Wife is anti submissive but coworker on the other hand......

[CucKo0]

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[CutieMouse]

options:

find a way to get what you need at home

discuss the idea of opening your marriage, and find an ethical way to stay married, whilst having your sexual needs met elsewhere

leave your marriage, and look for a relationship that has the sexual elements you feel are missing in your current relationship

cheat online

cheat on your wife and risk destroying your marriage

cheat on your wife with a co-worker and risk destroying your marriage + losing your job

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[FurryFury]

There is an old saying, "Don't shit where you eat."

I can understand the need for something you feel you are not getting and don't think you can get in your marriage but 'd be very careful if I were you. I'd say some serious communication with your wife is in order. If she knew how important to you this is something might be worked out. If not it might bring you to leave but in a way that is cleaner than by doing a co-worker.

In any case, good luck to you and yours,

Fury

 

[CucKo0]

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[buttpluglover]

You might also approach the co-worker, too, and feel her out on the topic. Could be you've read it all wrong. If not, you can take the time to be completely honest and basically say, "I need to clear this with my wife, because my marriage is very valuable to me and it comes first." She should be OK with that, of course. If she's not, then you should take that as a hint to end it before it begins. She and your wife may never meet, but this WILL be a three-way relationship.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I think that you need to evaluate what is important to you, because once you take that step towards cheating and a BDSM scene beehind your wife's back fits that bill, you can not go back.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i'd say that if there is something 'missing' from your marriage, then it's something you need to discuss with your wife instead of going out and finding what you want in someone else. sounds like you want your cake and to eat it to. you want the wife at home, and to still be able to go with the co-worker and get what's missing your marriage. in my opinion, that doesn't work so well. so yea, my suggestion is to talk to your wife before you do something you'll really regret, like breaking up not only your marriage..but your co-workers as well. of course i'm a firm believer that if you truly LOVE someone, you could never cheat on them, no matter what's 'missing' , but again that's just me. good luck to you....

 

[PatPowers]

Have you discussed with your wife the fact that you are unhappy about not being able to sexually express your dominant tendencies? If she loves you, she should care about that to some extent. Maybe not to the extent of giving you leave to have a bondage relationship with another woman, but maybe enough to help you relieve your unhappiness in some way.

Are you happy with that once a month sex as well?

 

[submissiveknight]

I just needed to put this out there and looking for some advice
She is a very dominate woman outside the bedroom but is neither submissive or dominate in the bedroom.


You may find out how dominate your wife can be when she has you hanging by your balls. Just kidding, but not really that just something you shouldn't do in a marriage in my personal opinon.

Test your mind make her want it, much more satisfying in the long run!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Would you do it in front of your wife? Would your co-worker do it in front of her husband? No? Then you will get what you likely expect if and when she or the other husband findout what might end up happening behind their backs. Love means different things to different people, but for me it never means cheating or secretly looking outside the marriage for some sort of intimate entertainment.

Catalina

 

[Chicklet]

I really understand where you're coming from. In my longest relationship, I was sexually frustrated by my partners lack of interest in BDSM.

It's hard to try to weigh the aspects of your relationship with sexual frustration. You love your partner, you're happy in your relationship, but you're not feeling satisfied. From my experience with the How To board, and my own relationship experience, along with the divorce rate, I think that's a very common thing.

do you have children?

Personally, I decided that my frustration was grounds enough for seeking a relationship that would satisfy me. But I broke it off with my boyfriend first, and we weren't married or in any sort of legal bind together that would make such a break more difficult. I hate to be someone suggesting that you leave your wife, but if you talk to her about your sexual needs and she's still uninterested in being with you more than once a month, you might want to seperate.

Couples that have a healthy sex life are the ones that stay together in the long term. You know it's true.

Personally, I'd want to be divorced before my husband cheated on me, or even seriously considered cheating on me.

 

[Etoile]

Do not have a relationship with a co-worker. If you can work this out with your wife, great - but then find somebody other than a co-worker to have a relationship with, because it can be a very dangerous thing.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Bare in mind...

...the co-worker may be talking the talk because she wont expect you to act on it.
I met someone who could talk the talk, write the literature, do it via phone/IM etc & guess what?...I've never fucked a more passive man in my entire life.

 

[neonflux]

As someone whose primary is also not into most aspects of BDSM, my heart goes out to you. I am lucky because he wants to learn about it since it is so much a part of my nature and loves me. Because of this he also accepts that I will seek to fulfill these desires outside of our relationship in a way that doesn't jeapardize what we have.

We would never be where we are now, however, if I hadn't been open with him. I agree with everyone else who posted here that it seems important for you to discuss this further with your wife, unless you really want the relationship to end - in which case it's only ethical to do so now, rather than after cheating on her. I would also second, third, and forth the contention that you have also acknowledged that having a relationship with the coworker isn't the way to go.

There are some other threads worth looking at - some of them have been very helpful to me and they contain loads of wisdom from people who have been in this for quite a while so should know, including this one:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=200608

in any case, good luck, and this is a good, good place to talk

Neon

 

[FurryFury]

...the co-worker may be talking the talk because she wont expect you to act on it.
I met someone who could talk the talk, write the literature, do it via phone/IM etc & guess what?...I've never fucked a more passive man in my entire life.

I know a woman like that too. She can talk the talk but rarely even has sex, when she does it's not kinky much less BDSM. She does have online men hanging ALL over her thinking she is really into BDSM and sex.

She's also a bitch but they don't seem to notice or think she is really "sweet deep down inside." I say fuck deep down inside, I don't feel like digging. That's not my job. Give me some surface civility at least or leave me alone.

*shakes head*

Yeah, it's been a while since I talked or gamed with her. It will be a cold day in you know where before I do that again.

Fury

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I know a woman like that too. She can talk the talk but rarely even has sex, when she does it's not kinky much less BDSM. She does have online men hanging ALL over her thinking she is really into BDSM and sex.

She's also a bitch but they don't seem to notice or think she is really "sweet deep down inside." I say fuck deep down inside, I don't feel like digging. That's not my job. Give me some surface civility at least or leave me alone.

*shakes head*

Yeah, it's been a while since I talked or gamed with her. It will be a cold day in you know where before I do that again.

Fury

I know how you feel. I felt really let down. Ok, we agreed if we slept together, the first time we would just keep it "straight" but seriously, what kind of 'Dom' guy just lies there with a sub on top? He then told me what a great time he'd had etc etc until he started to distance himself more & more because he didn't like my questions. He saw me asking questions of him as suspicion, damn right I was starting to get suspicious by that time. In hindsight I think he was just looking for an easy lay & boy did he get it. Hopefully I've learned my lesson, but it did hurt.

 

[FurryFury]

I know how you feel. I felt really let down. Ok, we agreed if we slept together, the first time we would just keep it "straight" but seriously, what kind of 'Dom' guy just lies there with a sub on top? He then told me what a great time he'd had etc etc until he started to distance himself more & more because he didn't like my questions. He saw me asking questions of him as suspicion, damn right I was starting to get suspicious by that time. In hindsight I think he was just looking for an easy lay & boy did he get it. Hopefully I've learned my lesson, but it did hurt.

Yikes!

In my case I just didn't like this bitch and how she could pull the wool over dudes eyes.

I'm so sorry Perfect_Trust for what you went through.

*HUGS*

Many never learn their lessons so I'd say you came out ahead but that would hurt so much.

*HUGS*

Fury

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Thanks Fury,

I guess I was trying to get over to the OP that people aren't always what they seem. I just believed this guy as we didn't meet through BDSM/sex personals. I took him at his word as he brought it up & I thought 'Wow, how lucky am I?'
One of the reasons my marriage fell apart was the fact that my ex couldn't openly discuss sex, so I just thought all my Christmases had come at once. But in hindsight the sex in my marriage was far superior to what I got from this guy. I didn't go looking whilst I was still married though, never did, never would have as I would never have disrespected my husband in that way, despite that we had long since stopped having sex.
I think it would be especially risky with a co-worker though, as others have pointed out.

 

[sweetandnaughty]

Removed.

 

[Etoile]

I love getting instant notification by e-mail.

 

[graceanne]

I love getting instant notification by e-mail.

I'm just confused. How did she remark on something that was removed? And why did she remove it? Did she realize that whatshisname had removed his AFTER she posted? And if she didn't notice that till after HOW IN THE WORLD DID SHE KNOW WHAT TO SAY?

*sigh* I need to go back to bed.

 

[subtleone]

Now I'm either confused or I get a distinct aura of caught out in the air.