Technodivinitas
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2004
- Posts
- 505
(I also posted this on the BDSM Backroom forums, under "Servitude in the long, LONG run"...)
I'm a 36 y/o submissive female, in a long term (10 years) 24/7 relationship with a strong & loving Master to whom I am deeply devoted. During the course of our relationship, he met a non-submissive woman, courted, & eventually married her, without ending the relationship that he & I share. (I actually served as his Best "man", and later, when the paperwork got botched, as their Minister.)
during his courtship of his current wife, he lived with her, and had very little time to spare for me, although I accepted that, and now the three of us are co-habiting, and with his work schedule, he has very litle time for either of us. (None of us is thrilled with that, but the reality of supporting a slave & a wife & a household requires it.)
I have undertaken the general household duties, since they both work, and essentially serve as live-in maid/housekeeper. I know that for many subs, this would seem an ideal arrangement, seemingly right out of a D/s fantasy novel, but there are problems.
My Master's marriage is troubled, and she is vanilla in all but that she accepts that he's got me, (and recently, another slave who's joined our odd little family,) and I am in no position to councel or assist them in their troubles, since the relationships are (by both my choice and hers,) kept fairly separate.
In addition, he is recently struggling with depression issues, and I suspect, with fears of inability to uphold and support our household.
All of this, plus my sometimes failing health, have contributed to a growing sense of ennui, or indifference concerning my training and maintenance. As I mentioned above, he's recently collared a new girl, (whom I absolutely adore,) and although I would consider that to be a bad idea given all the other difficulties we've been having, I also understand that sometimes when someone fits perfectly into a family like ours, you can't turn them away because "it's not the right time for it". (Kinda like having a child, in that respect, I suppose.) The new girl needs us, and I feel that her presence will spark new interests and bring a fresh liveliness to the household.
Still, I'm troubled by my own situation. I've always been high maintenance, since I am the now-adult child of a neglectful home, and have never had much grasp on the concepts of self-discipline. (Possibly one of the things which led me into the D/s lifestyle to begin with…) I have, somewhat against my will, been forced to sieze my own reins, and have constructed for myself schedules and discipline structures, which I offered to my Master to apply to me, and which he seemed eager to adopt, but now that they've been implemented, I feel as if I'm all alone in maintaining them. I've learned that if I offer him the slightest excuse, he accepts it without question, which leads me to laziness, inattentiveness, and even some indifference of my own. In short, I feel like an untended garden, choking in weeds.
I recognize that if I heard someone else lamenting these things, I'd surely tell them to mourn the loss and move on, but I'm still not ready to give up. The love and the rareness of such a full-time lifestyle are just too precious to me to not try everything I possibly can to repair before I walk away.
I have discussed this with my Master, and he insists that none of it is my fault, that he loves me as he always has, and that I am still every bit as important to him, but what he hasn't offered me is any way to better please or interest him.
Has anyone any advice to offer, other than to cut my losses? I'm not above dirty tricks at this point- I'm in the last ditch effort stage I think, and any suggestions, from either Dom or sub point of view, would be welcome. (Unless you just want to tell me I'm nuts… That much I already know. *S*)
Please get in touch- I am seriously in need of feedback.
I'm a 36 y/o submissive female, in a long term (10 years) 24/7 relationship with a strong & loving Master to whom I am deeply devoted. During the course of our relationship, he met a non-submissive woman, courted, & eventually married her, without ending the relationship that he & I share. (I actually served as his Best "man", and later, when the paperwork got botched, as their Minister.)
during his courtship of his current wife, he lived with her, and had very little time to spare for me, although I accepted that, and now the three of us are co-habiting, and with his work schedule, he has very litle time for either of us. (None of us is thrilled with that, but the reality of supporting a slave & a wife & a household requires it.)
I have undertaken the general household duties, since they both work, and essentially serve as live-in maid/housekeeper. I know that for many subs, this would seem an ideal arrangement, seemingly right out of a D/s fantasy novel, but there are problems.
My Master's marriage is troubled, and she is vanilla in all but that she accepts that he's got me, (and recently, another slave who's joined our odd little family,) and I am in no position to councel or assist them in their troubles, since the relationships are (by both my choice and hers,) kept fairly separate.
In addition, he is recently struggling with depression issues, and I suspect, with fears of inability to uphold and support our household.
All of this, plus my sometimes failing health, have contributed to a growing sense of ennui, or indifference concerning my training and maintenance. As I mentioned above, he's recently collared a new girl, (whom I absolutely adore,) and although I would consider that to be a bad idea given all the other difficulties we've been having, I also understand that sometimes when someone fits perfectly into a family like ours, you can't turn them away because "it's not the right time for it". (Kinda like having a child, in that respect, I suppose.) The new girl needs us, and I feel that her presence will spark new interests and bring a fresh liveliness to the household.
Still, I'm troubled by my own situation. I've always been high maintenance, since I am the now-adult child of a neglectful home, and have never had much grasp on the concepts of self-discipline. (Possibly one of the things which led me into the D/s lifestyle to begin with…) I have, somewhat against my will, been forced to sieze my own reins, and have constructed for myself schedules and discipline structures, which I offered to my Master to apply to me, and which he seemed eager to adopt, but now that they've been implemented, I feel as if I'm all alone in maintaining them. I've learned that if I offer him the slightest excuse, he accepts it without question, which leads me to laziness, inattentiveness, and even some indifference of my own. In short, I feel like an untended garden, choking in weeds.
I recognize that if I heard someone else lamenting these things, I'd surely tell them to mourn the loss and move on, but I'm still not ready to give up. The love and the rareness of such a full-time lifestyle are just too precious to me to not try everything I possibly can to repair before I walk away.
I have discussed this with my Master, and he insists that none of it is my fault, that he loves me as he always has, and that I am still every bit as important to him, but what he hasn't offered me is any way to better please or interest him.
Has anyone any advice to offer, other than to cut my losses? I'm not above dirty tricks at this point- I'm in the last ditch effort stage I think, and any suggestions, from either Dom or sub point of view, would be welcome. (Unless you just want to tell me I'm nuts… That much I already know. *S*)
Please get in touch- I am seriously in need of feedback.
