Your Partner is Kinky...

[carsonshepherd]

Horses for courses.

The Earl

That's not physically impossible, just illegal.

And Earl... Just let me know if I can in any way help you fulfill those "impossible" fantasies

 

[Goldie Munro]

My partner has revealed many 'kinks' - and I love them!! He has had to take on board a couple of mine too!!

 

[carsonshepherd]

My perspective is from the more fusion vanilla angle...I just read your post more carefully and noted that you want the kinksters angle... Well, I'm going to post it anyway since I went to the trouble to think about it and type, okay?

I think it bothers me when I start to feel that the kink itself is more attractive to my partner than I am. Does that make sense? It's when I begin to feel like anyone will suffice, as long as they are welling to hang upside down from the monkey bars at the elementary school, that I begin to distrust my partner and the kink. It's no longer about his desire for me, but about his desire alone.

It starts out innocent enough, but I do think the fantasy, the kink, can, and often does, supplant a mutual, reciprocal sexual relationship.

I thought about your post and realized how true it is, Yui.

It's almost like you have become a tool to fulfill their kink, and not a whole person.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I thought about your post and realized how true it is, Yui.

It's almost like you have become a tool to fulfill their kink, and not a whole person.

*nods* It reminds me of one of the more touching comments from "Psychopathia Sexualis" (a collection of a mid-1850's sex doctor's case studies). He treated a man with a very odd and specific fetish - he was fascinated by women who limped, preferably in a specific foot (I think it was the left). This all was traced easily back to his one close companion in childhood, a girl so affected.

What touched me was his response when the doctor asked him why he didn't just seek out a woman with that particular characteristic and marry her. He replied that it would be wrong; he wanted to love his wife for her soul, not for a mere physical detail that obsessed him.

Human decency can flourish in the most unlikely places.

Shanglan

 

[yui]

I thought about your post and realized how true it is, Yui.

It's almost like you have become a tool to fulfill their kink, and not a whole person.

Exactly.

 

[NoJo]

Exactly.

Thirded.

But it's also like cooking a meat meal for your partner when you're a vegetarian.

 

[Goldlion1]

I thought about your post and realized how true it is, Yui.

It's almost like you have become a tool to fulfill their kink, and not a whole person.

That, in a nutshell was what I was trying to get at. The distance between trust and a tool is very short when long supressed desire becomes reality. I take it as a given that most intelligent, interesting people have some hidden desire so far unfulfilled. I couldn't imagine being curious and intelligent and NOT having thought about "unusual" sex.

I guess it takes just the right amount of a combination of patience and intimacy to make things work. Though I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a compromise, sexual incompatibility is a difficult thing to reconcile. I think that most kinks and or fetishes come from experiences had in childhood or young adulthood, so a common upbringing may also make things smoother.