Yippee! My first two new stories in EIGHT MONTHS were just posted!

[JUDO]

Finally...after eight months of stewing, I've just posted my first two new stories in a LONG time.

After Midnight on the Red Line,where two strangers like the subway and Interruptus5, a continuation of an old series of mine. Finally, you get to see what happens to Linda.

Read them and tell me what you think. And leave a link for one of yours and I'll do the same.

Enjoy!


- Judo

 

[OT]

After Midnight on the Red Line

A good read. This part struck true:

Why for this woman? Why now? "Ah fuck, there's no reasoning with your dick", thought Spazz.

I have a definite thing for travel-fantasies. Or... oh my god -- was it based on real! Say it ain't so -- I couldn't stand the excitement.

O.T.
peek at my prose

 

[Whispersecret]

Just wanted to congratulate you on finishing a couple of stories. That's a great feeling and you deserve to feel proud! I hope they do well.

 

[JUDO]

Ha!

OT -

I'll never tell.

Although, the closing sequence on Chicago's "L" in "Risky Business" was always one of my favs.

Clickety clack, down the track...Jack.


- Judo

 

[JUDO]

Thanks, WS!

Funny that. I think I got into a "my last story scored really well, how can I follow that" thing. Know what I mean?

So, I planned, I structured, I wrote other stuff, got into poetry, did my nails...

Anything, but write the next story. Finally, last week I said, "Fuck it! Just write!"

So, I did. Two stories in about a four day period. Probably way too fast, but at least I got over the hump after all that time off.

The good news is that I have a zillion stories ready to write, so I can just start cranking (hopefully).

And another thing...

I was really surprised how much longer it takes now than it did eight months ago for the story to post once submitted.

Eight months ago, it was like 3 to 4 days max. This time it was 8 and 5 days respectively for "After Midnight on the Red Line" and "Interruptus5."

I guess Laurel is busier than ever.

Thanks, again, WS. Your comments are always appreciated.


- Judo

 

[jon.hayworth]

Judo,

I have found 5 to 8 days to be the norm when I have submitted in Word or RTF format.

My story before last I converted into HTML and it was up within 3 days. Unfortunately somthing went wrong with my software and I could not submit the last story in HTML so I have resigned myself to the 5 day wait.

I suppose I should learn how to write html without depending on software converters.

jon

 

[Beaversnapper]

hey Judo, I am a new reader/member here and this is my first attempt at posting . so.

just to let you know i enjoyed both your stories. it was interesting to see such a variation in story line and style between the two. were these written far apart ?

can i ask a question ? oh well here goes anyway. do readers have a preference for the gender of the story teller ? or has this been covered before ? it surely must have a great bearing on hits and comments ?

( how many questions am i allowed ? ) )

its a major turn-on for me if the teller is femail, if its a male i tend to overlook them. sorry guys.

keep writing, its very readable

hope to talk again soon

B

 

[JUDO]

Answers

hey Judo, I am a new reader/member here and this is my first attempt at posting . so.

just to let you know i enjoyed both your stories. it was interesting to see such a variation in story line and style between the two. were these written far apart ?

can i ask a question ? oh well here goes anyway. do readers have a preference for the gender of the story teller ? or has this been covered before ? it surely must have a great bearing on hits and comments ?

( how many questions am i allowed ? ) )

its a major turn-on for me if the teller is femail, if its a male i tend to overlook them. sorry guys.

keep writing, its very readable

hope to talk again soon

B

Cool! I'm so excited to be someone's first post!

No, the two stories were written within a day of each other, but the ideas for them were structured months apart from one another. Perhaps that's what you see.

Gender preference? In general, I don't think that seems to be true (judging by the Top Lists categories that have both male and female POVs), but...

(There's always a but...)

...there has been a lot of discussion here on and off about female authors writing male points of view and vice versa. Some authors pull it off, other's don't. Not really sure what constitutes one or the other.

I'm bi, so perhaps I have both POVs! Lol.

Thanks for reading. More to come.


- Judo

 

[JUDO]

HTML...interesting.

Judo,

I have found 5 to 8 days to be the norm when I have submitted in Word or RTF format.

My story before last I converted into HTML and it was up within 3 days. Unfortunately somthing went wrong with my software and I could not submit the last story in HTML so I have resigned myself to the 5 day wait.

I suppose I should learn how to write html without depending on software converters.

jon

Well, as much work as it might be, this intrigues me. First, I wonder why the submission software doesn't convert text submitted (as I have done) to html right away, inserting the text where needed.

But, I guess it doesn't, so then I come to my real question...

Is the correct html form posted somewhere here at Lit? Like under the FAQs or something? It'd be great to have a copy downloadable somewhere with a "Insert Text Here" type spot in it.

There probably is, but I've never heard of it.

How about it? WH? KM? Pp_man? Somebody smart know this one?


- Judo

 

[Beaversnapper]

Cool! I'm so excited to be someone's first post!

No, the two stories were written within a day of each other, but the ideas for them were structured months apart from one another. Perhaps that's what you see.

Gender preference? In general, I don't think that seems to be true (judging by the Top Lists categories that have both male and female POVs), but...

(There's always a but...)

...there has been a lot of discussion here on and off about female authors writing male points of view and vice versa. Some authors pull it off, other's don't. Not really sure what constitutes one or the other.

I'm bi, so perhaps I have both POVs! Lol.

Thanks for reading. More to come.


- Judo


hey ! wow !! thanks for such a quick reply Judo


i have just read your profile and if that is what it takes for you to write more, then your ' citadel ' is now under seige. lol

B

 

[Impetus]

Positive feedback: Woah! Awesome writing! Yay!

Constructive feedback: Write more!

-I

 

[JUDO]

(*tippity-tappity*)

I -

Thanks for the kind words and I'm typing as fast as I can!


- Judo

 

[Alex De Kok]

HTML in Submissions

I've just (literally) submitted a 'How-To' on the HTML needed in a submission. Survivor, y'know - need the points!

I doubt that anyone needs more than bold and italic which is all that I've covered, but it means that if the codes are included and the submission is made via the box on a member's submissions page, the submission goes up quickly. Under 24 hours for my non-erotic poetry submission (with a word in italic!) although I think that is exceptionally quick.

Yes Jon, I wrote some poetry! It stinks, but...

We'll need to see whether Laurel approves the 'How-To', but if anyone wants to know about including bold or italic in a submission, just ask me direct. For a general tutorial on HTML which will tell you more than you ever wanted to know, I can recommend www.w3schools.com

Alex

 

[JUDO]

Any takers?

Read them and tell me what you think. And leave a link for one of yours and I'll do the same.

I'm really, really surprised that no one has taken me up on my offer in this thread so far. Here and I thought everyone wanted feedback.


- Judo

 

[OT]

RE: Any Takers

Sigh ... If only I had something new and worthy :-(

Does your offer have an expiration date?

My muse has turned to mush. If I get something up within, say 8 months or so, will you still be willing ?

OT


peek at my prose

 

[jon.hayworth]

Judo,

I am absolute crap at this computer stuff - meaning I had a hard time creating the "my stories" link to do individual stories would completely fry my brains.

If you would like to read my story "Janey Stuck in a Lift" I would appreciate it. But please use the my stories link.

ALEX - read your poem - gave it a 4 for the bare-faced cheek and wit - I was laughing the whole time I was reading it.

I am eagerly awaiting your article on HTML.

jon

 

[JUDO]

Re: RE: Any Takers

Sigh ... If only I had something new and worthy :-(

Does your offer have an expiration date?

My muse has turned to mush. If I get something up within, say 8 months or so, will you still be willing ?

OT


peek at my prose

Yes, OT. And...SNAP OUT OF IT! You're not getting any pity points. Fire up that libido and get cracking! (*snaps the bullwhip!*)


- Judo

 

[JUDO]

No excuses, Jon!

I am absolute crap at this computer stuff - meaning I had a hard time creating the "my stories" link to do individual stories would completely fry my brains.

That better not be whining I detect...

Easy to use. Here's a quick lesson for posting a link in your post:

Get the URL address and put it in this form:

(url="http://www.literotica.com")(color=red)Literotica(/color)(/url)

Then replace all the "()" with "[]".

Simple!

If you would like to read my story "Janey Stuck in a Lift" I would appreciate it. But please use the my stories link.

I will get to it shortly. Dashing around a bit at the moment. Look for feedback and constructive criticism soon.


- Judo

 

[OT]

Re: Re: RE: Any Takers

Yes, OT. And...SNAP OUT OF IT! (*snaps the bullwhip!*)


- Judo

Was that yes there's an expiration date, or yes you'd be willing?

(my libido is already feeling better, just by getting to ask you if you'd be "willing" - sheesh, my mind does wonder)

OT

 

[JUDO]

Both

OT -

Yes, it has a time limit and yes, I am willing.

Eight months? Are you kidding? Who knows if I'll be on this side of the grass in eight months?

Do you actually need assistance with sexual fantasy? If so, I don't know if I can help. I suggest lots of lube, a trip to Vegas and new points on that faulty libido.

- Judo

 

[Impetus]

I'm slowly working my way through a huge (and fun) writing project, and I'm simply hoping to establish myself so that when I *do* submit something for feedback, perhaps someone will remember when I gave feedback to them and drop me some usefull info. But as I have nothing finished at the moment, there is nothing for you to critique.

-I

 

[JUDO]

CRITICISM: Janey Stuck in a Lift

If you would like to read my story "Janey Stuck in a Lift" I would appreciate it.

Pro: Jon, good story. I like the reality of the man on the phone, the long delay. I like your characters. Good development. They both have interesting and believable backgrounds that delights the reader.

----------------------------------

Con: Where it seems like you need most of your work are in the sudden presentation of "key" moments.

Keys - Be very aware of what must happen in your story. In this one, without reading it, I would expect sex of some kind in the elevator. If we're having sex, in this case lesbian sex, then I would expect kissing, caressing, fingers, getting naked, breasts, licking, pussies, sucking, etc.

Each one of those moments are "key" moments. Each first move taking you across a line are "key" moments - a glance, a casual touch - each one!

Presentation - In places, you present the scene very well. The best of which is when Janey finally moves into a sixty-nine with Maggie. You take your time, you allow the description to flow as the events take place. It works.

But in others, you are suddenly getting to the mark to quick.

When Janey discovers Maggie masturbating for the first time. It's much too sudden and with no setup at all.

Present Maggie as someone in a hurry (perhaps she was going to another floor to get off in the Ladies room and now she's delayed). You don't have to say that at first. You can describe her as being impatient, rude to the man on the phone, ants in her pants, etc.

Janey could fall asleep quickly (tired from what? Was she out late? Works two jobs? Not enough sleep?)

Then use dream imagery of what the rhythmic motion might be. In her dream, she's on a boat, then remembers the elevator, then startled open, she tries to recognize what could be moving the elevator so subtly, then she notices or hears Maggie.

She watches, she gets horny, she wants to do something about it, but how will this woman react?

Perhaps Maggie sees her looking, but continues anyway, maybe smiles.

Then Janey either goes for it, or asks her questions while she masturbates to get a clear, "Let's go!"

Other spots to delay: The first kiss, The first caress, sucking, the reveal of Janey's body (shouldn't there be lots of zippers on her motorcycle outfit?), them getting naked and the absurdity of the situation when they do after the second phone call.

Setup - In the beginning, you have a very good image and a good surprise, but it's not presented well.

I'm talking about the motorcycle courier and the secretary.

Use a scene of getting on the elevator where the motorcycle courier is mistaken for a man by someone and the secretary has to run for the lift as the doors are closing. Do not reveal that the motorcycle courier is a man until the moment Janey speaks.

Yes, you might say you do that now, but we as the readers, do not know who is describing the scene at the beginning. Perhaps, describe how "it", the courier wants to get back to the bike below or something as they get on. Set up the "maleness" of her outfit. Maybe she still wears her helmet as an intimidation factor, looking like a "spaceman" or something.

Delay - Whenever you can slow everything down, particularly leading up to key moments. The slow delay makes the release that much more pleasurable for the reader, just like sex. Make a game of it. See how long you can draw out the payoff. It's fun.

Misspellings: I think I only saw one in your story, but be very wary of them. They take the reader right out of it.

----------------------------------

Overall: Good job, but needs some tweaking to get everything believable and working. Could be much better.

 

[jon.hayworth]

Judo,

A thousand thank yous for your comprehensive and constructive critique of my story.

I really do appreciate the time you have taken, first with how to put links to individual stories and now these really helpfull comments.

At times I was too close to the story - eg I took being tired as a given for a motor-cycle courier.

On the other hand as far as the Lesbian sex went I was a fish out of water - but that is why I am taking part in Survivor to get away from churning out only what I am comfortable with.

Looking forward to working together on the chain story.

jon