Your Worst

[Trombonus]

Sex: Nothing during sex, but my ex made me poop a little afterwards because she was tickling me. I'm very VERY ticklish, and kinda lost control a little. It was just a little tiny bit though.

Cooking: I made a sandwich of barbecue chips, cucumber, cheese and ketchup. It was kinda good too.

Work: I got paid for an entire months work of worth without actually doing anything.

Friendship: I dunno, probably didn't tell them something I should have. Maybe I'm making that mistake right now...

Stoned / Drunken Antics: I've never been drunk or stoned.

School Exams: Nothing really. Some classmates of mine were marking their papers with the answers to the upsoming test, and I declined their offer. I actually ended up scoring higher than all of them. I did not turn them in.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers: I was with a few of my friends and some new people. One way or another we got into a conversation about the size of my penis.

Blonde Moments: I'm not blonde, but I have way too many blonde moments to list here.

Unlawful Activity: Other than speeding there is none. I'm a good boy.

 

[SlickTony]

Time to take off your halos and get onto the confession stand.

What's the worst thing you've done in each of the following areas of your life? By 'worst' I'm talking about the uncool little things that you'd feel ashamed to own up to.

So now I'm sitting back and wondering who's going to have the balls to respond to this thread

Sex

Did it with this guy back in Texas in an effort to get him involved in the EST training. He wasn't a bit attractive to me and all in all, it was a huge waste of time.

Cooking

There was this thing in an Indian cookbook that involved hard boiled eggs, saffron, and slivered almonds (stuck into the eggs). My family ribbed me about that for years afterwards.

Work

I guess I can offer two things: I accidentally spilled a cup of coffee into a Mac keyboard. Being this was the 80s and all keyboards were horribly expensive and you couldn't just dash down to Wal-Mart and get another for $10 (plus, it was a Mac) this was disastrous. I was dismissed from the gig (I was doing contract work) and drove home in tears.

I was working for this outfit that treated all the temps terribly. One day after I'd left the office for the day I remembered something I'd left on my desk, and when I got back up on that floor, the glass door leading to the area I was working in had already been locked. I had to go the long way around, but not before I had given the lower panel of the door a vicious sidekick which cracked it all the way across. No one ever found out who did it.

Friendship

I got in touch with an old friend whom I'd known back in Louisiana. She was now living in The Woodlands, in Texas, and married to an abusive man which she was in the process of leaving. Well, I provided a sounding board for her, gave her advice, wished her well, told her to come to my town if she wanted, as there was probably a lot of work for her if she did...and then, suddenly, I started getting emails from an address that included both her and her husband's name. And I haven't written a word to her ever since. I don't know to this day if she fell for the I'll-never-do-it-again spiel that abusive men frequently lay on you to get you to come back, or if he'd extracted her from the women's shelter and she was being held in durance vile somewhere on his estate. I really should get back with her and try to find out.

Stoned / Drunken Antics

Stoned: initiated a FB type thing with a guy I knew in college, because I was pissed at my fiance, who had taken another girl out because he'd carelessly promised her they'd go out if she ever came to his town to visit. I thought (and I still do) that he ought to have told her that things had changed since then.

Drunk: stood on a chair in a nightclub and tumbled right off it, landing face-flat on the floor.

School Exams

Oh, I've done the eenie-meenie-miney-mo thing lots of times.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers

I can't really recall doing anything intentionally rude. Only being told by someone or other that I'd been rude.

Blonde Moments

Went into a long explanation about the use of backer rods to someone who turned out to be a building contractor.

Unlawful Activity

Eh--just the usual. Past drug use, illegal downloads, and traffic offenses.

 

[cumallday]

sex: I was at a party with an old girlfriend and her best friend. Later on that evening her best friend gave me a bj while my girlfriend lay passed out in another room.

cooking: With little else left in the refrigerator I spread blue cheese, artichoke heart, and black olives on a toasted bagel.

work: I drove a forklift at a wallpaper printing press. The patterns are engraved and stored on large cylinders worth thousands of dollars. I dropped one while moving it with my lift, severely damaging it. No one saw or heard me so I put it back and never said a word.

freindship: I'm a good friend and don't have anything to add here.

stoned/drunk: I once started a bar fight and was one of the one's sent to the drunk tank after the cops showed up. The officer on duty at the jailhouse was an attractive (or so my beer goggles convinced me) female. I kept hitting on her from my cell. After she had enough of my sorry ass she handcuffed me and stuck tape to my mouth. While she did so I peed myself.

school exams: Instead of answering the questions I took the opportunity to tell the teacher exactly what I thought of him with my exam.

rude behaviour: See drunk tank.

blonde moments: I'm blonde. Nonetheless, I once had my head turned and walked straight into a lampost on a busy street. I bled all over the street until someone called an ambulance. I still have the scar.

unlawful activity: I make a hefty sum of green every October.

 

[TE999]

Sex Screwing my best bud's sister. He never did catch on.

Cooking Table for two, please.

Work A guy that I hated made the mistake of leaving his updated resume on his desk at lunch. I made sure the boss got it and learned the guy was job shopping. He (the guy) had his ass ridden by said boss until he quit.

Friendship Told a guy that thought he was my friend (he was, sorta) to get lost when I got a chance to hang with the 'in' crowd in college. I'm not proud of that one, but when you're young...

Stoned / Drunken Antics Too many to count. One comes to mind: Climbing up a light pole and attempting to remove the 'Bourbon Street' sign for a souvenier during Mardi Gras. NOPD didn't appreciate that.

School Exams Cheated my way through Geometry in High School. Hey, I really wanted to graduate!

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers I try to be nice, but some people just ask for it. Giving bad directions to out-of-town-drivers usually works for me.

Blonde Moments I think someone else mentioned the right-left confusion. I still do it.

Unlawful Activity Drunk driving. Shoplifting. Petty theft (a school mascot). Smoking 'weed'. Using 'goofballs' to pull all-nighter's in college.

In the immortal words of Jerry Garcia: "What a long, strange trip it's been."

 

[Misty_Morning]

In the immortal words of Jerry Garcia: "What a long, strange trip it's been."

I knew there was a reason I love so much....

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sex

In the immortal words of Jerry Garcia: "What a long, strange trip it's been."

And still is, and will be...

 

[scottmcc]

Sex I did not correct a girl who thought that my wife and I were swingers, but nothing serious happened.

Cooking I once confused a 1/4 tsp of salt for a 1/4 cup.

Work I was in-charge of scheduling after being promoted, when someone I didn't like requested not to work a specific area I put them there first.

Friendship I had a habit of hitting on all the girls that one of my friends liked even if I wasn't attracted to them.

Stoned / Drunken Antics Cheated on drinking games so I wouldn't have to drink

School Exams I had an english teacher who really liked my but I didn't study for the test. The short essay answer I wrote consisted of "no hablo english"

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers I'm actually nice to random people.

Blonde Moments I once chewed out a web-tech person because after fixing my password it didn't work when I was using the wrong password. I apologized a lot afterwards but felt like a moron. When I sign in now I still kind of blush.

Unlawful Activity I'm boring.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Sex - - - I allowed a guy I didn’t know for more than an hour or two, to give me my first finger-fuck behind a mall when I was in the tenth grade. . .don’t remember his name, but God do I remember that moment. I remember how I felt while it was happening and how I came. I also remember the light of the mall cop’s flashlight bearing down on us.

Cooking - - - I cooked breakfast for my mom, or tried to when I was nine. I was going to make her pancakes. I heated the oil on high and started the kitchen on fire.

Work - - - Nothing to horribly, showed up with a hangover. But work was never something I ever screwed around with. . .security cameras you know.

Friendship - - - Eighth grade, got into a fist fight over a boy with my very bested friend. During the fight we saw our reflections in the mirror of the bathroom and started laughing hysterically, and that is what all the girls saw when they walked into the bathroom after someone had run out to tell them we were fighting.

Stoned / Drunken Antics - - - Passed out in the bathroom hugging the toilet at the age of twenty. . .had to be helped to a couch and refused to let anyone but my best friend’s boyfriend take off my shoes.

School Exams - - - cheated. *shrugs*

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers - - - Flipped off some folks who were driving a Hummer, because at the time the Hummer cooperation had just gotten eminent domain declared on several homes so they could expand their factory.

Blonde Moments - - - I reeled my hair into a fishing reel when I was catching fish with my father. He had to pull his pocket knife out and cut my hair.

Unlawful Activity - - - Underage drinking.

 

[Belegon]

Okay, I'm obviously the AntiChrist or something...I keep reading these and saying I'm not admitting to anything after all y'all are so nice...but what the hell...

Sex - How much time do we have? Okay...How about this one. Had a girl that I had never slept with but always wanted to call me out of the blue. Hadn't seen her in months. She had just broken up with a fiancee. Asked me over. I show up, her new roommate hits on me like crazy. I just kinda laugh and let it go. I spend the night with K, finally!!! The next morning, in the shower and after, she's all about what a mistake that we never did this before, come over after you get off work, we're together now, etc.
I come over after work and she is at the fiancee's house. So what did I do?

Yep...*sigh* I fucked the roommate...

Cooking - I once started soup and somehow thought it was wise to get in the shower. I had to throw out the pot.

Work - I once let another manager "borrow" inventory so he could pass an audit. I knew he was in financial trouble and taking "payday loans" by selling merchandise and ringing it up after he got paid. As far as I know, he paid the company back every cent, but it was still stupid.

Friendship - I'm really trying to stay away from sex stuff, but I had a casual friend "introduce" me to his bride-to-be senior year in college. She and I had done a year or longer stint as occasional fuck-buddies. Neither of us ever told him we had already met.

Stoned/Drunk - Jeez, how many of these are about sex? Okay, non-sexual. I climbed up the outside of a rough stone faced brick dorm hall and in the third floor lounge window one night. For some reason I thought it was funny. Think the college would have thought so if I had slipped?
There are many more...

School Exams - In high school I cheated like crazy. I took my soph Biology exam with the book OPEN next to my chair. I have no idea how I got away with that. In college I was a good boy...in class.

Rude Behavior To Random Strangers - Okay, I'm not that much of an asshole. Aside from joking/complaining about people after they leave, the worst I do is complain to Imp about the idiot driving next to me on the freeway. But I do use nasty names for them.

Blonde Moments - Plenty. Just a few months ago I walked under a light fixture mounted on the wall and sliced my skull (I was distracted ), then had to be practically forced to go to Urgent Care. Apparently, all the blood didn't convince me it was serious.

Unlawful Activity - Drugs and stuff are a given. How about driving around the Iowa night with a .22 and shooting Stop Signs? Drunk of course...but at least we had a designated driver...(actually, the DD was the real "Jason" from my story Wingman )

 

[elsol]

Can't really say I feel ashamed...

Sex
Being a sexual relationship with both my female housemates... they didn't know I was sleeping the other.

Cooking
I've worked in a restaurant... I'll let your imagination take over.

Work
Most psychologists would consider my behavior at work sociopathic-- I'm the 'nice' guy who...

It's all an act . It's just so much easier to get people to do what you want if they like you. The other people at my level make fun of me because I get along with the biggest pain in the ass department at my company and yet are surprised that the head of that department comes to my desk and apologizes when his people fuck me.

People are easy and I work it.

Friendship
I'm a very loyal friend... I will bury bodies for you if it comes down to it, but you can never make me say the sky is purple. You can say whatever you want about what you're doing but you must NEVER ask me to say it.

My last best friend did so when it came to the breakup with his girl.

Three months later, he got the pleasure of an orgasm concerto starring her.

Stoned / Drunken Antics
I was in the military... think armaments and alcohol.

I'll give you a jumping off point... a keg, an m16, plenty of ammo, and landmined beach.

Yes, it does get worse.

School Exams
Actually... I just remembered.

Shakespeare exam after I got my grade back when I was an hour late to my midterm... and I got a C+ because of the curve.

When I saw the grade, I gasped "God, you people are stupid"... loud enough for the class to hear.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers
None.

I want to kill people for lacking common courtesy... I've always assumed there's a few others out there who feel the same way. I'd hate to be rude to one of them on a day they've said "Fuck it! I'm punching off this planet!"

Blonde Moments
The sex with the two housemates thing... seriously, I could have been FUCKED rent-wise if they'd found out about each other.

Well... actually, one did.

Lucky for me, it turned her on because she had it out for the other girl and thought of herself as the 'mistress'.

From that moment on, women were a LOT more fun.

Unlawful Activity
Grand Theft Porn

 

[Darkniciad]

Sex Tie: Having sex with my sister's best friend at the foot of Sis's bed at 3 a.m. -- giving in to my own urges when a girl who came to me for a shoulder after a break-up ( drunk ) started looking for more than a shoulder a few hours in. We both regretted it in the morning, and I didn't have the excuse of still being half-drunk at the time of the romp.

Cooking Half-asleep, I turned my chili soup (forever talked up by my family and friends to my girlfriend for several months) into goulash the first time I made it for her, because I went a little nutty with the elbow mac in my bleary-eyed state.

Work (See below)

Friendship In an elaborate act of showmanship, I led my entire work crew in a production of "strip club" while one of our buddies was on the phone with his girl. We went into an office, turned on a tape deck with some appropriate music at ear-splitting decibals, then proceeded to open the door and pretend for all the world that we were walking out of the titty bar to drag him back in for another beer. Little did we know she would believe it.

On a positive note, he found out a month or so later that she'd been sleeping around on him, so she was no real loss.

Stoned / Drunken AnticsGood lord... No dope, but the drunken adventures are too numerous ( and hazy ) to recall. Aside from the standard singing and stumbling... I once put a cigarette into an empty Boone's Farm Apple wine bottle, and then superglued the lid on. When our perpetual bum buddy asked for a smoke, I picked up yet another wine bottle, put a smoke in it, and then switched the bottles below the table. ( He was too drunk to notice ) I let him struggle with it for a while, then took it back, switched bottles again and easily dumped the smoke out. Bottle switch again, and let him struggle some more. This went on twice more, and then when I handed the bottle back to him the last time, he cracked it against his forehead in frustration. The bottle didn't break, but he collapsed into an unconscious heap on the floor. Aside from the assholish trick, I probably laughed for ten minutes solid before I realized I should make sure he was still breathing. I wouldn't even know about it if it weren't all on tape.

School Exams The game I programmed for my final project in computer programming contained several rude, crude, lewd, and nude bits. I knew more about the language than the teacher by the time the class was over ( she was old school fortan and cobol trained ) so she just marked 100% on the snippets of example code I printed out to turn in, and then handed it back to me. The game remained a part of the class examples for two years ( the backdoors to the naughty stuff passed down through friends ) before someone finally ratted it out.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers Never unless prompted by similar rude behavior first - then all bets are off.

Blonde Moments Nothing special

Unlawful Activity Uhmm... I'll just stick with this one. I once aided and abetted in the hotwiring and theft of a combine, used to pull a mired 4WD truck out of what was more or less a bog. We never seemed to obey our own rules of "take two trucks, and don't go where the cattails grow". The combine pulled the truck out with absolutely no problem, and an escaped convict caught in the area that night ended up taking the blame for it.

 

[Vermilion]

Okay, I'm obviously the AntiChrist or something...I keep reading these and saying I'm not admitting to anything after all y'all are so nice...but what the hell...

Doesn't sound any worse than some of the entries there've been so far. Sorry, you completely failed to shock me.

x
V

 

[Vermilion]

Also... can I just point out how much fun it would be to spend time with some of you lot.

Hmm... wonder if another thread should be started about purely sexual misdemeanors, cos the builder thing wasn't the only one by a long chalk... <looks sweet and innocent>
x
V

ps- please help- i'm so horny and my fiance's mojo has been lost to the demands of his PhD. Arrrrgh.

 

[S-Des]

Sex I had a woman who was head over heels in love with me (and I didn't feel the same). It got to the point where I would call her to have sex whenever I was bored, then I'd just tell her to leave. I even had sex with her at work after the store closed (if my boss ever found out what we did on his van seat ). It was an asinine way to behave and she was a good person who deserved better.

Cooking Here goes any anonimity I might have had. When I was a teenager, we lived out in the country. One day, my dad handed me a grocery bag of corn and told me to take it to the creek and shuck it. Of course, being a city kid, I had never heard that expression, and thought he said "chuck" it. When he asked me where his corn was later, he was too overcome with amusement at my stupidity to be angry. 25 years later, that story is still told at family get togethers.

Work I was hired to do sound for a band of high school kids for a bar show (it was mostly their family and friends). There were a few technical problems in the first set, but nothing major (the owner told me how much he liked the quality of my work during the show). After it ended, the kids "manager" approached me and insisted on a discount because I had "ruined" the first set. He paid me half, telling me it's all I deserved. I told him it was a mistake to pull that crap, but he wouldn't listen. The next day I called my friend (who is one of the biggest booking agents in Chicago) and asked if he'd heard of the band. He told me he had their promo pack on his desk and was thinking about hiring them. I told him what happened and he told me they would never get a gig through him.

They were idiots, but the fact that I was pleased with what happened isn't exactly my finest momemt.

Friendship The only one that stands out is too personal.


Stoned / Drunken Antics None. I don't do drugs and rarely drink more than a couple beers.

School Exams None.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers I have way too short a fuse. Lots of incidents of going off on someone who probably didn't deserve it. I've also come close to some serious road rage incidents (I'm not shy about telling drivers what I think about they're antics).

Blonde Moments Definitely my cooking incident

Unlawful Activity Look....the Goodyear Blimp..........

 

[oggbashan]

Work
I was and am fairly large and heavy. In the 1960s I was also fit.

Office 1: One day I was just about to take my lunch break when my phone rang. It was a woman from the office on the floor below me. She had just tried to go to lunch and had found her office door locked. The janitor had failed to open it with the duplicate key. She was in there with a heavily pregnant colleague who was panicking and needed the ladies room. Could I help?

I went downstairs and found the janitor still trying any key to unlock the door. He had been trying for a quarter of an hour. The building had been constructed in the 1890s and the doors were heavy and solid. I shouted through the door to get the women to stand back and shoulder-charged it.

The door lock didn't break but the door and frame came away from the brickwork. I landed on it and was nearly trampled by the pregnant woman rushing for the toilet.

Apparently the man occupying the office immediately above theirs had left some confidential papers on his desk and the door unlocked. He went down in the lift and reached the ground floor before he remembered he hadn't locked his office. He went back in the lift and pressed the button for his floor. The lift stopped at the floor below because someone else wanted to go up. He thought he was on his floor, got out, locked the door that he thought was his office, then took the lift down. He had locked the women's office with the wrong key and the right key didn't work anymore.

Office 2: Our fire alarm system was being modernised. The alarm used to be sounded with metal triangles attached to the corridor walls with angled brackets. The fire officer decided to have an unannounced Fire Drill with the old system just before the new one became operational. His idea was to compare response times with the new and old systems. I was the Fire Assistant for my floor. At the appointed time I went to the first triangle, took out the metal bar striker and struck the triangle 'hard' as the instructions required. The triangle and bracket fell off the wall.

I went along the corridor to the next triangle. That also fell off the wall as soon as I hit it. So did the third and last. I picked that one up and walked up and down the corridor hitting the triangle as hard as I could. My floor evacuated first. No one else managed to break more than 1 triangle. The new fire system had to be activated a week early as a result of my efforts.

Og

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Belegon. . .I think I am in lust with you.

 

[Vermilion]

Belegon. . .I think I am in lust with you.

Hah - I sent a PM to him saying the same thing!
We should start a fan club
x
V

 

[SimonBrooke]

Sex -- The guy I was riding in the middle of the sorority house common room. Drunk, of course. I decided, mid-fuck, that I just didn't want to do that anymore. Got up & went back to the party. Didn't even say, "So long."

That is indeed impressive. I'm glad I'm not that guy... but I like your style!

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Hah - I sent a PM to him saying the same thing!
We should start a fan club
x
V

Yes, we should. LoL.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Sex A quickie literally a half hour before I had to get to a meeting, I didn;t even say good bye as I bolted out the door.

Cooking Tried to fry eggs early in my teen years and scorched them so badly I warped the pan.

Work I once threatened a co-worker who stole a sale from a long time customer of mine. We worked on commission so every sale was important. When he refused to settle things in a friendly manner, I got a battle axe out of my trunk. Blade was 18 inches tip to bottom, double sided, and on a 42 inch handle. I looked like Leif Erikson reborn as I came into the store, swung into over my head and into his desk and said "you want me to continue my argument as to why its my sale?"

the boss was laughing so hard he nearly wet himself.


Friendship I'm a good friend, always have been, nothing to confess here.

Stoned / Drunken Antics Strip show that lead to solo sex in front of 6 women as part of a truth or dare game gone wild. Evidently I Was good as they gave my a standing ovation.

School Exams Being a teacher's son, I have nothing to say other than I "didn;t quite measure up to my potential". meaning my teachers were frustrated I could pass tests without doing homework and pissed that I never did homework.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers I once said aloud "god damn her ass is amazing" to a friend and unwittingly was loud enough to be heard by the owner of said ass.

Blonde Moments I am constantly walking into a room, stopping and trying to remember why I came into that room then walking out to start over.

Unlawful Activity Details are still rather private but I can confess to certain rigged card games with pots over $1000 that I won more by cheating than by luck or skill... unless you call cheating a skill.

 

[mjl2010]

Sex Drunk in college, fell asleep in her/on her.

Cooking I'm a great cook. Burned some really great steaks once.

Work Can't think of anything

Friendship I'm a good guy. Let a friend down once, won't say how.

Stoned / Drunken Antics Me? Stoned or Drunk? Not for a long time. Got so wasted on Thai stick once I sat in a field of flowers and just vegged for three hours. Late for work and barely able to function.

School Exams Blew off studying once. Only got a B on my final.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers Once suggested to a woman in front of me at the grocery store that she'd be better off with a collar around her neck and a pair of dirty panties stuffed in her mouth. She was berating the cashier over nothing, holding up the long line and just being rude herself. She gawked at me a second, turned red and grabbed her change before running out with her groceries.

Blonde Moments Worst blond moment. Hmmm. Probably way back when I was sixteen. Without help I backed our 17 foot boat into the garage. There was only two inches to spare on either side, the driveway was long and narrow. It took me about two minutes. Later that morning I took my drivers exam and really screwed up when he made me back up. Putting the boat away was so I could use the truck to take the exam. Figure.

Unlawful Activity Oh well. <cough> I was an angel of course, my entire life.

QUOTE]

 

[Vermilion]

Stoned / Drunken Antics Strip show that lead to solo sex in front of 6 women as part of a truth or dare game gone wild. Evidently I Was good as they gave my a standing ovation.

Goddammit. Don;t know about anyone else, but I'm getting lot of new story ideas from this thread!
x
V

 

[oggbashan]

Stoned / Drunken Antics

I attended a Beach Party that was originally intended to be small but grew. The original idea was that a group of young men from a particular office should invite young women from the same office to the beach party a few miles from town.

The participants would met at a local pub and when the pub closed would walk several hundred yards to the beach where we would have laid a bonfire, ready to be lit. The women would provide the food; the men provide the drinks.

The first thing to go wrong was that all the men thought the others weren't inviting enough women. When we compared notes, the women outnumbered the men by about two to one. So someone suggested the local firemen. We invited them. The men outnumbered the women by 1.5 to 1. We invited nurses from the local hospital... It went on and on. The original number was intended to be about 40. The final number attending was 400+.

The firemen agreed to build the fire. The Royal Marines said they would build a better one, so we had two fires. Both piles were about thirty feet high, delivered by red or blue painted trucks.

I had just had some back pay for travelling, about the equivalent of two months' normal pay. I bought a considerable amount of alcohol.

I drunk a large amount of alcohol, went swimming in the sea at midnight with a few other drunken idiots, and had to retrieve a nurse who had cramp. Once I had returned her to shore, massaged her legs and warmed her up next to the Royal Marines' fire, we were an item for the rest of the night. We continued to drink, and drink, and eat, and drink...

At about 5.30 am my nurse companion announced that she was due on duty at 7am. She could catch an early bus from the end of the road leading to the beach, get to the Nurses' Hostel, change and be on duty on time.

There was a problem. The tide had come in blocking our access to one of the paths leading up the cliff to the road. The other route was blocked by the Firemens' large bonfire, still burning strongly.

"No problem," said the young Og. "I'll take you up the cliff. After all I am a member of the cliff rescue team."

She was drunk enough to agree. I slung all 160lbs of her across my shoulders in a fireman's lift and climbed the 80 foot cliff to the accompaniment of cheers from the Marines and Firemen. We made it. She caught the bus. I returned, down the cliff, to the party and was presented with another full glass of wine. I don't remember anything else until about 2 pm that day when I came to in a coffee bar with a large heap of empty coffee cups.

She didn't go on duty. One of her friends at the Nurses' Hostel took one look at her, declared her incapable, reported her 'sick' and took her shift that morning.

I returned to the beach later that afternoon to help clear up. The cliff I had climbed so nonchantly is slippery and crumbly shale, very dangerous without a safety rope. I had climbed it with a large woman on my back and returned down it. One of the Royal Marines commented: "You were a stupid bugger, weren't you?" A fireman said: "We were clustering at the bottom of the cliff ready to catch you when you fell. We don't know how you did it."

Neither do I. Every time I visit that beach I shiver.

Og

 

[TheEarl]

TheEarl thinks I should explain this as it makes me sound me and bitchy. That doesn't worry me as I can be mean and bitchy however he refuses to agree!

Basically, I transferred rooms at the nursery and the person in charge of the room wasn't very nice to me, refused to let me carry out any of my ideas and took credit for everything I did. So I worked extra hard to make myself look good did everything that my manager asked and was unfailingly nice and polite to the room leader. I did everything she asked but made sure my manager knew it was me doing all the legwork (I've always found it's a good idea to be nice to managers and secretaries). Eventually she got shipped out to another nursery in our chain and I got promotion. She has never forgiven me. Occasionally staff from my room go to that nursery to help out and she spends the whole day telling them how crap I am. One came back very upset and said what a cow she was to be so mean abput me when I made working in my room so much fun! I was touched.

Actually that nursery can set up a hate Elsie club as I recently got someone else who didn't get on with me shipped over there!

Elsie

xxx

No-one else thinks she's especially evil, do they?

Just remembered a Blonde Moment:

It was about 11.20pm on a Saturday evening. I'd spent the day hanging out with my sister and her then-bloke and we'd had a blast. Been to an amusement park down by the seafront, hung out and had generally had a great time. I was a little bit hyper. This is my only excuse for what happened next.

We were walking up the pedestrianised high street and I was traversing across the top of these horrible metal modern-art benches that were in the middle of the concourse. I'd jump up, walk along them and jump down. After a little, I decided that I could probably jump from one bench to another so, without further ado, I tried it.

I nearly made it. Nearly. I actually got the front of my leading foot onto the bench, which enabled me to do a nice somersault and scrape my shin down the edge of the metal bench. I went arse-over-tit and came up swearing at my own stupidity, waving off the attentions of random passersby who'd come over to check if I was okay. I limped on for about 50m, until my sister forced me to sit down so she could have a look at my leg.

She lifted up my trousers and went slightly pale. I insisted on looking and discovered why. I'd torn a gash about 5" long in my shin, laying open the skin and muscle very thoroughly and causing a giant hole where the stretched skin had sprung away. It was impressive.

This was clearly ambulance time. I was the driver and I was obviously in no state to be driving. However, we'd all been too well trained. From an early age you're taught that false emergencies cost lives. So we didn't phone 999. Nope, we phoned 118 118 (directory enquiries) in order to get directions to the hospital.

Thankfully, before we embarked on the idea, a police car drew up alongside to see what had happened. The policemen took a look at my leg and volunteered to drive me to the local A+E.

So, I turned up at the Accident and Emergency department. At midnight on a Saturday night. As a young, close-hair-cutted man. In a dodgy area. Holding a hurt hand, with a cut on his head, limping heavily and with one ripped and bloodied jeans leg. And accompanied by two police officers.

It took the nurses a long time to believe that I was completely sober and not under arrest.

The Earl

 

[Vermilion]

<snigger>

Bet that was a fun sitch. Something similar-ish happened to my sis.

She's tiny, very petite and slim and over Xmas she went to a club wearing hotpants and a strappy top. The club was suppoed to open at 7, so they got there at quarter past six. Two hours later and they still hadn't even opened the doors and it was sub-zero. My sis started getting dizzy then she passed out.

Apparently her body temp was 33 degrees and it's supposed to be 37. So she had hypothermia, but the ambulance that was called asked her about drink and drugs for quite a long time before they twigged that she was just really really cold.

Poor girl.

x
V