Would you cheat???

[Guttergoddess]

Isn't it unfair for one one partner to deny the opportunity to have sex to the other? Isn't that selfish, inconsiderate and hurtful? Can't a lack of interest in sex can also be taken as a direct hit to the heart?

Yes, however the difference is, you can talk this out, and fix it. Once you've broken trust...I'm sorry...there honestly is no way to fix it. After that, even when you're telling the truth, they will assume you are lying.


Erika, I agree with All, if you're over the age of 12, you've been cheated on. Maybe not by your husband, but very possibly by a HS boyfriend.

 

[SweetErika]

I don´t want upset you but I don´t think anyone can say they´ve never been cheated on. You never found out maybe but that´s it. The womans husband I´ve been with never knew.

Erika, I agree with All, if you're over the age of 12, you've been cheated on. Maybe not by your husband, but very possibly by a HS boyfriend.

That's really sad, ladies. Considering you know such a minuscule amount about me, my history, and ideas on cheating, you're making awfully huge assumptions.

No, allmeister, your opinion that I've been cheated on doesn't upset me. You're an anonymous person on a porn site who has drawn a conclusion without any information. Yes, I understand you and GG believe "everyone over the age of 12 has been cheated on," but you have no basis for that either because you clearly don't know everyone (or even 'many' in the grand scheme of the population), nor have you watched their entire lives. You could say you've been cheated on, or even everyone you've talked to has, but you can't make sweeping generalizations without any facts.

It's a moot point anyway. The only reason I mentioned it was to fill out my perspective, i.e. I don't have any first-hand experience with the pain cheating causes, but imagining it is enough for me to not want to do it to someone I care about. You'd think by your responses I'd said something just as ridiculous and mean-spirited as, "Ha ha! I've never been cheated on, but you losers have!"

And it's really a silly, petty thing to comment on, dontcha think? Why does whether or not I've unknowingly been cheated on in the past matter to anyone? Surely you can't be so concerned that you feel the need to warn me to watch my husband and lovers like a hawk (though you don't know whether or not I already do...again, it's that not knowing me thing! ).

Oh, GG- If you suspect me, or anyone else here is underage, please report it to the mod. It'd be a shame to ruin it for everyone.

 

[freepass4sex]

Wow, this topic sure opened the proverbial can of worms. I believe there are alot of good points made on both sides, but I stand by what I said earlier. I never said I wasn't tempted and I didn't think about it, but the difference this time was I learned from my previous mistake and made the choice not to cheat the next time. Isn't that what life is supposed to be about? Learning from your mistakes and applying that knowledge the next time you are faced with that same situation? It's called aquired wisdom and experience, and the only ways to get it are to live and learn or listen and learn. You can learn the same lessons by listening to other peoples mistakes and learning from them, without having to actually make the same mistakes. One of the reasons we have forums likes this. And yes, my spouse knows I'm on here and could read anything I have ever written and I have no worries on being "caught". I can look her in the face as well as look at myself in the mirror and not feel like a hypocrite. As James Earl Jones said in the movie "Clear and Present Danger" "Your word is who you are". Once again these are my own personal views and I'm not trying to impose them on anyone else as much as share them. Everyone has their own life situation and has to make their own decisions. As for a sexless marriage, or an indifferent partner, Jeez, that is tough. All I could say is TALK to them about it and make them feel your pain. If they are still indifferent, then what is really keeping ya together, and why? End one thing before ya begin another. Just my two cents worth...

 

[ickle_stace]

I think it's ironic that there are all these responses from people condemning cheating, or at least advising against it, when I'm pretty sure that there are quite a few people on this forum that have cheated, are cheating, or would cheat if they got the chance. And even for those who haven't or wouldn't cheat per se, there are quite a few on here whose spouses/boyfriend/girlfriends wouldn't approve of them being on this forum in the first place.

I am against cheating, I've never cheated, never will, and I'm single, therefore I do not have anybody who disapproves of my being here, and if i ended up with someone who was against it, then i would leave if it was needed

 

[kickboxqueen]

I am against cheating as well.

 

[ickle_stace]

No, I have only been in relationships where I *was* interested in sex and the other person went elsewhere. And now, where the other person is not going elsewhere, but not interested in sex, either...

Isn't it unfair for one one partner to deny the opportunity to have sex to the other? Isn't that selfish, inconsiderate and hurtful? Can't a lack of interest in sex can also be taken as a direct hit to the heart?

isn't risking breaking the heart of someone you claim to love selfish and inconsiderate?

just because you want to have sex with your partner, does that mean they have to give you it whenever you want, even though they don't want it?

 

[WantonWitch]

I would never cheat, it's not worth the heartache that it causes, having been cheated on I know how it feels. As someone said further back, 'Finish one thing before you start another' it's good advice.
As for Lit, I didn't find it until I was single, so there is no one to upset by my being here. If I find another partner then I won't be back, there should be no need for it

 

[Calvin]

It truly is amazing how this thread has blossomed....

As I read everybody's views, I am impressed with the sincerity of all.

By now, I think my perspective is fairly clear but I believe SweetErika, in her always eloquent and succinct way has stated it perfectly. It really all comes down to communication and a desire to respect your partner as a human being. If things are not well in the relationship, will going out and cheating make it all better? The answer to that is never. And thus, it comes back to what type of people do we want to be? Yes, we all need love and acceptance. And we all have a desire to be with someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills all of our needs and wants, but the reality is that relationships are tough to manage and there has to be a lot of give and take. SweetErika has been lucky enough to find a mate that is willing to support her desires and she is able to do the same in return. They are obviously secure enough with themselves and have built a solid enough relationship to be able to open it up to others without feeling threatened. I commend them on being able to do that. It takes much commitment and communication to build a relationship that secure, strong and loving.
But ultimately... that is what it comes down to... putting your energies into the relationship.... communicating and loving... and if your partner cannot or will not return the commitment and love... being strong enough and righteous enough to end the situation without violating your own integrity and hurting your partner by cheating.

I think we just all need to look deep inside ourselves and ask what kind of person do I want to be?

 

[Calvin]

If I find another partner then I won't be back, there should be no need for it

lol... same goes for me.... except that I would hope both my partner and I would come back together for at least the stories....

 

[Onanymous]

isn't risking breaking the heart of someone you claim to love selfish and inconsiderate?

just because you want to have sex with your partner, does that mean they have to give you it whenever you want, even though they don't want it?

OK, let's reverse roles. Let's say my wife has been wanting sex for say, five years. She's tried weekend getaways. She's tried sexy lingerie, romantic dinners, whipping my ass with a riding crop, and backing off for a year. But hey, I'm too busy working or washing the car or painting the house or organizing my tool box until midnight, or maybe I've just lost interest in sex. Who knows--I don't really communicate with her very well on this subject.

Eventually, my wife gives up. Another year goes by, everything's fine between us (thinks me) but--oh--I find out she's been having sex with, say, the delivery guy at her work for the last six months.

Now, let me get this straight....I'm the one who's supposed to be brokenhearted, hurt, upset, offended and lose trust in my wife? She's the one to blame? She's the one who's been inconsiderate of me because she didn't decide to divorce me instead of having a few bumps on the sly with some idiotic surfer dude?

!!!LOL!!!

 

[WantonWitch]

lol... same goes for me.... except that I would hope both my partner and I would come back together for at least the stories....

Lol, don't you like dvd's then ?

 

[Calvin]

OK, let's reverse roles. Let's say my wife has been wanting sex for say, five years. She's tried weekend getaways. She's tried sexy lingerie, romantic dinners, whipping my ass with a riding crop, and backing off for a year. But hey, I'm too busy working or washing the car or painting the house or organizing my tool box until midnight, or maybe I've just lost interest in sex. Who knows--I don't really communicate with her very well on this subject.

Eventually, my wife gives up. Another year goes by, everything's fine between us (thinks me) but--oh--I find out she's been having sex with, say, the delivery guy at her work for the last six months.

Now, let me get this straight....I'm the one who's supposed to be brokenhearted, hurt, upset, offended and lose trust in my wife? She's the one to blame? She's the one who's been inconsiderate of me because she didn't decide to divorce me instead of having a few bumps on the sly with some idiotic surfer dude?

no... actually you are the one who gets to feel hurt because of the deception that your wife put into place because she did not tell you how she felt and what she was planning on doing.... she certainly does get to shoulder the blame for the deception she started....
In the end, it has been my experience that most people get over the "sex" part easily... it is the "behind-the-back" violation of trust that helps kill the relationship....
Of course, you also would get to accept part of the blame... for not focusing on her needs and desires when she was communicating them to you....
You sum it all up very well in the line... "I don't really communicate with her very well on this subject"....
Very seldom is only one to blame...

 

[Calvin]

Lol, don't you like dvd's then ?

of course I like DVD's... there are DVD's.... ?

(altho I sure have a fondness for the printed word... always is a stimulant for the old imagination)

 

[babydoll2u]

wild discussion, interesting viewpoints and opinions, tho some do tend to make me arch my eyebrows in surprise

 

[Calvin]

wild discussion, interesting viewpoints and opinions, tho some do tend to make me arch my eyebrows in surprise

well BD... you know it is always a pleasure to see you but I am surprised you have not ventured more than.... hmmm... an arched eyebrow....

 

[babydoll2u]

well BD... you know it is always a pleasure to see you but I am surprised you have not ventured more than.... hmmm... an arched eyebrow....

Thanks Cal, it's always a pleasure to see you as well. But this particular subject is one that I've learned, the hard way, to keep my mouth shut on, for very personal reasons.


thanks for the link, btw *wink*

 

[WyldBreeze]

My two cents

I had my first take of cheating on my hubby recently (thread) and it was a new kind of thrill. I'm beginning to understand that this is a kind of fetish for some people, including now myself. Just the idea of cheating now gets me wet. I know some people will disagree with doing it, but I am fully willing to accept the consequences when I am caught, and its the thought of getting caught that even turns me on.

Would you cheat on your partner? Does the idea turn you on?

I would never cheat on my partner. I've spent most of my life being selective and trying to find someone that will accept me for me...faults and all. If I ever find him, I will not risk hurting or losing him. I don't like to hurt people unintentionally and would never do so intentionally. That's not what being in a relationship is about.......but that's my humble opinion.

 

[Calvin]

Thanks Cal, it's always a pleasure to see you as well. But this particular subject is one that I've learned, the hard way, to keep my mouth shut on, for very personal reasons.


thanks for the link, btw *wink*

I can appreciate that BD.... I almost passed it up myself. But you know me by now... I don't say a lot much but once I decide to jump in.... look out.
I guess I just felt that cheating was only one of the ways we can be really insensative and mean people sometimes. Not to mention selfish.
Now I have probably really gotten myself in trouble....

 

[Calvin]

I would never cheat on my partner. I've spent most of my life being selective and trying to find someone that will accept me for me...faults and all. If I ever find him, I will not risk hurting or losing him. I don't like to hurt people unintentionally and would never do so intentionally. That's not what being in a relationship is about.......but that's my humble opinion.

exactly....exactly....exactly....

good to see you sexy lady.... love that AV....

 

[WyldBreeze]

exactly....exactly....exactly....

good to see you sexy lady.... love that AV....

Hello Calvin....how are you doing?
Thanks for the kind words.

 

[Calvin]

Hello Calvin....how are you doing?
Thanks for the kind words.

doing well... dividing my time between here and EE...

and trying to do all the serious things (like laundry) of life in the middle....

 

[WyldBreeze]

doing well... dividing my time between here and EE...

and trying to do all the serious things (like laundry) of life in the middle....

Yes....laundry is a serious, serious matter. *giggles* I'm glad to hear you're doing well, sweetie.

 

[babydoll2u]

I would never cheat on my partner. I've spent most of my life being selective and trying to find someone that will accept me for me...faults and all. If I ever find him, I will not risk hurting or losing him. I don't like to hurt people unintentionally and would never do so intentionally. That's not what being in a relationship is about.......but that's my humble opinion.

you said it so much better than I could have Wyld. I so agree...

 

[Guttergoddess]

doing well... dividing my time between here and EE...

and trying to do all the serious things (like laundry) of life in the middle....

If you'd just wear less clothes....you'd have less laundry!

 

[babydoll2u]

If you'd just wear less clothes....you'd have less laundry!

LMAO........