Your child ever been held back a grade?

[lickerish]

I'm in the midst of making a very hard decision. My 8 year old daughter is supposed to be entering the 3rd grade... but she is adament that she wants to do 2nd all over again.

She has been a very slow learner when it comes to reading and writing and all that comprehension stuff. She great at math, scientific experiments, art and music... but this reading stuff is beyond her grasp.

The school never recognised she had a problem, but I did. When I mentioned it, they put her in a reading group where an assistant read her, and few other students, stories. Didn't help. I took it upon myself to enroll her in the Sylvan Learning Center... where they tested her thoroughly, discovered EXACTLY what her problems areas are, and developed a personalized lesson for her that will take approximately 111-150 hours to complete.

She doesn't have a learning disability, like her regular school tried throwing in my face, she is just a slow learner, and that happens when there is not enough teachers or time to help her learn the things she needs to learn.. she has no confidence, and she hates school. HATES school, therefore, she's too bored to learn. Sylvan has made so much progress on her, that she's like a whole nother child.

Ya.. I talk to much.. ANYWAYS, I'm at the point where I have to make the decision Right Now if I'm going to hold her back into the 2nd grade or not. She reading/ writing is at a low first grade level... her second grade teacher admitted to me all year that there was nothing she could do to help her anymore than she already has. My daughter said that now that she understands better, she'll be able to do the second grade right. All the kids that were in her grade, are already reading big chapter books... she can read simple sentence books, but not chapter books.. especially ones with no pictures. The 2nd grade teacher said that in 3rd grade, it's mostly unassisted.. they hand you the assignment and it's up to you to read the instructions and do it.

The principal is trying to talk me out of it.. but she talks to me like it would be bad for her (the principals) rep if I held my daughter back. She's tried telling me that they have better teachers, and a new reading program, and more assistants, but when she says it, she sounds so fake, like she's only telling me what I want to hear.

I'm trying to do whats best for my daughter.. I know both holding her back, and moving forth have both good points, and bad points.


I'm wondering, have you ever held your child back, at any grade.. and what were the results, whether good, or bad...?

 

[brokenbrainwave]

We held our oldest back in kindergarden, and he started first grade this year a yr late. It was the best move we could have made, he was just not ready to go on to first grade last year. Now after two years of kindergarden he's doing fine, got a 100 on his first test this new school year and is much more mature in handling his classwork. Every child is diff but in his case, it was best for him.

 

[Guest]

 

[Angel]

I think it's a pretty mature decision on your daughter's part to actually want to be held back because she knows she's not ready to move up - most kids would want to move a head anyways just to be with their friends.

 

[lickerish]

Ya, I thought so too..she's an intelligent kid, just that reading is really frustrating for her. And it's odd for me, cuz I was reading before kindergarten.

I asked her about leaving her friends behind.. and she was like "Mooom all my best friends have moved away anyways" lol.. which is true, they're not even in the same district anymore. All the girls that are left, are the Britney Spears wanna-be's that she doesn't fit in with. So she doesn't care.


Her 7 year old sister had to wait an extra year because her b-day fell 2 months after the cut off date... so she's been more than eager to start school.. she's actually more advanced than the 8 year old. Thats one of the things that I was concerned about. That's awesome to hear BrokenBrainWave.

I told the principal that if I put her in 3rd, and her report card came back bad.. I would be an angry mom. I know they're not going to help her out anymore than they didn't in K, 1st, and 2nd... this problem has been going on that long.

 

[lilminx]

Licky, as a teacher, I say hold her back (unless there's a way for her to go into third grade, but during reading time work with the second grade). Putting her in the third grade when she doesn't feel like she's ready for it and has difficulty reading will just frustrate her even more. She will become even more bored, and the gap between what she SHOULD know in terms of reading and what she DOES know will just widen.

I hate hearing about kids being pushed on just for the school's sake, so their reputation doesn't suffer.

Is there a way that you can enroll her in an afterschool program to help her with her reading? I'm concerned that she's reading on a beginning first grade level, when she's supposed to be going into third grade. It sounds like she is the type of child who learns by constant repetition, at least when it comes to reading.

 

[Jim_Henson]

I think you are doing the right thing

 

[brokenbrainwave]

I told the principal that if I put her in 3rd, and her report card came back bad.. I would be an angry mom. I know they're not going to help her out anymore than they didn't in K, 1st, and 2nd... this problem has been going on that long.

check out the education of the handicap act, its public law 94-142 I think. (I am not suggesting your daughter is this at all, but it covers a wide area of things), learn it, and then blast the school system with the facts. The facts are they must by law provide your child with an education to her needs. They can set up I.E.P's suited specifically for her, and mostly keep in mind, its your school, you pay the taxes that keep it running, and if it takes being a pain in the ass, then so be it. There are many laws that protect a childs right to an proper education, but in most cases it is up to the family to insist these laws are adhered to.

 

[marksgirl]

I along with a great bunch of teachers decided to hold my daughter back in 2nd grade, she too could just not get the reading/spelling thing at all! She was then given an IEP and has had one ever sense. She is going into the 6th grade now and if I had to do it all over again I would.

 

[lickerish]

That's what's pissing me off Minxie.. the principal said ultimately it's my decision, but she recommends pushing her on. But all the reasons she gives, makes it sound like she's doing it for the school.. not for her well being.

They made me fill out this "L.I.G.H.T.' questionaire.. and I answered it honestly. When she called me today, she told me my daughter scored right in the middle (of course ) and that because she has positive comments, we should put her on third... but what about all the negative comments??

Minx, I've had her at Sylvan since May.. she goes 4 days a week for 1 hour and it teaches her all the basics she should have picked up in K and 1st../. this was the best (tho most expensive) option (I felt) for her. It has done wonders for her confidence and self esteem.. she's reading off of billboards and shop signs.. that she never wanted to attempt before. She gets the one on one assistance that she needs.. it's great. She made the decision to stay in 2nd all by herself.. with no influence from myself or Sylvan.. and I want to do what she feels most comfortable with.

I just wish she could get this attention at regular school.



Thanks Jim

 

[CoolidgEffect]

I was held back in 1st grade. My 1st grade teacher was opposed to it, but my parents and doctors supported it. I wasn't a big fan of the idea either, but I wasn't reading things well, especially instructions written on the board. I seemed to lose the information between reading it on the board and then trying to execute it.

Anyway. I was held back. I spent a year of Thursday evenings in a doctors office for exercises and every morning with exercises. For many years I felt I was the kid that flunked and many of the other kids liked to remember it that way too. So emotionally it was rather rough. Someday, I will learn enough to prove I'm not a flunky. But the bottom line is I did catch up academically to the class I was placed in.

If you daughter is for repeating 2nd grade, then I think the best thing in the long run is to hold her back and let her catch up.

 

[lickerish]

BrokenBrainWave, Marksgirl.. what is an IEP How do I research this?

It's stories like CoolidgEffects that worries me .. I'm glad that you succeeded CE.. your situation sounds like my daughters.. I just don't want her to get chastised by her schoolmates.

 

[lickerish]

And I figure, it may be better to hold her back now, rather than in 5 or 6th grade.. less of a social stigma?

 

[brokenbrainwave]

IEP is an individualized education plan. Like I said, look up the "education of the handicap act" its dry, its dull, but very informative

 

[CoolidgEffect]

BrokenBrainWave, Marksgirl.. what is an IEP How do I research this?

It's stories like CoolidgEffects that worries me .. I'm glad that you succeeded CE.. your situation sounds like my daughters.. I just don't want her to get chastised by her schoolmates.

Kids are always going to tease other kids. If you don't hold her back they will tease her because she isn't reading like they are. She will get teased both ways, but by holding her back you will be giving her a better chance in the long run.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[MissTaken]

lickerish?

I am probably going to repeat what other's have said, but here I go!

I have a friend who's situation mirrored yours. Her son was in first grade, had accomplished enough to move forward, had been given a "band aid" solution when my friend approached school about his needs.

Little man, C. for short, hated school, his behavior at school and home got increasingly worse.

She, too, went against the school's wishes to hold C back. However, it would only be effective if C could feel good about the decision. He did...he was told he was going to stay in first to learn a few more things and help the really young kids.

He developed confidence and maturity in that year, as well as learning skills that slipped by him when the family was in flux. It was a good move for him, but again, as long as the child can feel good about it.

Additional note: I am thinking about holding my little guy back if I can ever make it a positive experience for him. He entered Kindergarten at age four as his birthday fell just beneath the December 1 eligibility date. I have regretted that decision. He is academically above average, but for now, his immaturity, being a year, almost two years younger than some kids has interfered with his confidence and behavior at schoo. C was held back and is in my son's class. There is 19 months difference in their birthdays!

Anyway, on I babble. Best wishes lickerish.

You are a good mom to be ever so watchful of your children's needs.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Licky, I think you would do the right thing by letting her repeat second grade, but I would try to find an independent counselor for your daughter who could gauge her skills and so on, and give you more unbiased information on which to make a decision. Does Sylvan provide such a service?

Beyond that, I can't really help, I didn't have to hold my daughter back - just the opposite, she could read before she went to school. I think reading is such an important and fundamental skill that she needs to be up to speed on it for the grade she will be in. It sounds like your daughter knows what is best for her, and you do too - go with what you know is right and don't let the school influence you unecessarily. There is nothing as frustrating as not having the fundamental skills to understand something, and it is better that she repeat second grade than have to repeat 3rd or 4th or 5th grade. It will be much easier now than later.

 

[lickerish]

I read public law 94-142.. she falls in the age range, obviously, but she has no handicap, no ADHD, no learning diability.

The principal wants her to take an IQ test.. nevermind that Sylvan did a bunch of education level testing. Is this neccesary?

Thank you MissTaken.. the idea of helping the younger kids in the class, just might be a good boost for her

STG.. I've got the documents for the skills test.. but if the school isn't going to help her based on that, I'm gonna consult with a regular councelor.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

the IQ test has nothing to do with anything. Ask them about the IEP and see what they say

 

[Mona Lisa]

BrokenBrainWave, Marksgirl.. what is an IEP How do I research this?

It's stories like CoolidgEffects that worries me .. I'm glad that you succeeded CE.. your situation sounds like my daughters.. I just don't want her to get chastised by her schoolmates.

The important difference I see between your daughter and CE is that your daughter wants to be held back. Have you asked her if she's being teased by her classmates for being slow? It would explain a lot about why she's not particularly concerned about keeping up with her classmates.

The thing to remember is that kids tease about the most obvious things. While your daughter may be teased initially for staying back, after a while it's gonna be one of those things that the kids only remember about when birthday time comes around, and it's just not gonna be a big deal. If she goes on to the next grade before she's ready, that's gonna be another year that she's the "slow" one, and that's gonna be a LOT more obvious to the kids who are likely to tease her. And since she's less likely to catch up the more she's just passed along, the teasing problem will only get worse as time goes on.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Licky, how do you know she doesn't have a learning disability? She very well may.

I wouldn't trust Sylvan to give you a completely unbiased opinion. They, afterall, benefit greatly from telling you her problems can be solved by them.

Do you have medical insurance? If so, take her to a developmental pediatrician and get a complete evaluation done.

You can also demand testing through the school district. My son's first diagnosis was through the school child psychologist and, 3 years and many specialists later, she wasn't far off the mark.

 

[lilminx]

BrokenBrainWave, Marksgirl.. what is an IEP How do I research this?

It's stories like CoolidgEffects that worries me .. I'm glad that you succeeded CE.. your situation sounds like my daughters.. I just don't want her to get chastised by her schoolmates.

Licky, I'm a special education teacher. Every child receiving special education services (even if it's Resource Room or Speech) needs an IEP.

Individualized Education Program.
Your daughter might genuinley have a learning disability. If her IQ is normal, and she's doing ok in math but is having problems reading, it's most likely that she DOES have a learning disability. You should have your daughter tested by the school. She could possibly get Resource Room for reading, which is extra help. I sitll recommend keeping her in second grade.

I wanted to add tht it's better to keep her back while she's young than to have to see her repeat a higher grade. She needs to learn the basics before she can flourish.

 

[SexyChele]

I would say that if your daughter is the one saying she would feel better if she repeated the 2nd grade, then that would settle it for me.

I am a literacy volunteer - I teach adults to better their reading and writing skills. Overwhelmingly, our adults come to us because at some point in the school system they became confused and got behind the rest of the class. They were pushed forward, until many of them eventually just dropped out. Sometimes you have to repeat things for them to "stick".

My only concern would be that if your daughter does well in the other subjects that she might become bored for most of the day. Reading and writing are not what the whole day at school is about. If she does very well in math and science, is the 2nd grade teacher willing to come up with additional projects for her to keep her interest? Helping the other students is a great idea, I agree, and that could help as well.

Also, and this is just curiosity on my part so you don't need to answer it at all, but how much time each day do you spend reading to your daughter? Sometimes it's not that you are actually "teaching" her, but that she picks up the way that you read and she can incorporate that into what she is supposed to be doing.

Good luck - to both you and your daughter!

 

[morninggirl5]

Licky, here's what i think. Your daughter wants to redo second grade. Your daughter is old enough at 8 to be well aware of where she is. I would give her that opportunity.

I'd ignore *everything* else and follow her wishes. If the school then wants to do some testing, additional help, whatever, that would be great. But ultimately, they're only going to do what they have to do. They probably don't want to tell you this, but by holding her back, you're forcing the issue. I have three students in my class who are repeating Kindergarten this year. They automatically are placed on the list for Student Support Team and possible testing. It's a lot of paperwork, meetings, etc. and most principals, teachers, don't want to deal with it.


Third grade is considered one of the hardest years in elementary school. It's the year when Science and Social Studies become separate graded subjects. It's also the year that has a lot of testing.

She's shown progress with Sylvan. They're working with her one on one. It could be a learning disability or it might be she learns in a way that is different from what the previous teachers have tried. If you really want to know for certain, consider having testing done by a School Psychologist. Most insurance will pay for a full psychological exam, and with their report in hand, you can get special education services if she qualifies.