Wish me luck

[Seadog777]

Both sets of parents meeting for the first time tonight. We have a restaurant and then a hotel booked. As his people are bonobos, there’s bound to be some interspecies tension.

Any advice on how to ensure a gathering of great apes goes smoothly?

Em

If you try too hard, they'll notice and it will make it more awkward.
I know from firsthand experience with this particular subject.
Just sit down and have a meal.
The conversation will typically just kinda start flowing on its own.
IF something does pop up, be firm and nip that shit in the bud on the spot.
They'll learn quickly and if they don't, kick their asses out the door.

 

[Trionyx]

And don’t start talking about your shag carpet. They might look for sex stains in front of the divan…

 

[gunhilltrain]

Both sets of parents meeting for the first time tonight. We have a restaurant and then a hotel booked. As his people are bonobos, there’s bound to be some interspecies tension.

Any advice on how to ensure a gathering of great apes goes smoothly?

Em

I solved the problem (inadvertently) in that my parents and in-laws only rarely saw each other, either before or after. I don't think they were that comfortable with it, and I didn't push it.

They have all passed anyway. That's one advantage of getting older. You realize that it's all temporary anyway, and eventually no one will be left to remember any of it. I realize that doesn't help you very much - sorry about that.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Hi all,

I’ve so far survived! Still have brunch later today.

Thanks for the good wishes.

I’m a worrier. I can always figure out ten ways something will go wrong. But it was fine. Actually it was nice and Mom was on her best behavior. There was laughter ans pleasantness. Not too much alcohol was consumed (except maybe by the youngest member of the party ). No hangover though.

Hotel sex was nice too . Thoughts wandering to some more TBH.

Em

Phew! All's well that ends well. My first meeting with my in-laws after the engagement was announced was...hmmm, interesting

So he shared all the details with them, name (my family name is actually Polish -my mom is Vietnamese-Chinese), religion (Catholic) - this fits right in with his family (Italian-American, Catholic), etc etc etc. He only forgot one thing....so we arrive at his mom and dad's, - long flight across to the east coast, long drive from the airport.... first thing his mom says..."you didn't tell me she was Chinese...." Himself looks a bit stunned. It hadn't actually occurred to him to share that particular piece of information or a photo and they were running on my surname, which is pretty obviously Polish lol. Me, I checked in the hallway mirror. "Oh yeah, I am." And then cracked up. After himself got over being totally flustered, his dad got over being embarrassed, and his mom recovered from the sudden shock, it all went swimmingly, except they had no idea what dim-sum was....so we took his whole family out to dim-sum for Sunday brunch. Another culture shock! LOL.

That, and we were staying at his mom and dad's house so the sex was way more subdued that normal.

And then the wedding!!!! Polish-Americans, Vietnamese-Chinese Americans, Italian-Americans, plus a weird and wonderful assortment of friends..... we mixed up everything...the one universal was the hangovers the next morning.....

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hi all,

I’ve so far survived! Still have brunch later today.

Thanks for the good wishes.

I’m a worrier. I can always figure out ten ways something will go wrong. But it was fine. Actually it was nice and Mom was on her best behavior. There was laughter ans pleasantness. Not too much alcohol was consumed (except maybe by the youngest member of the party ). No hangover though.

Hotel sex was nice too . Thoughts wandering to some more TBH.

Em

Brunch was fine as well BTW .

I know, it’s all in my mind, right?

Em

 

[Smarthomanid2]

Brunch was fine as well BTW .

I know, it’s all in my mind, right?

Em

Yes of course it is. Well except for the whole part of it that’s real. But don’t worry about that part it’s only 82-86% of the total.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Yes of course it is. Well except for the whole part of it that’s real. But don’t worry about that part it’s only 82-86% of the total.

I heard it was 87.2%…

Em

 

[panaflora]

Brunch was fine as well BTW .

I know, it’s all in my mind, right?

Em

Stress exists so we can appreciate afterward that it wasn't all that bad.

Glad it worked out!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Stress exists so we can appreciate afterward that it wasn't all that bad.

Glad it worked out!

Very true and thanks

Em

 

[PandemicReader8]

Plus me and Mom don’t see eye to eye on much

You are Mom aren't likely to ever truly get along, you're coming between she and her son. But make sure he knows three things. You'll will treat her with respect, even when she's wrong. You eill be kind, even when she's a bitch. And the second she tries to control you, you'll draw a damned clear line, and he better have your back.

 

[EmilyMiller]

You are Mom aren't likely to ever truly get along, you're coming between she and her son. But make sure he knows three things. You'll will treat her with respect, even when she's wrong. You eill be kind, even when she's a bitch. And the second she tries to control you, you'll draw a damned clear line, and he better have your back.

No, sorry I wasn’t clear. His Mom is as nice as pie. Lovely woman. She calls me her daughter already. It’s my Mom I have history with.

Em

 

[PandemicReader8]

OK. Now that is something to which I can actually relate. Sadly, I had to walk away. But, again, respect her until it's clearly a one way street, then respect her at a distance. Giving birth to you doesn't mean she's right.

 

[32aa]

Em, you could talk about the latest erotic story that you've written and published. That should open up the evening.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Giving birth to you doesn't mean she's right.

The opposite, right?

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Em, you could talk about the latest erotic story that you've written and published. That should open up the evening.

Maybe I should have recited from it at the restaurant .

Em

 

[panaflora]

Maybe I should have recited from it at the restaurant .

Em

You could have said it's by Henry Miller

 

[Smarthomanid2]

You could have said it's by Henry Miller

The Tropic of Emily

 

[MetaBob]

Well they are dual nationals. They have been here nearly 30 years I think. Still sound like an episode of The Crown to me though.

They are lovely and have been super kind and welcoming to me. They have been introducing me as their daughter to people already.

It’s mostly my Mom I’m worried about.

Em

Sounds a bit like what my parents experienced, and my ex's parents.

My father's mother never really accepted my mother and she's felt excluded for her whole life, even after her mother-in-law passed away. My ex's father's mother thought her son was too good for his wife.

The men were fine; it was the women who made trouble, either from feeling like their family was too good, or embarrassed for not feeling good enough.

It all comes down to money, I think. F. Scott Fitzgerald said "The rich are different," which to me means they don't want to be taken advantage of, financially. Everything else devolves from that. It's why table manners were invented: to sort out pretenders who hadn't spent their lives immersed in them.

I understand that bonobos spend a lot of time grooming each other. Maybe try that. Perhaps someone will find a flea or a tick, a leech or a louse, or merely pick nits.

Good luck!

 

[MetaBob]

Sounds a bit like what my parents experienced, and my ex's parents.

My father's mother never really accepted my mother and she's felt excluded for her whole life, even after her mother-in-law passed away. My ex's father's mother thought her son was too good for his wife.

The men were fine; it was the women who made trouble, either from feeling like their family was too good, or embarrassed for not feeling good enough.

It all comes down to money, I think. F. Scott Fitzgerald said "The rich are different," which to me means they don't want to be taken advantage of, financially. Everything else devolves from that. It's why table manners were invented: to sort out pretenders who hadn't spent their lives immersed in them.

I understand that bonobos spend a lot of time grooming each other. Maybe try that. Perhaps someone will find a flea or a tick, a leech or a louse, or merely pick nits.

Good luck!

F. Scott Fitzgerald's actual quote:

"Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different."
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/10367-let-me-tell-you-about-the-very-rich-they-are

I'm not saying this particular quote has anything to do with your situation, of course. Your prospective in-laws sound like lovely people and I wish you good fortune with them, now and ever. But perhaps even more so with your mother.