WOMEN... lost your sex drive?

[THROBBS]

Wondering...
Has your libido diminished... or vanished?
If so... or if you know a such a woman ... or are married to such a woman...
What do you think are some of the factors?
Naturally diminished hormones.
Artificially altered hormones (eg. birth control pills)
Weight. (too much too little)..
smoking.
drinking
chocolate
Stress.
stress ABOUT weight
general self image.
insomnia.
...

any thoughts on causes of one thing vs symptoms?
For example: being obese MIGHT lead to insomnia and stress which might cause more stress which all together might diminish sex drive...or whatever.

I would guess that most women on LIT have at least a minimal interest in sex. There might be some disenchantment with current partner in some cases, which is worth discussing too, but I see that as different than a lack of any desire for orgasm.

 

[impressive]

Wondering...
Has your libido diminished... or vanished?
If so... or if you know a such a woman ... or are married to such a woman...
What do you think are some of the factors?
Naturally diminished hormones.
Artificially altered hormones (eg. birth control pills)
Weight. (too much too little)..
smoking.
drinking
chocolate
Stress.
stress ABOUT weight
general self image.
insomnia.
...

any thoughts on causes of one thing vs symptoms?
For example: being obese MIGHT lead to insomnia and stress which might cause more stress which all together might diminish sex drive...or whatever.

I would guess that most women on LIT have at least a minimal interest in sex. There might be some disenchantment with current partner in some cases, which is worth discussing too, but I see that as different than a lack of any desire for orgasm.

I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have a desire for orgasm.

However, if orgasm is all that's desired, there are certainly times when it's more expedient/less hassle to just take matters into my own hands -- whether due to lack of interest in available partner(s), physical pain/health reasons, or simply being too tired to "return the favor." (Yeah, I know a considerate lover gives without need for reciprocation -- but *I* feel an obligation regardless.)

In the past, I've also avoided sex with someone else in the room due to disgust with my appearance. I hated the way I looked & felt during my 30s. Hell, I spent as little time naked as possible -- even when alone.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Stress, weight, lack of time, lack of energy, low self image, marital issues... all of those are factors for me.

 

[THROBBS]

I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have a desire for orgasm.

However, if orgasm is all that's desired, there are certainly times when it's more expedient/less hassle to just take matters into my own hands -- whether due to lack of interest in available partner(s), physical pain/health reasons, or simply being too tired to "return the favor." (Yeah, I know a considerate lover gives without need for reciprocation -- but *I* feel an obligation regardless.)

In the past, I've also avoided sex with someone else in the room due to disgust with my appearance. I hated the way I looked & felt during my 30s. Hell, I spent as little time naked as possible -- even when alone.

So you have always had a "libido", but at times "sex" has been low priority in satisfying it?

I am so happy to hear that part of your past is gone! Your AVs are you, yes? wooo!

 

[THROBBS]

Stress, weight, lack of time, lack of energy, low self image, marital issues... all of those are factors for me.

Any thoughts on what might be the underlying factor(s)?

Marital issue..that lead to thoughts of low self image which "snowball" into eating...etc...?

Or Busy lifestyle... leads to lack of time---and low energy ...etc...?


I know they all contribute toa potentially "vicious cycle", but I have been wondering about "origins" and especially~ solutions.

Chicken? Egg?

 

[impressive]

So you have always had a "libido", but at times "sex" has been low priority in satisfying it?

That's a great way to put it.

I am so happy to hear that part of your past is gone! Your AVs are you, yes? wooo!

Yes, they're me. Thank you. I've come a loooooooooooong way -- and I have the scars to prove it.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Any thoughts on what might be the underlying factor(s)?

Marital issue..that lead to thoughts of low self image which "snowball" into eating...etc...?

Or Busy lifestyle... leads to lack of time---and low energy ...etc...?


I know they all contribute toa potentially "vicious cycle", but I have been wondering about "origins" and especially~ solutions.

Chicken? Egg?

Underlying factors to stress: work, kids, etc. Underlying factors to lack of time and energy: see prior.

My lack of self esteem has lasted a life time and was fostered by parents who always said "If you'd just lose a little weight you'd have a better chance of finding a boyfriend." I've *always* been overweight, so I believe my weight is as much hereditary as it is what I eat (both sides of the family have weight issues.)

Marital issues is an underlying factor in itself. When I don't feel "close" to my partner, I definitely have no desire to be close with sex.

 

[THROBBS]

Underlying factors to stress: work, kids, etc. Underlying factors to lack of time and energy: see prior.

My lack of self esteem has lasted a life time and was fostered by parents who always said "If you'd just lose a little weight you'd have a better chance of finding a boyfriend." I've *always* been overweight, so I believe my weight is as much hereditary as it is what I eat (both sides of the family have weight issues.)

Marital issues is an underlying factor in itself. When I don't feel "close" to my partner, I definitely have no desire to be close with sex.

Thank you for sharing that.
Being people in relationship with one another is hard. (and that includes those who feel they have no relationships).

 

[slyc_willie]

You know, men can suffer from a low sex drive, too . . . .

 

[somberReality]

Stress affects mine, as in it lowers my libido. But it's always temporary.

 

[Guest]

You know, men can suffer from a low sex drive, too . . . .

Yes, but one can always give them a little love, wait for it to pass



Another point that I don't usually see mentioned in these threads is that partners sometimes settle into a sexual routine that is not appealing...after a while, even the most perverted woman will not want to bother for "come here, bam, turn around and go to sleep" sex.

I read a sentence here on lit that has stayed with me because it sums up how I feel: "the best foreplay for a partner is the anticipation of the pleasure you are about to cause."

If a woman anticipates boredom, routine, or even pain (it comes with the first two...) she willl not bother!

Maharat

 

[Chantilyvamp]

The only times i have ever had a low sex drive was one after the birth of the babe (hell I was to tired to find it for weeks), and after this latest mishap the sex drive got up and left. Probably do to the trauma/stress and hormones and the following illness. And it taking off for a week and a half freaked me out as its not really normal for me.

However, having said that my sex drive is so high to begin with that stress of life/hormones/being sick probably does lower it a bit to a more acceptabe level according to others but I dont lose it normally. It takes a rather large shut down of the systems to have it run off.

 

[_Anna_]

Stress and insomnia actually have the opposite effect on me.

 

[Vermilion]

Contraceptive pill and tiredness.

The tiredness is related to a long-standing health issue I have.

However the other half can usually persuade me out of these if he chooses to...

x
V

 

[Just-Legal]

Depression. I know I'm at my lowest when I don't want sex, or even a cuddle. I get very "touch me and die".

 

[MissLeah88]

I love being with a woman she usually knows the touch,ect...I can always relax and orgasm for a woman,maybe stress and tension can keep you from not

 

[scheherazade_79]

Stress. Especially long-term.

Except it's never just my sex drive that's hit - I lose interest in food, music, writing, going new places and even playing video games.

I think what happens is that the stress leads to physical illness, and that leads to lower energy levels and a drop in self-esteem. And when my self-esteem's not there, I don't want to think about sex - not even the solo variety.

 

[SensualCealy]

How do you know you wife/partner is stressed?

If she closes her eyes when having sex or making love. She is actually thinking of the list she needs to make to stay on task and get things done. It is a proven fact that women tend to carry a heavier load then men in a relationship.

Men in most cases think of, how do I pay the mortgage, food for the family etc. Women get the rest, Jimmy has soccer at 7, Jill has ballet at 6, but Lucy needs to be at piano at 6:30 and all places are 20 minutes in between. Not to mention, the cupcakes that need to be made for Jill's class, the uniforms that have to be washed for the game saturday, and the recital one of you will miss because of Jimmys game.
Then there is the housework, animals, social obligations oh and if you are lucky - A JOB that takes 40 hours out of your week!

Now ask, why do we lack libido at time...

You know my story hun, sticking to it!
C

ps: self esteem, weight, lack of sleep, lack of initiative in his part, lack of interest on my part when 'he' is all that matters at times.

 

[THROBBS]

You know, men can suffer from a low sex drive, too . . . .

Yes, I have heard.

 

[THROBBS]

Stress affects mine, as in it lowers my libido. But it's always temporary.

Thank you.

 

[THROBBS]

...

Another point that I don't usually see mentioned in these threads is that partners sometimes settle into a sexual routine that is not appealing...after a while, even the most perverted woman will not want to bother for "come here, bam, turn around and go to sleep" sex.

I read a sentence here on lit that has stayed with me because it sums up how I feel: "the best foreplay for a partner is the anticipation of the pleasure you are about to cause."

If a woman anticipates boredom, routine, or even pain (it comes with the first two...) she willl not bother!

Maharat

Good points!
However, thatis more a disinterest in a partenr and/or method than in sex or more specifically orgasm.

 

[impressive]

How do you know you wife/partner is stressed?

If she closes her eyes when having sex or making love. She is actually thinking of the list she needs to make to stay on task and get things done.

I disagree completely -- mainly because I often close my eyes to shut out visual distractions and focus on other senses (touch, taste, scent). I'm not a visually stimulated person, so I don't need to SEE what's going on to appreciate it.

 

[THROBBS]

The only times i have ever had a low sex drive was one after the birth of the babe (hell I was to tired to find it for weeks), and after this latest mishap the sex drive got up and left. Probably do to the trauma/stress and hormones and the following illness. And it taking off for a week and a half freaked me out as its not really normal for me.

However, having said that my sex drive is so high to begin with that stress of life/hormones/being sick probably does lower it a bit to a more acceptabe level according to others but I dont lose it normally. It takes a rather large shut down of the systems to have it run off.

Thank you.
I suppose another thread might deal with the reverse... (and address Slick's comment). A woman who's sex drive is "problematically high".

 

[THROBBS]

Stress and insomnia actually have the opposite effect on me.

So you are saying that you find relief or escape in sex/orgasms?

(much like eating or chocolate for some)

 

[SensualCealy]

I disagree completely -- mainly because I often close my eyes to shut out visual distractions and focus on other senses (touch, taste, scent). I'm not a visually stimulated person, so I don't need to SEE what's going on to appreciate it.

LOL - I do too, and add different pictures to make those other senses sit up and take notice!
I was kinda being a smart ass- guess I didnt do a good job.
C