Your Preferences for Formatting Dialogue and Actions

[Voyeurkenneth]

A poll question...

Below, Examples A, B, and C show variations of an exchange between two characters, John and Jill. What'd be your preferred way to write (or read) the following:


EXAMPLE A: Each paragraph is for each character's respective line of dialogue AND actions.

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No?" John saw her curl her eyebrows. "I love you."

***

EXAMPLE B: On the third paragraph, John's dialogue is mixed with Jill's actions.

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No?" She curled her eyebrows. "I love you."


***

EXAMPLE C: Each action OR dialogue line belongs to a character, and is formatted in its own paragaph.

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No?"

She curled her eyebrows.

"I love you."

---

I find that since I gravitate to the convention in Example A (or C, depending) when it comes to my own writing, I can get tripped up when I read Example B in others' stories, not immediately knowing if Jill is the one that's both speaking and acting. It can take me out of a scene while my brain tries to process who's saying and doing what... but I know that just might be the way my brain is wired.

I have no clue if there's a right or wrong convention here. Thoughts?


EDIT: Fixed 1st person vs. 3rd person inconsistency in Example A.

 

[samhasstories]

I think I'd go with example C, because:

in A, "I saw her curl her eyebrows" is awkward.

in B, "She curled her eyebrows" makes it seem like Jill's still speaking, even though it's a new paragraph.

With example C, I'd probably throw in another "John said" just to be clear, since Jill hasn't said anything. I'm of the mind that those reminders are more or less invisible markers to keep things clear to the reader.

Example C also has the benefit of establishing a pause, which makes the hesitation - or the tease, whichever it is - more effective.

 

[Stimtheone]

I think I would go with something akin to C. Keep a separation. There can be a bit of confusion in that second option, thinking that the woman was talking by the description when it was the other guy. It also helps when you have multiple people at once, a simple declaration of action can remind you who is talking.

 

[SimonDoom]

I think they are all confusing, so I wouldn't choose any of them.

In example A, who is "I"? Where does the first person POV come from? Why is "No?" a question? It should be a statement. I think it's confusing who is saying the last two bits of dialogue.

The confusion continues with B and C.

I would write it this way:

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No," he said.

She curled her eyebrows, and he smiled in return.

"I love you."



I personally dislike it if there is ANY lack of clarity who is saying each line, and I think the only way to achieve clarity when you insert "She curled her eyebrows" after him saying "No" is to use some kind of signifier that clarifies that he says the last line. To avoid using "said" too much as a tag, I'd insert a bit of narrative that transitions from her action to his.

 

[KeithD]

Thrown by the question mark behind "No."

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

Thrown by the question mark behind "No."

Yeah, that's fair. And to @SimonDoom 's point as well, I threw in the question mark to create more ambiguity for this exercise.

To Simon's other point about the "I" in Example A, that's my mistake. I unintentionally mixed 1st vs 3rd person when setting this up. Example A should read, "John saw her curl her eyebrows."

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm confused by Example A - in the last line, it looks as if the dialogue is from "John" but the non-dialogue is from "I", which contradicts how you've described it. Addressed above

(Also, "curled her eyebrows" is an odd expression. Did you mean "raising" or "arching"?)

I agree that B is not ideal. Body language is effectively a form of dialogue, much as if Jill had instead said "oh?", and so generally I'd try to group a person's body language with their speech, and separately from others'.

But there are situations where I might break that guideline for the sake of pacing.

 

[Sinstories]

Yeah, that's fair. And to @SimonDoom 's point as well, I threw in the question mark to create more ambiguity for this exercise.

To Simon's other point about the "I" in Example A, that's my mistake. I unintentionally mixed 1st vs 3rd person when setting this up. Example A should read, "John saw her curl her eyebrows."

I would tend to go b or c, depending on how I wanted the conversation to be read. C to me, creates a pause, which in that exchange would be there and I might even include it..something like

"No."

She curled her eyebrows and took a deep breath.

"I love you."

Else I'd go b if I was trying to portray that she just said "No, I love you" and did it while curling her eyebrows.

A would only seem to make sense if you were doing 3rd person limited, where it was being written from John's perspective.

 

[SimonDoom]

I would tend to go b or c, depending on how I wanted the conversation to be read. C to me, creates a pause, which in that exchange would be there and I might even include it..something like

"No."

She curled her eyebrows and took a deep breath.

"I love you."

Else I'd go b if I was trying to portray that she just said "No, I love you" and did it while curling her eyebrows.

A would only seem to make sense if you were doing 3rd person limited, where it was being written from John's perspective.

You're proving the confusion. She doesn't say "I love you." He does. She asks him if he loves her, he says no, she curls her eyebrows in confusion, and he clears up the confusion by telling her he loves her. If you believed she was saying she loved him, then it proves this passage is confusingly written.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

I'm sure I've used all of these. I go with what works and sometimes what fills space, actually.

 

[mirafrida]

I do mix 'Bob's' actions into chunk of dialogue by 'Sue' very occasionally, when I think there's a good reason. Usually when I believe it aids the overall reading flow of the story.

But you have to do it with extra care, so the reader is not confused by what's going on. Neither examples A nor B really do that.

I was curious, so I looked over my current story (24k words) and found one example. Basically:

"Let me see all of you," he says. Turning my bare backside to him, I comply. "Mmm, nice curves," he rumbles.

All spelled out.

Personally, contra SimonDoom, I preferred to do it that way, rather than stretching it out to three paragraphs on the page (though separating into three paras would of course been fine and correct).

 

[ElectricBlue]

You're proving the confusion. She doesn't say "I love you." He does. She asks him if he loves her, he says no, she curls her eyebrows in confusion, and he clears up the confusion by telling her he loves her. If you believed she was saying she loved him, then it proves this passage is confusingly written.

I'm with Simon on this one. All three options are unclear, confusing.

If you have to back up and deconstruct the logic of he said, she said, he did, she did, in a passage as short as this, that's going to pull readers right out of the story.

 

[Imstillfun]

I switch paragraphs every time there’s a new speaker. I always identify the speaker within the paragraph either by name or a pronoun.

I often include actions with quotes as long as it’s the same character doing the speaking and the acting Or describing the action of another.

 

[djrip]

I think C is a lot of tiny paragraphs, and I don't love the way it separates the eyebrow wiggling from the dialog it's a response to. I'd do something like this:

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No," he said slyly. She curled her eyebrows with indignation at that. "I love you."

 

[Sinstories]

I'm with Simon on this one. All three options are unclear, confusing.

If you have to back up and deconstruct the logic of he said, she said, he did, she did, in a passage as short as this, that's going to pull readers right out of the story.

Agree, this is where a simple tag (he said, she said, etc) should be there so there is no confusion. I only tend to leave them out when it is a very obvious back and forth conversation....when in doubt, spell it out

 

[XerXesXu]

"Hello Jill," said John.

"Hey, Do you like me?" She curled her eyebrows.

"No?" "I love you."

The mark of dubiety is required after a statement to indicate tone and inflexion.

 

[SimonDoom]

Yeah, that's fair. And to @SimonDoom 's point as well, I threw in the question mark to create more ambiguity for this exercise.

To Simon's other point about the "I" in Example A, that's my mistake. I unintentionally mixed 1st vs 3rd person when setting this up. Example A should read, "John saw her curl her eyebrows."

Can you tell us exactly what you are trying to say? I don't know, and I'm not sure anybody else knows. Exactly who is saying each piece of dialogue? There seems to be confusion and disagreement about that.

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

Can you tell us exactly what you are trying to say? I don't know, and I'm not sure anybody else knows. Exactly who is saying each piece of dialogue? There seems to be confusion and disagreement about that.

Sure, I can try and re-explain. In terms of who is actually saying what line of dialogue, I've laid it out below:

John: "Hello"

Jill: "Hey. Do you like me?"

John: "No? I love you."

My confusing usage of punctuation aside, I was generally interested in how folks treat dialogue and action in paragraphs between multiple characters. I offered 3 different approaches (Examples A, B, C) that aren't the end-all-be-all, but were meant to represent distinct styles.

• (A) - This convention reserved each paragraph for a unique character's dialogue AND action.
  
  
• (B) - This convention used a paragraph that combined the dialogue of one character (John) with the actions of another (Jill).
  
  
• (C) - This convention reserved each paragraph for a unique character's dialogue OR action.

More specifically, the impetus of my curiosity stems from Example B, which personally trips me up when I come across it in stories. As a result, I can't immediately tell who's speaking or performing an action within the same paragraph line. I was curious if there'd be any advocates of Example B, and if it was perhaps more of a commonly accepted convention than I thought.

You're proving the confusion. She doesn't say "I love you." He does. She asks him if he loves her, he says no, she curls her eyebrows in confusion, and he clears up the confusion by telling her he loves her. If you believed she was saying she loved him, then it proves this passage is confusingly written.

@SimonDoom You're correct in your interpretation!

 

[ronde]

A poll question...

Below, Examples A, B, and C show variations of an exchange between two characters, John and Jill. What'd be your preferred way to write (or read) the following:


EXAMPLE A: Each paragraph is for each character's respective line of dialogue AND actions.

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No?" John saw her curl her eyebrows. "I love you."

***

EXAMPLE B: On the third paragraph, John's dialogue is mixed with Jill's actions.

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No?" She curled her eyebrows. "I love you."


***

EXAMPLE C: Each action OR dialogue line belongs to a character, and is formatted in its own paragaph.

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

"No?"

She curled her eyebrows.

"I love you."

---

I find that since I gravitate to the convention in Example A (or C, depending) when it comes to my own writing, I can get tripped up when I read Example B in others' stories, not immediately knowing if Jill is the one that's both speaking and acting. It can take me out of a scene while my brain tries to process who's saying and doing what... but I know that just might be the way my brain is wired.

I have no clue if there's a right or wrong convention here. Thoughts?


EDIT: Fixed 1st person vs. 3rd person inconsistency in Example A.

All three are confusing to me after reading that your intent was that John is the one who says, "I love you." The "rule" I learned long ago about differentiating speakers in strings of dialogue is" -

1. If there are only two speakers, one speaker's dialogue ends with a closed quote. The next quote is therefore attributed to the other speaker.
2. If one speaker is identified by name or other defining characteristic - pronoun or physical description, the next quote is attributed to that identified person.

In all three examples, it's obvious that the "No?" is dialogue by John because of the closed quotes after, "Do you like me?" Also in all three examples, the last person "named" by the narrator is Jill, so the dialogue "I love you." should be attributed to her.

It would be better written as -

"Hello," John said.

"Hey," Jill replied. "Do you like me?"

John replied with a questioning, "No?" to which Jill arched her eyebrows. This made John grin.

"I love you."

In writing it this way, though the actions of one character occur in the same paragraph as the dialogue of the other speaker, there is no question about who said what.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Apart from the impossibility of curling eyebrows - I have visions of the Cat from Red Dwarf with dinky wee curling tongs - the key thing is clarity.

Maybe (if they insist on having this insane dialogue...) something like this, leading the reader through it more:

"Hello," John greeted Jill, his old friend. He'd enjoyed sleeping with her last night, after she'd got drunk and agreed.

"Hey," Jill replied. Despite some friendly conversation, she couldn't help feeling he no longer respected her. Men were often like that, after sex. "Do you like me?"

"No." His voice was flat. She furrowed her brows, confused, and hoped her hurt didn't show. He spoke again. "I love you."

Oh! [Insert relief and celebration here]

And this demonstrates why my Valentine's story was 16k words when I sent it to my beta reader, and nearly 20k after...