Wife finally agreed to watch porn. Need Women's advice!

[PrinceM]

Hey everyone,

So after 5 years of marriage, my wife has finally agreed to watch a porn video with me. A brief history: She's always been ultra conservative in bed, and while we have an ok sex life, there's been very little in the area of experimenting, or anything other than me on top, her on top, and the occasional doggy style once every few months. I'd say the sex between us is great when it happens, so we do both enjoy sex together. I once bought her some toys, and they are all still in the original packaging. She's donated to the charity drop boxes behind the supermarkets any lingerie I've bought her over the years, still with the tags on it. Not for religious reasons, or anything like that, she's just never had any desire to try new things, no matter how much I've encouraged her to explore sex and her sexuality. I've never asked for anything like swinging, or anything extreme like that, I've only tried to encourage things that I think most people on this board would consider "light."

She's finally agreed to watch a porn with me, in bed. She promised to lay in bed with me, and watch through one, without looking away or turning it off. She's seen porn before, but has never "watched" porn. She's always been squeamish around it, and finds the vast majority of it to be disgusting. She's caught me watching porn a few times over the years, and has always asked me to turn it off.

So now that I have the opportunity, I pretty much have one shot to show her something, that I'm hoping will really turn her on, and not scare her. Most of the hard core stuff out there can be risky to show her, as I dont want to scare her with the first video, but rather have it be something we can maybe build on.

Do you guys have any recommendations for any series, or even better, links to videos that as a woman, really turn you on? (It has to be straight porn) As a guy, I pretty much need to just see a dick going into a pussy, and I'm turned on, so I dont really trust my own judgement in picking something random from a tube site.

Any advice, links, stories, experiences, etc, would be amazing! I know I can count on this community!

 

[N2outdoors]

Movie

Hey everyone,

So after 5 years of marriage, my wife has finally agreed to watch a porn video with me. A brief history: She's always been ultra conservative in bed, and while we have an ok sex life, there's been very little in the area of experimenting, or anything other than me on top, her on top, and the occasional doggy style once every few months. I'd say the sex between us is great when it happens, so we do both enjoy sex together. I once bought her some toys, and they are all still in the original packaging. She's donated to the charity drop boxes behind the supermarkets any lingerie I've bought her over the years, still with the tags on it. Not for religious reasons, or anything like that, she's just never had any desire to try new things, no matter how much I've encouraged her to explore sex and her sexuality. I've never asked for anything like swinging, or anything extreme like that, I've only tried to encourage things that I think most people on this board would consider "light."

She's finally agreed to watch a porn with me, in bed. She promised to lay in bed with me, and watch through one, without looking away or turning it off. She's seen porn before, but has never "watched" porn. She's always been squeamish around it, and finds the vast majority of it to be disgusting. She's caught me watching porn a few times over the years, and has always asked me to turn it off.

So now that I have the opportunity, I pretty much have one shot to show her something, that I'm hoping will really turn her on, and not scare her. Most of the hard core stuff out there can be risky to show her, as I dont want to scare her with the first video, but rather have it be something we can maybe build on.

Do you guys have any recommendations for any series, or even better, links to videos that as a woman, really turn you on? (It has to be straight porn) As a guy, I pretty much need to just see a dick going into a pussy, and I'm turned on, so I dont really trust my own judgement in picking something random from a tube site.

Any advice, links, stories, experiences, etc, would be amazing! I know I can count on this community!

I have seen one on different websites that appeals to women, according to reviews, etc. I believe the name of it is The Pirates, or The Pirate MovIe, something like that. It is supposed to have decent acting and some plot. Good luck! Report back and let us know how it goes.

 

[Aphro]

Before I joined this site, I was looking for ways to jump start my sex drive...and decided, hey, I'll just Google up some porn. I really had not seen much of anything before this. Bad idea! My first couple of attempts, I stumbled into a couple of gang bang videos, and one with a tiny little Asian woman tied up like a Christmas turkey, and a bunch of guys trying out all different weird sex toys on her while she sobbed through her gag, snot running down her face. Barf. So if you don't want to scare her off, avoid that!!!

Since then, I have found a select few videos I do like. This is one:

http://xhamster.com/movies/1674627/nice_couple.html

I'm pretty sure this is "woman porn" or developed with women in mind, as it is nothing like a lot of the regular stuff I've seen that caters to men.

I haven't checked this site out yet, but, it says the videos are rated by popularity from female viewers. Whether that is true or not, I have no idea, but, it might be worth browsing through to see if you see anything. There is a filter for "romantic" which may generate some tamer, gentler videos.

http://www.forhertube.com/search/?q=Romance|Romantic&kwid=23404&c=1

 

[blulilacgrl]

There is actually a growing selection of porn for women. Created by women, written for women and even made by women. The sex is a bit softer, there is more of a storyline, and it is not as graphic. Think of it as a point between Skinemax and "male centric" porn.

Two famous female directors are Erika Lust and Anna Span. I cannot speak to their films but I encourage you to check them out.

Also there is a website called MakeLoveNotPorn. It is filled with amateur home videos and they are categorized by silly, romantic, loving, etc. Maybe the two of you can find something there. Or give her the opportunity to chose which one she wants to see.

Or maybe you can make a game of it. If there is a tasteful store where you are, you can each dare each other to buy something. Hubby and I played this game once. We each had to go buy a video together. He ended up getting a parody of Friday the 13th and I will admit it was cracking me up. I think I got one that was a goofy political storyline. However if you go to the store there should be a section of female friendly porn. And if you are unsure, ask the staff. They will normally be able to help you pick something out or give suggestions.

Good Luck

 

[Bramblethorn]

Abby Winters might be a good option. Haven't checked out their het stuff, but their F-F videos are sexy and friendly without being stereotype porn-y.

 

[talikat]

Before I joined this site, I was looking for ways to jump start my sex drive...and decided, hey, I'll just Google up some porn. I really had not seen much of anything before this. Bad idea! My first couple of attempts, I stumbled into a couple of gang bang videos, and one with a tiny little Asian woman tied up like a Christmas turkey, and a bunch of guys trying out all different weird sex toys on her while she sobbed through her gag, snot running down her face. Barf. So if you don't want to scare her off, avoid that!!!

Since then, I have found a select few videos I do like. This is one:

http://xhamster.com/movies/1674627/nice_couple.html

I'm pretty sure this is "woman porn" or developed with women in mind, as it is nothing like a lot of the regular stuff I've seen that caters to men.

I haven't checked this site out yet, but, it says the videos are rated by popularity from female viewers. Whether that is true or not, I have no idea, but, it might be worth browsing through to see if you see anything. There is a filter for "romantic" which may generate some tamer, gentler videos.

http://www.forhertube.com/search/?q=Romance|Romantic&kwid=23404&c=1

Oh yeah, that's a good one!!

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

try

Try Nine and a Half Weeks. My wife who HATES porn was enthralled and couldn't get through the complete movie before jumping on me.

 

[bob53]

Check out stuff from the Sweet Sinner studio. Most of it is directed and produced by a woman - Nica Noelle if my memory serves.

 

[FHMbabe]

It all depends on the genre that you know your wife is really in to.
My preference for example is hentai and light bondage But not everybody is into being dominated.

Don't over think it , just reeelax and enjoy

 

[bailadora]

You'll have to buy the DVD, but I've always liked the stuff from Comstock Films. (click it)

 

[NaughtyAngel7]

......

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I enjoyed this http://mobile.youporn.com/video/show/title/hd_massage_001/id/680471
Its erotic but without the falseness that a lot of porn has

 

[Primalex]

Try Nine and a Half Weeks. My wife who HATES porn was enthralled and couldn't get through the complete movie before jumping on me.

This.

Why start with hardcore porn?

 

[njlauren]

I second the idea of finding the erotica aimed at women, I have seen some of them and it will appeal a lot more then the stuff aimed at men. Candida Royalle is one of them doing it, but there are others.

I would check out the website of eve's garden in NYC and Babes in Toyland, both of them have stuff aimed at women she may like.

 

[NaturistLouise]

Make It Soft Porn

........
This is one:

http://xhamster.com/movies/1674627/... that turn me on are the sexy, romantic ones.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Does your wife enjoy romantic movies? Does she enjoy erotic literature, and if so, what subgenres does she like? Do you know what she dislikes about porn?

I read erotic literature, but dislike porn because I find it's often somehow inhuman for my liking, and I worry about it being exploitative of the performers.

My suggestion would be to try to find something with talking, kissing, foreplay, and ask your wife what she has disliked about the porn that she's seen. That way you can understand what turns her off about porn and choose something that she has a better chance of enjoying.

 

[evesdream]

Before I joined this site, I was looking for ways to jump start my sex drive...and decided, hey, I'll just Google up some porn. I really had not seen much of anything before this. Bad idea! My first couple of attempts, I stumbled into a couple of gang bang videos, and one with a tiny little Asian woman tied up like a Christmas turkey, and a bunch of guys trying out all different weird sex toys on her while she sobbed through her gag, snot running down her face. Barf. So if you don't want to scare her off, avoid that!!!

Since then, I have found a select few videos I do like. This is one:

http://xhamster.com/movies/1674627/nice_couple.html

I'm pretty sure this is "woman porn" or developed with women in mind, as it is nothing like a lot of the regular stuff I've seen that caters to men.

I haven't checked this site out yet, but, it says the videos are rated by popularity from female viewers. Whether that is true or not, I have no idea, but, it might be worth browsing through to see if you see anything. There is a filter for "romantic" which may generate some tamer, gentler videos.

http://www.forhertube.com/search/?q=Romance|Romantic&kwid=23404&c=1

These are really good suggestions. Never seen anything like the first video and I quite like it. I like hardcore stuff too, but I've never seen something like that. I really appreciated the slowness of it and the non-porn music. Much more sensual. Especially the music and lack of fake sounds and script.

PrinceM, hopefully you haven't fucked it up already with weird hardcore maneuvering. You got some great suggestions here.

By the way, you might try lingerie shopping with her and have her pick out items she likes and materials that feel good on her skin.
Good luck.

 

[evesdream]

Double

 

[PrinceM]

Thank you so much for all the suggestions!

Well, here's what happened. So last thursday night I told her that I wanted her to watch a video with me. I kind of liked the feel of that xhamster video that was linked to. She told me that night, that she didnt want to watch it, and said she would give it a chance over the weekend maybe. So finally last night, we're in bed, and I asked her if she wanted to watch it with me. We got about 1 minute in, where he starts going down on her, and she says "i dont want to see this, fast forward." I skip a few minutes to the point where she's giving him head, and she said "really? This isnt doing anything for me, I dont want to see anymore. Turn it off." I then asked her what she didnt like, or did like about it, and she said she found the entire thing disgusting, and nauseating. She said she likes when I go down on her, and its "ok" when she goes down on me, but seeing other people do it is disgusting. We then had mediocre at best sex.

The thing that's so frustrating, is that some friends at work a year ago told her to read the 50 shades trilogy, which she did, and she enjoyed it. At that time, I thought we could build on that, and I even attempted twice to show her Lit, and some of the stories. I didnt even show her the boards, just the stories section, and she found it gross also, and was even angry I knew the site existed. I mentioned it is user submitted stories, similar to how 50 shades got its start, but it didnt seem to matter.

I wonder if this is a barrier I'll ever be able to knock down. I really dont think its anything in my approach, I never put any pressure on her to do anything she doesnt want to do, I guess i'm just looking to add a little flavor to the same dish, if that's make sense.

When I ask her if she's happy with our sex life, and if there's anything she would change, she says no. She cums almost every time we have sex, (as do I) and she's perfectly happy with our sex life. I guess this makes me wonder how you can show someone worlds of stuff that they are missing out on, be it erotica, film, role plays, outfits, adventures, etc, when they dont feel like anything is missing in their life, and they are so closed minded to doing anything new.

It's also frustrating me that I feel like these are some things that I would like to incorporate into my life, with her, and just my desire to do them isnt enough for her to want to try. It's like if she said to me, that it would turn her on to watch me jerk off while wearing nothing but snorkel gear and a tutu, no matter how crazy, i would JUMP to do it for her, knowing it would turn her on. I dont feel like she would do that in return for me, and that's what is most frustrating beyond anything else.

Then I wonder if there's just something wrong with me, that I can't just be happy with vanilla sex, every few days.

Thanks for letting me vent, guys!

 

[bob53]

The only suggestion would be to have a heart to heart talk OUTSIDE of the bedroom.
Be sure to OWN and explain your feelings and NOT place blame.

As soon as you go to the blame game she will become defensive and totally shut off any desire to understand you.

 

[VladHarkonnen]

Thank you so much for all the suggestions!

Well, here's what happened. So last thursday night I told her that I wanted her to watch a video with me. I kind of liked the feel of that xhamster video that was linked to. She told me that night, that she didnt want to watch it, and said she would give it a chance over the weekend maybe. So finally last night, we're in bed, and I asked her if she wanted to watch it with me. We got about 1 minute in, where he starts going down on her, and she says "i dont want to see this, fast forward." I skip a few minutes to the point where she's giving him head, and she said "really? This isnt doing anything for me, I dont want to see anymore. Turn it off." I then asked her what she didnt like, or did like about it, and she said she found the entire thing disgusting, and nauseating. She said she likes when I go down on her, and its "ok" when she goes down on me, but seeing other people do it is disgusting. We then had mediocre at best sex.

See...you really should have just started with tranny and hardcore leather lesbian porn...

 

[N2outdoors]

Incredibly sexy

Before I joined this site, I was looking for ways to jump start my sex drive...and decided, hey, I'll just Google up some porn. I really had not seen much of anything before this. Bad idea! My first couple of attempts, I stumbled into a couple of gang bang videos, and one with a tiny little Asian woman tied up like a Christmas turkey, and a bunch of guys trying out all different weird sex toys on her while she sobbed through her gag, snot running down her face. Barf. So if you don't want to scare her off, avoid that!!!

Since then, I have found a select few videos I do like. This is one:

http://xhamster.com/movies/1674627/nice_couple.html

I'm pretty sure this is "woman porn" or developed with women in mind, as it is nothing like a lot of the regular stuff I've seen that caters to men.

I haven't checked this site out yet, but, it says the videos are rated by popularity from female viewers. Whether that is true or not, I have no idea, but, it might be worth browsing through to see if you see anything. There is a filter for "romantic" which may generate some tamer, gentler videos.

http://www.forhertube.com/search/?q=Romance|Romantic&kwid=23404&c=1

That was an incredible video of the couple. I didnt know hamster had that kind of tasteful movies. My wife woukd definitely enjoy that one.

 

[pplwatching]

When I ask her if she's happy with our sex life, and if there's anything she would change, she says no. She cums almost every time we have sex, (as do I) and she's perfectly happy with our sex life. I guess this makes me wonder how you can show someone worlds of stuff that they are missing out on, be it erotica, film, role plays, outfits, adventures, etc, when they dont feel like anything is missing in their life, and they are so closed minded to doing anything new.

I have walked this road. I am a lot like you. My wife had no interest in trying new things or exploring kink with me. Having walked more than a mile in your shoes, I learned that this was not about being "closed minded" from her perspective.

It sounds like you are a generous lover. So much so that your wife feels that sexually your marriage is complete. You can't show someone "what they're missing out on" when they aren't missing out on anything. To her you are everything that she wants in a lover and provide everything that she needs.

It may surprise you to learn that there are a lot of people here who would like sexual change in their marriages while at the same time unconditionally loving their spouse and remaining steadfastly committed to them. I count myself in that number, and have talked with others - some of whom are women. Sometimes we have desires that our partner doesn't understand. When that happens we first have to have faith that our partner has a desire to see us sexually fulfilled, even if they don't know how to meet our needs right now. I think that you're off to a good start by communicating with your wife, but sometimes change is the result of loving and persistent patience rather than overturning the apple cart.

It's also frustrating me that I feel like these are some things that I would like to incorporate into my life, with her, and just my desire to do them isn't enough for her to want to try. It's like if she said to me, that it would turn her on to watch me jerk off while wearing nothing but snorkel gear and a tutu, no matter how crazy, i would JUMP to do it for her, knowing it would turn her on. I don't feel like she would do that in return for me, and that's what is most frustrating beyond anything else.

For some people sexual intimacy is a powerful expression of love, acceptance, and emotional commitment. Porn is unique in that it effectively invites other people into your lovemaking. One might argue that it's just a movie, but if she associates her sexual arousal with her love for you and yours for her, then letting other people sexually arouse either of you would seem just as unnatural as inviting another couple into your bed in real life.

Can things ever change? In my case after 18+ years of marriage my wife and I are beginning to have a sexual renaissance because we finally learned how to communicate with each other. She told me that she doesn't feel like a creative person. When I ask about fantasies and things that she'd like to try she feels genuinely uncomfortable and embarrassed that she actually doesn't have any. She felt like I was putting her on the spot, and she didn't know how to respond to that. After 19ish years of marriage my wife began to understand that while sex is a way to express our love for each other, that I like sex between us to be playful, entertaining, and even kinky. She had no idea how to go about that, and felt like a creative dud.

I also learned something about my wife. Asking for sexual changes isn't sexy or arousing. She trusts me. She didn't want to be asked, but she was enthusiastic when I initiated or playfully and lovingly introduced new things. I was raised to be considerate, to make an effort to first understand the nature of what it is that I want or need so that I can effectively learn communicate my needs and wants. I learned that while she appreciated that consideration outside of the bedroom, what she really wanted was for me to just take charge in the bedroom. She's naturally submissive and my taking the lead allowed her to be comfortable trying things. She didn't "have to have an opinion before hand". She just had to be open to forming an opinion based on what worked for us in the heat of the moment. Our compromise is that I can playfully introduce anything, but it's my job to be the creative one, to take the lead, and to guide her.

That may not work for everyone, but it might help to understand what kind of man your wife wants in the bedroom. I have never cared for the terms "alpha" and "beta", but I can't deny that my wife prefers "take charge" over "ask permission". So far, that has worked great for us. We've done a couple of things that really worked for me, and she has been like a peahen strutting around knowing that she can turn me on so completely even though I'm more or less walking her through it. She's learning about my kinks though, and that kind of sexual intimacy has translated to our intimate relationship outside of the bedroom.

My suggestion to you is to continue to show your wife unconditional love and acceptance, and figure out what she wants from you in bed. If the problem is that she finds "asking" to be unattractive, and answering to be uncomfortable, then express to her that your sexual intimacy can include some creative outlets that can be just plain fun and even kinky without adulterating the expression of love between you. Don't try to convince her or force the issue. Just show her that you are devoted to her and show her much much you want her, and playfully introduce things when you're both turned on and receptive.

Best of luck to you.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

If you're going to give porn another try, go with Red Shoe Diaries. It's extremely soft, would be a rated R these days. Heck, as bad as tv has gotten pushing the edge, it might even make tv these days. The first episode was great, and the series is from the point of view of Jake, played by the delicious david duchovny during the x-files days.

 

[Scrubber]

Have a look at some of the picture threads in the Playground.

Specifically things like Black & White and Tasteful all Over, maybe the GIF thread, maybe the Control thread, the "Safe" Erotic Images thread. There are some graphic pics and gifs there, but there are also some really nice ones. Maybe just looking at some pics or gifs would ease her into it rather than sitting down to watch a porn movie.

There's loads of Tumblr blogs you can find really rather nice stuff on, too. Maybe you could start your own Tumblr blog and populate it with some stuff you think your wife would enjoy, to see what she thinks.