would like feedback on why my MC femdom story flopped a little

[Zeronix]

I think this was pretty well written, not sure why it hasn’t reached a Hot rating. Number of views also seems generally low.

Tldr man goes to spa where he learns to be a good boy.

Link: https://www.literotica.com/s/daddy-daycare

 

[lovecraft68]

Not a fan of any type of MC story-even though I do like femdom-so I'll probably pass on reading because of personal bias.

But one point I'd like to make is the story just came out today and MC-and add femdom aspects-is a lightning rod for the troll who look up and down the new story list for things to bomb. I think you need to give it a few days before you can really say how the story performed as once its off the new list the trolls fall off and you'll get more people reading who legit like the content.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Like Lovecraft, I don't like mind control stories and never read them. Control, bdsm etc is fine but to strip somebody of their own self is too far for me.

 

[Zeronix]

that's fair, thanks both. I did notice it started out with a 1.00 (rolls eyes)

I will mention this is in the Mind Control stories category. And the blurb mentions femdom. So I presume it's not like I bait-and-switched a bunch of people who felt angry after reading the story.

The rating is 4.16 over 25 ratings - I think this is probably high enough to discount 'trolls'? There must be a lot of genuine low ratings in there.
Also it feels like the number of views is really low (1.1k views after ~1 day published). So plausibly the title and blurb are not that enticing in the first place.

I guess maybe my main question is, “if the title / blurb enticed you to read the story, did you feel bad about it afterwards?” and if so, why?

 

[Davidwa1]

I write mostly cuckold stories and it is the same thing. Some may not like this, but my theory is that some men who portray themselves to be the typical alpha male are not. And after they read a story like that and get overwhelmingly excited, they feel ashamed. Hence the 1 vote.
What I personally love is a quotation from the story they hated, proving that yes, they did in fact read the story. There are some stories here I find disgusting, and the alien stuff I just find boring. Guess what, I don't read them.
I think this is what happened here. I didn't look, but were the hateful comments made by someone who was so tough, they had to do it anonymous? I have found that to be the case most times as well.
I loved the story.

 

[lovecraft68]

that's fair, thanks both. I did notice it started out with a 1.00 (rolls eyes)

I will mention this is in the Mind Control stories category. And the blurb mentions femdom. So I presume it's not like I bait-and-switched a bunch of people who felt angry after reading the story.

The rating is 4.16 over 25 ratings - I think this is probably high enough to discount 'trolls'? There must be a lot of genuine low ratings in there.
Also it feels like the number of views is really low (1.1k views after ~1 day published). So plausibly the title and blurb are not that enticing in the first place.

I guess maybe my main question is, “if the title / blurb enticed you to read the story, did you feel bad about it afterwards?” and if so, why?

You may have used the right category, but if someone searched tags and saw femdom they might have clicked without looking at the actual category, the of course its your fault they don't pay attention.

I don't have a ton of experience in the category, but from what I've seen anything over 4 is a pretty good score because the category itself gets a lot of those readers that seem to read, then be disgusted they read it and bomb it. It shares that strange self loathing I see a lot of in cuck stories which the poster above mentions.

Keep in mind 4 out of 5 is not a bad score. Try having stories in the 2's and low 3's, that's a poor response.

 

[RejectReality]

You may have used the right category, but if someone searched tags and saw femdom they might have clicked without looking at the actual category, the of course its your fault they don't pay attention.

I don't have a ton of experience in the category, but from what I've seen anything over 4 is a pretty good score because the category itself gets a lot of those readers that seem to read, then be disgusted they read it and bomb it. It shares that strange self loathing I see a lot of in cuck stories which the poster above mentions.

Keep in mind 4 out of 5 is not a bad score. Try having stories in the 2's and low 3's, that's a poor response.

I agree. The MC readers are a tough crowd. Above 4.0 at all isn't anything I'd call a flop there. Give it some time to level out.

Oh, and LC, I've got one planned that I just need to find a little tweak to get past a sticky transition, and it will be good to go. Mind Control with not a single non-con sex scene. All the mind control is used for wholly benevolent and mostly altruistic purposes, as atonement for abusing the power as a younger person and coming to regret it. The sex sort of happens because of the mind control power, but it's not because it's being used on the other person. Intrigued? LOL

It's going to be interesting to see how it flies — both here and the site it's mainly planned for, to fit within the text and spirit of their stricter ruleset.

 

[lovecraft68]

I agree. The MC readers are a tough crowd. Above 4.0 at all isn't anything I'd call a flop there. Give it some time to level out.

Oh, and LC, I've got one planned that I just need to find a little tweak to get past a sticky transition, and it will be good to go. Mind Control with not a single non-con sex scene. All the mind control is used for wholly benevolent and mostly altruistic purposes, as atonement for abusing the power as a younger person and coming to regret it. The sex sort of happens because of the mind control power, but it's not because it's being used on the other person. Intrigued? LOL

It's going to be interesting to see how it flies — both here and the site it's mainly planned for, to fit within the text and spirit of their stricter ruleset.

Let me know when it's up, I'm curious to see how you pull this off.

 

[karina_jayde]

One factor in terms of not getting a lot of views may be the title. Regardless of content or category, the use of the term 'daycare' seems to imply that infantilization/ageplay might be involved. Even if such content isn't in the story or is even against the site rules, the title alone would cause me to not even click on it, and that's speaking as someone who does like femdom, and even MC on occasion.

 

[Zeronix]

One factor in terms of not getting a lot of views may be the title. Regardless of content or category, the use of the term 'daycare' seems to imply that infantilization/ageplay might be involved. Even if such content isn't in the story or is even against the site rules, the title alone would cause me to not even click on it, and that's speaking as someone who does like femdom, and even MC on occasion.

That makes a lot of sense, thanks! That didn’t occur to me, I guess I’ll have to be more careful going forward

 

[karina_jayde]

That makes a lot of sense, thanks! That didn’t occur to me, I guess I’ll have to be more careful going forward

That's just my gut reaction, though. It's completely feasible that plenty of people gave it a read based on that title, too.

Submitting here can be such a crapshoot and visibility can vary depending on when the story went up or what other stories happened to come out on the same day.

 

[cally420]

Some feedback (and I'll note that MC and femdom aren't my bag, so I looked at your story more from the perspective of it as a story - did I get it, did I understand where you were going with it, etc.

- agree with the others that the name might be a factor
- structurally, you have a lot of short choppy paragraphs and back-and-forth elements... which I think works for the hypnosis-y part (which I think you NAILED) but I found it a bit staccato elsewhere
- maybe give us more context and stakes at the beginning? what put her over the edge to enroll him in this
- ultimately, the "she did the intake this morning" reads to me as a betrayal and I thought his reaction was muted there... I'm more loyal than a good dog and that is a major value for me, so maybe it wouldn't hit the same way for everyone else, but if my woman did that to me, I'd be WTFing so hard

That's just my quick gut reaction.

I think you have some good, tight prose there and you've a deft hand with the hypno-progression. I damn near drifted off for a minute reading it. But I think I'd care about him more if you gave me more reason to, and that'd drag me into the story more deeply.

-Cally420

 

[Zeronix]

Some feedback (and I'll note that MC and femdom aren't my bag, so I looked at your story more from the perspective of it as a story - did I get it, did I understand where you were going with it, etc.

- agree with the others that the name might be a factor
- structurally, you have a lot of short choppy paragraphs and back-and-forth elements... which I think works for the hypnosis-y part (which I think you NAILED) but I found it a bit staccato elsewhere
- maybe give us more context and stakes at the beginning? what put her over the edge to enroll him in this
- ultimately, the "she did the intake this morning" reads to me as a betrayal and I thought his reaction was muted there... I'm more loyal than a good dog and that is a major value for me, so maybe it wouldn't hit the same way for everyone else, but if my woman did that to me, I'd be WTFing so hard

That's just my quick gut reaction.

I think you have some good, tight prose there and you've a deft hand with the hypno-progression. I damn near drifted off for a minute reading it. But I think I'd care about him more if you gave me more reason to, and that'd drag me into the story more deeply.

-Cally420

thx! this was really helpful, appreciate the detailed critique. story could definitely use a bit more character work. i’ll consider that going forward

 

[nice90sguy]

MC and femdom are 100% my bag, for reading and writing (as you can see from my sig). I thought your story was hot. As a long-time femdom MC writer here, I have one piece of advice: Ignore the WTF's, you'll find people who get, and enjoy the MC femdom theme, and build a small, but loyal following.

But put "This is femdom mind-control, don't read if that's not your thing" at the top of your story.

 

[ChasBozwell30]

I liked it, intriguing, well written, a good slow pace but not too short. It was more psychological in its approach, which I like. The title would have put me off from reading it without this thread though, so I agree that might be an issue.

 

[Zeronix]

MC and femdom are 100% my bag, for reading and writing (as you can see from my sig). I thought your story was hot. As a long-time femdom MC writer here, I have one piece of advice: Ignore the WTF's, you'll find people who get, and enjoy the MC femdom theme, and build a small, but loyal following.

But put "This is femdom mind-control, don't read if that's not your thing" at the top of your story.

thanks! really appreciate that. Tbh I don't feel like I'd restrict myself to femdom, it's just one (out of a few) ways to explore submissive men (which IS what I like). I do have other ideas for femdom stories though, feeling a bit more inspired to work on them now

 

[Zeronix]

I liked it, intriguing, well written, a good slow pace but not too short. It was more psychological in its approach, which I like. The title would have put me off from reading it without this thread though, so I agree that might be an issue.

glad you liked it any suggestions on a better title? I'm wondering if I can change the title when I edit...