Young Sub has question

[IrisAlthea]

One more vote for discussing your concerns with him.

 

[Ahlam]

I would also like to add my token to the "he's a douchenozzle" pile since everyone is doing it.

Whatever your body may look like, if someone you hope to call "Master" cannot cherish you as you are, then that person should probably get bent.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think that you should maybe avoid asking people to own you quite so quickly.

And while you're at it, read the essay in my signature

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I have always struggled to understand the whole conditional wanting. I will like you "if"? With a start this drastic it just seems like the kind of person that buys a house and then guts the entire thing calling it an "upgrade". It is still a house but also, changed. How much do you want to remodel for this tennant?

A house is a building or it is a home, I hope you choose to live where you are comfy and safe to expand and rest as you need to.

 

[WorkPlayHard]

My 2 cents, please take this opinion with a grain of salt.
He *might* be setting you up to fail on purpose, so then he can punish you. I play games like this with my wife. I work nights, one Friday we were told we were not working a full shift. I told my wife exactly what she should be wearing when I got home, but I also ordered a pizza and told her not to answer the door half naked. I then showed up before the pizza was delivered, and I punished her for not being dressed appropriately. Now, that might seem over the top and mean, but she was willing to do anything for failing me.
Did any of that make sense? Taken out of context, I could be seen as a bad Dom, but failure for not completing a task can be fun also.

 

[_Stroke_]

My 2 cents, please take this opinion with a grain of salt.
He *might* be setting you up to fail on purpose, so then he can punish you. I play games like this with my wife. I work nights, one Friday we were told we were not working a full shift. I told my wife exactly what she should be wearing when I got home, but I also ordered a pizza and told her not to answer the door half naked. I then showed up before the pizza was delivered, and I punished her for not being dressed appropriately. Now, that might seem over the top and mean, but she was willing to do anything for failing me.
Did any of that make sense? Taken out of context, I could be seen as a bad Dom, but failure for not completing a task can be fun also.

I don't think the two situations can be compared. He's asking her to compromise her health.

 

[annayarnkitten]

I think that we as subs get stuck in the "need to please" mode and sometime forget to think about ourselves and our mental and physical well being.

We think that we might be missing out on something with this one person and have a hard time assessing if it is really healthy for us.

Follow your head on this one.

Anna

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Hi YS28
There are a couple of concerning things in your post, and it brought to mind this recent thread I think might help you

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=996227

It's a thread where a lot of experience is shared regarding red flags in relationships. What is kink and what is scary? Please check it out, and good luck to you. Its YOUR happiness and safety that ultimately make for a satisfying life experience.

 

[DVS]

I suppose. But I also can't tell if maybe he is just testing my will power. Maybe if I try my hardest he will trust in my commitment to him.

Mh I'm so conflicted.

And I'm trying to diet and exercise at the same time. I was already pretty healthy prior to meeting him. I am a college athlete, I am just not naturally thin. So it makes it even harder to lose weight because my body is already used to high levels of activity. And I tried explaining this to him with getting to personal about my real life, but I don't think he believed me.

Here's a few possible scenarios for why he's stuck with his decision. First, he's not testing you. Somebody who would stoop to that level isn't worth your time. Have you thought that maybe he enjoyed the time you had together, but he isn't the committing kind of person? Some men shy away from it with a passion. So, to discourage you, he gives you an impossible choice...lose 30 pounds if you want him as your master.

He feels secure that you would never be able to lose the weight and he won't have to tell you his real reason. He could just as easily tell you he prefers not to be in a relationship, but it's easier for him to let you think it's your weight that's turning him off.

And it really could be your weight that bothers him. Some men prefer thinner women, just as some men prefer a woman with curves. But, judging from what you say about being athletic, it doesn't seem likely that you could lose any weight with ease.

If you were both fine with the situation you had before you mentioned him being your master, I'd suggest that might continue. But his demand for you to lose weight is very selfish and I think you should be just as selfish by saying you won't lose any weight.

Whatever his reasons are, I think he's going to stick with his decision, knowing you can't lose the weight. And I'd suggest you stick with your decision not to try. It's a big world. I'm sure there's another man out there who wants a woman with an athletic body.

 

[Stevesteveson]

Safe, sain, consensual. Basic rule. This is not the first two, and your issues with it makes me think its 50/50 on the third one. I say walk away. If he can't be trusted to do some basic research on this how can you trust him where you are truly vulnerable? Can you trust him to follow a safe word or learn about proper rope safety if he dosn't even learn basic life things like 2-3 lbs a week is healthy and what a healthy weight is? There are good doms out there but there are also many controlling people who say they are dominant when they are actually just selfish control freaks.

 

[VenusButterflies]

So I've recently found a new Dom. I really like him, very brutal, but I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways I call him Sir now, and I told him I want to be his completely and call him master. He told me he will consider it if I lose 30 lbs. I was taken a back a bit. Right now I weight 150 and I'm 5'8, so I could be in better shape, but I am far from fat. If i lost 30 pounds I feel like it would be unhealthy, and he gave me four weeks to do it. I don't know what to do, because I want to be his. But this task will consume my life four the next four weeks in order to prepare myself. What should I do?

Uh...run. Run and find someone who's not an abusuve idiot.
1. 30 pounds in four weeks is unhealthy and can affect your heart. You'll wind up gaining all that weight back and then some (I speak from personal experience.) If he was looking out for your best interests like any GOOD Dom would, he wouldn't have put this on you like this.
2. 5'8 and 150? You sound thin enough. You don't need to lose weight for your height. You're healthy. And I bet you look good.
3. Run, but not to lose weight. Run away from this idiot. He's toxic.

 

[Heatseekher]

loads of good advice, whether you could lose the weight safely/easily or not seems an irrelevance - the guy has an unreasonable agenda. IF, IF you did ( and personally i don't think you should even try ) lose the weight as per his request, then what? Will you be requested to jump into something else that isn't really you?
'hey hun, if you want me exclusively you'll need to get my name tattooed on your ass' ( or whatever else ).

Nope, take a nice long walk away and don't look back. His loss.

 

[fiat_justicia]

You simply cannot lose that much weight that quickly and remain healthy, even if you were quite overweight (and it doesn't sound like you are).

A good Dominant ALWAYS abides by SSC (safe, sane, consensual). What he is requesting is unrealistic and unsafe. To be frank, this casts serious doubt on how trustworthy he is, and trustworthiness is the #1 characteristic of a good Dominant.

 

[isabellepain]

I think that you should maybe avoid asking people to own you quite so quickly.

And while you're at it, read the essay in my signature

I agree with Stella. It actually took 3 years to consider him my Master and owned.

 

[MakingMindsDirty]

So I've recently found a new Dom. I really like him, very brutal, but I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways I call him Sir now, and I told him I want to be his completely and call him master. He told me he will consider it if I lose 30 lbs. I was taken a back a bit. Right now I weight 150 and I'm 5'8, so I could be in better shape, but I am far from fat. If i lost 30 pounds I feel like it would be unhealthy, and he gave me four weeks to do it. I don't know what to do, because I want to be his. But this task will consume my life four the next four weeks in order to prepare myself. What should I do?

This is concerning and not very impressive to me as a dom. He sounds like a guy who was attracted to this kind of relationship out of weakness, not strength. This is the sort of controlling behavior that indicates insecurities.

I don't see a lot of leadership here.

 

[BlondieSinner29]

So I've recently found a new Dom. I really like him, very brutal, but I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways I call him Sir now, and I told him I want to be his completely and call him master. He told me he will consider it if I lose 30 lbs. I was taken a back a bit. Right now I weight 150 and I'm 5'8, so I could be in better shape, but I am far from fat. If i lost 30 pounds I feel like it would be unhealthy, and he gave me four weeks to do it. I don't know what to do, because I want to be his. But this task will consume my life four the next four weeks in order to prepare myself. What should I do?

What a prick! Has he heard of muscle? He's just intimidated. Maybe you need to turn the tables on this pathetic worm. I bet I could teach his dumb-ass a thing or two. I'm about the same weight, but height, and muscle adds weight, ecpecially if you wear any kind of boots or heels.

If some guy told me to lose more weight, i'd kick him in the balls. And show him just how in shape i'am. I actually look skinny. He's just afraid, it sounds like he wants an anorexic woman.

Sometimes I lie and say i'm 120lb because i'm actually like a size 5. Weird huh?

 

[HardRein]

Young. I'm afraid he may have been trying to tell you 'no' in a very poor way. If you lost the 30, he'd likely have another ridiculous demand. In the mean time, if you tried to make this happen, you would likely do yourself damage. 1% bodyweight per week is considered the norm for healthy weight loss. He's being irresponsible with you.

 

[elocin13]

ditto all the wise words above, and I'll add a couple things.

1. A real dom says what he means and means what he says. How confusing this relationship will be if you can't tell whether he is "testing" you or actually means it.

2. Have you set forth your hard and soft limits? Do you know what that means? I have a whole list of hard limits, including things about food. You can put in your hard limits "no weight lmitations beyond _______ " (whatever is healthy and reasonable.) Limits are very important for your sanity and protection.

3. Consider that, if he wants you to do something this extreme and unhealthy now, he may go way overboard with other things in the future. I mean, what if he says you can't eat or drink for 5 days? Or you can't sleep for a week? Don't be so desperate for a dom that you stop caring for yourself. If that's how you feel, you may not be ready for a D/s relationship.

 

[SweetTmaster]

You already know the answer to your question.

I guess I wouldn't have come to this forum If I wasn't already partially thinking the same thing. I just would hate to miss out on the opportunity of having such an experienced and strict and Dom, it was truly fulfilling..

A true Dom may rule over you, but he also has respect for his sub. It certainly sounds like this man who wants to be your Dom has little respect for you and an ignorance about healthy weight loss. As some others have said, move on. You will find the "right" Dom as you move ahead.
TRUST is a key element in any D/s relationship.... ask yourself this question: Do i completely TRUST Him?
I don't think you have that TRUST. I hope this helps.

 

[DVS]

This is just an observation and just a word to the wise, especially to some of the newbies who are posting in this forum. Read the rest of the thread before you post, not just the OP's opening post. Some of these posts are just reiterating what others have already said in the thread, but act as if they were the first to post it.

I don't mean to get pissy, but when you see a new post to an established thread, you expect something new. Not rehashed info that was posted a couple of pages earlier by someone else. Is it too much to ask that people read a thread before posting, or at least confess in your post that you didn't read, in case you were rehashing something?

I understand some threads can get quite long, so I don't mean to come down on people. That's not my purpose with this. At least try to screen a few posts so it doesn't look like you were so anxious to post that you don't care if something has already been said.

Or, if you want to add your opinion on something, you can quote another person's post and add your two cents to what they said. There's nothing wrong with that. You can agree with a previous poster, and add your personal experience to what they said.

Sorry, if this seems harsh, but please read the threads, if you want to comment. Thanks.