Women's Sex Drive Declines after Marriage

[neonlyte]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4790313.stm

God alone knows how much was paid to carry out this study. They could have come here and posted a Poll for nuffin.

Just for information - my Sex Drive (male, married 32 years) remains high. Unfortunately, I seem to have run out of gas.

 

[impressive]

My sex drive didn't decline -- overall -- just for the person I married.

 

[neonlyte]

My sex drive didn't decline -- overall -- just for the person I married.

In the context of the study, your situation suggests bad pairing - but I guess you'd worked that out for yourself

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Well, it's always been true for me too, and I always thought nature had something to do with it in that it didn't feel like something conscious on her part. It's just that once the relationship settles down, shopping for curtains becomes more important than all that fishnet stockings nonsense. She starts getting all wifey and domestic.

In all fairness, though, maybe these women are comparing the experience of dating sex, with all its seductive behavior, to the experience of married sex, with its poduce-on-demand ambience. Thatwould turn anyone off.

 

[impressive]

Well, it's always been true for me too, and I always thought nature had something to do with it in that it didn't feel like something conscious on her part. It's just that once the relationship settles down, shopping for curtains becomes more important than all that fishnet stockings nonsense. She starts getting all wifey and domestic.

In all fairness, though, maybe these women are comparing the experience of dating sex, with all its seductive behavior, to the experience of married sex, with its poduce-on-demand ambience. Thatwould turn anyone off.

See, now produce-on-demand has me thinking about cucumbers.

But, yeah, there is the whole domestic drudgery aspect to an established household. I think it's possible to keep it fresh ... but it's something that's easier to maintain than to recapture once it's gone.

 

[Chantilyvamp]

wow - good thing I wasnt in their research I would have ruined there theory

My sex drive has done nothing but increase every year. Now I will admit there are times I am tired but I'll still give it a go if hes up for it and if hes not I'll still give it a go.

 

[neonlyte]

wow - good thing I wasnt in their research I would have ruined there theory

My sex drive has done nothing but increase every year. Now I will admit there are times I am tired but I'll still give it a go if hes up for it and if hes not I'll still give it a go.

You were the 'spike' on the graph then

As Dr. M says, it is not suprising that domesticity can cause a loss of sex drive. The research indicates this is likely due to an acceptable bonding reducing the females need to find a mate while the males sex drive remains high partly to reinforce a territorial claim (why do I suddenly like pissing on trees?)

I can only speak from experience, our sex life fluctuates, I generally get told what's coming (no pun intended) and given a few hours to 'prepare'. That means - in our case - making sure the right attention is being paid throughout the day. On the other hand, my partner has always had the capacity to surprise me, and it's those entirely unexpected bouts of activity that brighten my life.

 

[rachlou]

I sent the article to a friend of mine as he has experienced exactly that. After five years of marriage and one child, his wife would rather go to sleep than have sex. He finds it immensely frustrating (understandably).

 

[scriptordelecto]

I think that something that the study doesn't consider is the communication necessary between partners to keep the sex life interesting and active.

That has been a major difference between my first husband and my current spouse. Dark and I have been married for eight years now, together for ten, and we seem to be an anomaly among our married friends.

The thing I always notice is that the couples who aren't as ...ahem...active as we are also have communication issues in other aspects of their relationship.


I'm just sayin'.

 

[SesameStreet]

As well as keeping the communication open a married couple has to work at keeping the sex fresh and exciting. Once married and the children come along too many couples settle for a scheduled once a week sexual interlude whether they feel spontaneous or not. There is no doubt that the exhiliration of a new love or a new relationship is hard to match over the long haul. It seems to be natural to start taking one another for granted. That should be consciously worked on. Do whatever works for you as a couple to keep that initial fire burning. Don't sechedule sex and don't force it when you are too tired or stressed. Sontaneity is paramount.

 

[3113]

As Dr. M says, it is not suprising that domesticity can cause a loss of sex drive. The research indicates this is likely due to an acceptable bonding reducing the females need to find a mate while the males sex drive remains high partly to reinforce a territorial claim (why do I suddenly like pissing on trees?)

That's kinda sweet actually. Go male! Use that testosterone to protect our little family!

I wonder if anyone has taken into account that back in the bad old days when we'd all evolved to the state we're at but not taken care of all those things that kill us that, well, a woman was likely to die after five years with that primal male. Likely in childbirth as she'd be preggers every year.

Just sayin'. The lifespan wasn't all that long.

 

[rgraham666]

Insufficient data.

Only been with three married women.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Insufficient data.

Only been with three married women.

Were they awake?

 

[rgraham666]

Were they awake?

I'm pretty sure they were.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

That's a change...

 

[Pure]

the article says,

But women, he said, have evolved to have a high sex drive when they are initially in a relationship in order to form a "pair bond" with their partner.

But, once this bond is sealed a woman's sexual appetite declines, he added.

He said animal behaviour studies suggest this could be because females may be diverting their sexual interest towards other men, in order to secure the best combinations of genetic material for their offspring.

Or, he said, this could be because limiting sex may boost their partner's interest in it.

===
P: this does not make sense to me, except for the 'diversion' part. imp's post suggests diversion is one factor.

it seems to me that the women who 'turn off', relying on the bond, are those whose hubbies stray, then, if possible, re marry. complacency of the wife seems often fatal to her interests (assuming they lie in continuance).

i'm more taken with the different argument that the reason human females have continuous interest (i.e., not just in 'heat' season) is to keep the fellow around to help with and support the child rearing.

i think the reason for turning off generally has to do with the many demands of kids, housework [which males tend not to do much of, to this day].

one thing not addressed in the article is that, while stating that the hubbies stayed 'interested,' they did not compare interest in sex with the wife, *as compared with new persons.*

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

I'm still as horny as I was twenty years ago, but nowadays my sex drive manifests itself in frequent catnaps and reading the morning newspaper.

 

[CharleyH]

I'm still as horny as I was twenty years ago, but nowadays my sex drive manifests itself in frequent catnaps and reading the morning newspaper.

It probably coincides with my stealing your credit card while you catnap and read the newspaper to go shopping. It's orgasmic and I am happy because I am now dressed in Prada instead of generic leftovers.

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

It probably coincides with my stealing your credit card while you catnap and read the newspaper to go shopping. It's orgasmic and I am happy because I am now dressed in Prada instead of generic leftovers.

I think generic lefovers, when done right, can be chic. Of course it depends how you arrange the baked bean tins and banana peels.

 

[CharleyH]

I think generic lefovers, when done right, can be chic. Of course it depends how you arrange the baked bean tins and banana peels.

LOL Thankfully? You never make me go there baby.

 

[Guest]

That study fails to take in to account complacency - by either partner.
In my case, my drive is high, and interest still open to new ideas.
Partner likes meat and potatoes, not interested in change, and figures that it's not necessary anymore to make himself attractive to me either physically or mentally.
That kills it for me. I want more variety, more openness and maybe that he shower every once in a while, ya know? I've tried to talk to him about it and he gets very insulted. *sigh*

 

[scriptordelecto]

That study fails to take in to account complacency - by either partner.
In my case, my drive is high, and interest still open to new ideas.
Partner likes meat and potatoes, not interested in change, and figures that it's not necessary anymore to make himself attractive to me either physically or mentally.
That kills it for me. I want more variety, more openness and maybe that he shower every once in a while, ya know? I've tried to talk to him about it and he gets very insulted. *sigh*

 

[rgraham666]

That study fails to take in to account complacency - by either partner.
In my case, my drive is high, and interest still open to new ideas.
Partner likes meat and potatoes, not interested in change, and figures that it's not necessary anymore to make himself attractive to me either physically or mentally.
That kills it for me. I want more variety, more openness and maybe that he shower every once in a while, ya know? I've tried to talk to him about it and he gets very insulted. *sigh*

On behalf of my gender I apologize.

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

On behalf of my gender I apologize.

Thanks for trying to get us males off the hook, but an apology won't do, Rob. You need a Grand Gesture too.

 

[Guest]

On behalf of my gender I apologize.

Apology graciously accepted, Rob. However, I am first to admit that it's not just men - women can be and are equally as guilty. Yes, there are issues like weight gain and wrinkles and hair loss and such that are to be accepted and yes even cherished. But there is a big difference between aging and letting go.

I am getting older, fatter, and more wrinkled. But when I want to make love - I hold myself erect (no pun intended), make sure I smell/taste good, and try my best to have that attitude that I'm nineteen and a passionate and crazy about sex and love like I feel inside, regardless of what I see on the outside. That's one way I show love and respect for my partner and his sexuality. Not all partners seem to remember how important that is - to feel needed, to feel that you'e giving, getting the best.
It's a lot of effort sometimes, but it's so important!