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the Un-Hijackable, Non Sequitor, Rambling Thread

FungiUg said:
Well, maybe this thread just isn't your type, doesn't have the right chemistry to get you off? And there are only so many places a girl can come, you know. :p
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coming on to places isnt usually a problem for me
 
Yes, yes we did!

and it was the first time for me in over five years

and we will do it some more in the future.... :D






it was a little strange returning home after a veryhotdate with pantyhose in my pocket.............and they were mine. :eek:
 
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FungiUg said:
Workin' on it... do you wanna help?
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Hmmmm....not sure. Although it's a pointless venture right now, as I'm gonna be gone soon for 2 months.

I'll pencil you in for January :p
 
_kiana_ said:
Hmmmm....not sure. Although it's a pointless venture right now, as I'm gonna be gone soon for 2 months.

I'll pencil you in for January :p
Click to expand...
No, you can work on my "cumming to America" part of the experiment :cool:
 
Move along, please - nothing to see here.

There've been a number of posts about parents recently - either passing, or ill, or having been supportive at various crucial times in the posters' lives - and while I certainly can empathize with those who have suffered losses, or who are suffering along with their parents' illnesses... I wonder how my life might have been different had I had a father one one-hundredth as loving, caring and supportive as those described, and/or a mother who didn't have untreated bipolar along with other emotional issues.

Both my parents were children of the Depression and perhaps that led, at least in part, to some of their difficulties, but it angers me yet - almost 15 years after his passing - that my father was an abusive, aggressive and belligerent alcoholic who had less time he was willing to spend with me than he was with the dogs. And since my brother and I were the ones who did 99% of the care of the dogs, that wasn't much. Most of the time he "spent" with me was for "discipline" and correction of my many faults. I'm sure that my innate arrogance and refusal to bow down to his autocratic "methods" of child-rearing had much to do with that, but damn it, even children are people, too. Why couldn't he have treated me with at least as much respect as he did with the rawest, stupidest soldier in his units?

As for my mother... god/dess, how she drives me crazy, yet I can't abandon her to her illnesses and age, regardless of how often I'm castigated for being a thankless child who has no respect. Damn it, I do find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you refuse to use the check registers I've gotten for you multiple times to keep your checking account in balance so that you don't write hot checks to book companies, etc., or to me, causing me not only $33.00 overdraft charges for any checks I write, after having taken your word that yes, you have enough money for that check to clear, but also the $7.00 charge that my bank hits me with when your check bounces, because you "forgot" that you wrote checks to this magazine company for sewing patterns you'll never use (you don't have a frickin' sewing machine any more, damn it! You threw it out because you couldn't get the bobbin tension right!), or "collector" plates and other crap that's of no tangible value to you, but you think it's pretty. I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you need to keep bank statements from 1976, from a bank that's been closed since the mid-90s! I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you have to have those boxes and boxes and boxes of material and yarn that you haven't opened in 15 years or more, and never will. I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you have to keep those boxes and boxes of magazines whose publishers went out of business a decade or more ago, and the boxes and boxes of catalogs going back to the 1970s - what, are you going to fucking order something from a 1979 catalog from a company that went belly-up in 1986?

Good lord, it's amazing that I haven't yet gone completely around the bend...

Folks, this is the non sequitur thread. I'm not expecting or particularly wanting responses to this. I just for some reason needed to vent it this morning.

Move along, please - nothing to see here.

ETA: This is not IN ANY WAY a negative response to anyone's posts concerning dealing with the loss or illnesses of parents. Please don't think that. It's just mostly a sad and deep envy of the good relationships so many seem to have, that I never really had. If there's ANY message to any of y'all, it's simply that if you did or do have that good kind of relationship with your parent(s), please make the most of it, for your sake and theirs. Some people never get that kind of shared love and respect and support from and to their parents, and are much the poorer for it. (This isn't a bid for sympathy, either - I'm a big boy, and have (mostly) made my peace with the facts of my life. Just once in a while, one kinda needs to vent, ya know?)
 
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Sir_Winston54 said:
Move along, please - nothing to see here.

There've been a number of posts about parents recently - either passing, or ill, or having been supportive at various crucial times in the posters' lives - and while I certainly can empathize with those who have suffered losses, or who are suffering along with their parents' illnesses... I wonder how my life might have been different had I had a father one one-hundredth as loving, caring and supportive as those described, and/or a mother who didn't have untreated bipolar along with other emotional issues.

Both my parents were children of the Depression and perhaps that led, at least in part, to some of their difficulties, but it angers me yet - almost 15 years after his passing - that my father was an abusive, aggressive and belligerent alcoholic who had less time he was willing to spend with me than he was with the dogs. And since my brother and I were the ones who did 99% of the care of the dogs, that wasn't much. Most of the time he "spent" with me was for "discipline" and correction of my many faults. I'm sure that my innate arrogance and refusal to bow down to his autocratic "methods" of child-rearing had much to do with that, but damn it, even children are people, too. Why couldn't he have treated me with at least as much respect as he did with the rawest, stupidest soldier in his units?

As for my mother... god/dess, how she drives me crazy, yet I can't abandon her to her illnesses and age, regardless of how often I'm castigated for being a thankless child who has no respect. Damn it, I do find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you refuse to use the check registers I've gotten for you multiple times to keep your checking account in balance so that you don't write hot checks to book companies, etc., or to me, causing me not only $33.00 overdraft charges for any checks I write, after having taken your word that yes, you have enough money for that check to clear, but also the $7.00 charge that my bank hits me with when your check bounces, because you "forgot" that you wrote checks to this magazine company for sewing patterns you'll never use (you don't have a frickin' sewing machine any more, damn it! You threw it out because you couldn't get the bobbin tension right!), or "collector" plates and other crap that's of no tangible value to you, but you think it's pretty. I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you need to keep bank statements from 1976, from a bank that's been closed since the mid-90s! I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you have to have those boxes and boxes and boxes of material and yarn that you haven't opened in 15 years or more, and never will. I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you have to keep those boxes and boxes of magazines whose publishers went out of business a decade or more ago, and the boxes and boxes of catalogs going back to the 1970s - what, are you going to fucking order something from a 1979 catalog from a company that went belly-up in 1986?

Good lord, it's amazing that I haven't yet gone completely around the bend...

Folks, this is the non sequitur thread. I'm not expecting or particularly wanting responses to this. I just for some reason needed to vent it this morning.

Move along, please - nothing to see here.

ETA: This is not IN ANY WAY a negative response to anyone's posts concerning dealing with the loss or illnesses of parents. Please don't think that. It's just mostly a sad and deep envy of the good relationships so many seem to have, that I never really had. If there's ANY message to any of y'all, it's simply that if you did or do have that good kind of relationship with your parent(s), please make the most of it, for your sake and theirs. Some people never get that kind of shared love and respect and support from and to their parents, and are much the poorer for it. (This isn't a bid for sympathy, either - I'm a big boy, and have (mostly) made my peace with the facts of my life. Just once in a while, one kinda needs to vent, ya know?)
Click to expand...


LOL, I can so empathise. While my father wasn't alcoholic or physically abusive, he was distant in many ways, in part as a result of my mother's behaviour I have no doubt and where that left him mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And yes, she is also supposedly bipolar, largely untreated and inappropriately and only diagnosed a few years back by a doctor no-one else has spoken too and which other doctors do not share the confidence of the diagnosis being 100% correct.

I look at her life as I know it and see it as a woman with one prop after another of the over the counter and prescription variety which are all taken in abusive amounts with the cursory spouting of "I would not be here today without this....I cannot get through the day without it.....I need a couple of these before I start my day just to get me going", and just as quick a denial of any sort of addiction on her part. The day after F booked my flight home for a visit I was thanking him for insisting I not go for the 6 weeks I would have liked, instead cutting back to 4....it will be a time of lots of tongue biting with the memory that last time I only lasted 36 hours before I exploded and she sulked for a couple of days. Someone recently told me I should be angry for the life she gave me and the things she still says to me, but I have moved beyond that to recognise it will not change and sadness that someone could so waste their life and not see one positive thing to be grateful for. I expect in some part she is a victim of her own circumstances in early life, though she is the only one in her family to have turned out this way. I have developed the habit of letting her tell me 2 times how miserable and tragically hard her life has been before I politely and calmly remind her just why that is just so not true except in her head and how many positives she has in comparison to many people.

LOL, she says though we disagree from time to time, I am the only one she can trust, can disagree with without fear of being punished in some way, and basically be proud of for who I am....it sort of loses its charm though when it is followed shortly after with how much tragedy my being born has brought to so many people, most of all her because in her mind no matter what happens to anyone, death included, she is the one worst affected by it. :rolleyes: Oh well, I will survive and when the going gets tough, I have plenty of others to visit, shops to let loose in etc.

As to your mother's collection of old catalogues etc., (btw, my mother is also a dressmaker from way back but can no longer sew but still has cupboards full of material etc., though she has begun to give some away), you might be surprised the value they might have if put in the right auction. I watch a few of the BBC programmes on auctions from time to time and lament the things I tossed before moving here thinking they were just old rubbish I couldn't afford to ship and now discover they are worth money. Catalogues, programmes etc., can often fetch a pretty penny if in good order...seems most things have a market as people are becoming more interested in collecting things from the past which are becoming more scarce.

Catalina :catroar:
 
Can I please respond, Sir W?

I lost my mom to cancer when I was younger, and it was just awful. I used to feel a smidge of well-at-least-you-have-your-parents when I would hear people complain about their parents. But I've come to understand that there are some parents who practically don't deserve the title. I can't imagine how it feels to have had an abusive parent, to feel that abandonment. I think it's absolutely normal to feel envious of those who had a close relationship. Don't beat yourself up over it.
 
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.​
 
intothewoods said:
Can I please respond, Sir W?

I lost my mom to cancer when I was younger, and it was just awful. I used to feel a smidge of well-at-least-you-have-your-parents when I would hear people complain about their parents. But I've come to understand that there are some parents who practically don't deserve the title. I can't imagine how it feels to have had an abusive parent, to feel that abandonment. I think it's absolutely normal to feel envious of those who had a close relationship. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Click to expand...
And thank you, too. :)
 
Sir_Winston54 said:
Good lord, it's amazing that I haven't yet gone completely around the bend...
Click to expand...
Well, if you had, you would have found a few of us there already waiting.

This isn't a competition, so I don't need to post the details of my disasterous childhood, but yeah, I feel your pain.

Suffice to say I love being an adult.
 
FungiUg said:
Suffice to say I love being an adult.
Click to expand...

I hear people say 'if I could go back and do it all over again'. Nothing gives me nightmares like the thought of 'going back'. I don't think you could pay to have me 'go back'.
 
Kajira Callista said:
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.​
Click to expand...


Very well said. I really like this. :) :rose: :)
 
Sir_Winston54 said:
Move along, please - nothing to see here.

There've been a number of posts about parents recently - either passing, or ill, or having been supportive at various crucial times in the posters' lives - and while I certainly can empathize with those who have suffered losses, or who are suffering along with their parents' illnesses... I wonder how my life might have been different had I had a father one one-hundredth as loving, caring and supportive as those described, and/or a mother who didn't have untreated bipolar along with other emotional issues.

Both my parents were children of the Depression and perhaps that led, at least in part, to some of their difficulties, but it angers me yet - almost 15 years after his passing - that my father was an abusive, aggressive and belligerent alcoholic who had less time he was willing to spend with me than he was with the dogs. And since my brother and I were the ones who did 99% of the care of the dogs, that wasn't much. Most of the time he "spent" with me was for "discipline" and correction of my many faults. I'm sure that my innate arrogance and refusal to bow down to his autocratic "methods" of child-rearing had much to do with that, but damn it, even children are people, too. Why couldn't he have treated me with at least as much respect as he did with the rawest, stupidest soldier in his units?

As for my mother... god/dess, how she drives me crazy, yet I can't abandon her to her illnesses and age, regardless of how often I'm castigated for being a thankless child who has no respect. Damn it, I do find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you refuse to use the check registers I've gotten for you multiple times to keep your checking account in balance so that you don't write hot checks to book companies, etc., or to me, causing me not only $33.00 overdraft charges for any checks I write, after having taken your word that yes, you have enough money for that check to clear, but also the $7.00 charge that my bank hits me with when your check bounces, because you "forgot" that you wrote checks to this magazine company for sewing patterns you'll never use (you don't have a frickin' sewing machine any more, damn it! You threw it out because you couldn't get the bobbin tension right!), or "collector" plates and other crap that's of no tangible value to you, but you think it's pretty. I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you need to keep bank statements from 1976, from a bank that's been closed since the mid-90s! I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you have to have those boxes and boxes and boxes of material and yarn that you haven't opened in 15 years or more, and never will. I find it almost impossible to show respect for you when you insist that you have to keep those boxes and boxes of magazines whose publishers went out of business a decade or more ago, and the boxes and boxes of catalogs going back to the 1970s - what, are you going to fucking order something from a 1979 catalog from a company that went belly-up in 1986?

Good lord, it's amazing that I haven't yet gone completely around the bend...

Folks, this is the non sequitur thread. I'm not expecting or particularly wanting responses to this. I just for some reason needed to vent it this morning.

Move along, please - nothing to see here.

ETA: This is not IN ANY WAY a negative response to anyone's posts concerning dealing with the loss or illnesses of parents. Please don't think that. It's just mostly a sad and deep envy of the good relationships so many seem to have, that I never really had. If there's ANY message to any of y'all, it's simply that if you did or do have that good kind of relationship with your parent(s), please make the most of it, for your sake and theirs. Some people never get that kind of shared love and respect and support from and to their parents, and are much the poorer for it. (This isn't a bid for sympathy, either - I'm a big boy, and have (mostly) made my peace with the facts of my life. Just once in a while, one kinda needs to vent, ya know?)
Click to expand...


Even "big boys" need hugs sometimes, so here's a big hug from me!!! :heart:

I can understand the envy you have and the sadness you have of the good relationships others seem to have with their parents. Oddly enough, I understand your feelings but not because my childhood was anything like yours. On the contrary, my sister and I have jokingly referred to our childhood as the "Beaver Cleaver years." I OFTEN wish that I could go back to that time in my life before my family started falling apart. Yes, there are definite benefits to being an adult, but I miss the incredible family life I had growing up and never doubting whether my parents liked me or not.

See, the reason I understand your sadness and envy is because, despite my childhood being so wonderful, the last fifteen years or so, especially the last five to seven years, have been beyond extremely painful for me. That saying of feeling alone even in a room full of people? Well, that often happens to me when I'm with my family. It happens the most when I'm with the youngest sister and my mom, and it also happens with just my dad, but for very, very different reasons. I love my parents more than I could ever express, so much so that I've actually struggled in therapy because I have such horrible guilt if I saying, or even think, a negative thing about them.

I am beyond grateful for the life they gave me, but it doesn't take away the heartbreak.........the often excruciating heartbreak to the point of wanting to end my life at one time..............that I feel as an adult. I look back at what my family was like just ten years ago, and it's barely recognizable to what it is now. It's especially difficult when you know the exact reason that it's falling apart but are helpless to do anything about it. It causes a tremendous amount of resentment which leads to more guilt.

I sometimes wonder if the fact that my childhood was so great makes the slow deterioration of my family and our relationships with each other, primarily my mom and youngest sister, more difficult to bare? I wonder if it had been crappy from the beginning if it would be any easier to deal with the overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, and heartbreak that I've experienced as an adult? I was just in Washington last month visiting my younger sister (the middle one that I'm very close to), and I can't tell you how much we cried together over the same issues and the same heartbreak of what's happening to our family.

Wow, I honestly had no intention of going off on such a tangent like that!! Sorry. :eek: I guess your post just triggered these emotions inside me that wanted to get out.

Anyway, I really am sorry for the pain that you feel when you think back to your childhood. If I had the magic answer for how to rid ourselves of the hurt that can happen with our parents, I'd certainly share it with you. I've been on a quest for it myself, and through seven therapists, I've yet to find it. It's a matter of getting to some form of acceptance, that much I know, but how you do that is beyond me. So, hugs to you, Sir_Winston, and I hope you will find the answer of erasing your pain.

A little bit off the topic, but I was wondering if you've considered whether your mom is what they call a hoarder? I've seen several shows on it, and that's what came to my mind when I read the part of your post where she didn't want to throw away things that are piling up and are not being used. Might be something to consider.

Hugs! :rose:
 
Luvkitty, thanks, and I'm sorry you're going through what you are with your family.

As for mom being a hoarder - maybe. "Packrat" is the term I use more often, though. :rolleyes:
 
graceanne said:
I hear people say 'if I could go back and do it all over again'. Nothing gives me nightmares like the thought of 'going back'. I don't think you could pay to have me 'go back'.
Click to expand...

Not to be an asswipe but I had a FABULOUS childhood. We had times were we struggled with money, my parents were constantly arguing and other minor crap but dammit, it was good times... good times... *sigh*. I would go back in a heartbeat and do it just the same all over again.
 
im_a_voyeur said:
Not to be an asswipe but I had a FABULOUS childhood. We had times were we struggled with money, my parents were constantly arguing and other minor crap but dammit, it was good times... good times... *sigh*. I would go back in a heartbeat and do it just the same all over again.
Click to expand...

I'm glad. I don't envy other people their happy childhoods, or good parents. I just don't particularly understand it. If I had to do it over again, I'd kill myself. I am not kidding in the slightest bit - I'd rather be dead.
 
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