Young women's favorite things about older men

[Tinman]

Being an older man, I've been pleasantly surprised many times by the way many younger women are attracted to we ... uh ... "mature" men. But I've never really understood that attraction very well.

Any insights, ladies? Would love to hear your thoughts.

[I'm new here, so if this is "old thread" material, just tell me, okay.]

 

[CreamyLady]

When I was younger, I liked the way older men treated me. They were polite -- my contemporaries generally weren't.

In matters of lovemaking, they were head and shoulders and everything else above my contemporaries, who generally felt that they were doing me a favor by allowing me to get in bed with them at all. Older lovers were far more skilled and very patient.

Even now -- in my middle age -- my lover is 10 years older than I am, and most of my men friends are older. I like grey hair, I like bald men, an I like lines that speak of experience and dignity.

Mmm . . . young men can be nice to look at, but older men are far, far better.

 

[Tinman]

Having read many of your witty and friendly posts, CreamyLady, I can say you are the stuff our dreams are made of -- the wet ones for sure ;D. Thanks!

 

[Guest]

Older men usually have money and don't take yours out of your purse.

 

[CreamyLady]

Originally posted by Tinman:
Having read many of your witty and friendly posts, CreamyLady, I can say you are the stuff our dreams are made of -- the wet ones for sure ;D. Thanks!

Did I happen to mention the silver tongue? I should have!

Thank you, Tinman. ;-)

 

[Guest]

Okay, I'm almost 23 and have been attracted to older men ever since I was a kid. I think maturity is a big factor in it. (I rarely dated high school boys when I was in HS.) There's also the fact that most older men are experienced (in life, in sex, etc). Only twice in my life have I had a b/f who was younger than me. The rest have been older (some as much as 20+ years).

 

[Cheyenne]

Age doesn't have anything to do with who I am attracted to. I am attracted to men who are brilliantly smart, regardless of age. I want to be able to match wits with them. But they also need to have an outgoing personality, too. (That makes up for my shyness in RL.) In general, the range is probably 10 years my junior to 10 years my senior for men I've found myself really attracted to. Lately it has been more the 5 to 10 years my junior category.

Isn't the conventional wisdom that women who are always attracted only to older men are trying to replace the attention of daddy in their lives? I'm sure I'll get crap for that one......

 

[Tinman]

Cheyenne, you shouln't. I've had two intense romances with ladies 20 years my junior and both of them would deny such a need, but both also were fatherless (real fathers had fled the scene when they were babes). I'm convinced there is a need there sometimes, but there seems to be more, too.

Also, Cheyenne, you've got a point. My two (much) younger ladies both still talk about things "you taught me," as if I were holding class. New students accepted gladly <chuckle>.

Silver tongues (see Creamy Lady's reply) are good for more than words, y'know.

And, no, Nancy, we usually don't need to rip off our ladies. Sounds like you've had a bad experience, m'girl. Forgive and find a guy with integrity is all I can say. My number is ... never mind, I'm too old for ya! <he says, eyes rolled to the ceiling, head shaking and LsOL>

Do you ladies find that we older guys LISTEN more ... or better? I've had that comment from time to time.

More, more, more!

 

[CreamyLady]

In my experience, older men do listen more. I'm not sure if its because they have little left to prove to themselves, and others; maybe they are past the need to impress people.

Not only do they listen more, the conversation -- when they start talking -- is far more illuminating and on point.

I'm acquainted with the many uses of a silver tongue, Tinman, and some of them are sterling. ;-)

 

[Thephantomprincess]

Brillance, stability, culture, really listening, knowing what to do on a day where it seems all possibilities are exausted...... Some of the reasons I like to be with oldermen. Well, not that much older..typically I like them 22-25 for my 21 years. Then again, I'm in college, and I really can't stand the lack of refinement in and out of the bedroom of the boys here.

 

[Angelique]

I prefer older men for a variety of reasons. Seems my experience with younger men have been on a superficial level. Younger guys tend to go for the drop dead gorgeous women and don’t care whether they’re an airhead or not. The relationships end up being purely physical with a priority on sex...and I do mean sex. There’s generally nothing more than the act of sex, itself.

Older men will usually go for a woman who’s cute on the inside AND on the outside, (damn, I used that word “cute”...guess I’m gonna have to post to MM’s thread now ). They will take the time to get to know each and every facet of a woman. Their lovemaking techniques are, in my opinion, far superior to those of a younger generation, perhaps because they have more experience, but it might also be because their approach to sex is with their mind, as well as their body.

Another reason I prefer older men is because they’re more secure with who they are as a person. They’re not floundering around trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives. They know their mind, and therefore, they are less likely to play “games” with a woman...it’s just not their style.

Please note that my opinion is a generalization. While there are certainly men out there who act like hormonal teenagers even though they may be in their 40’s or 50’s, I’ve found that it’s just not as common.

Ok, I’ve put my two cents in...now somebody find me an older man!

 

[Laurel]

The most attractive thing about older men when I was younger was that they actually LISTENED. When I was 16-25, all the guys my age were so wrapped up in themselves.

I dated a guy in a band. I was working 30 hours a week and taking 20 units at college. I had exactly one hour of free time a day, and I drove out of my way to spend it with him. Was he happy to see me? Did he spend that time talking to me, doting on me? Hell no. He played guitar while I watched. Like I was supposed to feel privileged to be the presence of a great guitar god. On the weekends, he would ditch out on seeing me so he could go skateboard with his friends.

Well, I have news for him, and for all other young guys who think that girlfriends are just long-term groupies. We are human beings, just like you. We aren't dating you just to get laid. We want attention. We want to feel important, worthwhile. If you expect us to care about your problems, you have to at least ACT like you care about ours.

For the most part (though there ARE exceptions), guys in their late teens/early twenties don't get this. And that's why older men are more attractive. Ditto to everything everyone else said on this thread. I don't date a guy so I can be his mom - give him money, help him find a job, etc. - and get only the joy of screwing him in return. Older guys, generally, are better at that, too - for the same reason they're better companions. They CARE, or at least they know how to act like they care. They're not so intent on getting off that they ignore your needs. They're better lovers, and way more interesting to me.

 

[Tinman]

PhantonPrincess, you're not really talking about "older" men. Only five or six years your senior isn't what I'd consider a big diff (unless you're 14, of course). Still, Thanks for the note.

Angelique, you are RIGHT about us seeing inside a woman, as well as the outside (and every woman IS cute in some way!). We also see something else -- character, or lack of it. And usually we're attracted to that as much or more than anything else. It's been my experience that more young ladies have that than young men.

And Laurel, my favorite madam in the whole world, boy! you sure hit a tender spot. When I was young, I lost a great woman by being just as stupidly careless as the guy you describe, although my weakness wasn't a guitar. Maybe that's another quality of us older dudes: time -- and our ladies -- teach us manners.

What great responses. And what great ladies!

 

[ShyGoddess]

How can I respond after all that? The only thing I can say to you ladies is this, YOU GO GIRLS! I may only be 19 but I find myself attracted to older guys(10 years most of the time) They seem to look past looks and find what I'm thinking. I enjoy a good conversation and I find that I don't really get the type of responses from guys my own age than from guys who are older than me. Older men seem more willing(and they seem to enjoy it too) to talk about things more important than the size of their member. And no, I'm not trying to replace a father figure in my life. My dad was their for me. When my parents divorced I was 11, and my dad, not my mom, was the one who continued to raise me and my brother. And for anyone who wants to read this and think that my dad and I had something more than just a father, daughter relationship, shame on you. My father was the best dad he could be, and I will always be greatful for that.

 

[Xander]

I think I'm gonna cry now.....It seems I'm too young *waaaaaaaaaaa*

 

[Sammyjo]

Yes Xander, you are too young...but in a few years, YOU will be just right...or just fuck the horse girl...LOL

Anyways, I tend to be attracted to men my age or slightly younger. It does depend on the man though. I have been with a few that were a few years older, but none that I would consider "older men".

 

[SimplySouthern]

I don't consider myself an "age sepecific" person. Generally, I do find that I relate better to men older than myself. I require in a man (my god I sound like I am advertising a job) the ability to carry on a conversation that involves more than talk about himself , sports or the school he attends. I have found in my limited experience that older men are much more adaptable to your mutual needs than are younger men who sometimes don't have the patience to search out the finer things. While younger men often have more stamina, I have always thought that Quality wins hands down over Quantity!

~Southern~

 

[Cg1369]

Think I'll Join you Xander. I'm too oldddddddddddddddddddd. wahhhhhhhhhhh
But that's ok. I've got my lady believing that I walk on water. And HER opinion is the only one that counts with me. (She's 12 yrs junior to me)

 

[Whispersecret]

Xander, you may not be too young at all. If you have the QUALITIES that they mentioned in those posts, then you've got what's important. It's not the age, it's the maturity, and maturity can come early as it might in your case. For some people, it never comes.

 

[SpecialK]

Perhaps older men have had the advantage of learning from the stupid mistakes of their youth?

I would agree that older men do know how to treat a woman the way she wants to be treated (wined, dined, lavished with attention and sometimes gifts). I'm sure I'm being quite stereotypical here, but perhaps women like to be 'taken care of' by an older man.

And my guess is that there is a lot more to that 'replacement father figure' theory than most women would admit.

And Xander, I don't think you're too young, just pay close attention to what has been said here. Learn from the mistakes of other young men and you'll be well on your way. Perhaps it is less of a young vs. old thing and more of a wisdom/experience vs. clueless/clueless.

K

[This message has been edited by SpecialK (edited 06-04-2000).]

 

[Xander]

LMAO@Sammyjo. You know I wouldn't do the horse chick. I'd have to teach her everything

Whispersecret and SpecialK:
Thanks for those lovely replies.
I don't know about how wise and experienced I am. But I do pay attention to women, and I could never dream about ignoring her if she came to my house (though I must admit I think I'm guilty of that guitar thing Laurel...when I was 16)
And I do take special pride in taking my time when it comes to sex. I actually hate myself if I don't.
And I love to take a woman out for dinner in a really nice place. Or better still, cook it myself, using the best wines and the best products I can find. I even have a special menu I only make for people who means a lot to me. And NO, you can not know what it is. That's my little secret
I shit you not. I really do these things.

Do I qualify yet, as perhaps young, but not all that thick headed??

 

[ShyGoddess]

Xander,
I do believe you have passed the test with flying colors. You are now among the minority of younger men who know how to treat a woman. BRAVO!

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by SpecialK:
Perhaps older men have had the advantage of learning from the stupid mistakes of their youth?

Perhaps it is less of a young vs. old thing and more of a wisdom/experience vs. clueless/clueless.

Experience is part of it, but I think there's the element of a change in the rearing of young men.

I find that 'rituals' that I take for granted as being part of a 'proper' relationship are considered 'old-fashioned' by the younger generations.

It seems the manners that were beaten into me at an early age in the 1950's aren't important any more. Older men that are old enough to be in my generation are generally more well mannered because it was expected of us as children.

The real difference in the rearing of baby-boomers like me, and that of the hippy generation or the disco generation seems to be disregarded in the perception that 'older men are more considerate' and the good manners are ascribed to any older man.

(The same thing applies to older women as well. The standards for what constitutes 'good manners' has changed for them over the years as well.)

I know this sounds like a stereotypical 'when I was young' rant, but I think of this as more of rational observation of the changing mores of society. There are a lot of things about 'the good old days' I am glad to see gone, but manners isn't one of them.

 

[Thumper]

All I can say is...When I was younger it seemed all the women I knew wanted older...and now that I finally achieved "old", they're going gaga over the pretty boys...Wish I had a dollar for every time a woman said "Too bad you're not ten years younger!" I would buy you all a chunk of Microsoft....Hey Nancy lemmme see your purse!

 

[Whispersecret]

Harold, I agree with you. I think that our culture is one that is becoming less polite. I learned to hold the door for people coming into a place right after me. If someone does it for me, I say, "Thank you." I think about half the time when I hold the door, someone acknowledges the fact. Half the people just waltz by like I'm the doorman. People cuss in public, which I really hate when I have my young sons with me. I could go on and on. So, Harold, I'm teaching my kids some old-fashioned manners. The hardest habit so far is saying "Excuse me" when they bump into someone.

I think that you men should revitalize all those "older generation" gestures of respect toward women. Open all the doors for your woman and let her go first, stand when she comes to the table, take her coat and help her back on with it, let her order first, etc.

If a guy, old or young, did that for me (especially the standing bit) he would make big points with me. I blame the feminist movement for demolishing all that wonderful stuff that I only see in movies now.

[This message has been edited by whispersecret (edited 06-04-2000).]