writing without dialog tags

[NotWise]

I'm on my third story now written mostly without dialog tags, and I'm starting to see where it's going. This is self-analysis. I know other people are experimenting with tagless dialog, and I'd love to hear your experience.

Writing with tags (not more than one per paragraph), I used them to slow the pace of the story as well as to clarify the speaker.

There's more action when I'm writing with minimal tags. I need action in place of the tag to focus attention on the speaker, and without tags the pace of the story is not as controlled.

In my stories, there is a tendency for that extra action to create tension. With the first two stories, I was most concerned that the speaker was clear. With my third I suddenly need to control the tension. Sometimes that added tension is a good thing and sometimes it's out of place.

If you've tried it, how has it worked for you?

 

[SimonDoom]

Can you post a link to the story?

I don't understand why people do this but am curious to check it out and see how it works.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

I'm not sure that this is 100 percent responsive to your premise, but it addresses the principle. A series I have in progress was the first fiction I'd written in a very long time, and I was quite rusty with dialog tags. That is to say that I overused them in the first chapter. In subsequent chapters, I've used them much less, approaching the point of not at all. I haven't made an effort to write completely tag-free dialog.

I use short sentences describing actions in a way that sounds like what you're using as one method of making it clear who is speaking. I don't find it necessary to do with great frequency, but I have noticed the effect on pacing. I think the effect has been limited and that it is a controllable effect. I keep the sentence replacing a dialog tag short and simple ("He laughed," "She grimaced," "John fidgeted with his tie," "Anne was thoughtful.")

I space out the actions that are substituting for dialog tags so that I have some sort of identification of the speaker, be it a rare dialog tag, a short sentence describing an action, of something inherent to the dialog, around every four or five changes in speaker, or if I have one character with two pieces of dialog without intervening dialog from another character. It varies, of course, depending on how much is obvious from context.

I haven't noticed it creating tension. If anything, I think it's diffused it where I've used it because the conversation is a less rapid back and forth. Overall, I'm pleased with the effect. Since I haven't made it a hard and fast rule, I may not be butting up against whatever restraints would cause a downside to doing it that way.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The last time the subject of dialogue tags came up, I counted 'em in a bunch of my stories. I seem to be fairly consistent with one "he said" or "she said" tag in every ten lines of dialogue. Attribution other than that is either by context or speaking in turn. The tag count goes up with three characters, just to keep track of who is talking to who.

I agree, I tend to use tags as a pacing thing, as you describe. I find them useful to keep the rhythm flowing. My tags are mostly minimalist and neutral though - said, replied, whispered, commented; that kind of tag. I generally find the "action" tags that some folk are really fond of intrusive; they get in the way of the flow. If I notice them too much, they're overdone, in my opinion.

 

[HeyYoureThatGuy]

When it's just two people back and forth, I find the tags usually unnecessary unless something is said with any sort of flare. But two friends just shooting the breeze, I can go a while without a tag.

And I've also used some of the action to indicate who's talking if more than one person is speaking or to break it up if things get a little too talky.

 

[KeithD]

The downside is that if a reader has to backtrack to get caught up on who said what, you've suffered a major "reader continuity loss." I find a lot of mainstream novels are doing that now. It's not what I consider to be a constructive trend.

 

[Voboy]

The downside is that if a reader has to backtrack to get caught up on who said what, you've suffered a major "reader continuity loss." I find a lot of mainstream novels are doing that now. It's not what I consider to be a constructive trend.

There are many sins I'll forgive a writer, but not that one. A story that allows me to lose track of who's speaking, especially during a two-way conversation, is a story that gets ditched tout suite.

 

[SamScribble]

I often use dialogue tags to set the pace of an exchange, to slow it down, to convey that the speaker has thought about what they are saying. Even when tags aren't, strictly speaking, necessary, 'tagless' dialogue can sometimes get a bit breathless.

 

[AlinaX]

There are many sins I'll forgive a writer, but not that one. A story that allows me to lose track of who's speaking, especially during a two-way conversation, is a story that gets ditched tout suite.

I hate this too - and I've got one story where even I'm not sure who's speaking at one point. I mean, it doesn't actually matter, but it's still annoying.

 

[Sextified]

I'm on my third story now written mostly without dialog tags, and I'm starting to see where it's going. This is self-analysis. I know other people are experimenting with tagless dialog, and I'd love to hear your experience.
If you've tried it, how has it worked for you?

This subject is very near and dear to my heart, and also has been a great big pain in my &#^%&#!

I have a real love of classic pulp fiction. Karl Edward Wagner, HP Lovecraft, Fritz Leiber, Ursula LeGuin, Tolkien, Robert E. Howard, etc.

Some of those writers got paid by the word, in their early days, literally. They loved a descriptive style, and cherished setting the scene, so later on their actors could just wander all over the set.

Early on, in my own writing, I tried to emulate the best of their styles. As I got older, I had new favorite authors; L E Modesitt, Melanie Rawn, Ann McAffrey, etc. My early fiction short stories were all well received, but I hated the whole dialogue process. Eventually, I decided to see just how far I could push both the dialogue issues, and the immutable points of view laws.

It's been a very long process, and I am still learning when and where it's ok to compromise.

If you are using one of the traditional boiler plate styles, stick with it. Some of your readers will like your approach, and won't appreciate you suddenly changing gears in stories.

If you are experimenting, be as consistent as possible.

I think most all writers try to explore that arena, at some time or another, but most of them use what they learn as a new tool. Something to pull out of the bag, and only when it's truly needed.

My personal view on this tricky subject is a bit more complicated.

I am of the opinion that what a character has to say, and how they say it, should always make them instantly identifiable in some way. Scenes have to be there for a reason. Some conflict that is being resolved. Sides should be taken, even if two people are grousing about another third party off screen.

There are so many other ways to move a story along, rather than just pure dialogue, and strict points of view.

My latest effort, will be trashed very soon, and will be totally replaced with something much more on point next month. I got one critic's message, loud and clear. After a few weeks away from the first chapter's release, I totally agreed with them.

Rewriting old material in a new style is not very much fun, but it is instructive.

For example, I have several characters the readers know by what they are interested in. Their hobbies. Their desires, fears or worries. If three of them were to take a stroll thru the same rooms of a mansion, separately, at different times of day, they will all notice different things. You could literally swear they had walked thru three different houses.

Most of the time, my readers get to hear what's secretly going on in their heads, and because of that, they get to learn so much more about them. When they do talk, I like to juxtapose what's in their thoughts versus what actually comes out of their mouths. One woman has so many fears, but fights so bravely to hide them. One man looks at buildings, almost as if they were alive, and wishes that they could tell him all about their history. Another woman loves art, and wonders at the price of each object, and what would look better in a particular spot, if she had owned the house.

I counted up some of the dialogue tags in one of my least ever enjoyed but popular Fantasy series. The writing was all technically perfect, wonderfully described, and utterly unmemorable. So many of the letters on the pages were there just to keep the overall story going. Nothing was left to the readers's own imagination. So much effort was just to get the characters from point A to point B.

That author's dialogue could have been spoken by anyone in that group, only by one person, or been handled so much better and quicker by the narrator.

My last effort, honestly, was just about as interesting as what I just described above.

I'm two months into re-re-slashing the entire first book that I wrote thirteen years ago. Now I am paying strict attention, to pacing, dialogue, description, emotion and action. I carefully put chapters away, then go back and read them with a fresh eye, and make sure that the dialogue content directly identifies the speaker as much as possible.

Like someone else suggested, I am mainly using small pre-identifiers that place the next speaker firmly in the mind of the reader.

< < < < > > > >

Keeley angrily slammed down the glass on to the table, glaring at him before she spoke.

Andrea blushed, as the woman slid behind her, and slowly let the now warm and wet fingers trail down her back. The next words she heard in her ear, only made her embarrassment much worse!

The room was too quiet, and the lights too low, so he cautiously called out the name of the girl he was searching so desperately for.

Emma had no idea that he had taken off early, and now she was stuck totally naked in the formal dining room! There were only two ways out of the huge elegantly prepared place, and she tried to throw her voice towards the front entrance, as she snuck out the back way.

The two women looked so surprised, but it was the short blond that gathered up the courage to speak first.

The lawyer read the paper, aghast, and chose to speak to the man who every one thought had inherited the fortune first.

< < < < > > > >

I think that if you do take the time and extra care, and are willing to do the work in editing, most traditional dialogue tags can be minimized. I think the idea is to move all elements of the story forward, at the same time, in surprising but clearly understandable ways.

If you have a person just standing there, to be talked at, why put either yourself or the readers thru that process? Make the secondary character come alive in everyone's mind, as succinctly as possible. The 'extra' helpers can carry so much of the load of complicated plots, if you just give them a chance! I've had maybe five major characters start out as very simple people, who quickly outgrew their original roles.

I had one publishing company that flat out stated, on the front page of their submission application: NO HEAD HOPPING!

It is so easy to do badly, takes a lot more work to do it even in a mediocre fashion, and will drive you crazy breaking the rules at only the right moments, and then forcing yourself to obey them the next.

But when it does work, for both reader and author, I think it's well worth it.

 

[Brutal_One]

I was writing a five character dialog the other day. At certain times I used dialog tags when needed, at other times when characters are named in the conversation they were not needed.

Here is the example

“Well girls I hope you are all settling in to the new year. Of course Michelle and Sophie are now third years so hope their experience and guidance has been helpful.”

“Thanks Professor King, yes for Elizabeth and I it has been a treat to be looked after by such knowledgable and kind students, together with the accommodation in the pub and the tuition fees for this our second term it has been great especially as we are both still only First Years as you say.”

“Well we have been pleased to help you, haven’t we Michelle. For me it’s been great Sarah that our courses have been similar. Have you decided about taking a part time role in the pub, we could use the help.”

“Yes Sarah indeed we could. In particular Michelle needs to focus on the intern work for our research, that’s even with the help of Elizabeth as our second intern, that’s of course if she accepts it.”

“Of course I will Professor. I would be honoured too.”

“That will be really great Elizabeth, especially as I need help with cataloguing all the documents and not just the ancient Egyptian area but across the other areas as well.”

“It is what I mentioned to you Elizabeth, about this afternoon session with the third year group, I’d really like you to listen in. You don’t have to contribute but I want you to be a ‘known quantity’ with that group, as I explained we have four groups of 6 students each each focusing on one Continent of ancient history so we have China, India sub continent, Ancient and Near East which of course includes Egypt and one of the focuses for our research and the Pre Columbia Americas. The thread of course is the element of the sacrificial sacrifice.”

“How are things going with your boyfriend Sarah.” Sophie asks.

“Not so good, it’s been difficult. I think we just want different things. He is really not academic. I find that hard at times and he can be quite impatient about the time I need to spend, now being here in Portsmouth makes it much harder.”

“I can sympathise, I had a boyfriend until fairly recently but he was a narcissist in reality so not good for me.”

“Well yes I think the break is needed. Do you think I should talk to Veronica about the part time role working in the bar?”

“Definitely, with Michelle not going to be around so much and busy with the research and I guess Elizabeth too it will be nice to have you along side me in the bar. You and Elizabeth remind me of myself and Michelle, Doll and Legs as we call ourselves. I hope the two of you become the best of friends as we are.”

It was good to see the girls getting on and so happy. There was serious stuff too with the University work and of course the game.

“Just before we head back ladies I wanted you know from tonight Simone will start to focus on your pain training. It’s a difficult aspect of course but an important one. Not just for you two for the game but for others too.” I looked at Michelle and gave her my secret smile reserved only for her.

“We had best get back. I will see Michelle and Elizabeth in this afternoon’s session. Sophie and Sarah enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”

“Thank you Professor King.”

 

[Handley_Page]

.
.
If you've tried it, how has it worked for you?

Can you post a link to the story?
I don't understand why people do this but am curious to check it out and see how it works.

I read one story (Astronomy 101, I think) which did not seem to feature much by way of quote marks, commas, and so on.
It was quite erotic, but bloody confusing.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I was writing a five character dialog the other day. At certain times I used dialog tags when needed, at other times when characters are named in the conversation they were not needed.

An observation to take or leave: your style, in the sample quoted and also in your posts, has many long run on sentences which (I think) can lose their way and become hard to read. Commas, B1, commas .

 

[jaF0]

Not sure what you mean by 'tags' here, but I've done stories with virtually no conversation at all. Nothing more than narration as if by an observer, or a retelling by the character as if writing in a diary or memoir.

Works OK for a short story, but might not for something longer.

 

[SimonDoom]

I was writing a five character dialog the other day. At certain times I used dialog tags when needed, at other times when characters are named in the conversation they were not needed.

Here is the example

“Well girls I hope you are all settling in to the new year. Of course Michelle and Sophie are now third years so hope their experience and guidance has been helpful.”

“Thanks Professor King, yes for Elizabeth and I it has been a treat to be looked after by such knowledgable and kind students, together with the accommodation in the pub and the tuition fees for this our second term it has been great especially as we are both still only First Years as you say.”

“Well we have been pleased to help you, haven’t we Michelle. For me it’s been great Sarah that our courses have been similar. Have you decided about taking a part time role in the pub, we could use the help.”

“Yes Sarah indeed we could. In particular Michelle needs to focus on the intern work for our research, that’s even with the help of Elizabeth as our second intern, that’s of course if she accepts it.”

“Of course I will Professor. I would be honoured too.”

“That will be really great Elizabeth, especially as I need help with cataloguing all the documents and not just the ancient Egyptian area but across the other areas as well.”

“It is what I mentioned to you Elizabeth, about this afternoon session with the third year group, I’d really like you to listen in. You don’t have to contribute but I want you to be a ‘known quantity’ with that group, as I explained we have four groups of 6 students each each focusing on one Continent of ancient history so we have China, India sub continent, Ancient and Near East which of course includes Egypt and one of the focuses for our research and the Pre Columbia Americas. The thread of course is the element of the sacrificial sacrifice.”

“How are things going with your boyfriend Sarah.” Sophie asks.

“Not so good, it’s been difficult. I think we just want different things. He is really not academic. I find that hard at times and he can be quite impatient about the time I need to spend, now being here in Portsmouth makes it much harder.”

“I can sympathise, I had a boyfriend until fairly recently but he was a narcissist in reality so not good for me.”

“Well yes I think the break is needed. Do you think I should talk to Veronica about the part time role working in the bar?”

“Definitely, with Michelle not going to be around so much and busy with the research and I guess Elizabeth too it will be nice to have you along side me in the bar. You and Elizabeth remind me of myself and Michelle, Doll and Legs as we call ourselves. I hope the two of you become the best of friends as we are.”

It was good to see the girls getting on and so happy. There was serious stuff too with the University work and of course the game.

“Just before we head back ladies I wanted you know from tonight Simone will start to focus on your pain training. It’s a difficult aspect of course but an important one. Not just for you two for the game but for others too.” I looked at Michelle and gave her my secret smile reserved only for her.

“We had best get back. I will see Michelle and Elizabeth in this afternoon’s session. Sophie and Sarah enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”

“Thank you Professor King.”

To be honest, I found this confusing. Tags would have helped a great deal. It feels forced and awkward that the characters are constantly using names with one another. Tags would be simpler and clearer and less forced.

 

[Voboy]

Yeah. Honestly? It's nothing I've really thought much about.

 

[Ginlover]

“Well girls I hope you are all settling in to the new year. Of course Michelle and Sophie are now third years so hope their experience and guidance has been helpful.”

“Thanks Professor King, yes for Elizabeth and I it has been a treat to be looked after by such knowledgable and kind students, together with the accommodation in the pub and the tuition fees for this our second term it has been great especially as we are both still only First Years as you say.”

here we only know 'girls' are speaking, but never find out which one

“Well we have been pleased to help you

,Sarah turned to look at Michelle.

"haven’t we ?. For me it’s been great Sarah

oh no my correction is wrong. Despite the next speaker saying yes Sarah this is not sarah speaking

that our courses have been similar. Have you decided about taking a part time role in the pub, we could use the help.”

“Yes Sarah indeed we could.

okay which one is agreeing Sarah should take a new job?.

In particular Michelle needs to focus on the intern work for our research, that’s even with the help of Elizabeth as our second intern, that’s of course if she accepts it.”

“Of course I will Professor. I would be honoured too.”

I shall guess it was the professor who agreed with the unidentified speaker about Sarah getting a job in the pub, but it took me a lot of reading to get to this conclusion and I e forgotten what was being said.


“It is what I mentioned to you"

he (possibly she I'm not sure who is speaking) looked at Elizabeth

"about this afternoon session with the third year group, I’d really like you to listen in. You don’t have to contribute but I want you to be a ‘known quantity’ with that group, as I explained we have four groups of 6 students each each focusing on one Continent of ancient history so we have China, India sub continent, Ancient and Near East which of course includes Egypt and one of the focuses for our research and the Pre Columbia Americas. The thread of course is the element of the sacrificial sacrifice.”


a few points, people rarely monologue that long at another human being. If someone is doing that much speaking it sounds like the lecture has started. They breathe, contemplate, look away, sigh any thing to break up a monologue of words.

Another is people rarely use names in conversation. Its effective to get a response or attention but if you read this aloud it doesnt sound natural

As has been said above action and dialogue tags help let readers breathe and pace a story rather than a wall of words

I hope you dont mind me making some edits and points but your extract was perfect to highlight issues i have with tagless dialogue

AlinaX, Voboy and KeithD thank you for saying dialogue without tags after a few lines gets confusing. I've seen the trend in modern literature and assumed it was because of my dyslexia I couldnt follow along, I'm actually happy I'm not the only one.

 

[SimonDoom]

The impetus to write tagless dialogue leaves me skeptical, but I'm willing to look at examples to see if they work. I'd be curious to see how NotWise or any others have done it. If anyone has samples, please link to them.

To my way of thinking, if it sacrifices even a smidgen of clarity about who's speaking, it's not worth it. I know it will frustrate me as a reader. The moment I have to stop and go back over the dialogue to figure out who's saying what I'm getting angry with the author, and that completely offsets any effect the author thinks he/she is achieving by streamlining things.

 

[NoJo]

I almost never use them.

First off: When somebody says something, it's usually redundant to add that fact (e.g. "he said"). You might want to do this if you think the reader is getting confused about who's doing the talking. If someone talks twice, then you MIGHT need to say "She added/continued", but it's usually better to use punctuation and run the utterances together into once dialog piece.

When I want to add an adverbial elelemnt to the utterance, I use an accompanying gesture or description of the speaker:

Below I've posted a section of one of my stories, which shows that even with a three way dialog, tags are pretty much redundant - I think it's pretty easy to tell who's saying what, and also how they're sating it:

As Rich prepared to explain, Joe wandered in, holding a giant clay beaker. He took a slow sip, eying Cat all the while.

Cat turned to look at him. "Beer? In the morning?"

Joe wiped his beard. "Iced tea. I'm Joe, but call me 'Five'. You must be Catherine. How old are you?"

"None of your business."

"'None of your business' - means about eighteen or nineteen."

"Twenty, actually."

"Ever met a sex addict before?"

Cat, creeped out by this weirdo, turned to Rich with "Help me out here" in her eyes, but Rich returned her look with "deal with it" in his.

"Okay, er, 'Five'. Hey, are you the guy who took my phone off me? The tekky?"

"Yep, one and the same. So be nice to the nice sex addict, if you want it back when you leave."

Rich cut in. "Okay, brother. Enough."

Joe laughed. "Hey, don't worry about it, man. Hey, don't take me serious, Catherine. And besides, there's worse than Rich and me here."

Joe left them alone.

"Sorry about him, he's a bit of an evil genius."

"He's an asshole."

"Undoubtedly. Aren't we all?"

"Wow, you're so bitter and cynical. "

"You misunderstand me. Yannow, you're just too -"

"What? What am I 'too'?"

"—Too fucking young. You know shit about life. Sorry. I'm Sorry. It's me, I'm too old. So old I can't even remember being young."

"How old are you?"

"Forty-five."

"Jesus, that's not old! My last boyfriend was thirty-nine. Until I dumped him, because he was going to be forty. Which is waaay old."

 

[NoJo]

One more, in the present tense, a novelization of a play I wrote:

That evening. Pete's Soul looms unseen over the living room coffee table. Pete and Angela are on the sofa, hunched forward over the table, eating Chinese. They never cook these days.

A movie on the TV is making Angela uncomfortable, as it's about a married woman having an affair with another woman's husband.

Pete is slowly and deliberately picking the shrimps from his special fried rice with his chopsticks and placing them in the ashtray. Angela tears open a spring roll angrily.

"For God's sake, if you don't like shrimps, why the hell do you order it every time?"

Pete puts the chopsticks down.

"I thought you liked it."

"I don't."

"Sorry."

Pete waits five seconds. He assumes, wrongly, that it's now okay to pick up the chopsticks again.

"I've never liked it. You don't know anything about me."

Pete's Soul silently tells Pete: She wants to talk. Talk to her. Listen to her.

And maybe, thinks Pete's Soul, Pete can hear him, for he stops eating, wipes his mouth with a paper napkin. He puts a hand on Angela's thigh, smiles at her, and says:

"Well, I do know one thing about you: You've started smoking again."

But Angela pushes his hand away.

Pete stares dully at the TV. "Are you enjoying this?"

"What, life?"

Pete acknowledges her wry response with a wry snort.

"I meant the film."

"Are you?"

Pete hasn't really been paying attention to the film. He's been thinking about -- what has he been thinking about? He frowns.

Angela watches him. "Well?"

"She's nice. Cate Blanchett."

"What about the plot? What about the story?"

"I dunno. Look, Angie, I- "

Pete's Soul shouts inaudibly: Tell her. Tell her that you were fired. Tell her why you were fired. Pete doesn't tell her. Instead, he clears the food off the table and takes the dishes into the kitchen.

 

[NotWise]

What's wrong with dialogue tags?

I definitely agree that descriptive tags like "cried", "yelled", or god forbid "ejaculated" should be avoided over "said" except for occasional emphasis. Even then, "said" partnered with the right dialogue will get the same feeling across.

But avoiding "said" seems like you're making your life more difficult than it needs to be, and probably confusing the reader in the process. Even in a 2-person dialogue, where it should always be clear who's speaking (and the characters should sound different), I'll still throw in an occasional "he said", "she said" so you can't lose track.

It's also great to put in between two pieces of dialogue from the same character to create a natural pause or emphasis.

There's nothing inherently wrong with dialog tags. They can be clutter if they're used when unneeded, otherwise the reasons I know of for avoiding them are to improve visualization, speed up the pacing, and enhance things like breathlessness, urgency, or tension.

Other people going without them may have other reasons.

 

[NotWise]

The impetus to write tagless dialogue leaves me skeptical, but I'm willing to look at examples to see if they work. I'd be curious to see how NotWise or any others have done it. If anyone has samples, please link to them.

You've read "Her Dream House," which was the first story I wrote with minimal tagging. The second was "Hurricane Twyla." You can find those in my catalog, linked in my sig line. I won't link directly because that has been an invitation to trolling.

The third is my Summer Lovin' contest story. It's longer than the first two and it's a more complicated story. It seems to bring out some of the problems with pacing and tension.

 

[SimonDoom]

I almost never use them.

"[/I]

I thought this was pretty skillfully done, which is helpful because it offers a better test of whether tags are needed than an example that's sloppy.

In general I understood who was speaking, but I thought it would be better with a few tags.

I thought a tag would have been helpful after Cat says "OK, er Five". Yes, if we read carefully we can figure out that she's responding to a line that preceded the narrative line right before. But this is harder for the reader than a dialogue tag. I don't see why one would put the reader to that difficulty. Just say "OK, er Five," Cat said. It seems odd to me to make a point always of avoiding tags when a tag would be clearer here.

The line after "Joe left them alone" needed a dialogue tag. Again, you can figure it out, but why should you have to? A tag would make it crystal clear who said the line "Sorry about him".

The other thing I noticed about this style of writing is that as a substitute for tags, you insert narrative snippets at the beginning of dialogue lines:

Cat turned to look at him.

Joe wiped his beard.

Rich cut in.

Joe laughed.

Some of this, IMO, is OK, but too much of it to me seems like an affectation, and the other thing I don't like about it is that it intrudes upon and smothers the dialogue. In dialogue, the most important thing is not what the author says about it, it's the words of the speakers themselves. The spoken words themselves should do the heavy lifting. That's why I think most of the time the line should begin with a quotation mark and dialogue should follow, rather than having the dialogue follow a line of narrative. When you eliminate tags, then in every single line when you don't have only a snippet of dialogue you start it with a narrative sentence. To me it doesn't read well if done too much. Your section of dialogue would be clearer and would read better if for a few lines (not many) you inserted tags. You would sacrifice nothing, but you would add clarity.

 

[Ginlover]

I think tagless dialogue can be used to make a point like surprised in this extract. The narrator is sitting on a wall in the early hours of the morning.

My hands were trembling so violently that I struggled to pull a cigarette out. I stopped watching the two men and concentrated on the pack. Carefully removing the zippo to let me get one free.


“How’s your friend?”


I jumped at the sudden intrusion, throwing the cigarettes and lighter onto the ground.


“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I thought you’d seen me.” The female paramedic, who had treated Mitch, crouched to retrieve the zippo as I scrambled for the pack.



In this extract, that I drafted this morning, I have two lines with out any tags. The tags i do use are more action tags but only because that's how its come out, not because I'm trying to avoid 'she said '

“Glad I caught you,” I said, reaching her and passing over the chocolates.


“Oh my God, thank you.” Without ceremony she tore the box open and blindly stuffed a chocolate in her mouth.*


I grinned watching her barely chew before swallowing. A second chocolate instantly followed.*


“Hungry?”


“Famished,” she mumbled around a mouthful. “Shift ran on, damn HDU was full until a manager got off his arse and freed up a bed.” Her hand covered her mouth as she chewed. “Not eaten in like forever.”


“In that case, I’m glad to be off assistance.”


This time she actually looked before selecting a chocolate. Just before shoving it in her mouth she paused. “Er...why are you giving me chocolates?”


I chuckled. “To say sorry.”



I know as a reader I struggle with more than one or two unatributed dialogue

 

[Voboy]

Yeah, just in general, any reader confusion is unforgivable, and negates any pacing advantage. This is the kind of thing I look for when I re-read. As a rule, I'm not one of those writers that obsessively edits and parses every word through multiple drafts. I write, correcting as I go, then wait a few days and re-read precisely once, for continuity and clarity... and for things like this.

There have been rare times (one or two only, over the years) that I've left the speaker deliberately ambiguous. Though I don't think it was ever all that helpful.