would like some feedback on a non erotic story

[Jay321]

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-knife-7

I wrote this years ago. I would love it if a few people took a look at it and told me what they thought.

Its pretty short, and a little twisted.

Thanks in advance.

 

[sr71plt]

As a story, it's worth more than the rating it has. And if it was on some other site than an erotic one, it might have. As flash fiction, it's just fine. No I don't need to know why he got a $500 knife for $10 (although the reasoning of that could have been easily woven into the story with a sentence or two in discovering that it sometimes opened when it wanted to beyond when the protagonist clicked it open).

 

[Dream_Operator]

I think I would like the story more if the knife was cursed -- sort of like a Twilight Zone episode:

• The reason the knife is so cheap is because it is cursed.
  
• The Pawn Shop Owner warns the protagonist of the curse and tries to keep him from purchasing it, but the protagonist laughs him off and buys the knife anyway.
  
• While driving in the car the knife begins glowing green in the bag.
  
• The protagonist at first thinks his eyes are playing tricks on him and takes the knife from the bag. The knife begins to vibrate in his hand and he immediately throws it onto the passenger seat.
  
• But something compels him to pick it up again and this ultimately leads to his demise