ADIDAS00
Skype Money99j
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2007
- Posts
- 9,625
I sleep with my wife. She's married.
Me too! We're both in the club I guess
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I sleep with my wife. She's married.
Me too! We're both in the club I guess![]()
I have. It's been pleasurable but it's also like playing with fire.
No!
Not even if they claimed their partner wasn't "putting out"
The fact is if they are willing to go behind their partners back to get off they already don't care about their feelings. Their spouse could actually be the most loving and sexually active person you could ever meet, but their s/o just wants to cheat. That ruins lives and destroys familes. I want no part in it!
Liars lead to cheaters, cheaters lead to heartbreak and heartbreak leads to destruction. It's not worth it.
I never understood how people could have sex with a Married man/woman and not feel they had an impact in the destruction ( if the relationship crumbled ). You agreeded to it and you knew they had signed up to be monogamous , therefore you're just has guilty as the cheating spouse. People are always looking for a way to rectify their actions.
If they were in an open relationship maybe, both parties would have to know though before anything ever happened.
I know monogamy isn't for everyone but don't agree to a married based on that type of relationship if that's not what you want.
To anyone who thinks it's self to want to have their spouse all to themselves needs to realize it's just as selfish and greedy to want multiple people. If you want an open relationship find someone else who does, don't commit to someone who doesn't simple as that.
No hate for anyone who does cheat.... It's just my two cents.
When I used to sleep with married men, I didn't care if it lead to their marriage's destruction. In fact, I felt that if they were willing to sleep with me that their marriage was probably not in the best place so, if our act ruined it it was more a, "straw that broke the camel's back", type thing. I always said, "I never took the vows". I just honestly didn't care. I never rubbed anyone's face in it but I never felt like it was something I should be worried about.
I would if his wife knew about it. When I date it is to make connections and have fun, not to stroke his ego and comfort him when he feels guilty for cheating on his wife.
But also I've found that some single guys don't want to date me because I am married, even though I have permission and my husband does know. I'm not sure if it is because they don't believe me or because they don't want to share.
I might get flamed for this, but it's just my own 2 cents plus tax.
The ideal is monogamy (or an above board agreed upon arrangement) and I can totally identify where people like verycurious are coming from. When I first met my wife, she was in a failing marriage and I was supporting her as a friend, but we found attraction and an insane amount of sexual tension. Though the more and more she saw her marriage as a lost cause and was willing to sleep with me, I held out and held back, despite a crazy amount of desire to do it. Why did I? It was a combination of those upstanding morals and out of care for her as a person. As I saw it, she still had the choice of attempting to salvage her marriage. If she chose that, I did not want her to have any guilt on her conscience or, worse, any repercussions adding to difficulties she'd face righting their sinking ship. On her end, she was also the type of person who would have been honest with him, confessing and facing the consequences.
I did the "right" thing. Perhaps what helped me do so was seeing things as a really simple and black/white equation. Over time, though, I've come to see it as really not being that simple. I know there are those who will disagree with that, but on the other hand, I've found there are a lot of people who identify with what I'm saying. "A wrong is wrong" is true in its simplicity, but I see it as less black and white as you factor in where that urge to cheat may be coming from and look at the context of the relationship.
Where is that "me" that used to see simplicity in morals and live ethically? How much of that was societal standard and how much of that was reality?
There are those of us who see and suffer from the ills and lacks of our relationships, but feel powerless to change those, yet also unwilling to give up the ghost completely... perhaps because of the hopeful part that isn't quite dead yet. Clinging to that bit of hope or complexities involving children and the harsh reality of splitting a family muddy things... you become acutely aware that it isn't as simple as "stay or go" just as your spouse is not either "good spouse" or "bad spouse" in a simple "this or that, black or white" sense. There are things that hold you there, even as there are things that hurt and push you away.
I believe that most people who cheat are reaching out for something - to fill a need. In a lot of cases, cheating doesn't happen in a vacuum for no reason at all and it's not just a matter of horniness and sliminess. I applied this view with the shoe on the other foot: when my wife strayed into an affair, I took responsibility for my role in creating a climate in which she reached outside of the marriage (in a way other than the "open" freedoms I'd given her). I put effort into fixing those things, recognizing that its not a simple "cheater is the villain, spouse is the poor victim" thing. That perpetrator-victim model doesn't take the full reality into consideration.
One thing that I can't do is give another person my heart in a romantic sense. I can't fall in love and do that full romantic affair, as she did. I guard against that because that is the line I draw. My heart belongs to my wife, for better or for worse (and depending on the day, it's one, the other, or both). But, I do find myself reaching out for intimacy and connections that soothe the pain and, in a way, help keep me going. I'm human and have human needs... and being human alone isn't a simple thing. Sometimes it feels like there's an irony that I'm reaching for that boost outside of the marriage to keep me afloat inside of it - does anyone "get" that? I realize how twisted it might sound to some... and perhaps it is dysfunctional.
Meh... I'm rambling and probably going way deeper than this thread intended. My point is just that it's not always that simplistic right and wrong, black and white. Relationships and being human can come with complexities that don't necessarily make things "right," yet do make things more understandable. We each try to deal with things as we can.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone