Isolde
Guardian's Desire
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2000
- Posts
- 4,432
AND THE LORD SPOKE TO NOAH
"In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is
covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want
to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on
the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of
lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
"Okay, said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints."
"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd
better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long
time."
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to
fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.
And there was no Ark.
"Noah, shouted the Lord, where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed
into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
"Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there
were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark
construction project, and your plans didn't meet Code. So I had to
hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight
over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My
neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the
Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for
the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted
Owl. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I
had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we got 16
carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I started
gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group.
They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the
suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark
without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
Flood. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed
new flood plain. I sent them a globe. And the IRS (the tax
authorities) seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying
taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state
about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish
your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched
across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked,
hopefully.
"Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its
advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far
worse than a Flood. Something Man invented himself."
"What's that?" asked Noah.
There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke: "Government."
"In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is
covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want
to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on
the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of
lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
"Okay, said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints."
"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd
better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long
time."
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to
fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.
And there was no Ark.
"Noah, shouted the Lord, where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed
into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
"Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there
were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark
construction project, and your plans didn't meet Code. So I had to
hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight
over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My
neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the
Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for
the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted
Owl. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I
had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we got 16
carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I started
gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group.
They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the
suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark
without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
Flood. Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed
new flood plain. I sent them a globe. And the IRS (the tax
authorities) seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying
taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state
about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish
your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched
across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked,
hopefully.
"Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its
advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far
worse than a Flood. Something Man invented himself."
"What's that?" asked Noah.
There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke: "Government."
