Your Worst

[scheherazade_79]

Time to take off your halos and get onto the confession stand.

What's the worst thing you've done in each of the following areas of your life? By 'worst' I'm talking about the uncool little things that you'd feel ashamed to own up to.

Sex

Cooking

Work

Friendship

Stoned / Drunken Antics

School Exams

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers

Blonde Moments

Unlawful Activity



So now I'm sitting back and wondering who's going to have the balls to respond to this thread

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Sex
Premature ejaculation while inserting myself. It was just after getting back from the amusement park with my girlfriend, I was worked up, and it was over. That was the last time I ever had sex too.

Cooking
I don't cook.

Work
I honestly can't narrow it down. There have been so many days where I have something to do but end up doing nothing.

Friendship
I'm the best friend ever. I don't think I've done anything bad here.

Stoned / Drunken Antics
I don't get stoned either.

School Exams
I used to cheat on spelling tests in the 6th grade.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers
I told a man in a wheelchair I was too tired to help him up an incline.

Blonde Moments
Too many to remember or narrow down, oh wait...
Someone said "Clan country" and I heard "clam" and it was just dumb...

Unlawful Activity
Speeding would be my number one offence.

 

[impressive]

Time to take off your halos and get onto the confession stand.

What's the worst thing you've done in each of the following areas of your life? By 'worst' I'm talking about the uncool little things that you'd feel ashamed to own up to.

Sex -- The guy I was riding in the middle of the sorority house common room. Drunk, of course. I decided, mid-fuck, that I just didn't want to do that anymore. Got up & went back to the party. Didn't even say, "So long."

Cooking -- Making "gray-vee." Ugh.

Work -- You mean aside from goofing off?

Friendship -- Drawing a blank, here. *shrug* I don't do my friends wrong.

Stoned / Drunken Antics -- At a high school graduation party, I got WAY drunk & told the squeeze du jour that I really regretted that it wasn't him who took my virginity. (Lie!) Then, I puked on his shoes.

School Exams -- Hmm. I was a terrible student, but the "worst" behavior I can fess up to is simply last-minute cramming.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers -- Nope.

Blonde Moments -- Be serious.

Unlawful Activity -- Worst? Hmm. Misdemeanors all. (I think! *cough*)

 

[scheherazade_79]

Sex
I threw up when I was about to give my first blow job. I'd been dreading it all day, and the second he whipped his pants down I felt my stomach beginning to turn. I made it as far as the window, where I stood butt-naked, throwing my guts up onto the car park below. And yes, there were lots of people around The guy put his clothes back on and left. I couldn't look him in the eye.

Cooking
Coq au vin, which I decided to make up off the top of my head. The result was a bright purple paste, which tasted of cornflour. Not even the dog would eat it.

Work
I had to fill out a self appraisal form for a job I hated. It had been a particularly hard day, and I decided to tell the absolute truth. My strengths included:
* Maintaining my professional dignity, whilst being told to go and fuck myself on a daily basis.
* Ignoring the destruction of the rain forest, as a mountain of bureaucratic bullshit builds up in my pigeon hole.
* Fabricating my fortnightly attainment grades so that I'm able to concentrate on more important things - like teaching.
Under the category marked "Targets", I wrote: 'Stick a long-handled broom up my arse so that I can sweep the floor and do the the job of the cleaners, too, while I go about my teaching duties.'
And then I submitted it to my line manager...

Friendship
As a teenager I had a friend with long, golden hair down to her arse. All the boys fantasised about her, and she was an absolute slapper around them. One night she got drunk and asked me to put some blue streaks into her hair, like I had. The bottled slipped a bit, then suddenly I lost control and ended up dying all her hair bright blue. It looked awful, and took three visits to the hairdressers to sort out. I don't know what got into me

Stoned / Drunken Antics
My quartet got asked to play at a civic function. We did our bit, then stumbled across several trays of brandy-filled glasses, which were meant for the dignitaries at the end of the evening. We drank these, and decided to go exploring. We were in a technical college, which specialised in hairdressing at the time. I found a mannequin's head, and tucked it under my arm. A friend fastened my shirt collar over the top of my end, and I made a ghostly decapitated cameo apperance during the speeches They never asked us to play there again.

School Exams
A uni exam on music theory. I couldn't answer a single question on the paper, and scored zero.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers
Never really done this.

Blonde Moments
Getting my fingers stuck in a bowling ball.

Unlawful Activity
I got charged the equivalent of £15 for two cokes at a restaurant on St Mark's Square, Venice... So I got my money's worth by taking the table cloth, the vase of flowers, the ash tray and even the plastic table number. The table was bare after I'd left, and if it had been a bit smaller I probably would have taken that as well.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers
I told a man in a wheelchair I was too tired to help him up an incline.

I know it's wrong of me to laugh, but... ROFLMAO!

 

[scheherazade_79]

Sex -- The guy I was riding in the middle of the sorority house common room. Drunk, of course. I decided, mid-fuck, that I just didn't want to do that anymore. Got up & went back to the party. Didn't even say, "So long."

I wish I could have seen the look on his face!

 

[TheEarl]

Sex
Almost certainly my first ever fumblings, where I turned a willing girl into a giggling girl by proving incapable of undoing her bra. This wasn't about not being able to work the catch. Hell, I couldn't find the catch!

Cooking
I have very little in the way of a sense of smell. It's quite useful in stinky situations, but rubbish if I'm trying to discern if food has gone off. This is the reason why I was able to cook a chicken dinner, without being able to tell that it had gone seriously off. It was a routine recipe, so I didn't taste it until I sat down with my plate and ingested the first mouthful...

"Would you smell my chicken for me?" is now a common request of mine to housemates.

Work
Nothing too bad here. I spent a little more time on the internet than working towards the end of my last job. It was deathly dull and I wasn't particularly good at it.

Friendship
Bullied a boy who had been my friend when I was in year 6 because I wanted to fit in with a cooler crowd who'd accepted me. Not proud of that one.

Stoned / Drunken Antics
I think talked bollocks and thrown up is the best I can offer on drunken. I don't get stoned.

School Exams
Extreme sarcasm in a General Studies A-Level. We were forced to do the course by our school and it was thoroughly pointless. It's a nothing qualification that no-one recognises and could be done with your eyes shut. By a freak of the timetabling, I had already had two Chemistry exams in the am and by the time I got to the General Studies exam in the pm, I just couldn't be bothered. One of the exam sections involved a snippet from a newspaper report and the question, "Why is this newsworthy?" I believe my answer was something like, "This is newsworthy because it is, in fact, in a newspaper and can, therefore, reasonably be considered news."

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers
I'm far too English to be rude to people I know, let alone a stranger. Although if I ever get to meet the employee who's currently giving my mum grief, then I may have a few words to say.

Blonde Moments
Telling the Eddie Izzard "Cake or Death" routine to someone who I only realised afterwards was a best's new girlfriend. This would've been fine, except he'd warned me that she was a 'Devout Christian' (apparently there's a sect called that!) and was devoid of a sense of humour about it.

Unlawful Activity
A few TV downloads which I justify by my own morals. I'm a good boy really.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Sex
I threw up when I was about to give my first blow job. I'd been dreading it all day, and the second he whipped his pants down I felt my stomach beginning to turn. I made it as far as the window, where I stood butt-naked, throwing my guts up onto the car park below. And yes, there were lots of people around The guy put his clothes back on and left. I couldn't look him in the eye.

<cackles with laughter> The mark of a true lesbian!

The Earl

 

[impressive]

"Would you smell my chicken for me?" is now a common request of mine to housemates.

*coffee spew* So many places to go with this ...

 

[scheherazade_79]

Unlawful Activity
A few TV downloads which I justify by my own morals. I'm a good boy really.

Yup. You can put your halo back on, Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Work
I had to fill out a self appraisal form for a job I hated. It had been a particularly hard day, and I decided to tell the absolute truth. My strengths included:
* Maintaining my professional dignity, whilst being told to go and fuck myself on a daily basis.
* Ignoring the destruction of the rain forest, as a mountain of bureaucratic bullshit builds up in my pigeon hole.
* Fabricating my fortnightly attainment grades so that I'm able to concentrate on more important things - like teaching.
Under the category marked "Targets", I wrote: 'Stick a long-handled broom up my arse so that I can sweep the floor and do the the job of the cleaners, too, while I go about my teaching duties.'
And then I submitted it to my line manager...

You're my hero.

The Earl

 

[Vermilion]

Replying w/o reading other people's in case they influence me, these are the first things that come into my head.

Sex <blush> <mumbles> shagging one of the builders who was working on my parents' house. He climbed through my window and I was horny</mumble>

Cooking um... I served my fiance devil's chicken that was still raw in the middle the other day... it's unusual for me to fuck up cooking, but the chicken hadn't defrosted as much as I expected.

Work Well... I've never had a full time job, but I did a saturday job at a beauty salon for a while as a receptionist. One time I was asked to check the polish on some woman's pedicure and see if it had set yet. I went and ran my thumb along it and pressed harder than I meant to and screwed up the whole thing. The Beautician fixed it again, but I feel bad still sometimes...

Friendship The girl who ditched me during the summer hols After GCSEs because I wouldn't get over being upset about my broken relationship. We'd been 'best' friends up til then, but she was a fair-weather friend and no great loss in the long run.

Stoned / Drunken Antics Um... Just generally getting very bolshy when drunk and always trying to take my clothes off. I Actually get violent sometimes which is one of several reasons I am now teetotal. I also did some innappropriate sexual things with a strange man when I was 17 because he got me drunk... a story for another day mebbe?

School Exams A Levels. Still had glandular fever (Mono) in my system and all my exams fell in the week I had PMT. I was predicted all As and didn't get anything like those results...

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers Um... When I'm driving and they do something stupid.

Blonde Moments Every day of my life.

Unlawful Activity Um... Don't really break the law much... I got stoned once, but didn't buy the grass myself, I speed sometimes, but not majorly... Nope. I'm pretty dull in RL, I just have a great imagination
x
V

 

[Vermilion]

School Exams
Extreme sarcasm in a General Studies A-Level. We were forced to do the course by our school and it was thoroughly pointless. It's a nothing qualification that no-one recognises and could be done with your eyes shut. By a freak of the timetabling, I had already had two Chemistry exams in the am and by the time I got to the General Studies exam in the pm, I just couldn't be bothered. One of the exam sections involved a snippet from a newspaper report and the question, "Why is this newsworthy?" I believe my answer was something like, "This is newsworthy because it is, in fact, in a newspaper and can, therefore, reasonably be considered news."

<snort>
We did General Studies too. The general thinking on it was that, if you spelt your own name correctly, you'd get a B.
If I hadn't gone to an all girls' school I'd ask if you'd been to my school. I never heard of anyone else who was forced to sit the bloody stupid thing - it's not like a single university recgnised it as a qualification for entry.
x
V

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

What's the worst thing you've done in each of the following areas of your life? By 'worst' I'm talking about the uncool little things that you'd feel ashamed to own up to.

Sex One time i fell asleep whilst my ex was was trying to find my g-spot. She was not amused.

Cooking I once cooked a huuuuge pot of italian vegetable soup and accidently used 'chicken' stock cubes...it was a day we were spoed to be vegetarian for religious reasons...i didnt tell anyone

Work I used to disapear for long blocks of time- i worked as a team leader in a department store. I'd pretend i was on another department dealing with stock or out back sorting stuff, when actually i was either on the phone to a friend or stuffing my face with chocolate, or even hiding in the fitting rooms snogging my ex when she came to visit me at work

Friendship Um, i try to do the best i can with friends, however sometimes little white lies are neccesary to preserve dignity (theirs that is) and that's probably about it really.

Stoned / Drunken Antics
Never been stoned or drunk- but ive been very tipsy. We were all celebrating the end of our 1st yr summe exams- having lots to drink, i went to visit my then GF at the time, we were walking back to her place from the station and it was evident i was tipsy, i leaned across her as we were walkng and bit into her tit in the middle of a very crowded street!

School Exams

We had a fire alarm in our exam 2 weeks ago, when we were evacuated, some people rushed off to the campus bookstore to look up references and theories, and the rest of us conferred hehe...i was one of the people who was conferring!

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers

When i had to deal with obnoxious customers at my old place as i had to authorise certain transactions, i would come across some of the stupidest customers ever...i think i got pretty angry and rude with one at one point...i actually stormed off and called another team leader from a completely different depeartment to come and deal with the customer!

Blonde Moments

Too many to even recall one...

Unlawful Activity

Erm, downloads, underage drinking (when i was underage...not now oviously... the like

 

[Vermilion]

Hee hee
Just told my fiance about this thread and he told me of a Business Studies A Level he did where the teacher had lost all their course work so noone was going to get more than a D grade anyway.

So he sat the exam and was asked what he'd do about problems with a local company which kept littering and his reply was something along the lines of 'A local councilman should strap 1/2 lb of semtex to his back and go and hold them hostage till the newspapers turned up to whom he could state his case.'

This tickled me so much I thought I ought to post it...

x
V

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

<snort>
We did General Studies too. The general thinking on it was that, if you spelt your own name correctly, you'd get a B.
If I hadn't gone to an all girls' school I'd ask if you'd been to my school. I never heard of anyone else who was forced to sit the bloody stupid thing - it's not like a single university recgnised it as a qualification for entry.
x
V

we were forced to do it, our high school really played up its importance...i know i know people who did the whole alevel! I got an A lol...

 

[Vermilion]

Oops... I think I got the friend thing wrong... Ok. Slightly shameful behaviour on my part... when one of my friends was constantly ill in much the same way as my long-term illness started and she kept ignoring my advice and pushing herself (the worst thing you can do) and I got so frustrated I stopped calling her for a bit, because I couldn't bear to watch her self-destruct and then, when she started getting better, I was <mumbles>jealous...

We're friends again now, but there was a time when I was very unsure how to sort things out.
x
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[TheEarl]

<snort>
We did General Studies too. The general thinking on it was that, if you spelt your own name correctly, you'd get a B.
If I hadn't gone to an all girls' school I'd ask if you'd been to my school. I never heard of anyone else who was forced to sit the bloody stupid thing - it's not like a single university recgnised it as a qualification for entry.
x
V

That little sarky answer actually earned me a C. Our one was in modules and that was the third and final one. I had marks of A, A, U. It averaged out apparently!

The Earl

 

[Vermilion]

That little sarky answer actually earned me a C. Our one was in modules and that was the third and final one. I had marks of A, A, U. It averaged out apparently!

The Earl

<snigger>
s'nice to stick it to the man occasionally, int it?
x
V

 

[Elsie Grey]

Sex - I'm not saying ANYTHING!

Cooking - I try not to cook wherever possible. My dad once microwaved his dinner with out checking what it was, which turned out to be a mistake as mum had left him a salad...

Work - I wanted someone else's job. So I discredited them until I got it.

Friendship - I try to be nice to my friends, once in a fit of jealousy I told a friend she looked awful in a bikini she was trying on so she wouldn't buy it but thats about it I think!

Stoned / Drunken Antics - I have never been stoned or drunk...

School Exams - Umm... Not doing any revision at all? I'm not what you'd call the academic type, I only got as far as GCSE's!

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers - Someone once asked me where the local airfield was and they called me blondie which irritated me. So I sent them in the complete wrong direction down a country lane.

Blonde Moments - Oh God where do I start? Umm, yesterday I had to take me car to the garage as I couldn't get the back seat back up. The nice man explained to me it only works if you push from the middle, well how was I suppoesd to know?! I don't read instruction manuals though I might start now...

Unlawful Activity - Speeding!

Elsie

xxx

P.S. Why didn't you check the sell by date on the chicken Earl?

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Sex
Pretending I was making love to women when I was with men. I know this doesn't sound like much, but considering how important it is for me to be true to who I am, it is a big deal to me.

Cooking
Burnt the food I had in the oven to something beyond unrecognisable charcoal, because I was online " chatting" to my girlfriend.

Work
Spoke Afrikaans with some of my colleagues while in a business meeting because we didn't want the other company to understand what we were saying. We were being snarky.

Friendship
Showing one of my best friends " what lesbians do in bed"

Stoned / Drunken Antics
It would include getting naked and dancing. And drinking some more. And there were pictures as evidence.

School Exams
Doing an Eenie, meenie, minee, mo on a university MCQ exam, because I thought random answers would get me a higher score than using my brain.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers
I went to a gay bar in London with some friends, and I was told I wasn't " dyke" enough, by a couple who were waiting for their drinks at the bar. My assumption was that what they mean, was that I was not " butch" enough for their liking. How dare a femme get drinks for her own table? I suppose it was unheard of Later, the two of them were getting it on at the bar, and walked towards to bathroom, for obvious reasons. My friends and I (there were about 6 of us) quickly got in the queu in front of them, and proceeded to spend as long as we possibly could in front of the mirrors, re-applying our make-up and talking about the latest lipstick colours, and the best way of blending. And we talked real loud, and made the conversation as superficial as we possibly could, while they were in one of the toilets. Eventually, they got really irritated with us, and left

Blonde Moments
Being extremely pissed off that whomever was calling me on my new mobile phone, kept putting the phone down each time I answered. This was while I was at the office, on my land line phone, trying to call a co-worker who's number was very similar to mine. It took me at least 4 missed calls to figure out I was calling myself

Unlawful Activity
Smoking weed and taking a few other selected illegal substances.
Speeding.

 

[rachlou]

Sex Pulled a guy in a club, took him home (he thinking he was in for a night of hot sex), allowed him to come in, got him all worked up, decided I was tired, showed him the door and ignored his pleas that he had no way of getting home to the next town at 4am in the morning. i went to bed and fell asleep. Never did find out if he got home...

Cooking Fried a pizza for my first boyfriend. He (quite rightly) refused to eat it.

Work Spend far more time writing/surfing net, than working - hey my job is boring most days!

Friendship I had a friend who constantly put me down and told me i was skinny/anorexic. I fucked her boyfriend for over a year. We're not friends any more.

Stoned / Drunken Antics I was in a rock club and the guy sitting next to me asked to roll his spliff while he went to the bar. I was so pissed that i ended up dropping most of his tobacco and hash all over the (filthy) floor... he was not amused, but i couldn't stop laughing!

School Exams I was a good girl at school.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers Nope, never.

Blonde Moments Our school had UPVC windows fitted. I asked my friend how we would be able to see through plastic windows... It took me a long time to live that one down.

Unlawful Activity Like most people, the usual driving offences - speeding, texting whilst driving, unlawful U-turns, drving wrong way down one-way streets, you name it, I have done it!

 

[Misty_Morning]

Sex
Cheat on my partner. But on a more positive note, I joined the mile high club with a complete stranger a few months ago. She was hot and I don't regret it.

Cook
I had a bar-b-que about 20 years ago and a bunch of people came. I had recently visited my mother and she had given me quite a bit of food as she had had a cow and a pig slaughtered. She also had a goat that she hated. It would jump on her car, back her into a corner, butt her, and so on… So on the day she had the cow and pig slaughtered she somehow got this devil goat into the truck and had his ass slaughtered too. So she gave me him as well. So anyways…I served the goat to a few of the “lesser” liked people who came to my shindig.

Work
Back in the 80’s I used the government lab that I worked in to make illegal drugs several times.

Friendship
None. Friends mean the world to me.

Stoned / Drunken Antics
Too numerous to count and select one.

School Exams
None. I pride myself in my intellectual achievements and ethics. I guess the closest thing to something bad was that I overslept and missed the first hour of my differential equations exam as an undergrad. Along the same lines, as a grad student, I went to take a cumulative exam on one of the disciplines of my field on the wrong day…but that was no big deal…we were required to pass 6 out of 16…so one didn’t matter…..

Rude Behavior to Random Strangers
I’m not sure if this is should go here or not…in a way it would also be considered a blonde moment.
In the early eighties I was an undergrad. I would travel throughout the southeastern US on a whim to go to parties, do drug runs and the like. I kept a revolver in the drivers side door panel of my car just in case I needed it.

One day, going down the road, I spot a family broken down on the side of the road. (A man, woman, and small child). I stopped and roll down my window. The man asked if he could catch a ride up to the next town to get some gas. I said sure. He wanted his wife and child to stay with the car so nothing would get stolen, which I thought was odd because I would have sent her and had the man stay behind….but whatever(that’s the blonde moment)

So we’re going down the road and chatting when he starts putting his hands on me while I’m driving. So, I reach down calmly and get the revolver…I then pull it out, cock the hammer and point it in face. As I stopped the car I said, “It’s time for you to get out.”

In a way, it wasn’t rude but the only thing I felt I could have done at the time.

Blonde Moments
Are you kidding?

Unlawful Activities
I guess is this would have to go with the work thing. Back in late eighties, I kinda allowed someone to talk me into using my talents to make illegal drugs for a couple of years. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was directly responsible (in my opinion) for the potential destruction of countless lives. It was at that time I pledged never to so again. (well, for that stuff anyways…oh…and extractions don’t count either)

 

[Vermilion]

Blonde Moments - Oh God where do I start? Umm, yesterday I had to take me car to the garage as I couldn't get the back seat back up. The nice man explained to me it only works if you push from the middle, well how was I suppoesd to know?! I don't read instruction manuals though I might start now...

As we say in our family - if all else fails read the instructions!

 

[oggbashan]

Sex

A one night stand with a woman I met while I was drunk. In the daylight I just didn't fancy her at all and there was no way I could get an erection.

Cooking

Grilling snake over a fire in rural Victoria, about 30 miles from the nearest road. The snake charred and dropped off the skewer. I didn't like the idea of eating it anyway, so I opened a tin of Spam.

Work

I was the duty officer at a Royal Navy Dockyard during a NATO exercise. A foreign (but NATO) warship came in to refuel. The only fuelling place available at that state of the tide was alongside a tanker discharging aviation fuel. I authorised the fuel depot to refuel the warship ACROSS the deck of the tanker. If there had been a spark from the metal fittings of the refuelling hoses the explosion and fire could have killed thousands of people. The foreign warship sent me a signal thanking me for my prompt and courteous action. I received a formal reprimand. They never told me what I SHOULD have done.

Friendship

Cleaning up after a mate when he had decided that his girlfriend's cooker was a toilet and getting blamed by her for the mess.

Stoned / Drunken Antics

Trying to separate my flatmates who supported Liverpool and Everton after a hardfought draw and ending up in the harbour supporting both of them. Neither could swim. I was arrested for being drunk and disorderly. They went to hospital to have their stomachs pumped out.

School Exams

Passing the Phys Ed practical with a B. I didn't attend the exam. The teacher said (years later) that I got a B because he hadn't noticed me - so I must have been reasonably competent but not outstanding.

Rude Behaviour to Random Strangers

Can't think of any.

Blonde Moments

Trying to speak Portuguese to a woman driving a car with PL plates. PL=Poland so she didn't understand me.

Unlawful Activity

See Stoned above and - experimenting with home made explosives. I, and friends made a sufficiently powerful bomb so that we destroyed an air-raid shelter (that the owner wanted removed but perhaps not so spectacularly and noisily). I did demur at a later exploit that proposed to create a mushroom cloud on the North Downs, South of London with 500 lbs of home made explosive. Some of my friends assembled the material on site before getting cold feet and informing the police anonymously that the bomb was in place.

Og