

There is a lot of overlap between those two clubs.

Too the extent that either spouse has no sex drive the best place to start is with understanding but that goes both ways. Unfortunately sex is a delicate topic and it is often assumed that the understanding onus is primarily on the spouse who wants more.

I know a number of women who have an arsenal of gender specific excuses that they use to not only deny their husband' sexual requests but to also delegitimize them. I don't think these women are bitches. They see themselves as commpassionate people and for the most part I agree. That is why they need to invalidate their husband's desire in order to justify ignoring them. And we all have female friends and relatives all too willing to distort entirely female empowerment concepts into weapons we use against good caring men in our lives.

Click to expand...

This reared its head again yesterday. During discussion with my wife about other things, intimacy was mentioned. Her giving "kids" as a reason for not having sex any more.

I suggested that in years to come, that's change. so when the youngest is school age etc.

Her reply;

"No. I don't think so. I can't see me wanting sex any more... You've got a hand, and the internet... Wait until I'm in bed or out"



She's not even 30 yet for fucks sakes.

newhere2learn said:

This reared its head again yesterday. During discussion with my wife about other things, intimacy was mentioned. Her giving "kids" as a reason for not having sex any more.

I suggested that in years to come, that's change. so when the youngest is school age etc.

Her reply;

"No. I don't think so. I can't see me wanting sex any more... You've got a hand, and the internet... Wait until I'm in bed or out"

She's not even 30 yet for fucks sakes.

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That is really sad. Sounds like she does not care at all. I wonder if she would be okay with you going for a massage and a Happy ending?

ES

I am not taking sides. But i do have to say that there is always more to the story. Remember, no sides!

We have heard that some men expect their wives to cook, clean, wash, iron, do the dishes, sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, take care of the dog, scoop out the litter box, bathe feed dress make lunches help with homework for all 5 kids and go do a full time job. Once home and in bed and running on 4 hrs of sleep a nite, she is expected to become a porno star and bring her husband to new heights of ecstasy. He works part time driving an UBER and does nothing but mow the lawn once a week.

If that is happening, can you see something here????? Something that might be amiss??

We have also heard that some women have let themselves go. Once they got their man, there is no need to look attractive anymore. No need to dress nice. No need to look attractive. Just continue to eat cheetos and Hagen Das and just get bigger and bigger. Letting herself get to a point where it seems like she doesn't care anymore.

If this is happening, can you see something here?? Something that might be amiss??

We have also heard the same thing about men letting themselves just go and not looking attractive.

These accounts are from actual husbands and wives complaining about their sex lives. Bottom line there is always 2 sides. Blame can be placed on either spouse. Menopause sucks! Women's sex drive just goes out the window and it sucks! Women hate when menopause happens! The sex drive is non existent. Oh it is there when the husband works on it with caresses, kisses, cuddling, toucbing, feeling then it is in full swing. It is getting husbands to do that not all the time but enough time to make it happen. I am blessed that my husband does that but i know that there are times when he really doesnt want to put in all that time to hopefully get me to respond. Not that he is lazy, hell i wouldnt want to do that effort all the time either!

Work on it together. Only together will you solve the lack of sex problem.

Mr. Briggs said:

Hi Everyone!

There seem to be a large group of us here who are happily married and somewhere along the lines our wives have lost interest in sex. I thought it would be nice to have a common thread for us to chat and discuss how we deal with it and meet others in the same boat.

My story seems to be a common one. Had really great sex while we were dating. Ok sex once we got married. And now it is once a month "make it quick" sex since kids. It's rough. I'm always horny. I think my wife is sexy and beautiful. But there is nothing that seems to get her interested in sex. Even when we have sex she's always very present. She doesn't let go. Most of the time i'm ok with it and just thankful for the wonderful life I have. But sometimes (when it gets to 6 or so weeks without sex) I take it personally and feel unloved. When that happens it's hard.

How do I deal with it? Usually i'm left to jerking off and end up on Literotica. Check out my fav threads, see what new stories are up and then venture out into porn land from there. I've recently tried to really cut back on Lit and Porn. But in a bigtime current dry spell (2 months) so there is only so much holding out I can handle

I'm starting this club because I feel like one of the best things about Lit is being able to talk about what you are going through and then coming to realize you aren't alone. It's free therapy with some sexy conversation and content thrown in

Feel free to share your story and how you deal with it or you can PM me if you don't want to post.

IMPORTANT NOTE WOMEN ARE VERY VERY WELCOME HERE I may have made it a guys club but it isn't. Any women in this position please join in we'd love to hear from you

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I can relate. Two Highschool kids that my wife worries about 24/7, add in the pressures of her job and life and she is never in the mood. We have talked about it over and over but no long term changes. When I am overwhelmed sex is a great escape and outfit. She is wired in a way that it is another to do on her list, that she doesn't accomplish.

KDBKDB2 said:

I can relate. Two Highschool kids that my wife worries about 24/7, add in the pressures of her job and life and she is never in the mood. We have talked about it over and over but no long term changes. When I am overwhelmed sex is a great escape and outfit. She is wired in a way that it is another to do on her list, that she doesn't accomplish.

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Sounds like my wife. Just had an argument with her about it. It's been three weeks since our last sex and she's in no hurry for the next time. May have to find someone on the side - she would likely be good with it knowing how little interest she has.

As much as I love the stories on Lit, it makes me sad to know I will likely never get to experience that stuff.

Every once in a while, I need to grab something out of a drawer in her bedside table and I hope to see a vibrator or 50 Shades of Grey or anything that would indicate a sexual pulse but, I have never found anything like that. She would probably do well as a nun.

:-(

Sabre1985 said:

Well friends, things are starting to look up. After a couple years relieving pressures myself because of wife's lack of interest, she said "things" seem to be reawakening. She cuddled up to me and Initiated! We took our time, and enjoyed ourselves.
Damn, it felt good to feel WANTED again!

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A wife initiating sex!?!? That seems like some kind of crazy fantasy....can't even remember the last time mine did. All I ever get is my hand slapped or a list of excuses when I try to initiate. I think I am going to stop trying to see how long it takes for her to want sex. It may be a loooooooong wait....

Clem99 said:

Sounds like my wife. Just had an argument with her about it. It's been three weeks since our last sex and she's in no hurry for the next time. May have to find someone on the side - she would likely be good with it knowing how little interest she has.

As much as I love the stories on Lit, it makes me sad to know I will likely never get to experience that stuff.

Every once in a while, I need to grab something out of a drawer in her bedside table and I hope to see a vibrator or 50 Shades of Grey or anything that would indicate a sexual pulse but, I have never found anything like that. She would probably do well as a nun.

:-(

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Bummer friend. I also workout a lot, with her as well, so it's not like I am some bum or something. She loves weekend trips just the two of us. On our 20th anniversary a few years ago she wanted to sleep vs have sex. I haven't had a BJ in over a year and last licked her pussy months ago

Clem99 said:

Sounds like my wife. Just had an argument with her about it. It's been three weeks since our last sex and she's in no hurry for the next time. May have to find someone on the side - she would likely be good with it knowing how little interest she has.

As much as I love the stories on Lit, it makes me sad to know I will likely never get to experience that stuff.

Every once in a while, I need to grab something out of a drawer in her bedside table and I hope to see a vibrator or 50 Shades of Grey or anything that would indicate a sexual pulse but, I have never found anything like that. She would probably do well as a nun.

:-(

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Bummer friend.

I joined this thread thinking I could get some insight. Hell, maybe it is just me. He doesn't want sex with me. I'm almost at that point in the game where that thought doesn't make me cry... Almost.
Fuck.

Clem99 said:

Sounds like my wife. Just had an argument with her about it. It's been three weeks since our last sex and she's in no hurry for the next time. May have to find someone on the side - she would likely be good with it knowing how little interest she has.

As much as I love the stories on Lit, it makes me sad to know I will likely never get to experience that stuff.

Every once in a while, I need to grab something out of a drawer in her bedside table and I hope to see a vibrator or 50 Shades of Grey or anything that would indicate a sexual pulse but, I have never found anything like that. She would probably do well as a nun.

:-(

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Nun=None

eroticspank said:

That is really sad. Sounds like she does not care at all. I wonder if she would be okay with you going for a massage and a Happy ending?

ES

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God knows.

It's been 3+ months since we even kissed.

I'd say 6 weeks since a hug.

She has no requirement for emotions or affections.

I'm shoed away like a needy toddler.

KDBKDB2 said:

Nun=None

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Yep.

My wife and I talked tonight and I told her I won't expect anything. This is far less disappointing.

My wife said she is not comfortable playing now that the kids are older and would know what's going on. I asked her when there will be a time no kids are in the house and, the truth is, pretty much never. It is more than that - stress, depression, menopause...etc. So, I expect nothing from her and am not disappointed as a result. I am curious to see how long it will take before she actually wants to play again - if ever.

Self serve isn't ideal but, it's better than getting my hand slapped away and being told it's not going to happen.

*deleted*

Clem99 said:

Yep.

My wife and I talked tonight and I told her I won't expect anything. This is far less disappointing.

My wife said she is not comfortable playing now that the kids are older and would know what's going on. I asked her when there will be a time no kids are in the house and, the truth is, pretty much never. It is more than that - stress, depression, menopause...etc. So, I expect nothing from her and am not disappointed as a result. I am curious to see how long it will take before she actually wants to play again - if ever.

Self serve isn't ideal but, it's better than getting my hand slapped away and being told it's not going to happen.

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My exact situation also.


If one expects nothing, one is not disappointed.

..............................

Clem99 said:

Yep.

My wife and I talked tonight and I told her I won't expect anything. This is far less disappointing.

My wife said she is not comfortable playing now that the kids are older and would know what's going on. I asked her when there will be a time no kids are in the house and, the truth is, pretty much never. It is more than that - stress, depression, menopause...etc. So, I expect nothing from her and am not disappointed as a result. I am curious to see how long it will take before she actually wants to play again - if ever.

Self serve isn't ideal but, it's better than getting my hand slapped away and being told it's not going to happen.

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I don't think you should have done that. I think you should explain, nicely, to your wife that you didn't get married to be celibate, and you would appreciate it if she would explore possible methods to overcome her concerns. She has a responsibility to you to, at least, try. It may require counseling, and you have to be prepared to attend that counseling with an attitude that fully promotes what is in the best interest of your relationship. If it comes down to counseling, I recommend a psychologist, not a marriage counselor.

littlecordelera said:

I don't think you should have done that. I think you should explain, nicely, to your wife that you didn't get married to be celibate, and you would appreciate it if she would explore possible methods to overcome her concerns. She has a responsibility to you to, at least, try. It may require counseling, and you have to be prepared to attend that counseling with an attitude that fully promotes what is in the best interest of your relationship. If it comes down to counseling, I recommend a psychologist, not a marriage counselor.

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I agree, something has to change. I feel with my partner and I, we went to counseling for a different reason, however it ended up helping us get closer.
Also, after hanging around other couples who showed affection, that was a big help. I think we were more able to think about our each other's needs, than our own.

For us, we still have our ups and downs, but its getting better. We were not very intimate for some time, but slowly things are starting to change.

newhere2learn said:

This reared its head again yesterday. During discussion with my wife about other things, intimacy was mentioned. Her giving "kids" as a reason for not having sex any more.

I suggested that in years to come, that's change. so when the youngest is school age etc.

Her reply;

"No. I don't think so. I can't see me wanting sex any more... You've got a hand, and the internet... Wait until I'm in bed or out"



She's not even 30 yet for fucks sakes.

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That's just plain mean

.......

MrEd63 said:

That's just plain mean

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Should I mention the fact that in the last 12 weeks I've been *allowed* to kiss her only 3 times, and that was a peck on the lips.

And allowed a hug twice.


Depression (hers) consumes our lives when she allows it.

newhere2learn said:

Should I mention the fact that in the last 12 weeks I've been *allowed* to kiss her only 3 times, and that was a peck on the lips.

And allowed a hug twice.


Depression (hers) consumes our lives when she allows it.

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My girlfriend suffers from a similar problem.

MrEd63 said:

That's just plain mean

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Ouch....