WTF does this mean!!?!

[Mischka]

I don't think it was awful. I don't think it was insulting.

I just think it is confusing to give that amount of money to someone you only consider to be a friend, that you happen to have a sexual relationship with.

Somehow these threads always seem to go off somewhere not intended. Sometimes it makes for a really interesting read, sometimes....not so much.

Have you asked him why he gave you that much money? It sounds like the gift is making you uncomfortable because everything about the (non)relationship is making you uncomfortable at the moment. Eleven months in limbo is frustrating, and you now know you want more.

Either make it a real, committed relationship (unlikely), or break it off and find a guy willing to commit to more than the occasional fuck and a fistful of cash.

 

[Guest]

 

[Angel]

Wow, all kinds of random people are popping up.

(Yes, Including you Xan )


Couple of things - Why do you need a commitment? Seriously. I mean yes, you probably want one ...

But simply dating for a long period of time isn't a terrible thing, is it? I've never really done that, I've always had relationships, so I don't know. Heh. But I honestly see nothing wrong with the gift - maybe thats just the type of thing he's used to doing?

I don't know much about the situation between the two of you to really give advice though.

 

[Chuckus]

It doesn't sound awful. I don't think he's "paying for sex". He could be feeling a little guilty for making you stay exclusive for almost a year, without any sort of commitment. Guys do stupid things out of guilt. They want to "fix" things. It's not a pay-off. This could just be his way of giving you a really, really good backrub.

I'd say everthing's fine, as long as you're still okay with the no commitment thing. If you're not okay with that, I'd say you might want to think about ending it soon. After 11 months, a guy knows where a thing is going, and isn't likely to change.

Bottom line, he might have been tacky, but I don't think insulting.

I'd tend to agree with DCL. If your not happy with the no committment thing, which it sounds like you want a committment, then it is time to do something about it.

Take the money and have fun in the meantime.

 

[Melody_lane]

Hi Xander, hi INdy, hi chuckus. Hugs and kisses to you all!


You know, everybody tells me to break up with him; that I deserve more. It's not that simple and easy.

Picture yourself involved with a person, with whom you always get along with. You can talk to, you can laugh with, you always have a good time with. Someone who supports you in all things, thinks so highly of you, and genuinely cares and looks out for you. All that, and gives you the best, most creative sex.
Picture yourself breaking up with this kind of person, just because you don't have a commitment from them.

I don't want to lose this incredible person that has become an important person in my life. I imagine that we would remain friends, but it would not be that constant, consistent thing I have now....not to mention the lack of sex.

I love the man that he is and I love spending time with him. I honestly don't think that it is going to be a forever thing, but for now, it's good. A little confusing at times, but all in all, it's the best relationship I think that I have ever had---with anyone, friends and lovers alike.
So, maybe I do deserve more. But, of the men that are willing to give me more of a commitment, I sacrifice more in the men/person that they are.

 

[Guest]

 

[KillerMuffin]

You moved!

Hi Indy.

 

[cajunman]

thoughtless

he is a thoughtless putz that was to lazy to buy you a gift dump him

 

[Lancecastor]

I honestly don't think that it is going to be a forever thing, but for now, it's good.

It sounds tacky to be taking cash from a guy you see as a passing fancy.

No offence, but I certainly wouldn't date you if I knew in advance you'd been swimming in such shallow waters.

 

[Melody_lane]

I gave it back with the following letter-

You know what I hate? I hate Valentine's Day. Did I ever tell you that? I am sure that I must have, but knowing you, you probably don't remember (smiles).
Or atleast, you probably don't remember why I hate it.

I hate the holiday because I feel it is not a true representation of what the holiday is meant to be. It becomes this forced declaration of love, that may or may not be a reality for couples. It's an obligation! A "have to get the flowers and candy" thing. It's thoughtless bullshit that doesn't mean anything.


Well, I am beginning to feel the same way about birthdays. It's unfortunate.
I don't like when I feel obligated to get people something; friends, family, and
(I use this term very loosely) boyfriends. That's why I like to give gifts and cards, "just because". I think it lets the people you truly care for know, you truly care for them! Not just when it is their birthday or a holiday.

I think you know me well enough to know, I don't fancy your company for what
I can get out of it....
Well, aside from the sex, of course. (smiles*winks)

Seriously though...

I love that you remembered my birthday and called me early enough to be one of the first to wish me a happy day. I love that you took me out to dinner, got me a
card, and thought enough of me to put a dozen crates' worth of peppers in it!(He's a farmer.) I appreciate all of that so much.

But, I can't accept the money. It's too much to give to a 'friend'.
I care and respect you too much to allow myself to become an obligation, just
because we've been screwin' for a year. I mean, I don't honestly understand why
people who get along as well as we do are better off as friends---I can only assume it was a line because that is all you want. But, whatever, it's a moot point. It's late, and I'm tired.

Bottom line is, I cherish you and our time together---so, accept the money back and instead spend your time with me; not your money.

 

[Lost Cause]

Would you prefer animal pelts?...

Your Beau is showing his appreciation, and in a subtle way showing his ability to provide. It's hard wired in our brains since cave days, pay some bills, buy a nice outfit, put it away. Be glad you have someone that does a nice thing for you, because of who you are, not what you do for them!

 

[Melody_lane]

It sounds tacky to be taking cash from a guy you see as a passing fancy.

No offence, but I certainly wouldn't date you if I knew in advance you'd been swimming in such shallow waters.

No offenSe, but I certainly wouldn't date someone who judged me shallow, by one act...

I didn't take the cash, but even if I did---I wouldn't consider myself to be a shallow person. I've been seeing this guy for a year and I am not seeing him for his money or what I can get out of it. So, I don't see how accepting a gift---cash of $500 or a present worth the same or more, would make me shallow.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Excellent letter. I would have quoted Joyce more often, but that's me.

I hope he responds well. He should.

 

[Melody_lane]

Excellent letter. I would have quoted Joyce more often, but that's me.

I hope he responds well. He should.

OKay, call me an idiot...who's Joyce?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Joyce Randolph. She played "Trixie"?

I'm kidding. James Joyce.

It was a great letter.

 

[Xander]

Wow, all kinds of random people are popping up.

(Yes, Including you Xan )

What?? just because i dont say anything doesnt mean I dont drop by once in a while so NEH to you Angel

 

[The Heretic]

Reading too much into it?

Exactly. Keep the money, go spend it on something you wouldn't normally splurge on, and consider that a gift from him.

I usually try to actually shop for gifts, for things that I think people will like and wouldn't buy for themselves, but sometimes getting gift ideas for people is like pulling teeth! Sometimes people actually prefer the money over some item.

Don't make too much out of it. It is a one time thing that may or may not be related to your relationship.