You know you're a Lit author when...

[Altissimus]

... your Anon commenters mark you down - despite your awesome premise, fantastic writing and great sex scenes - because, one paragraph before the end, you accidentally referenced something innocuous they don't like. Like shoelaces. Or Fanta.

...you stopped reading about here - with every intention of continuing in a moment - because you had to just see if your scores had materially changed, or if someone had left a comment.

...you call your S/O from another room in the house and they respond with "Commmmmmming!!"

...you aren't making any progress at all on your writing because you had to take a break to refresh the AH page. Again.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

... your Anon commenters mark you down - despite your awesome premise, fantastic writing and great sex scenes - because, one paragraph before the end, you accidentally referenced something innocuous they don't like. Like shoelaces. Or Fanta.

...you stopped reading about here - with every intention of continuing in a moment - because you had to just see if your scores had materially changed, or if someone had left a comment.

...you call your S/O from another room in the house and they respond with "Commmmmmming!!"

...you aren't making any progress at all on your writing because you had to take a break to refresh the AH page. Again.

paragraph 1 (Loving Wives)

 

[Winter_Fare]

... you have an inspection tomorrow but you're on AH instead of cleaning the house.

 

[Fatdog25]

You write, edit, text-to-voice, word cloud, and then re-edit a story, it's all set to be submitted and you check the new stories list in that category and there are four -- count 'em, four -- stories just like it submitted this week (true story).

 

[mirafrida]

You've started your own AH thread on one of these two topics:
(a) "why do readers leave such frustrating ratings/comments?" or
(b) "why do other AH authors complain so much about reader ratings/comments?"

(expert-level if you've done both)

 

[MillieDynamite]

When you get this comment from Anon.

"I didn't bother reading it, I knew I'd hate it, just skipped through it to give you a 1 and move on to a better story!"

 

[Bamagan]

To be fair, Fanta has no place on this Earth, of course you were going to trigger people.
The shoelace thing is no head-scratcher either: the world is full of velcro partisans, not to mention all the folks who say 'fuck that' and wear some kind of slip-on shoe.

... your Anon commenters mark you down - despite your awesome premise, fantastic writing and great sex scenes - because, one paragraph before the end, you accidentally referenced something innocuous they don't like. Like shoelaces. Or Fanta.

 

[TxRad]

When you check the score on a new story every ten minutes or less.

 

[luv2custrip]

You wake up at 3 am: wait! Did I mention her panties were already off? Shit…

 

[TxRad]

Or the better question is, was she wearing panties in the first place.

 

[Altissimus]

You go to bed at 3 am... wait! Did I mention her panties were already off? Shit… then you get up again.

FIFY.

 

[dmallord]

You have long-running similar threads wherein the masses flock daily to drink your Kool-Aid. You know the bios of the most famous authors on Lit, nearly by heart. You PM TxRad on a first-name basis weekly. or perhaps you commune with Laurel the same way! You are at ease with giving advice as though you know the subject matter because you have over 3,000 posts under your belt or ... garters. You could care less about what anyone thinks about your work or how they score your masterpieces. And by the way, you have written over 100 stories 98 of them with a hot red 'H'; the other two are in LW and score at 4.499.

That's getting close to being a master author of Lit.

 

[Bamagan]

This seemed like a good thread to put this:

"A literotica author is just a person lost in the scramble for their own gratification. They can be one-bombed, or their account locked up. But if you make yourself more than just a smut writer, if you devote yourself to a fetish, and if they can't stop you, then you become something else entirely."
"Which is?"
"Legend, Mr. Wayne..."

 

[Mastered_again]

Asking your computer, "Why can't I get just one more vote to get the red H?"

 

[Fatdog25]

Asking your computer, "Why can't I get just one more vote to get the red H?"

Checking your stats on your desktop, seeing the red H, grabbing your phone so you can grab a screenshot of your very first time...

By the time DuckDuckGo loads, it's back to 4.49. Bastards.

 

[Bamagan]

Checking your stats on your desktop, seeing the red H, grabbing your phone so you can grab a screenshot of your very first time...

By the time DuckDuckGo loads, it's back to 4.49. Bastards.

Next time try CTRL+SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN to grab a desktop screenshot (then paste it into an image editor). Not sure if it works on Macs, though.

 

[luv2custrip]

Asking your computer, "Why can't I get just one more vote to get the red H?"

Worse yet: down rating a story inexplicably getting 5.0 so you can sneak into the top fifty.

 

[Fatdog25]

Next time try CTRL+SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN to grab a desktop screenshot (then paste it into an image editor). Not sure if it works on Macs, though.

Let's just say I do my writing in secret. We're not vanilla but I/T is a squick too far.

 

[CharlieCharlie32]

I’m turned by Lit writers. Just that fact works for me

 

[Rustyoznail]

When you say you're researching sexual techniques and mean it.

 

[ElectricBlue]

When you say, "Look, another café, wonder what the coffee's like here?"

And you know it doesn't matter at all, because you don't go to the café for coffee.

 

[bumpercars]

... your Anon commenters mark you down - despite your awesome premise, fantastic writing and great sex scenes - because, one paragraph before the end, you accidentally referenced something innocuous they don't like. Like shoelaces. Or Fanta.

Around 2000, Fanta had a musical ad that played in movie theaters. The song that it used was so goddamn annoying that I swore I would never buy the stuff. Just goes to show that, when they say there's no such thing as bad publicity, they're full of shit. Or Fanta.

I still wouldn't downvote you for referencing it, though.

 

[Bamagan]

Around 2000, Fanta had a musical ad that played in movie theaters. The song that it used was so goddamn annoying that I swore I would never buy the stuff. Just goes to show that, when they say there's no such thing as bad publicity, they're full of shit. Or Fanta.

I still wouldn't downvote you for referencing it, though.

Haha, I'm the same way. Most ads I can ignore, but some are so terrible they echo down through the years and make me take my custom elsewhere out of pure spite.

 

[Altissimus]

I would like to assure my loyal followers that I have never mentioned Fanta* in any of my stories. It was referenced as a throwaway example and was not intended to cause distress, controversy, or drag up syntheticallly-flavoured orange memories. I apologise unreservedly.





* or shoelaces, come to that

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Asking your computer, "Why can't I get just one more vote to get the red H?"

Literally me for two weeks, and still with chapter 2 with 4.48, since getting two of them with chapters three and four. I should be thankful.

Edit: looked and ch2 has one finally.