You Can't Force Someone.....

[juicylips]

to love you.

Been there. Tried that.

Always thinking if I just changed this about myself or adjusted that or acted the "right" way.

In the end, they either love you for who you are, or it is their loss.

I am not just talking about lovers. How many of us have tried to change for our parents or our children?

Do you find that you are trying to change someone into what you feel is appropriate?

Or are you being forced into a mold you have no desire to be in?

Cassidy

 

[Guest]

 

[juicylips]

I spent a good part of my life trying to live up to the expectations of others. Seemed no matter what I did, it was never good enough. It's only been these past few years that my attitude has changed. I'm me, and I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin, now. People can either take me the way they find me, or not at all. I paddle my canoe, and they can paddle theirs.

You catch can't the wind in a butterfly net. No point even trying.

Cass.

You are just too fucking sensible, Mz. Fox , as usual.

As gorgeous as you are, I would be comfortable in your skin too, sweetie

btw- I couldn't say no to #2...sigh. No regrets though.

Kisses,
Cassidy

 

[Summery]

My battles have been more in the last few years since having my son. Always, trying to be the mother my own parents wanted me to be. My parents constantly trying to conform me to the way "they" think I should raise my son. I found myself trying to please them. In the last year I have stopped trying. I am the mother that I am. I do what comes instinctively and I am doing a fine job at it as far as I am concerned.
Though I am emotional person, I have learned to like me, I am confident and comfortable with myself. Take me as I am, or don't take me at all. The only expectations I am concerned with are my own. So many lessons I have learned in the last year!

 

[juicylips]

My battles have been more in the last few years since having my son. Always, trying to be the mother my own parents wanted me to be. My parents constantly trying to conform me to the way "they" think I should raise my son. I found myself trying to please them.

Very easy trap to fall into, SR. No matter how old we get, we are still in some ways trying to get our parents approval.

You are a terrific Mom!!!!

Kisses,
Cassidy

 

[Guest]

 

[Summery]

Hi Summery,

Guess what I got in the mail today

Thank you

Wow! You got my card!!!
I am so happy to hear that.
And, you're more than welcome.

Summery

Thank you Cassidy for the sweet words...I love ya

 

[Guest]

 

[juicylips]

Wherever You Will Go

So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you



Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time


If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

 

[riff]

If I could force someone to love me, just once.

I'd probably try it. But then it wouldn't be love, would it?

 

[Wiggles]

If I could force someone to love me, just once.

I'd probably try it. But then it wouldn't be love, would it?

**Hugs**

 

[riff]

~hugz back~

Thanks, I needed that.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

i'm doing that right now.

changeing anything just to make myself fit in. not into a group or anything. just to fit into whereever myplace is in the world

 

[lovetoread]

I am always trying to change or do things better so that I am loved. I try not to do it,then without thinking I am doing it again.

I think its my personality. I have a submissive nature that I try to fight when its not in my best interests.

My so doesnt like the way I runaround for my family and even my ex. Most of our fights come from this.

I am leaving it all behind however. By June I will see if its me anyone ever cared about,or just the fact that I bent over backwards doing things for them and running myself ragged.

 

[Elizabeth]

*sigh* When I divorced my ex, I left him, his family I was constantly trying to please and everything tied to them at the courtroom door. I vowed to never live only to please another. I think a huge part of you just vanishes when you do.

 

[juicylips]

I am always trying to change or do things better so that I am loved. I try not to do it,then without thinking I am doing it again.

I think its my personality. I have a submissive nature that I try to fight when its not in my best interests.

My thoughts exactly!! I am the peace keeper, the fixer of all things broken, the pleaser who wants to make everyone happy.

I like being all things to all people. It is impossible and you end up setting yourself up for a huge let down. You give so much of yourself, the well eventually runs dry.

Like I said, been there, done that Trying not to do it any more.

Cassidy

 

[LukkyKnight]

*sigh* When I divorced my ex, I left him, his family I was constantly trying to please and everything tied to them at the courtroom door. I vowed to never live only to please another. I think a huge part of you just vanishes when you do.

Be yourself, Elizabeth, you're a worthy and wonderful human being. I'm one of those that is mostly gladder to be rid of the in-laws than the ex, but they still spend time with my offspring naturally. Help yourself to thrive, it's the very best gift you can offer your children - and, for that matter, the best gift to yourself and your friends as well.

Divorce doesn't end relationships, particularly when there are children involved, it merely formalizes a treaty for the balance from that point forward.

 

[Elizabeth]

Be yourself, Elizabeth, you're a worthy and wonderful human being. I'm one of those that is mostly gladder to be rid of the in-laws than the ex, but they still spend time with my offspring naturally. Help yourself to thrive, it's the very best gift you can offer your children - and, for that matter, the best gift to yourself and your friends as well.

Divorce doesn't end relationships, particularly when there are children involved, it merely formalizes a treaty for the balance from that point forward.

I wish it were that simple. My ex-inlaws felt that when I divorced their son..they didn't have any need for their grandsons any longer. And these are the people I should forgive so easily, so I am told by some. I, however, made it clear to these people that they were welcome to see the kids any time they wished. That was 6 years ago.

 

[Nicodemus]

My God this hits the nail squarely on the head.

Been there, done that, and still struggling with it. I think the hardest part in it is that it stems partially from love/caring for a person. We want to make the ones we care for happy, we all want to be liked and accepted. As has been said here so eloquently already, liking yourself first is the most important part. Pleasing yourself and fulling your own wants and needs needs to be a part of the equation. Ignoring the feelings of the people in your life is selfish but striking the balance between fulfillling you and helping them to fulfill themself is the hard part.

I think that is what we are all looking for. The balance between those two.

Nic,

ps....or I could be just full of it and babbling from lack of caffine.

 

[juicylips]

My God this hits the nail squarely on the head.

Been there, done that, and still struggling with it. I think the hardest part in it is that it stems partially from love/caring for a person. We want to make the ones we care for happy, we all want to be liked and accepted. As has been said here so eloquently already, liking yourself first is the most important part. Pleasing yourself and fulling your own wants and needs needs to be a part of the equation. Ignoring the feelings of the people in your life is selfish but striking the balance between fulfillling you and helping them to fulfill themself is the hard part.

I think that is what we are all looking for. The balance between those two.

Nic,

ps....or I could be just full of it and babbling from lack of caffine.

I was looking for a place to edit this post and could find nothing that I didn't want to emphasize.

Knowing you, Nic, this is NOT a lack of caffeine, but an honest, thoughtful, well spoken post.

Kisses, hugs, and a helluva lot more, babe
Cassidy

 

[bored1]

to love you.

Been there. Tried that.

Always thinking if I just changed this about myself or adjusted that or acted the "right" way.

In the end, they either love you for who you are, or it is their loss.

I am not just talking about lovers. How many of us have tried to change for our parents or our children?

Do you find that you are trying to change someone into what you feel is appropriate?

Or are you being forced into a mold you have no desire to be in?

Cassidy

I read something once........"You cant make someone love you,You can only let someone love you " I had to read it a few times until I figured out what it meant......I have to agree with that saying.......I have also learned that you cant fix people...........I recall wanting my parents to be different.....until I finally saw them as people who did the best they could with their children........My kids dont live with me,when there with me I find that Im trying to push them in a direction that is foreign to them..........Cant do that 2 times a month.......I miss being married....having a reason to go to work.....People to come home to.........What I used to see as a ball and chain around my ankles....I now realize was an anchor.........You can only change yourself..........

 

[juicylips]

Re: Re: You Can't Force Someone.....

My kids dont live with me,when there with me I find that Im trying to push them in a direction that is foreign to them..........Cant do that 2 times a month.......I miss being married....having a reason to go to work.....People to come home to.........What I used to see as a ball and chain around my ankles....I now realize was an anchor.........You can only change yourself..........

I am so sorry to hear that. You are right about changing ourselves. Sometimes that is painful.

I hope your future brightens.
Cassidy

 

[Nigel]

I Can't Make You Love Me

Turn down the lights, and turn down the bed
And turn down these voices inside my head
Lay here with me and tell me no lies
Just hold me close and don't patronize
Don't patronize me...

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

I close my eyes then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

 

[riff]

Let somebody love me?

It's a BIG issue.... like total solar eclipses.

I am working on it.

 

[juicylips]

Let somebody love me?

It's a BIG issue.... like total solar eclipses.

I am working on it.

Sometimes you need help when working on a project as big as yours

If you are taking volunteers, I am first in line.

Kisses & Hugs, babe
JL