Wife can't handle my level of kink

[KaitlynW1993]

Ok read your comment and read what others have said.
Here is my take. I have been in the lifestyle for around 5 years now. But have covered a lot because I invested the time into it.

Your wife is clearly kinky and is open minded. No disputing that. Congratz.

Her being reserved because of religion or kids etc is not true from what I have observed in 5 years..
When I talk to other women about this very matter and other things, Every time they express concern is because she might not like it.

We girls (thanks to society) can feel judged. We also don't want our partner (because its personal) to look at us differently. So thats a huge insecurity we have. We have to feel secure about ourselves and also our relationship.

So she was into bondage when you met her. She was open and enjoyed the dildo. She clearly has a open kink sex drive. Using the dildo helped her enjoy that fantasy of another man. But you see from her point of view it was safe. To have a real cock fuck her changes things emotionally. She will feel vulnerable and worried about you being insecure. Feeling threatened. Last thing she wants is for her husband to pull away emotionally and it destroys her family.

So it is risky for her and it will take time for her emotionally to feel secure in how you will feel and react.

I have known and seen guys at sex parties watch their female get pounded for the first time by another guy or guys and then feel insecure when she lets go and really enjoys herself. Suddenly the guy acts weird and doesn't want her to do it anymore and then makes out she has done something wrong. Dead set relationship killer. In a fight she doesn't want that thrown at her. Its a high risk that any woman that wasn't trained before being in a full time relationship goes through. Its conflicting. They desire to but fear the unknown.

Its something you do have to commit too and suck it up if your feelings change because she enjoys herself with another man.
He might have a better cock than you. Fuck her better than you ever have. How is this going to make you feel.
You will notice little things from maybe her face expression as she climaxes really hard with him but never done that with you.
These are the real things you have to consider as a guy.
She doesn't love him. But she is just acting on her primal sexuality as a woman being enjoyed by a nice cock.

In regards to forcing or pushing a woman's limits. I wouldn't have got as far as I have if I wasn't pushed.
I don't know if I like something unless I try it. Prob is for many women a bad experiences from people who didn't actually know what they were doing puts them off. Then she uses that as a excuse to never try again. Imagine what life would be like if we had that attitude with everything.

My advice is: You are doing ok. You are on track. She needs trust in you that you are not going to change in that situation.
She needs to feel secure that the risk of letting go as you want her too, isn't going to ruin her life. Isn't going to damage her family and ruin her life with her kids and you.

No parent or loving wife is going to risk that for a kink.

Education is key. Make her feel secure about doing this. Keep going with the dildo and wait till she maybe talks about the real thing. Express how you love when she expresses her sexuality. Invest in reading about our sex and how to enhance it. Teach her this. It shows you are invested in making her feel like a super slut with no judgment.

Have you thought about a swing party. Now if this isn't something you have done before, don't fear. Its really well designed for women. But my point is, you can emphasis that you don't want her to sleep with anyone except you. Its about the fun and atmosphere.

The atmosphere can make her feel sexy and comfy with others being nude, lingerie and having sex. Gives her a sense of trust and security that you want a fun sexy time just dedicated with her.

If you have sex with her and she enjoys the sexy and fun atmosphere then she is going to be even more keen to finally take that next step with you.

But do not and i repeat do not bring up about fucking another guy when there. That will break that trust and bring all that insecurity back and make her feel used.
Play things right and you will have a slut wife who you get to enjoy her sexuality with.

Good luck.

 

[drobert44]

Ok read your comment and read what others have said.
Here is my take. I have been in the lifestyle for around 5 years now. But have covered a lot because I invested the time into it.

Your wife is clearly kinky and is open minded. No disputing that. Congratz.

Her being reserved because of religion or kids etc is not true from what I have observed in 5 years..
When I talk to other women about this very matter and other things, Every time they express concern is because she might not like it.

We girls (thanks to society) can feel judged. We also don't want our partner (because its personal) to look at us differently. So thats a huge insecurity we have. We have to feel secure about ourselves and also our relationship.

So she was into bondage when you met her. She was open and enjoyed the dildo. She clearly has a open kink sex drive. Using the dildo helped her enjoy that fantasy of another man. But you see from her point of view it was safe. To have a real cock fuck her changes things emotionally. She will feel vulnerable and worried about you being insecure. Feeling threatened. Last thing she wants is for her husband to pull away emotionally and it destroys her family.

So it is risky for her and it will take time for her emotionally to feel secure in how you will feel and react.

I have known and seen guys at sex parties watch their female get pounded for the first time by another guy or guys and then feel insecure when she lets go and really enjoys herself. Suddenly the guy acts weird and doesn't want her to do it anymore and then makes out she has done something wrong. Dead set relationship killer. In a fight she doesn't want that thrown at her. Its a high risk that any woman that wasn't trained before being in a full time relationship goes through. Its conflicting. They desire to but fear the unknown.

Its something you do have to commit too and suck it up if your feelings change because she enjoys herself with another man.
He might have a better cock than you. Fuck her better than you ever have. How is this going to make you feel.
You will notice little things from maybe her face expression as she climaxes really hard with him but never done that with you.
These are the real things you have to consider as a guy.
She doesn't love him. But she is just acting on her primal sexuality as a woman being enjoyed by a nice cock.

In regards to forcing or pushing a woman's limits. I wouldn't have got as far as I have if I wasn't pushed.
I don't know if I like something unless I try it. Prob is for many women a bad experiences from people who didn't actually know what they were doing puts them off. Then she uses that as a excuse to never try again. Imagine what life would be like if we had that attitude with everything.

My advice is: You are doing ok. You are on track. She needs trust in you that you are not going to change in that situation.
She needs to feel secure that the risk of letting go as you want her too, isn't going to ruin her life. Isn't going to damage her family and ruin her life with her kids and you.

No parent or loving wife is going to risk that for a kink.

Education is key. Make her feel secure about doing this. Keep going with the dildo and wait till she maybe talks about the real thing. Express how you love when she expresses her sexuality. Invest in reading about our sex and how to enhance it. Teach her this. It shows you are invested in making her feel like a super slut with no judgment.

Have you thought about a swing party. Now if this isn't something you have done before, don't fear. Its really well designed for women. But my point is, you can emphasis that you don't want her to sleep with anyone except you. Its about the fun and atmosphere.

The atmosphere can make her feel sexy and comfy with others being nude, lingerie and having sex. Gives her a sense of trust and security that you want a fun sexy time just dedicated with her.

If you have sex with her and she enjoys the sexy and fun atmosphere then she is going to be even more keen to finally take that next step with you.

But do not and i repeat do not bring up about fucking another guy when there. That will break that trust and bring all that insecurity back and make her feel used.
Play things right and you will have a slut wife who you get to enjoy her sexuality with.

Good luck.

That is damned good advice!

 

[Crownvic]

no sex from wife and she would freak on all my new kinks that I want to try and experience! She is so vanilla

There must be something to get her aroused...maybe some romantic talk...light touching..caressing..get the juices flowing..

 

[Uncut1969]

There must be something to get her aroused...maybe some romantic talk...light touching..caressing..get the juices flowing..

Sadly nothing

 

[hulmule]

Well with my wife on meds and menopause she has no interest in sex at all. She tells me it doesnt even come into her mind. Sad... i so need intimacy and she doesnt care for it... Wish there was a way to get it to come around , gain trust as another said and feel comfortable in her body and mind. She wont even let me go down on ,thinks its dirty now..

 

[Crownvic]

Sadly nothing

That’s a shame...

 

[Tommelon]

Anyone wants my wife's pics?

 

[BobbyandtheCabin]

I met my wife in late 2015 and she was already into the bondage stuff. My only experience in bondage was a pair of fuzzy cuffs lol. Once we got together, she introduced it to me, showing me her ropes and toys. I had alot of fun tying her up and getting her off with fucking her. Anywho, some time later I'm browsing the world of Porn and stumble across something called Hotwife porn. I was intrigued. Next thing I know, that's all I'm watching and fantasies start to develop.

It's 2023 now and my level of kink, naughtiness, fetish whatever, I feel has surpassed what she's comfortable with. She's aware of my desire for her to become my Hotwife/Stag and Vixen but she's very resistant to it. Now, we have 4 young kids so that may contribute to her resistance. She's also very strong in her Christian beliefs and is saying that she values our vows more than that.

I'm stuck. I love her to death and she's the mother of my kids but I don't know what to do about my strong desires. I'm happy in our marriage yet not entirely satisfied in the sex department due to her lack of furthering her adventurous nature.

She has FFM in the past but apparently those didn't end well for her and she refuses to try that again. Understandable but I'm not looking for FFM. I want to share her with other men. She ALMOST let it happen a while back but I guess she thought about it too much and backed out. The guy we were going to do it with is a really good friend of mine, I grew up with him and we even lived next door to him for a period of time. Hell, she's even flashed him, alcohol was involved tho lol.

If anyone has some solid advice, I'm all ears.

I've not read the other comments here, and hope this doesn't come across too negative, as it's intended to be supportive.

A porn detox may be good for you. It sounds like a classic case of [whatever they call it where the more you consume the more you numb and then need something more and "more"].

The focus of your post is very much (put in a much nicer way of course) 'my wife won't do this, how do I get her to'. The alternate perspective is: you have a (normal and common) habit that is now starting to affect your relationship and marriage. The more you indulge, the more you feed this and it's only going to escalate. A word of warning though, chances are if you do attempt a porn detox (i.e. abstain entirely from it), you'll find that incredibly hard.

We all have our kinks and need an outlet. Yours is clearly evolving with the help of porn. What's to say if your wife did engage, with your upwards trajectory, that you're not going to end up looking for something more and more. My advice is take that out of the picture for the sake of you and your marriage.

Again, I don't mean for this to be shaming or anything. You do you. This was just my observation. I have things that my partner doesn't or wouldn't engage in and it fuckin sucks. But those were tenfold, completely ignored her needs, and were asking more of her than she was comfortable with, when I was smashing porn.

Whatever you decide on, best of luck, and I hope for the best and happiest outcome for you both.

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

Ok, my two cents...

My ex wife was not comfortable with my kink level and this, combined with other issues, eventually lead to a dead bedroom for 6 years and divorce.

Enter my girlfriend. Inexperienced but open minded and still learning much about herself. I was upfront with her about my sexuality and evolving gender identity and my sex drive. She rolled with it and she's found that she is much more willing to explore and try new things and enjoys sexy time with me dressed fem.

She has very definite boundaries. There are things that are a hard no for reasons of her own. I have hard no's of my own for my own reasons. And then there are things under consideration.

The most important thing is communication. I'm an extremely sexual person and willing to try most things at least once. She isn't as adventurous as I am, but can usually persuade her to try something that she's curious about. I don't try to push on her No.

I can ask for her reasoning. I can visit the subject another time under different circumstances. But No is inviolate regardless of the reason or how I feel about it.

No is no. It's a cornerstone of the kink community. Unless you're doing CNC play, then No is the previously agreed upon safe word.

 

[MrRandyWatson]

explain to her that your vows are for LOVE this would only be SEX. I am working on my wife also and have a for a few years. Just this week she did not say hard NO.... maybe that is her starting to think about it.

This may be the truth, but it’s hard to help someone see it that way. To many people, the two are inseparable.

I’m bisexual but strictly heteroromantic. I don’t desire a relationship with a man and view them strictly as sexual partners. I only want a relationship with women and really only want one with my girlfriend, but the idea of getting fucked by men is hot. But it’s strictly sex.

I’m pretty honest about my kinks, although there is one kink I have that I tread very carefully with.

 

[tonyreid]

This may be the truth, but it’s hard to help someone see it that way. To many people, the two are inseparable.

I’m bisexual but strictly heteroromantic. I don’t desire a relationship with a man and view them strictly as sexual partners. I only want a relationship with women and really only want one with my girlfriend, but the idea of getting fucked by men is hot. But it’s strictly sex.

I’m pretty honest about my kinks, although there is one kink I have that I tread very carefully with.

may I ask the one you feel you need to be careful with ?

 

[MrRandyWatson]

may I ask the one you feel you need to be careful with ?

Smoking. Kind of a challenging subject since she associated it with stress, but part of me wants her to continue and incorporate it into sex.

 

[And4778]

Ok read your comment and read what others have said.
Here is my take. I have been in the lifestyle for around 5 years now. But have covered a lot because I invested the time into it.

Your wife is clearly kinky and is open minded. No disputing that. Congratz.

Her being reserved because of religion or kids etc is not true from what I have observed in 5 years..
When I talk to other women about this very matter and other things, Every time they express concern is because she might not like it.

We girls (thanks to society) can feel judged. We also don't want our partner (because its personal) to look at us differently. So thats a huge insecurity we have. We have to feel secure about ourselves and also our relationship.

So she was into bondage when you met her. She was open and enjoyed the dildo. She clearly has a open kink sex drive. Using the dildo helped her enjoy that fantasy of another man. But you see from her point of view it was safe. To have a real cock fuck her changes things emotionally. She will feel vulnerable and worried about you being insecure. Feeling threatened. Last thing she wants is for her husband to pull away emotionally and it destroys her family.

So it is risky for her and it will take time for her emotionally to feel secure in how you will feel and react.

I have known and seen guys at sex parties watch their female get pounded for the first time by another guy or guys and then feel insecure when she lets go and really enjoys herself. Suddenly the guy acts weird and doesn't want her to do it anymore and then makes out she has done something wrong. Dead set relationship killer. In a fight she doesn't want that thrown at her. Its a high risk that any woman that wasn't trained before being in a full time relationship goes through. Its conflicting. They desire to but fear the unknown.

Its something you do have to commit too and suck it up if your feelings change because she enjoys herself with another man.
He might have a better cock than you. Fuck her better than you ever have. How is this going to make you feel.
You will notice little things from maybe her face expression as she climaxes really hard with him but never done that with you.
These are the real things you have to consider as a guy.
She doesn't love him. But she is just acting on her primal sexuality as a woman being enjoyed by a nice cock.

In regards to forcing or pushing a woman's limits. I wouldn't have got as far as I have if I wasn't pushed.
I don't know if I like something unless I try it. Prob is for many women a bad experiences from people who didn't actually know what they were doing puts them off. Then she uses that as a excuse to never try again. Imagine what life would be like if we had that attitude with everything.

My advice is: You are doing ok. You are on track. She needs trust in you that you are not going to change in that situation.
She needs to feel secure that the risk of letting go as you want her too, isn't going to ruin her life. Isn't going to damage her family and ruin her life with her kids and you.

No parent or loving wife is going to risk that for a kink.

Education is key. Make her feel secure about doing this. Keep going with the dildo and wait till she maybe talks about the real thing. Express how you love when she expresses her sexuality. Invest in reading about our sex and how to enhance it. Teach her this. It shows you are invested in making her feel like a super slut with no judgment.

Have you thought about a swing party. Now if this isn't something you have done before, don't fear. Its really well designed for women. But my point is, you can emphasis that you don't want her to sleep with anyone except you. Its about the fun and atmosphere.

The atmosphere can make her feel sexy and comfy with others being nude, lingerie and having sex. Gives her a sense of trust and security that you want a fun sexy time just dedicated with her.

If you have sex with her and she enjoys the sexy and fun atmosphere then she is going to be even more keen to finally take that next step with you.

But do not and i repeat do not bring up about fucking another guy when there. That will break that trust and bring all that insecurity back and make her feel used.
Play things right and you will have a slut wife who you get to enjoy her sexuality with.

Good luck.

Without a doubt the most helpful advice I've ever read. Really good life advice from a person who knows what she is talking about and only an idiot man would ignore it !

 

[marriedpervs]

Without a doubt the most helpful advice I've ever read. Really good life advice from a person who knows what she is talking about and only an idiot man would ignore it !

Fully agree. Well worded.

 

[magic_rat]

Solid advice? Grow up.

She doesn't want to play. You can't make her. And if you do make her, that just makes you a shit.

Accept that and keep the hotwife fantasy for masturbation, or leave her and find someone else.

 

[DEPRAVED_WHORE]

I met my wife in late 2015 and she was already into the bondage stuff. My only experience in bondage was a pair of fuzzy cuffs lol. Once we got together, she introduced it to me, showing me her ropes and toys. I had alot of fun tying her up and getting her off with fucking her. Anywho, some time later I'm browsing the world of Porn and stumble across something called Hotwife porn. I was intrigued. Next thing I know, that's all I'm watching and fantasies start to develop.

It's 2023 now and my level of kink, naughtiness, fetish whatever, I feel has surpassed what she's comfortable with. She's aware of my desire for her to become my Hotwife/Stag and Vixen but she's very resistant to it. Now, we have 4 young kids so that may contribute to her resistance. She's also very strong in her Christian beliefs and is saying that she values our vows more than that.

I'm stuck. I love her to death and she's the mother of my kids but I don't know what to do about my strong desires. I'm happy in our marriage yet not entirely satisfied in the sex department due to her lack of furthering her adventurous nature.

She has FFM in the past but apparently those didn't end well for her and she refuses to try that again. Understandable but I'm not looking for FFM. I want to share her with other men. She ALMOST let it happen a while back but I guess she thought about it too much and backed out. The guy we were going to do it with is a really good friend of mine, I grew up with him and we even lived next door to him for a period of time. Hell, she's even flashed him, alcohol was involved tho lol.

If anyone has some solid advice, I'm all ears.

As a women with almost no kink fears at all and who has done some professional Dominatrix work, I think "shame" is the biggest issue when it comes to women and some men, embracing their true sexual desires. We are taught early on to fear sex. There are so many unwritten "rules" about how sex should be, what you should do or shouldn't do, what is "normal".

It might simply be that you wife is scared of what would happen if she "let go". How would you judge her if your friend starts really pounding her and she is getting slutty and right into it...does she feel safe to go to that place without fear of being shamed? The next day will there be judgement from you or more importantly, her own self judgement. The source of the judgement is often about things outside of the sexual act. You say she is religious...all religions works on some form of shame control. You have kids......the narrative around that is proper Mums don't deep throat their husbands best friend.

Talking about desires is fantastically important but when you do, also talk about the issue of shame and how you are both going to handle it. My early life made it easy for me to make the decision that it is my body and I will use it however I want and I was lucky to find a man who thought similarly. Not everyones experience is like that.

When I was Domme'ing, I had at least 3 couples who would see me as a way of reducing the shame associated with their desires. Having a Dominant 3rd person in the room seemed to make it easier for them to open up....kind of like "MIstress Katie made me do it"...once they did something or confessed something under instruction from me, they often felt more comfortable doing it at home.

Hope things work out for you both.