You think, therefore I am

[impressive]

Was talking with a friend the other day about parenting ... and kids' behavior ... and teaching by example. Anyway, the conversation got around to what "lessons" in our formative years laid the foundation for our personal ethics.

A lot of it boiled down to a desire to live up to the expectations of those we respected/admired.

How about you?

 

[cloudy]

Was talking with a friend the other day about parenting ... and kids' behavior ... and teaching by example. Anyway, the conversation got around to what "lessons" in our formative years laid the foundation for our personal ethics.

A lot of it boiled down to a desire to live up to the expectations of those we respected/admired.

How about you?

Yep. The absolute worst punishment for me was not the groundings, the phone gone, etc., it was hearing my father say, "I'm disappointed in you."

Still makes me cringe just thinking about it.

 

[impressive]

Yep. The absolute worst punishment for me was not the groundings, the phone gone, etc., it was hearing my father say, "I'm disappointed in you."

Still makes me cringe just thinking about it.

Yes, and conversely (from my dad): "If anyone can do it, you can."

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

For me it was my mom. She has this way of smiling that makes me prouder than any other accomplishment in the world and even though she tries to hide her disappointment, when I do (and did fairly regularly) it was heartbreaking.

and to her credit, when I took a stand against one of her fellow teachers (she taught in the high school I went to) over an issue she very firmly told the teacher "He has a point, try listening to him".


Love you momma.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Never call a child 'stupid'.

I tell my daughter she's beautiful because she is and I want her to know it.

 

[rgraham666]

I found out quickly that I couldn't meet my father's expectations.

Even if I did, he changed them, told me "I should have understood what he meant", or "If you weren't such an idiot, you would have known this extra thing was included as well".

The best I ever got from him was, "I can't find anything to be unhappy about".

My mom tried sometimes to make up for it, but she learned not to let my father know about it.

I had to be taught how tough it is in the real world, don't ya know?

 

[cloudy]

I found out quickly that I couldn't meet my father's expectations.

Even if I did, he changed them, told me "I should have understood what he meant", or "If you weren't such an idiot, you would have known this extra thing was included as well".

The best I ever got from him was, "I can't find anything to be unhappy about".

My mom tried sometimes to make up for it, but she learned not to let my father know about it.

I had to be taught how tough it is in the real world, don't ya know?

I've known about this, but it still just breaks my heart to hear it. The things that some parents do to their kids.

 

[impressive]

I found out quickly that I couldn't meet my father's expectations.

Even if I did, he changed them, told me "I should have understood what he meant", or "If you weren't such an idiot, you would have known this extra thing was included as well".

The best I ever got from him was, "I can't find anything to be unhappy about".

My mom tried sometimes to make up for it, but she learned not to let my father know about it.

I had to be taught how tough it is in the real world, don't ya know?

I'm sure it was a very painful journey, Rob -- but we are fortunate now to have such a lovely end result in you.

 

[rgraham666]

Thank you, cloudy, Imp.

It's still a daily struggle. His voice is always there, "not good enough, not good enough, not good enough". A lot quieter than it used to be.

 

[Liar]

Thank you, cloudy, Imp.

It's still a daily struggle. His voice is always there, "not good enough, not good enough, not good enough". A lot quieter than it used to be.

And hopefully accompained with a more reality based...

You're better than just "good enough".

 

[Liar]

I had well-meaning, kind parents who never brought me down. But they also never brought me up, or sideways, or anywhere. Good people. Just not the best parents. I've had very few excpectations on me, very little incentive to form ambitions, which for a long time resulted in that I didn't have any expectations on myself either, no goals or energy to find and pursue goals. Which have resulted in a mental inertia that I've been stuck in up until very recently. For the first time in my life, I have goals and ambitions, a purpose and a plan with my life. And dayum that feels good.

 

[Dar~]

For some reason in my early years I wanted so badly to make my Father love me. I wanted to do things that made him happy. ( to the point of repeating him when he called my mom a whore. much to my detriment) I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I never could get him to love me and I gave up. My mom is a hard one to please, but the big thing that stands out in my mind is the seventh grade.

She got a letter home saying that the teachers wanted a parent teacher conference and my mom assumed (as she was right to do) that I was in trouble and so she grounded me a week in advance. When she went to the conference, shefound out that I was maintaining a 3.5 and that I was vastly improved and the teachers just wanted her to know about my improvements. When she came home she brought me a bunch of small gifts (eyeshadow and deodorant, all firsts for me) She tld me how much the meeting with my teachers had impressed her. I felt very good for that conference. I don't know that I always want my mom to be watching and seeing everything, but it sure feels good to know she thins I make goood choices.

 

[sophia jane]

My best lessons came from my grandmother who taught me the art of perserverance. She never let anyone keep her down, and neither do I. She was an abused child and related to the emotional hell my parents often put me through; she didn't feel sorry for me. She just loved me, gave me books, taped old movies for me, and talked to me like I was a real person instead of a kid.

I still miss her and she died 12 years ago.