Would Appreciate Feedback on First Story

[RoadTripTO]

Hello, I have had my first ever story posted on the site, and it seems to be doing well in the voting, however I would appreciate some feedback so I have some ideas of what to work on for next time.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=83809

 

[TrinaT]

Pretty good. A little work on the sentence structure and puncuation would help for the "To Be Continued." Also, watch the length of your paragraphs. You want to try and keep them a little smaller for easier reading on the screen. There are many that would be willing to read and help out with edits before you post. Just ask.

Keep it up.

Trina T.