You absolute...

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute toe knuckle

This is a good one!
Very British
Very insulting

EDIT: Drunk, sorry. But it made me laugh

 

[EctoJohn]

You overly tight screw-on top.

 

[Deadbed1968]

You absolute pineapple!

 

[Deadbed1968]

You absolut vodka!

 

[EctoJohn]

You absolute book mark.

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute broken biscuit

 

[Rodlicker57]

You absolute english muffin

 

[Hugo_Agogo_UK]

You absolute boiled egg

 

[Rodlicker57]

You absolute limp noodle

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute faulty Teemu purchase

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute unwashed cock

 

[Hugo_Agogo_UK]

You absolute stinky finger

 

[UsuallyPresent]

You absolute faulty Teemu purchase

Isn't that an oxymoron?

You absolute Mom&Pop shop murderer

 

[fsa52]

You absolute puke!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

You absolute anal-retentive nitnoid-polishing policy wonk!

 

[cheekygirl75]

You absolute empty coffee cup

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute smeg head

 

[UsuallyPresent]

You absolutely irresolute amoral profit-seeking evangelist

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute unwashed cock

You absolute stinky finger

There needs to be a reaction for some of these

 

[Hugo_Agogo_UK]

There needs to be a reaction for some of these

So true!

You absolute chocolate cheesecake

 

[EyesOnHers]

You absolute wooden cushion

 

[PotNoodle79]

You absolute tinned offal.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

You absolute rotten tripe