"You've Been a Bad Girl..."

[SexyChele]

I'm just wondering how many subs and Dom/mes have used the question, "You've been a bad girl/boy, haven't you" as a prerequisite for a spanking. And, for the subs, if you have had this asked of you do you always respond positively, even if it isn't true? And Dom/mes, when you ask this do you truly think your sub has been "bad"? Or is this just a general question to get in the mood for a spanking?

The other night I was getting spanked with hand/belt and I was told/asked that I had been bad for teasing him with my ass - jiggling it, pressing it against him, begging to be spanked. (Okay, I do admit to the begging part!) But I really didn't think I had been "bad" and instead of saying "yes" I simply moaned. Afterwards, I asked my partner if he truly felt that if I teased him if he thought that was a bad thing. He replied that he loves it but that he "needed an excuse" to give me a spanking.

Huh??

I know that I've heard/read this question in movies and books, and was just wondering when people ask this or answer positively to it, if it is a question they take seriously or if it just part of a role they are in.

 

[Mr Blonde]

I wouldn't tell a submissive she was "bad" unless she had done something to disappoint me. If I thought she was being "naughty" (tempting/teasing/bratty/silly), I would simply say so and then announce the consequence. From your story, SexyChele, I would say you were just being naughty.

I typically don't use rhetorical questions as foreplay. If anything, I simply enjoy announcing what I am about to do.

I save the "bad girl" talk for when I am enforcing some actual discipline and expect the submissive to change her behavior.

 

[WriterDom]

Spankings to me are erotic and playful. As well as the "you've been a bad girl." Of course, they can be as painful as you want to make it. But it's play and I would never correct a sub that way.

There are other toys that are a lot more painful, and a lot easier on the hand. Doesn't have to be corporal either. If you are with someone long enough you know what buttons to push.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am not above throwing a bone to a sub who likes to hear that kind of stuff.

If I actually thought he was bad, he would not be my sub.

 

[Netzach]

Some people need to feel naughty or bad or transgressive. For some people being told they are bad when they are good is really a blow to the ego in a bad way. Some people can deal with degrading talk only with very clear lines and knowing they are going into a scene that's about humiliation...and inserting that into another scene that's about spanking would feel really bad.

I'm not into it unless the bottom gets their jollies that way. If they really have to act out to prove badness that gets old, too.

 

[bunny bondage]

it depends on the relationship. if it's a serious committed D/s thing, then i would only admit to being bad if it were true. however, if i know that we're just playing (as i have been recently) then i'll admit to being naughty regardless of what i've done, just to be "in role"

 

[Red Menace]

That would totally ruin the mood for me. I can accept that I find all kinds of kinky and unusual things erotic and prefer that same response in a play partner. Feeling a need to create some kind of excuse seems to imply that they are not completely comfortable with who they are.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I know that I've heard/read this question in movies and books, and was just wondering when people ask this or answer positively to it, if it is a question they take seriously or if it just part of a role they are in.

Hi SC!

No, he never used that phrase with me. Usually it is/was "You disobied me" or "You are being rebellious and not following directions."

Good to see you, by the way. ;-)

 

[James G 5]

I have a wav of a man saying "Daddy's girl's been a BAD girl...."

 

[catalina_francisco]

In our relationship Master does not require an excuse to spank, whip or anything, as it is his right to use his property as he wishes, and he knows I get pleasure from it also. Punishment is a seperate issue which is treated seriously in all aspects, and though may result in spanking or whipping, is by no way a pleasure for either of us.

C

 

[Justina123]

To me, since bdsm delves into so many corners of my body and soul, it is very important that my Dominant say exactly what He means. (I imagine this would be different if we were role playing, but that is an area I have almost zero experience in.)

He has NEVER said I am bad, though a couple of times he has told me I made a mistake or did something wrong.

I am the same way with my children, by the way- I never tell them THEY are bad, just what they have done was wrong, a poor decision, etc. To some it may seem like a fine line of distinction or just semantics, but I don't think so... I want them to know no matter what they have done I continue to believe they are good and sweet and intelligent inside, just this time their choice of behavior did not reflect that.

And that's the way I want my Dominant to treat me, even when playing.

- justina

 

[catalina_francisco]

To me, since bdsm delves into so many corners of my body and soul, it is very important that my Dominant say exactly what He means. (I imagine this would be different if we were role playing, but that is an area I have almost zero experience in.)

He has NEVER said I am bad, though a couple of times he has told me I made a mistake or did something wrong.

I am the same way with my children, by the way- I never tell them THEY are bad, just what they have done was wrong, a poor decision, etc. To some it may seem like a fine line of distinction or just semantics, but I don't think so... I want them to know no matter what they have done I continue to believe they are good and sweet and intelligent inside, just this time their choice of behavior did not reflect that.

And that's the way I want my Dominant to treat me, even when playing.

- justina

Is a good way to promote healthy self esteem and image by judging or addressing behaviour, not people. A fine line, but more important than most realise.

C

 

[Quint]

Chiming in for the "likes being told she's bad" category. It makes me squirm to hear that semi-disapproving note in his voice, to know that I'm over his knee for a transgression--and I agree that it would be a technicality, not for disobeying or anything serious. It's much like how I enjoy being called a filthy slut. I know it isn't who I am so much as what I've done, and I'm cool with that.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Chiming in for the "likes being told she's bad" category. It makes me squirm to hear that semi-disapproving note in his voice, to know that I'm over his knee for a transgression--and I agree that it would be a technicality, not for disobeying or anything serious. It's much like how I enjoy being called a filthy slut. I know it isn't who I am so much as what I've done, and I'm cool with that.

I am with Quint.

As a general rule and in day to day life, I don't really enjoy being told I am a bad girl, because while I may have my flaws, I am not inherently bad...HOWEVER...there are definately times than I want nothing more than to be told how bad I am...usually during play time and definately when I am wanting to be spanked/or being spanked. I have even uttered the words, "Punish me" during situations where I am definately in a "bad" role. But, that's all it is for me at that point...a role, because I usually haven't actually BEEN bad or disobeyed in any way.

in non-sexual interactions it actually breaks my heart to know I have disappointed Him, but during play...oh yeah...

And I like being called a slut on occassion, too!!

 

[SexyChele]

Thank you all for your replies! My partner is not a Dominant, and I think that says quite a bit. I'm thinking perhaps he needs the "excuse" so he can "forgive" (not really the choice of words I want, but will do for now) himself for getting pleasure out of doing something that most in the vanilla world would say is not right.

But I do have to admit the voice he used did cause a shivers to run down my spine!

Again, thanks all and have a terrific weekend!

 

[DVS]

Chiming in for the "likes being told she's bad" category. It makes me squirm to hear that semi-disapproving note in his voice, to know that I'm over his knee for a transgression--and I agree that it would be a technicality, not for disobeying or anything serious. It's much like how I enjoy being called a filthy slut. I know it isn't who I am so much as what I've done, and I'm cool with that.

My sub enjoys being tormented. She acts like she dislikes the phrase 'naughty girl', but she plays the part well, when I label her as being one. And, she always replys "yes" when I ask her if she has been naughty.

We have a few minor offenses that she gets spanked for, but personally, I don't need a reason to spank that cute ass of hers. I do think she plays the part of the naughty girl about to get punished better, when she has failed me or herself in some way.

But, like me, I'm sure she secretly loves to be told to strip naked and drape herself over my lap when I say she deserves a spanking...for whatever reason, even just because.

 

[ownedsubgal]

"you've been a bad girl" is to phoney/role-playish for me. if i've truly been bad, trust me, my Master will come up with much harsher words for me, and i will get something much more severe than a "spanking". we don't do play punishments, so i can't relate to that particular aspect.

 

[cellis]

I am not above throwing a bone to a sub who likes to hear that kind of stuff.

If I actually thought he was bad, he would not be my sub.

How like you to say that EB....

I have missed you terribly!

It is a role playing thing we do... He doesn't need an excuse to spank my ass... and if I were truly bad He would not want me... He likes to spank me and I like to be spanked... but if I am bad... and I am rarely bad... then the whole story is totally different. He doesn't spank me for punishment... however, He might make me wear "granny panties" true punishment for the original thong girl!

 

[DVS]

"you've been a bad girl" is just a phrase. Everybody is different and this phrase won't work for all people in all situations.

Please don't assume that because someone likes to sometimes play and use this phrase that true punishments are not severe.

I think almost everyone will use role playing at times. If not, that is your choice. Those who do consider it an enjoyable practice.

 

[bunny bondage]

you'll be pleased to know that this thread has inspired a story. it's a sort of combination of some of the things i've done with "the new guy". i can't thank you enough for the perfect inspiration to get this story going! i'll be sure to post it asap!

 

[ownedsubgal]

"you've been a bad girl" is just a phrase. Everybody is different and this phrase won't work for all people in all situations.

Please don't assume that because someone likes to sometimes play and use this phrase that true punishments are not severe.

I think almost everyone will use role playing at times. If not, that is your choice. Those who do consider it an enjoyable practice.

i'm well aware that many who do the play punishment/you've been a bad girl thing do indeed have serious punishments that are not about fun and games or kink, it's just that with us, there is no role play in anything we do, ever. so i cannot relate to such things, although i don't think negatively of them at all.

 

[SexyChele]

you'll be pleased to know that this thread has inspired a story. it's a sort of combination of some of the things i've done with "the new guy". i can't thank you enough for the perfect inspiration to get this story going! i'll be sure to post it asap!

Terrific news! Glad to be of some assistance, and I look forward to reading it when completed!