Xaraziel: Problems with Pacing

[MythicMind]

I think I'm a reasonably good writer, but new to the short story/erotica genre. One of my big learning curves is how to balance brevity with pacing. My new story Xaraziel is an example...I'm happy with it except for the pacing. I feel like the love isn't quite earned. I pushed it too fast, maybe? But I might be wrong...anyone willing to take a quick read, I'd appreciate any feedback, positive or critical.

I would also enjoy hearing any advice on pacing you might have.

 

[Nynah]

I read the story and I think the pacing was just fine! Yes, the main characters go from just meeting to being in love quite fast, but it's a supernatural story and unless you wanted to stretch it out longer to explore their relationship, I think that's okay. You set the stakes up early with her initial encounters with the first man and then her demon lord so the reader is aware of what's on the line for Zara by the time she and Riley have their scenes together, so we have both of their motivations in mind as they feel each other out (and up).

Could you have lingered a bit longer and fleshed things out between them more? Yes, and I think readers would have enjoyed that. But if your goal is to balance brevity with pacing, I think you did an admirable job and I certainly had a good time reading it.

 

[MythicMind]

Great feedback, thanks, Nynah!

I had started to add in more time over Halloween night, giving more opportunity for love to bloom. But it started to drag and figured the readers would want them to get to the inevitable sex. Now I wish I had split the difference and added in just one or two interactions that demonstrated Riley's growing affection for her. But perhaps I'm just being hard on myself.

Regarding your comment, I had also thought to use headers for the sections, but for some reason didn't. I hoped that the initial lines would make it clear whose POV we were seeing. But clarity is a good thing, so I'll probably do that again next time. I'm enjoying writing stories with POV changes, so I should make that a habit.

 

[Nynah]

Now I wish I had split the difference and added in just one or two interactions that demonstrated Riley's growing affection for her.

I think this would have been a nice middle ground; it likely would not have added more than a Lit page or two. As it stands, I think your story is still quite good as is! Could just be something to keep in mind for next time.

 

[darwin1859]

In my experience, pacing varies quite a bit and most readers are mostly tolerant.

(As you know), as the reader reads your story, they are suspending their disbelief. I think you should be more worried about (not) challenging this suspension of disbelief than worrying about the pacing, per se. If you write a story where a MC falls instantly in love with someone, I think the reader will be inclined to roll with your story telling unless you push it too far, do not "explain" it, are inconsistent, etc.

Also, too fast is often preferrable to too slow. Sure, your can seem rushed, but that's less a sin than your story coming off as being boring, repetitive, meandering, etc.

Satisfy yourself and your vision, obviously, but IMO you just need to keep things believable, ensure you have reasons for each event (ensure the reader is not left wondering "WTF..?"), and most readers will go along with you and your chosen pace.