Words

[AlwaysSpinning]

For love

 

[WickedEve]

I do appreciate you sharing your poem and I welcome you to the poetry forum, where I hope you'll stay and learn!

Your poem kind of reminds me of those words on fridge magnets. You know the ones that you rearrange and create poems, messages, etc? Your words, like all words, have potential. Not to belittle your poetry, but this one isn't really conveying much to the reader. I know it's about two people holding each other and having a passionate night, which is like so many other poems. I'd rather read some interesting details about the room, the aromas, the sounds, images and so on.

But if you keep the words you've chosen, then do something interesting with them. Move the magnets around.

Beating passion
rhythmic,
our breathing flickers --
a candle of light
inside us.

 

[Senna Jawa]

I do appreciate you sharing your poem and I welcome you to the poetry forum, where I hope you'll stay and learn!

Your poem kind of reminds me of those words on fridge magnets. You know the ones that you rearrange and create poems, messages, etc? Your words, like all words, have potential.

To say the same in a straight manner: the given text has no value. And I wouldn't say "your words", since these two cliches (one per line) are infinitely tired, were repeated thousands upon thousands of times.

Not to belittle your poetry, but this one isn't really conveying much to the reader. I know it's about two people holding each other and having a passionate night, which is like so many other poems.

Or it is about an eye doctor. Or about two gentle virgins (or computer wizards who still keep their hands to themselves (except for innocent hugging). Who cares. There is nothing to it.

if you keep the words you've chosen, then do something interesting with them. Move the magnets around.

Beating passion
rhythmic,
our breathing flickers --
a candle of light
inside us.

Stop it, Eve! That was horrible. Don't try to get something out of nothing (you'll end up with a pathetic and awful text, as above). Even (and especially) a talented poet like you cannot and should not try to write by technique alone. That's arrogant and futile.

Regards,

 

[WickedEve]

To say the same in a straight manner: the given text has no value. And I wouldn't say "your words", since these two cliches (one per line) are infinitely tired, were repeated thousands upon thousands of times.

Or it is about an eye doctor. Or about two gentle virgins (or computer wizards who still keep their hands to themselves (except for innocent hugging). Who cares. There is nothing to it.

Stop it, Eve! That was horrible. Don't try to get something out of nothing (you'll end up with a pathetic and awful text, as above). Even (and especially) a talented poet like you cannot and should not try to write by technique alone. That's arrogant and futile.

Regards,

Hi Senna.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

*sigh*

 

[Senna Jawa]

Hi Senna.

Hi Eve

 

[WickedEve]

Holding you close
Looking into your eyes

AlwaysSpinning, I'm so sorry that you deleted most of your poem. I was trying to offer some suggestions and I did an awful job of it.
I hope you'll post more.

 

[anonamouse]

To say the same in a straight manner: the given text has no value. And I wouldn't say "your words", since these two cliches (one per line) are infinitely tired, were repeated thousands upon thousands of times.

Or it is about an eye doctor. Or about two gentle virgins (or computer wizards who still keep their hands to themselves (except for innocent hugging). Who cares. There is nothing to it.

Stop it, Eve! That was horrible. Don't try to get something out of nothing (you'll end up with a pathetic and awful text, as above). Even (and especially) a talented poet like you cannot and should not try to write by technique alone. That's arrogant and futile.

Regards,

ROFL

you are right of course Senna, but I sometimes get the same Who cares. There is nothing to it.

feeling from some of yours, and don't give ME that chinee crap - 1201

and of course I disagree with the don't try to write by technique alone statement, because didn't Shakespeare push out 154 of them? Futile?

O, for my sake do you with Fortune chide,
The guilty goddess of my harmful deeds.
Happy Valentines Day, Bonnie - Love Clyde.
I found the card, bloody, amougst fouled weeds.

 

[normal jean]

Hi Senna.

Hi Eve, and Hi Senna


Eve, at LEAST he calls you talented, pout pout. Ive only been here 8 years and, sob, sob, I still dont even get read







good to see you Senna Jawa!! I hope your health is well as I see your mind is sharper than ever!






"It's not what you know"


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=156924



<giggles>

 

[FlippantDavid]

bad post, bad post.

 

[AlwaysSpinning]

Bad post? But, you haven't shared a thing. That's a bad post.